thank you and it’s really nice to be
here with all of you today so people say
I’m a resilient person it’s not a sexy
label as you know art artistic or
talented but it stuck to me my entire
life
like gum on the bottom of my shoe
because my life has continuously been
turned upside down and shaken like a
snow globe in the hands of an
inquisitive child but it makes me wonder
is it possible to be too resilient I
wanted to be a woman who fainted a
heroine who could swoon and be saved
from harm what’s on the playground I
twirled until I was dizzy and put my
hand on my forehead side dramatically
and fell backwards busted my hand open
on the pavement that’s when I realized
that I was gonna have to toughen up
because I was probably not destined to
become a heroine in a Jane Austen novel
now I don’t want you to think that there
haven’t been great wonderful moments in
my life because there have it’s just
that there seems to have been a
disproportionate number of resilience
building challenges that have left gifts
of wisdom and experience at my feet like
a dead mouse from a cat now we all can
access resilience in times of need I
don’t know where it comes from
maybe survival of the fittest codes it
into our DNA my mother was born in 1910
she weighed 2 pounds
believing that the preemie couldn’t
possibly survive the Midwife removed my
mother from my grandmother’s care to
keep her from getting too attached she
cut open a feather pillow put my mother
in it to keep her warm until she died
but my mother had different plans she
was only about the size of a dollar bill
but she was resilient
sometimes resilience is simply
continuing to breathe until your mother
can find the courage to decide that the
Midwife is wrong and that you will live
during a race riot in Tulsa Oklahoma in
1921 my mother was taken with a case of
acute appendicitis as she and my
grandmother were fleeing the city
leaving my mother in the care of
strangers my grandmother turned back to
find someone with a car who could take
my mother to the hospital a National
Guardsman ordered her to stop and when
she refused he stabbed her in the side
with a bayonet and left her in the
streets to die but she got up and found
a way to get my mother admitted into the
hospital and when she was refused
treatment for her own wounds she walked
from day into night she said that the
pain was so bad with the blood running
down her side and into her shoe
she just wanted to lie down and die but
the love for my mother kept her going
sometimes resilience is simply taking
one step and then another until you can
reach safety my early childhood years
are mostly a blur but two moments are
indelibly etched there is the taste of a
neighbor’s tongue as he held me pressed
against a wall my legs dangling high
above the floor as he groped and he
grunted and then similar treatment a few
years later from my grandmother’s
employer who silenced me with the
warning that at her age my grandmother
would have a very difficult time finding
another job was the fact that I endured
these transgressions a sign of
resiliency I don’t really think so
I think it showed up later when I did
not become a predator on children when I
did not become more promiscuous than was
normal for a hippie in the 60s and when
I fell in love and lived my life without
dragging the acres of somebody else’s
sins along with me and speaking of
marriage my guy was tall and handsome he
had an old Volvo that he had to push
down the street to get started and
although he surfed all day and danced
all night only paid his part of the rent
eventually over time we evolved we got a
cat we got our daughters he got a union
job with benefits we bought a house we
even had a golden retriever middle-class
we had to buy and then 17 years ago I
started working here at UCLA our
daughters were barely teenagers Barry’s
career was in full swing and I felt like
Mary Tyler Moore when she sails her hat
into the air and then three days later
am i beautiful 43 year old husband had a
massive stroke and died life just rolled
up in an unmarked van snatched me off
the street knocked me out and when I
woke up I was in a no hold cage fight
where I just had a punch above my weight
if I wanted to survive all I could do
was like my mother just breathe through
the hurt and the anger the fear the
grief as I had to identify my husband’s
body let me tell you you don’t ever want
to be required to identify a loved one’s
body and like my grandmother I just
wanted to lay down and die and I
couldn’t because the love for my
children outweighed my sorrow so at home
I tried to be both mother
and father and I came back to work so
cool most of my co-workers didn’t even
know something had happened my goal was
to become indispensable because I needed
the job but inside my emotions were like
a pressure cooker just set to explode
I found resilience in my car
during the gridlocked part of the daily
commute or I screamed and cried and
banged my head on the steering wheel and
I scream what just happened where do I
go from here then when I reach my
destination be at home or the office
wipe my face and put on my smile my
financial situation was like I had
fallen unseen and soundlessly into the
ocean from the side of a cruise ship at
midnight I watched the lights on the
good ship financial stability just sail
away and I was left to tread water and
avoid the sharks that surrounded me or
drown and so what financial hardship is
an everyday occurrence resilience is
finding the silver lining in a bad
situation after I had robbed Peter and
his cousin Paul
and I still had to forego paid the
electric bill if I wanted to stay
current with my property taxes I just
thought the DWP come out and turn out
the lights because when they do that
they don’t mess with the water so you
can still flush the toilet my friends
went to Disneyland I went to the carwash
you know the kind where you stay in the
car and they put the pink and the purple
soap on the windshield and lights flash
all around it was my two-minute version
of Pirates of the Caribbean resiliency
is being able to see the shores of
financial stability and understanding I
am a strong swimmer so yes I think I’m a
resilient person but that still brings
up the question is it possible to be too
resilient you know that all saying don’t
start none won’t be none
that is my mantra people who are
constantly assaulted by life either get
ground down like a cigarette butt on the
sidewalk or we become prime for a fight
if you see trouble out there you better
warn it that I am not the one however if
all I want is to be loved and respected
and feel safe have a job and a place to
call home but the muscle memory of
resilience causes me to shield my softer
side and I am constantly scanning the
horizon looking for danger then I owe it
to myself and everyone around me to find
balance resilient people are supposed to
snap back to being stretched beyond Oh
it’s like a rubber band but anything
that is stretched too much loses its
elasticity or it breaks and I don’t want
to break so I am reassigning what
resilience means in my life I am
disconnecting it from bad things and I
am assigning it to good
I am going to take my rubber band and
just sail it off into the air releasing
worry over things that I cannot control
I’m going to live my life courageously
with gratitude and patience accepting
friendship and kindness I am gonna dance
like I don’t care who’s watching and I
am never gonna need to faint not even
once
thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
here with all of you today so people say
I’m a resilient person it’s not a sexy
label as you know art artistic or
talented but it stuck to me my entire
life
like gum on the bottom of my shoe
because my life has continuously been
turned upside down and shaken like a
snow globe in the hands of an
inquisitive child but it makes me wonder
is it possible to be too resilient I
wanted to be a woman who fainted a
heroine who could swoon and be saved
from harm what’s on the playground I
twirled until I was dizzy and put my
hand on my forehead side dramatically
and fell backwards busted my hand open
on the pavement that’s when I realized
that I was gonna have to toughen up
because I was probably not destined to
become a heroine in a Jane Austen novel
now I don’t want you to think that there
haven’t been great wonderful moments in
my life because there have it’s just
that there seems to have been a
disproportionate number of resilience
building challenges that have left gifts
of wisdom and experience at my feet like
a dead mouse from a cat now we all can
access resilience in times of need I
don’t know where it comes from
maybe survival of the fittest codes it
into our DNA my mother was born in 1910
she weighed 2 pounds
believing that the preemie couldn’t
possibly survive the Midwife removed my
mother from my grandmother’s care to
keep her from getting too attached she
cut open a feather pillow put my mother
in it to keep her warm until she died
but my mother had different plans she
was only about the size of a dollar bill
but she was resilient
sometimes resilience is simply
continuing to breathe until your mother
can find the courage to decide that the
Midwife is wrong and that you will live
during a race riot in Tulsa Oklahoma in
1921 my mother was taken with a case of
acute appendicitis as she and my
grandmother were fleeing the city
leaving my mother in the care of
strangers my grandmother turned back to
find someone with a car who could take
my mother to the hospital a National
Guardsman ordered her to stop and when
she refused he stabbed her in the side
with a bayonet and left her in the
streets to die but she got up and found
a way to get my mother admitted into the
hospital and when she was refused
treatment for her own wounds she walked
from day into night she said that the
pain was so bad with the blood running
down her side and into her shoe
she just wanted to lie down and die but
the love for my mother kept her going
sometimes resilience is simply taking
one step and then another until you can
reach safety my early childhood years
are mostly a blur but two moments are
indelibly etched there is the taste of a
neighbor’s tongue as he held me pressed
against a wall my legs dangling high
above the floor as he groped and he
grunted and then similar treatment a few
years later from my grandmother’s
employer who silenced me with the
warning that at her age my grandmother
would have a very difficult time finding
another job was the fact that I endured
these transgressions a sign of
resiliency I don’t really think so
I think it showed up later when I did
not become a predator on children when I
did not become more promiscuous than was
normal for a hippie in the 60s and when
I fell in love and lived my life without
dragging the acres of somebody else’s
sins along with me and speaking of
marriage my guy was tall and handsome he
had an old Volvo that he had to push
down the street to get started and
although he surfed all day and danced
all night only paid his part of the rent
eventually over time we evolved we got a
cat we got our daughters he got a union
job with benefits we bought a house we
even had a golden retriever middle-class
we had to buy and then 17 years ago I
started working here at UCLA our
daughters were barely teenagers Barry’s
career was in full swing and I felt like
Mary Tyler Moore when she sails her hat
into the air and then three days later
am i beautiful 43 year old husband had a
massive stroke and died life just rolled
up in an unmarked van snatched me off
the street knocked me out and when I
woke up I was in a no hold cage fight
where I just had a punch above my weight
if I wanted to survive all I could do
was like my mother just breathe through
the hurt and the anger the fear the
grief as I had to identify my husband’s
body let me tell you you don’t ever want
to be required to identify a loved one’s
body and like my grandmother I just
wanted to lay down and die and I
couldn’t because the love for my
children outweighed my sorrow so at home
I tried to be both mother
and father and I came back to work so
cool most of my co-workers didn’t even
know something had happened my goal was
to become indispensable because I needed
the job but inside my emotions were like
a pressure cooker just set to explode
I found resilience in my car
during the gridlocked part of the daily
commute or I screamed and cried and
banged my head on the steering wheel and
I scream what just happened where do I
go from here then when I reach my
destination be at home or the office
wipe my face and put on my smile my
financial situation was like I had
fallen unseen and soundlessly into the
ocean from the side of a cruise ship at
midnight I watched the lights on the
good ship financial stability just sail
away and I was left to tread water and
avoid the sharks that surrounded me or
drown and so what financial hardship is
an everyday occurrence resilience is
finding the silver lining in a bad
situation after I had robbed Peter and
his cousin Paul
and I still had to forego paid the
electric bill if I wanted to stay
current with my property taxes I just
thought the DWP come out and turn out
the lights because when they do that
they don’t mess with the water so you
can still flush the toilet my friends
went to Disneyland I went to the carwash
you know the kind where you stay in the
car and they put the pink and the purple
soap on the windshield and lights flash
all around it was my two-minute version
of Pirates of the Caribbean resiliency
is being able to see the shores of
financial stability and understanding I
am a strong swimmer so yes I think I’m a
resilient person but that still brings
up the question is it possible to be too
resilient you know that all saying don’t
start none won’t be none
that is my mantra people who are
constantly assaulted by life either get
ground down like a cigarette butt on the
sidewalk or we become prime for a fight
if you see trouble out there you better
warn it that I am not the one however if
all I want is to be loved and respected
and feel safe have a job and a place to
call home but the muscle memory of
resilience causes me to shield my softer
side and I am constantly scanning the
horizon looking for danger then I owe it
to myself and everyone around me to find
balance resilient people are supposed to
snap back to being stretched beyond Oh
it’s like a rubber band but anything
that is stretched too much loses its
elasticity or it breaks and I don’t want
to break so I am reassigning what
resilience means in my life I am
disconnecting it from bad things and I
am assigning it to good
I am going to take my rubber band and
just sail it off into the air releasing
worry over things that I cannot control
I’m going to live my life courageously
with gratitude and patience accepting
friendship and kindness I am gonna dance
like I don’t care who’s watching and I
am never gonna need to faint not even
once
thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
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