to give a TED talk but first I just want
to ask a member of the audience out on a
good evening are you doing awesome do
you want to tell the audience what’s
your name is I’m Caroline hi Caroline
say hi Carolina go on Caroline I am a
computer science major which means I
have the prospect of making a decent
living in the future I’m not very tall
on five six but I’m great in country
dancing my ideal date is a long bike
ride along the river would you want to
go out on a date with me sure yes guys
give it up successful that is the second
yes that I have ever got from a girl I
came to Fort Worth Texas two and a half
years ago from Vietnam to go to college
before that I never had a chance to
pursue dating because I grew up in a
very conservative culture it was only
after moving to a new country for
college did I have the chance to pursue
a romantic relationship I was excited
ecstatic however I quickly found myself
to be really bad at this dating game
now I have to say new to the demographic
characteristic of the school interracial
relationship was my best option at the
time we had a Vietnamese community at
TCU sure but it’s so close in it I
didn’t want to date anyone in that
community because it would seem like
dating my own sister and so an
interracial romantic relationship what’s
the only option I had and boy was I bad
discouraged of course by this fact I
also want to know why why I want to know
whether it is because of my different
ethnicity that cost me to be so bad and
so on the weekend when people go out
instead of going out and trying to step
up the game in the dating world I hunch
back on the computer looking up on study
research and paper to try to understand
why I’m so bad which is probably why I
however the results of those long
weekends paid off I learned a lot more
about interracial relationship this
topic is intriguing because it reveals
so much about the racial relation and
the racism the super sis in the American
society nowadays now I really wanted to
study international love with people of
different nationality and sexual
orientation but for the scope of this
talk I’m just going to talk about the
four big racial group in the US and hey
real sexual relationship because I had
the most information on that on that
group according to Pew Research Center
in 2010 roughly 50% of all the newly
weds in the US were interracial that’s a
big step up compared to all the
marriages in which only 8.4 % were
interracial now some people would say
that’s not a big number the u.s. is
considered the melting pot of the world
and because of its diversity it’s the
number should be higher right I would
argue the opposite I would argue that
interracial relationship in this country
is still pretty hard and there are a few
reasons for that the first reason its
racial housing segregation this is a map
of our neighbor city Dallas and it Maps
the population as you can see each dot
represents 120 people and each color
represents one of the four big racial
group all the dots of the same color
tend to group up in the same
neighborhood that’s natural
we prefer to live among people who look
like us we share our values and beliefs
but what that does is that it prevents
people from it prevent people from
meeting people different farmers it’s
hard for us to even have friends of a
different race not measuring to start
pursuing a romantic relationship with
one the second reason is that there
exists a hierarchy of racial
attractiveness the online dating site
OkCupid did a study in 2009 in which
they asked the user base to rate
potential candidate those candidates
belong to before a big racial group they
then put the results on to the table as
you will see in the following slide
signifies that the groups have been
rated more favorably by the user base
and red means that they have been rated
more negatively as you can see here when
man rated woman this is the result
Asian and Latina woman performed the
best being rated more favorably by all
groups of men that is followed by white
woman and black woman performed the
worst being rated negatively by all
groups of men when woman rated men the
situation is a little bit different
white men perform the best followed by
Latino men followed by black men
followed by Asian men now I do realize
this is only one study performed on one
online dating site okay cubit which you
probably don’t even know that exists
however if you were to look at the
marriage rate between this group and
this gender groups a similar pattern
happens as you can see here the
information is also from Pew Research
Center according to the Center for
whites and Latino both men and women
marry out at the same rate when it comes
to black though like men marry out way
more often than do black women in
portions the situation is reversed Asian
woman marry out way more often than you
Asian men there is no consensus as to
why this is the situation and as to why
it happens however if you were to look
at the stereotype perpetuated in the
media when it comes to dating you can
kind of see why it’s a thing whites as
seen as the standard think of all the
top actors and actresses you know and
most likely they’re white it’s easier to
imagine yourself with a white person
Latinos and latinas perform this in the
dating world pretty well because they
have the same Eurocentric SPF that’s
white people do and they’re also serial
type to be the passionate latin lover
which adds value to them on the market
black man despite being negatively rated
on the OkCupid study also perform pretty
well because they actually seen as more
positive in the media they’re seen as
more hyper masculine their large
presence in sport will help them to
create this perfect ideal image for men
similarly
woman fit the stereotype of a girlfriend
in a traditional relationship
she is stereotyped to be to have a small
physique to be submissive obedient in a
relationship and that is still something
that is desirable in a relationship
conversely like women and Asian men do
not fit the stereotypes like well like
women are serial type to be loud to be
controlling to be demanding in a
relationship and her beauty does not fit
the Eurocentric beauty that we see
because of her hair and because of her
dark skin the Asian man man they’re not
they’re emasculated so much it’s hard to
even think of them as men
there’s no stereotype for the sexy asian
men no there’s only two stock characters
and that’s the martial art it already
artists who let’s not speak English and
that’s the nerd who only speaks math and
that is not sexy in the dating world at
all and I don’t even want to talk about
the small genitalia stereotype because
it’s simply not true actually I got it
wrong there’s one Asian man who was very
successful needing a in dating a non
Asian woman and he’s actually pretty
white and there while he known I think
you might know him and yes I’m talking
about Glenn and Maggie from The Walking
Dead yes for those who don’t know this
is a show about a post-apocalyptic world
in which zombies have overtaken the
world it takes a deadly virus to turn
the entire population into zombies for
an Asian man to have a chance with a non
Asian girl fun fact about myself in my
free time I like to develop strains of
deadly virus that can turn people with
your questioning zombies because I might
get desperate wonder one of the
consequences of the hierarchy of racial
attractiveness is that it leads to so
the at least the social exchange in a
relationship the theory of social
exchange theory is that race in an
interracial relationship is seen as a
commodity just as attractiveness wealth
or fame for example if a man of color
wants to date a white woman he ought to
be either way
richer way more famous way more
attractive or we’ll all be above than
she is in order to justify the
relationship I think the way of looking
at the relationship like that is
inhumane because it suggests that there
is something wrong with the ethnicity
you’re born with and that is a defect so
I’m not yet to compensate with it with
characteristic like money or fame
externally an interracial couple might
also face societal disapproval
interracial relationship was illegal 50
years ago until a couple Richard and
Mildred Loving sued the state of
Virginia so that they can get married
legally in a famous case Loving v
Virginia they finally gained the right
for interracial couples to get married
but that was only fifty years ago now
because it is illegal 50 years ago it’s
still a taboo nowadays and it is not
uncommon for interracial couples to get
stares and to get criticism from society
when they go out into the public sphere
however not just the public they also
face problem from the closest people
their family in the same year that in
the same theory of the case Loving v
Virginia the movie guess who’s coming to
dinner came out the movie is about a
white woman bringing her black boyfriend
back to her family and receiving a lot
of disapproval from her family like I
said it’s a taboo 50 years ago it’s
still taboo nowadays people still have
trouble with their family and how can I
assert that it’s still a problem today
there’s a weekly how entry on how to to
introduce you’re part of different
colors of your parents immediate needs
as much instruction as how to roll a
burrito or how to write an essay an hour
before the deadline because that many
people have trouble with it and that
many people have instruction with it I
would take a step back and say it makes
sense though this come back to the first
point of racial housing segregation we
like to live with people who look like
us we feel the most comfortable with
people who are like in your family you
kind of expect
the people to be the same as you and so
when you bring someone of a different
race into the very intimate sphere that
is your family it makes sense that will
be some backlash and that your parents
will not be very disapprove of the
relationship so it makes sense but it
adds strain and it makes it harder for
interracial couples to make it it seems
like interracial relationship is pretty
hard regular relationship is already
pretty hard right I think I never had
one I don’t know but because it is so
hard why bother adding another layer of
difficulty to it why even bother to
engage in one at all this is not a trick
question by though I do have some pretty
good answer I just asked Caroline now I
don’t want to shoot myself look like and
ruin my chance before the first day I do
have good answer
this way but I think it matters because
it’s really hard to find someone to love
it’s hard to find someone whom you care
about whom understand you who want to
spend time with you whom you enjoy being
with and so if you do find a person like
that even if you’re of a different race
and that would bring problems hold on to
that person because it’s well worth it
it’s well worth it overcoming those
problems because again it is hard to
find someone to love the second reason
is that an interracial relationship is a
gateway to discover an entire new world
in a regular relationship you only get
to discover a person in an interracial
one you discover an entire new world
chances are if you don’t look alike you
would have different cultures that
different food that you need different
celebration that your party different
groups of friends that you hang out with
different clothes that you wear
different different ways that you do
your hair and chances are if you don’t
look alike you might have families from
different parts of the country or in the
world so that justify traveling which by
the way Caroline that’s a picture of
Donna Beach in Vietnam one of the most
beautiful beaches on the planet
so one of the perks of dating me will be
the chance to visit that I need all the
help I can get guys the final reason
which I think is the most important is
that it gives you the chance to see the
world through a different lens this is
the New York Times article about a white
police officer in Baltimore a few days
after the riot it’s it tells the story
of mr. jannu who was the police officer
in the Baltimore Police Department he
has up like wife and together they have
a biracial son he voices his concern
about the conversation he will need to
have with his son when his son grows up
it’s not gonna be don’t break the law
it’s going to be act as if you have
already broken the law especially in
front of the police that is something
that mr. Jenner as a white gentleman
would never have to think about had he
had a white son if not thanks to his
interracial relationship with his wife
he will probably not understand what the
youth that he see on the street every
day how those people feel like and I
think that is significant this is only
one example but it tells why interracial
relationship matters in that type of
relationship you get to care for you get
to understand you get to love the person
so much that you strive to understand
what they are feeling like you want to
experience the pain that they get from
being mistreated you want to understand
why they’re mistreated they want to know
why people treat them differently from
you and I think that’s big it brings
people together he gives you the feeling
it gives you a glimpse of the world that
they live in every day and he gives you
the experience that their group of
people might have experienced every day
and that just make you more empathetic
opens up your world makes your heart
bigger now I can’t urge everyone here to
start dating into racially that’s not
how love works that’s not how you should
approach it if you’re simply dating a
person if another color because you want
to make a political statement please
don’t because understand that your
tokenizing the person
you’re reducing them to a few
characteristic and you want their race
as something that’s unnecessary and that
is very painful so please don’t
again love has to start from you sharing
some commonalities from you enjoying
being together from you trying to
understand each other it’s just that if
you do have a person like that and that
person happens to be of a different race
know that there’ll be difficulties in
dating the person you have clash in the
culture that that you enjoy people will
look at you your family might be might
be disapproval but it’s worth it because
there’s a chance to learn more about the
world to explore yourself to learn how
to communicate and for those who have
already been in a relationship or may be
too young to be in one you can always
learn from interracial couples learn how
they talk about the differences learn
how they love each other not because not
simply because they are like that
because they are different and they
treasure that kind of difference now I
would love to stay and talk to you guys
more about the topic but I think I have a date to go on thank you