pleasure to see you all my name is joe
gauss these are my fellow members of
improv jones boston we do improv comedy
we’re gonna make Evie we make everything
up on the spot we traditionally do a
show where we draw inspiration from
these stories of storytellers from the
Boston area
however we are doing some improv based
off of TED Talks today now we have our
ideas that we’ve been generating from
watching the last bunch of TED Talks
however we would also love to hear just
as a suggestion one thing that you’re
thinking right now after hearing these
anything that you’re thinking dinner
great dinner sounds awesome thank you I
don’t I don’t think that’s the right way
to make scrambled eggs honey
well I’d I got out our best solo plates
and cups and silverware and everything
and just laid it out on the table I
understand that that’s our best and
brightest that we have to offer but you
know that’s those aren’t even eggs
darling that’s just toast toast that is
put into eggs that have been scrambled
and I don’t know kind of Frenchified I’m
not sure what you’re trying to try to
prove here well it’s it’s a different
kind of toast if Aconitum different than
Texas toast that were used to holy crap
you’re you’re you’re blowing my paradigm
of toast right out of the water
it’s from a different country a
different what it’s French toast oh my
goodness
girl I’m sorry I just
that is correct it is French toast and I
thought to happen make it who is this
man
my culinary expert and darling what an
appropriate way to tell me you’ve been
so I guess only the popular kids are
getting polio vaccines this year look I
crunched the numbers and they are by far
the coolest and most deserving I made
cheerleading squad and I’m getting
vaccinated can i self-quarantine in the
AV Club yeah no one’s going here you
guys Navy club anyway that’s good cuz
I’ve got all eight Harry Potter movies
okay that’s not a cool yeah yeah go to
the a/v Club you belong there thank you
okay thanks do you feel like people hold
okay brain cells get in here The
Imaginarium is put together I hope you
like what I’ve done with the place
[Music]
originally I was thinking we could focus
on technology yeah I came here for
technology
get out of here ganglia yeah okay well
it was nice knowing you guys I I thought
we shared something for a little bit
there don’t feel bad no I do can you
tell us how um technology relates to
food and sex well I mean you can use
technology to enhance both of those
things well using cutting edge
technology we can make food at an
exponentially faster rate I’m sorry what
sorry keep going no I feel like you’re
being condescending to me now so if you
put some virtual reality goggles on you
can like virtually eat food okay that
sounds like a bunch of I’m just a tiny
okay this is really pudding I’m
processing all of your food so I can eat
what about ten pounds of bacon oh you
might be testing my limits well that
sounds like science to me okay let’s see
I’m not even gonna cook it first systems
are failing I’m just a tiny pill I know
what do you expect from me see I knew it
science has failed me yet again Danielle
I have a question for you what is it
Frank because I was programmed to love
you does that make it less real not to
me
does it less real to you I’m not even
sure how to begin examining that
question you kind of you kind of blew my
whole framework out of the water with it
I don’t know I need to process you need
with your human brain to show me where
I’m going with this because I’m starting
to feel like it’s fake I think don’t
know if we should be together anymore oh
my god you passed the Turing test is
that good or bad what so much I’m so
mr. Trump mr. Trump look we just spent
billions of dollars building that wall
[Music]
okay tell you why I don’t give a
about your infinity LIBOR
okay airplanes have been flying over the
wall anyway okay okay sorry I don’t care
so you’re not concerned with the mass
production of the Infinity ladders I am
NOT concerned with anything that is not
me and making more money point taken are
you talking to me I should be taking a
nap just a white man with a beard trying
to talk to mr. Trump well I have a bias
against you Charlie look I’ve been
thinking when I look at you I just see
blur I look at the rest of the world
I see sharpness yeah I see things that
like appeal to me yes I see you and I
see just blur okay when i see you when i
look at you i just see Smashing Pumpkins
i in the band the physical objects as in
both of those things at once I see my
rage like it’s a rat in a cage being
splattered against the wall
pumpkin style oh sorry I was gonna join
the scene but I’m just I’m I have a
biased conversation come on come on get
okay so we’re at the meeting of the
people with biases against white men
with beards mm-hmm I don’t know the mall
Santa Claire don’t mean I’m sorry we’re
here to support you thank you thank you
I just want to say off the bat of course
not all Santa’s are alike so you know
they’re all coming from their own
perspective it’s turn in their own
background but you know all do aim to
climb down a chimney at some point
hashtag so um you know yeah hashtag not
all Santa’s yeah thank you
Oh what do you want from Lok Satta Claus
little girl I mean is that the gender
pronoun you’d like me to use tell me I
will accommodate you happily I just
wanted respect which I’ve got
plentifully from you thank you that
makes me feel so much better
hohoho now you’re getting disrespectful
your back is on fire why your back is on
fire
look I don’t mean to alarm you it might
just be a graphic it might just be a
graphic if we click on it it’ll go away
okay all right I’m gonna tap your back
okay see what happens okay okay forest
fires are the leading cause of death for
the ideas just never come anymore just
wank I’m just out of them pretty much
I pretty much steal all of my ideas yeah
well you’re gonna be bereft if you’re
coming to me for ideas because I got
here’s the thing I’m an idea pirate yeah
okay
and I I can’t control it it’s just who I
am
okay well I’m an engineer and I got Jack
so that’s that’s that’s an actual
problem okay okay yeah pirate okay so
why don’t you steal an idea give it to
me and then I can make the world better
in my own little way okay that’s right
that’s an idea I just had an idea
Oh see now you’re my new captor I can’t
stop myself this is such an awkward
situation for us the man Oh God let me
engineer a way out of it
drones drones we’ll use drones oh of
course
is it oh my god
oh this one’s much better look I had
thousands of feelings for you thousands
and yet only 0.1% of those feelings ever
come out
and I know it’s hard to understand but
for some reason only the apathy makes it
out why Merle
why I tell you everything well it’s
probably either because I’m not
confident it’s stupid
see right there see ya the confidence
thing not helping with that on your
shoulder okay some of those feelings I
wasn’t sharing where love kind of ruined
it now for once I’m speechless I’m
[Applause]
you want to check us out in our home we
perform at the riot theater on the first
and third Saturdays at 10 o’clock even
checks out the riot theater calm thank
you very much thank you so much
everybody and if I could just say say
one thing before I go if I could just
share my idea with you all and I’m just
a jerk but we we’ve heard a lot of great
stuff and you guys do wonderful work but
nobody want once that I heard really
made anything but a passing reference to
the horrible crushing defeat that we’ve
all felt last Tuesday that’s a problem
that’s a real big problem and it’s it’s
all on us we Ted was supposed to protect
against that stuff this kind of stuff
was supposed to protect against that and
it didn’t work so we have got to just do
better myself included thank you so much [Applause]