being told as a kid well you just need
to work that out I bet the answer is yes
especially if you have a sibling adults
are constantly telling kids get along
don’t let it bother you just ignore it
be nice oh and my favorite say you’re
sorry
now think back to yesterday how many
times were you told the same things take
a second account if you’re the typical
adult it won’t even take you that long
then maybe ask a kid the same thing
they’ll probably say oh yeah my parents
told me that all the time the truth is
adults don’t listen to the wonderful
advice they give kids all the time
during the elections I heard a lot of
people arguing about their different
political opinion and getting infuriated
with each other when they disagreed here
we were with the elections and two
adults were bad-mouthing each other
telling each other that they had ideas
that would never work and that the other
person was awful the debates felt more
like insult competitions than a
discussion of what they truly believed
in as part of a Boy Scout project I had
to research the candidates positions on
different topics and I found that they
both had ideas that could work and we’re
in some cases almost similar and then
the thought struck me aren’t adults
always telling kids to talk to each
other in a nice way to listen to each
other and be kind can you imagine if our
politicians stopped arguing so much and
the Democratic and Republican parties
would talk I think they could come up
with some reasonable solutions that
would work the country is split down the
middle and political opinion wouldn’t it
be better if both sides felt like they
won
imagine a congressional debate or one
side says to the other maybe we can
change this policy so it fits your view
better and if they realized that just
because they’ll agree on one point
doesn’t mean they can’t work together on
another issue take a second to think
back to the last time you experienced
conflict that went poorly maybe it was a
disagreement at work on the best way to
proceed with a project or maybe you’re
negotiating screen time with their child
isn’t it crazy that they kept saying
that you were wrong wrong wrong wrong
wrong and that their idea was so much
better how would you have felt if they
had said I have a different view can you
help me understand your opinion better
would you have felt more open to
listening to their side and maybe even
change your view my 15 year old cousin
lives in Texas and enjoy sharp shooting
as a sport on Facebook she updated her
profile picture to this moments later
one of her family friends a mom and
grown woman asked what is that photo
my cousin replied that’s my 50 caliber
muzzle loader the woman then wrote makes
me want to vomit she then went on to
tell my cousin how terrible she was and
then used a really bad word you know the
one if you watched Ralphy in the
Christmas story the one that might have
gotten your mouth washed out with soap
on your kid yeah at that one
she even defended using it on a
teenager’s wall saying it’s just a
normal word in the Scottish vocabulary
to which my cousin replied just because
it’s normal doesn’t make it any less
disrespectful later in the conversation
my wrote my cousin wrote okay I respect
your views I never meant to spark a
debate next time will you just message
me privately instead the woman then you
wrote
oh poor girl please unfriend me honey
your hobby disgusts me
my cousin replied I will not unfriend
you simply because we disagree and of
course everyone else jumped into the
fray and you can imagine how it
deteriorated 118 comments later the
woman obviously had a valid point
posting a picture of a gun on Facebook
can be seen as offensive and my cousin
should have thought it out better but
imagine how the conversation would have
gone if the woman had first said hi
honey
I know sharp shooting as a sport you
enjoy and you value your skills but
realize that not everyone agrees with
that and might not view your photo the
same way as you do would you please
consider removing it as your profile
picture putting it this way opens up the
conversation because it’s not an attack
even though my cousin was being really
nice about it she felt like she had to
try to defend herself this is definitely
not the way to get someone to listen to
you problems can be even harder to work
out when they are personal or emotional
I’ve been to four different schools
including the one I met now and one of
the big differences that makes me really
enjoy this school is the peace table the
peace table is a method we use for
solving personal problems or conflict in
my previous schools if you had the
problem you kind of just had to deal
with it
it wasn’t settling and made it so that
little by little I stopped interacting
with people because I was afraid that
there’s going to be a problem I was
going to make my day terrible so when I
first came to my new school during lunch
and recess I would just sit by myself
and read rather than play can you
imagine a kid reading during recess the
great thing about the peace table is
that the goal of it is that each person
feels fully heard so they’re more
willing to listen to the other side and
come up with a win-win solution so even
if I don’t have a problem knowing that
there’s a way to work things out makes
my day go better so if a problem seems
to start happening I don’t worry too
much because I know if we can’t resolve
it right then either of us can invite
each other to the peace table it is a
great way to resolve personal
disagreements another way we resolve
more practical issues at my school is
having class meetings this is the way we
set class rules and decides how to run
the classroom anyone who’s interested in
the topic gives a mini speech while the
rest of us listen we hear about what
they don’t like or why they want
something changed then we move to
consultations and we discuss the issue
back and forth and write resolutions we
usually come up with an idea that works
for everyone for example we are going to
completely ban puddy but we decided on a
compromise just to have it during
certain times of the day this might seem
like a silly kid problem that’s easy to
solve but believe me there are some kids
who are just as passionate about their
puddy as you are about your politics so
I started to wonder why is it that kids
are able to come up with all these ideas
and solutions at class meeting and the
peace table do you know what this is how
many of you think it’s a seed pod well
it is now what would you think if I gave
it to you as a present you might think
oh why is he giving me a seed pod well
back when I was five I thought these
things were pretty cool so I handed them
out to my kindergarten class they were
thrilled we saw as a phone
a moustache a miniature canoe a magic
pencil the list went on and on so why is
it that kids are able to come up with
all these imaginative uses for such a
simple object adults have grown up and
decided what they think about things and
opinions are more set in your head
whereas kids are having to constantly
learn and listen to new ideas in the
classroom and on the playground kids are
used to change and they’ve have less
time in their life to put their opinions
in concrete
it seems kids brains are more flexible
and creative think about it have you
ever seen a young kid get a big present
and what do they want to play with the
box that came in so I looked into this
more it turns out that my prefrontal
cortex is less developed than yours most
I don’t see this as negative that my
brain is not yet fully developed and
does not have the capacity to make
organized decisions well at work have
you ever been told to think outside the
box we kids live outside the box the
prefrontal cortex is the last area of
the brain to develop which means kids
brains are constantly changing and
adapting to new information so under the
right circumstances we are more willing
to come up with new ideas and listen to
others ideas you may think the solutions
I’ve given you are just for kid problems
well my school just attended the
Montessori Model United Nations in New
York City you are assigned a topic to
learn about and a country to represent
kids from all over the world come to
participate and write resolutions to
these resolutions are actually given to
the real Secretary General’s Office of
United Nations I was on the Security
Council this year with 30 other kids
discussing the situations in Syria and
the Democratic Republic of the Congo we
spent 12 hours over the course of two
days discussing the serious world
problems we had the five permanent
members who had veto power and believe
me
all those kids wanted to use their veto
power delegates certainly did not all
agree but nobody was ever rude well
maybe there was a little sarcasm but
everyone was really polite and wanted to
work out great resolutions in the end we
were able to come up with over 25
different solutions and passed both
resolutions by consensus meaning
everyone in the room agreed all these
solutions could potentially work in real
life afterwards I was talking to my
friend and asking well I can’t the real
UN do this I think the answer is that
kids don’t have the limits the adults
put on themselves on what could be a
waste of time and money or impossible
kids are more willing to take a leap of
faith about what is possible I’ve
experienced how calls can go badly and
I’ve also experienced how it can go well
conflict is in our family on Facebook in
the classroom at work in the world
conflict is all around us it’s not going
away people are always going to disagree
the difference is how people handle and
react to it it’s a choice don’t back
away from disagreeing with someone you
have to start seeing it as an
opportunity to learn you notice the
constant advice adults give kids is an
get your point heard
mids others be right no you are telling
us to get along and be nice you save
these things because they’re important
if you listen to the advice you are
giving kids you can handle pawn flicked
in a positive way that will really make
a difference not only will you feel
better and the other person feel better
but everyone around you will feel better
because it’s uncomfortable to be around
conflict if the other person feels heard
they’re more willing to listen to you
handling conflict in a positive way is
not just going to affect you it’s a
ripple effect so the next time you
experience conflict
remember the seed pod and challenge
yourself to look at it with a new
perspective thank you [Applause]
to work that out I bet the answer is yes
especially if you have a sibling adults
are constantly telling kids get along
don’t let it bother you just ignore it
be nice oh and my favorite say you’re
sorry
now think back to yesterday how many
times were you told the same things take
a second account if you’re the typical
adult it won’t even take you that long
then maybe ask a kid the same thing
they’ll probably say oh yeah my parents
told me that all the time the truth is
adults don’t listen to the wonderful
advice they give kids all the time
during the elections I heard a lot of
people arguing about their different
political opinion and getting infuriated
with each other when they disagreed here
we were with the elections and two
adults were bad-mouthing each other
telling each other that they had ideas
that would never work and that the other
person was awful the debates felt more
like insult competitions than a
discussion of what they truly believed
in as part of a Boy Scout project I had
to research the candidates positions on
different topics and I found that they
both had ideas that could work and we’re
in some cases almost similar and then
the thought struck me aren’t adults
always telling kids to talk to each
other in a nice way to listen to each
other and be kind can you imagine if our
politicians stopped arguing so much and
the Democratic and Republican parties
would talk I think they could come up
with some reasonable solutions that
would work the country is split down the
middle and political opinion wouldn’t it
be better if both sides felt like they
won
imagine a congressional debate or one
side says to the other maybe we can
change this policy so it fits your view
better and if they realized that just
because they’ll agree on one point
doesn’t mean they can’t work together on
another issue take a second to think
back to the last time you experienced
conflict that went poorly maybe it was a
disagreement at work on the best way to
proceed with a project or maybe you’re
negotiating screen time with their child
isn’t it crazy that they kept saying
that you were wrong wrong wrong wrong
wrong and that their idea was so much
better how would you have felt if they
had said I have a different view can you
help me understand your opinion better
would you have felt more open to
listening to their side and maybe even
change your view my 15 year old cousin
lives in Texas and enjoy sharp shooting
as a sport on Facebook she updated her
profile picture to this moments later
one of her family friends a mom and
grown woman asked what is that photo
my cousin replied that’s my 50 caliber
muzzle loader the woman then wrote makes
me want to vomit she then went on to
tell my cousin how terrible she was and
then used a really bad word you know the
one if you watched Ralphy in the
Christmas story the one that might have
gotten your mouth washed out with soap
on your kid yeah at that one
she even defended using it on a
teenager’s wall saying it’s just a
normal word in the Scottish vocabulary
to which my cousin replied just because
it’s normal doesn’t make it any less
disrespectful later in the conversation
my wrote my cousin wrote okay I respect
your views I never meant to spark a
debate next time will you just message
me privately instead the woman then you
wrote
oh poor girl please unfriend me honey
your hobby disgusts me
my cousin replied I will not unfriend
you simply because we disagree and of
course everyone else jumped into the
fray and you can imagine how it
deteriorated 118 comments later the
woman obviously had a valid point
posting a picture of a gun on Facebook
can be seen as offensive and my cousin
should have thought it out better but
imagine how the conversation would have
gone if the woman had first said hi
honey
I know sharp shooting as a sport you
enjoy and you value your skills but
realize that not everyone agrees with
that and might not view your photo the
same way as you do would you please
consider removing it as your profile
picture putting it this way opens up the
conversation because it’s not an attack
even though my cousin was being really
nice about it she felt like she had to
try to defend herself this is definitely
not the way to get someone to listen to
you problems can be even harder to work
out when they are personal or emotional
I’ve been to four different schools
including the one I met now and one of
the big differences that makes me really
enjoy this school is the peace table the
peace table is a method we use for
solving personal problems or conflict in
my previous schools if you had the
problem you kind of just had to deal
with it
it wasn’t settling and made it so that
little by little I stopped interacting
with people because I was afraid that
there’s going to be a problem I was
going to make my day terrible so when I
first came to my new school during lunch
and recess I would just sit by myself
and read rather than play can you
imagine a kid reading during recess the
great thing about the peace table is
that the goal of it is that each person
feels fully heard so they’re more
willing to listen to the other side and
come up with a win-win solution so even
if I don’t have a problem knowing that
there’s a way to work things out makes
my day go better so if a problem seems
to start happening I don’t worry too
much because I know if we can’t resolve
it right then either of us can invite
each other to the peace table it is a
great way to resolve personal
disagreements another way we resolve
more practical issues at my school is
having class meetings this is the way we
set class rules and decides how to run
the classroom anyone who’s interested in
the topic gives a mini speech while the
rest of us listen we hear about what
they don’t like or why they want
something changed then we move to
consultations and we discuss the issue
back and forth and write resolutions we
usually come up with an idea that works
for everyone for example we are going to
completely ban puddy but we decided on a
compromise just to have it during
certain times of the day this might seem
like a silly kid problem that’s easy to
solve but believe me there are some kids
who are just as passionate about their
puddy as you are about your politics so
I started to wonder why is it that kids
are able to come up with all these ideas
and solutions at class meeting and the
peace table do you know what this is how
many of you think it’s a seed pod well
it is now what would you think if I gave
it to you as a present you might think
oh why is he giving me a seed pod well
back when I was five I thought these
things were pretty cool so I handed them
out to my kindergarten class they were
thrilled we saw as a phone
a moustache a miniature canoe a magic
pencil the list went on and on so why is
it that kids are able to come up with
all these imaginative uses for such a
simple object adults have grown up and
decided what they think about things and
opinions are more set in your head
whereas kids are having to constantly
learn and listen to new ideas in the
classroom and on the playground kids are
used to change and they’ve have less
time in their life to put their opinions
in concrete
it seems kids brains are more flexible
and creative think about it have you
ever seen a young kid get a big present
and what do they want to play with the
box that came in so I looked into this
more it turns out that my prefrontal
cortex is less developed than yours most
I don’t see this as negative that my
brain is not yet fully developed and
does not have the capacity to make
organized decisions well at work have
you ever been told to think outside the
box we kids live outside the box the
prefrontal cortex is the last area of
the brain to develop which means kids
brains are constantly changing and
adapting to new information so under the
right circumstances we are more willing
to come up with new ideas and listen to
others ideas you may think the solutions
I’ve given you are just for kid problems
well my school just attended the
Montessori Model United Nations in New
York City you are assigned a topic to
learn about and a country to represent
kids from all over the world come to
participate and write resolutions to
these resolutions are actually given to
the real Secretary General’s Office of
United Nations I was on the Security
Council this year with 30 other kids
discussing the situations in Syria and
the Democratic Republic of the Congo we
spent 12 hours over the course of two
days discussing the serious world
problems we had the five permanent
members who had veto power and believe
me
all those kids wanted to use their veto
power delegates certainly did not all
agree but nobody was ever rude well
maybe there was a little sarcasm but
everyone was really polite and wanted to
work out great resolutions in the end we
were able to come up with over 25
different solutions and passed both
resolutions by consensus meaning
everyone in the room agreed all these
solutions could potentially work in real
life afterwards I was talking to my
friend and asking well I can’t the real
UN do this I think the answer is that
kids don’t have the limits the adults
put on themselves on what could be a
waste of time and money or impossible
kids are more willing to take a leap of
faith about what is possible I’ve
experienced how calls can go badly and
I’ve also experienced how it can go well
conflict is in our family on Facebook in
the classroom at work in the world
conflict is all around us it’s not going
away people are always going to disagree
the difference is how people handle and
react to it it’s a choice don’t back
away from disagreeing with someone you
have to start seeing it as an
opportunity to learn you notice the
constant advice adults give kids is an
get your point heard
mids others be right no you are telling
us to get along and be nice you save
these things because they’re important
if you listen to the advice you are
giving kids you can handle pawn flicked
in a positive way that will really make
a difference not only will you feel
better and the other person feel better
but everyone around you will feel better
because it’s uncomfortable to be around
conflict if the other person feels heard
they’re more willing to listen to you
handling conflict in a positive way is
not just going to affect you it’s a
ripple effect so the next time you
experience conflict
remember the seed pod and challenge
yourself to look at it with a new
perspective thank you [Applause]
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