in and around 1999 Americans began
consuming prescription pain medications
at an increasing rate between 1999 and
2012 the number of prescriptions written
for pain medication tripled doctors were
fairly unaware of the ramifications and
were prescribing them as a solution to
our varying degrees of pain I too was
oblivious to the lurking danger and the
resulting destruction that would befall
me my family in our country my name is
Justin Phillips I’m the mother of three
children
Brian age 27 Audrey age 18 and Erin
permanently age 20 taken by an overdose
from opioids in 2013 from ashes we rise
I am Phoenix this is my story of rising
from losing my middle child to a
preventable cause and my efforts to lift
others out of this inferno fires
infernos sweep through structures quick
and without warning often when we least
expect it are ignoring the warning signs
and sleeping this is the reality of what
addiction and opioid use disorder has
done to me my family and the entire
country my version of sleeping consisted
of focusing too much on how I would be
judged as a parent as a daughter as an
educated member of society instead of
focusing on the possible disease and the
symptoms that would be engulfing my son
in the United States 22 million people
are affected by the chronic disease of
addiction each year this is 7 percent of
the entire United States
population breast cancer affects 2
million each year less than 1% of the
world’s population yet we don’t focus
treatment and resources and invest
thousands of dollars towards the chronic
disease of addiction we don’t wear
ribbons and sports team apparel in our
assigned color instead we hide in the
corners with shame and denial my shame
in denial my decision to sleep and hide
took many forms while I casually
mentioned to Aaron the concern I had
with the pills that I found in his room
I would not do any research on the
trends affecting today’s youth I
wouldn’t ask a physician about the
possibility that my son had been
affected by a prescription when it would
become more obvious that Aaron was
suffering from misuse of prescriptions
and something was really wrong
theological behaviors he had as a
manifestation of substance abuse theft
from family guns and regular activity in
dangerous neighborhoods falling asleep
on the job and violence towards his
mother I would do relatively nothing I
would speak to his father and other
influential men in his life I would
listen to them tell me that there wasn’t
enough money I would buy the argument
that treatment might not work so why is
this relevant because if Aaron had had
another chronic disease I would have
gone to doctors spend all the money I
could find and gone to the ends of the
there was a day Aaron fled with his head
in his hands for help yet a sense of
urgency would be absent and the disease
would win on October the 9th 20
thirteen five years ago this week I knew
then that I would have to see what could
have been done differently acknowledged
out loud how much stigma and denial cost
me and my family and take immediate
action so others might live so everyday
I choose to rise up from my ashes and be
Aaron’s voice to normalize this disease
help save others and make a difference I
either have to rise up or simply
disappear into the sidewalk cracks so
I’m gonna reveal my scars show you my
cracks and shame so I can save others
human beings were wired to have
connection and find meaning and purpose
I know I’ve been seeking my meaning and
purpose my entire existence so there
must be some meaning behind Aaron’s
presence in my life and now Aaron’s
absence otherwise how do I survive
what’s the lesson where is the why what
can we allow ourselves to learn from
tragedy and loss is there a possibility
for a silver lining
a wise spiritual adviser said to me find
the golden thread Justin even if the
golden thread is the whiskers on the
mouse that lives in your wall I
personally do not want to think a mouse
whiskers are cute but I do want to find
beauty in this pile of ash in Greek
mythology the Phoenix is a bird that
regularly regenerates itself it obtains
new life from arising from the ashes of
its predecessor Aaron would want nothing
more than for me his brother and sister
to rise from the ash and find a new life
not a better life not a life where Aaron
is forgotten but a life that takes
tragedy and creates from it a new life
from the destruction so in 2014 I formed
overdose lifeline we are a nonprofit
with the sole aim of help
just like me better understand the swift
nature of this insidious disease and the
certain death sentence that comes from
opioid misuse we have been on the front
lines ever since speaking out and
advocating for families allowing for
better access to the overdose reversal
drug naloxone and educating individuals
parents communities on the relationship
between prescription pain medication
heroin and opioid misuse my most
important work is with and for other
families just like mine grief and loss
is so misunderstood and also stigmatized
our suffering our broken hearts can
never be repaired but I can use my
broken heart and relate to your Bokan
heart and help others see us all we want
is to be seen I have learned so much
about grief and I continue to learn I
understand a lot of people who’ve never
experienced grief don’t really know how
to handle it I live my grief out loud
here today on social media and as a
active part of my work but exposing
grief loss which is the greatest form of
hurt is helping healing because a wound
cannot heal without exposure to air and
light I would give anything to have
Aaron back in the flesh but from Aaron’s
loss I have been given so many gifts I
know people I would have never known I
get to be with you today I know myself
in ways I never would have known I get a
faith a Power greater than myself
I have the privilege of helping other
people save their children I have the
privilege of making a lasting impact my
reality today often resembles a
dreamlike state or perhaps on occasion
on the edge of nightmare sidewalk cracks
and consideration of self-destruction
are often on the edges of my path I’m
not going to lie we can never expect
this generation of families affected by
the opioid public health crisis we lost
72,000 people in 2017 that’s a lot of
families left alive in this destruction
never expect us to be better or whole or
over it instead just see us acknowledge
us and say our loved ones name do not
pity us but instead just know we are now
a different person never to be that
person we were before it’s hard to
explain we don’t want your pity but we
do want you to see us and understand us
our hearts may be broken but they have
been broken open and this is where the
light gets to shine through thank you very much
consuming prescription pain medications
at an increasing rate between 1999 and
2012 the number of prescriptions written
for pain medication tripled doctors were
fairly unaware of the ramifications and
were prescribing them as a solution to
our varying degrees of pain I too was
oblivious to the lurking danger and the
resulting destruction that would befall
me my family in our country my name is
Justin Phillips I’m the mother of three
children
Brian age 27 Audrey age 18 and Erin
permanently age 20 taken by an overdose
from opioids in 2013 from ashes we rise
I am Phoenix this is my story of rising
from losing my middle child to a
preventable cause and my efforts to lift
others out of this inferno fires
infernos sweep through structures quick
and without warning often when we least
expect it are ignoring the warning signs
and sleeping this is the reality of what
addiction and opioid use disorder has
done to me my family and the entire
country my version of sleeping consisted
of focusing too much on how I would be
judged as a parent as a daughter as an
educated member of society instead of
focusing on the possible disease and the
symptoms that would be engulfing my son
in the United States 22 million people
are affected by the chronic disease of
addiction each year this is 7 percent of
the entire United States
population breast cancer affects 2
million each year less than 1% of the
world’s population yet we don’t focus
treatment and resources and invest
thousands of dollars towards the chronic
disease of addiction we don’t wear
ribbons and sports team apparel in our
assigned color instead we hide in the
corners with shame and denial my shame
in denial my decision to sleep and hide
took many forms while I casually
mentioned to Aaron the concern I had
with the pills that I found in his room
I would not do any research on the
trends affecting today’s youth I
wouldn’t ask a physician about the
possibility that my son had been
affected by a prescription when it would
become more obvious that Aaron was
suffering from misuse of prescriptions
and something was really wrong
theological behaviors he had as a
manifestation of substance abuse theft
from family guns and regular activity in
dangerous neighborhoods falling asleep
on the job and violence towards his
mother I would do relatively nothing I
would speak to his father and other
influential men in his life I would
listen to them tell me that there wasn’t
enough money I would buy the argument
that treatment might not work so why is
this relevant because if Aaron had had
another chronic disease I would have
gone to doctors spend all the money I
could find and gone to the ends of the
there was a day Aaron fled with his head
in his hands for help yet a sense of
urgency would be absent and the disease
would win on October the 9th 20
thirteen five years ago this week I knew
then that I would have to see what could
have been done differently acknowledged
out loud how much stigma and denial cost
me and my family and take immediate
action so others might live so everyday
I choose to rise up from my ashes and be
Aaron’s voice to normalize this disease
help save others and make a difference I
either have to rise up or simply
disappear into the sidewalk cracks so
I’m gonna reveal my scars show you my
cracks and shame so I can save others
human beings were wired to have
connection and find meaning and purpose
I know I’ve been seeking my meaning and
purpose my entire existence so there
must be some meaning behind Aaron’s
presence in my life and now Aaron’s
absence otherwise how do I survive
what’s the lesson where is the why what
can we allow ourselves to learn from
tragedy and loss is there a possibility
for a silver lining
a wise spiritual adviser said to me find
the golden thread Justin even if the
golden thread is the whiskers on the
mouse that lives in your wall I
personally do not want to think a mouse
whiskers are cute but I do want to find
beauty in this pile of ash in Greek
mythology the Phoenix is a bird that
regularly regenerates itself it obtains
new life from arising from the ashes of
its predecessor Aaron would want nothing
more than for me his brother and sister
to rise from the ash and find a new life
not a better life not a life where Aaron
is forgotten but a life that takes
tragedy and creates from it a new life
from the destruction so in 2014 I formed
overdose lifeline we are a nonprofit
with the sole aim of help
just like me better understand the swift
nature of this insidious disease and the
certain death sentence that comes from
opioid misuse we have been on the front
lines ever since speaking out and
advocating for families allowing for
better access to the overdose reversal
drug naloxone and educating individuals
parents communities on the relationship
between prescription pain medication
heroin and opioid misuse my most
important work is with and for other
families just like mine grief and loss
is so misunderstood and also stigmatized
our suffering our broken hearts can
never be repaired but I can use my
broken heart and relate to your Bokan
heart and help others see us all we want
is to be seen I have learned so much
about grief and I continue to learn I
understand a lot of people who’ve never
experienced grief don’t really know how
to handle it I live my grief out loud
here today on social media and as a
active part of my work but exposing
grief loss which is the greatest form of
hurt is helping healing because a wound
cannot heal without exposure to air and
light I would give anything to have
Aaron back in the flesh but from Aaron’s
loss I have been given so many gifts I
know people I would have never known I
get to be with you today I know myself
in ways I never would have known I get a
faith a Power greater than myself
I have the privilege of helping other
people save their children I have the
privilege of making a lasting impact my
reality today often resembles a
dreamlike state or perhaps on occasion
on the edge of nightmare sidewalk cracks
and consideration of self-destruction
are often on the edges of my path I’m
not going to lie we can never expect
this generation of families affected by
the opioid public health crisis we lost
72,000 people in 2017 that’s a lot of
families left alive in this destruction
never expect us to be better or whole or
over it instead just see us acknowledge
us and say our loved ones name do not
pity us but instead just know we are now
a different person never to be that
person we were before it’s hard to
explain we don’t want your pity but we
do want you to see us and understand us
our hearts may be broken but they have
been broken open and this is where the
light gets to shine through thank you very much
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