a little more than 30 years ago on March
2nd 1988 I snuck into the Grammy Awards
at Radio City Music Hall
i sat third row behind you two and Liza
Minnelli and I sang on stage at the
finale with Michael Jackson and Whitney
Houston that evening started the night
before on March 1st 1988
when in my apartment in New York City
with channel 7 on the news tapi Phillips
announced that tomorrow night was gonna
be the greatest night in the history of
rock and roll that all these iconic
stars were gonna be gathered at Radio
City and so I left my apartment with my
trusted inhaler and I went to Radio City
trying to get in that night to find
something that would give me credibility
to get in the next night and I
approached the guard at the front door
and he said who are you and I said I’m
working inside I had to go out in my car
and I grabbed my inhaler and I showed
him my asthma inhaler I said I want to
get back in he said come right in so I
walked around Radio City the night
before Michael Jackson was on stage
rehearsing and I was looking for
utensils something to get me in the next
night first thing I found was on the
floor was a business card that said
Michael huddle hairdressers I put it in
my pocket a little later I found the dog
chain that was broken I put that in my
pocket and I later found out there was a
production room underneath the stage and
when I made my way to the production
room there were desks and areas marked
after-parties hotels limos planes and in
the corner
was a sign that said VIP passes I took
my michael huddle business card out of
my pocket i approached the young girl
and i said hi how are you and with the
broken dog chain around my neck i said
i’m so sorry to bother you but I’m
having a problem they’re giving me a
hard time my pass fell off she said who
are you
I said I’m Craig smell but I work with
Michael huddle hairdressers she saw the
business card and she gave me a VIP pass
I took the VIP pass I left and I came
back the next night to sing at the
finale with Michael Jackson in Whitney
Houston several years before that I
conned my way into driving and President
Reagan’s motorcade and I picked the
president up from JFK I drove all over
New York and actually went into the UN
and had a photo shoot with President
smuggled genes into Russia I sold those
genes for thousands of rubles I was a
capitalist King in a socialist society
walking around Russia with thousands of
rubles I marched in the May Day Parade
I drank a lot of Stoli and I even stole
a Russian flag on the way out of Russia
I tell you these stories because
everywhere I went
everybody patted me on my back and told
me how wonderful and how amazing I was
how incredible I was but the truth was I
wasn’t incredible I was a liar
I was a cheater and I was a thief and
being that way led to a point that I
like to describe as life had
intolerable I wanted to live but I
didn’t know how to die
I was spiraling out of control and for
you to understand how I got to that
point we need to understand where I came
from when I was young my father was
had scars on my stomach and my eye and I
felt ugly and I got broke had broken my
leg and I should have been left back in
school and I always felt stupid in
school so as from a young boy I felt
ugly I felt stupid and I felt lonely the
problem is that’s how I felt feelings
aren’t facts but I felt that way and so
I grew up not feeling good about me not
feeling good in the world not feeling
like I had tools to live life correctly
and so when I was 15 in 16 I discovered
alcohol and I discovered drugs which
Mayton allowed me to escape I didn’t
have to feel me and when I drank and I
got high I can talk to girls I was the
life of the party
I felt secure and living that way
continued and so sneaking into places
being in places I didn’t belong I was on
Trump’s yacht I was backstage at live 8
these places made me feel good about
myself
but the truth was my life was spiraling
out of control until a beautiful day in
October of 1990 when there was a knock
on my door at my apartment in New York
City on a Saturday and I opened the door
and it was my parents
my mom was hysterically crying and my
father looked like he had seen death and
when they came in my mom said to me I
love you but I don’t like you and my
father said I have more respect to the
bum on the street corner
who’s wiping windows at red lights at
least he’s making something of his life
you have more potential in your pinkie
than most people have in their entire
bodies and the next sentence was you
have two choices either to continue on
the destructive path you’re on and never
call us again you’re out of my will I
never want to hear from you ever again
you’re dead to me or come home with us
get some help and figure out why you are
the way you are and I chose the second
and I went home and I was introduced to
a man by the name of dr. author canal
dr. kay for short and this man got to
know me a little and my life changed on
a day where he asked me a very simple
question
he asked me do you like yourself and I
said yes and he said really tell me why
and I said well I have a great apartment
in the city I have wonderful parents I
have a great job and he said that’s not
a reason to like yourself and he pointed
to a stranger across the street and he
said do you see that stranger and I said
yes he said what if I told you that
stranger was you and what if I told you
that stranger across the street you is a
liar a cheat and a thief that when he
has a job he goes in late leaves early
and does minimal work when he’s there
what if I told you that person across
the street has underachieved through
college his whole life what if I told
you that person across the street when
he has a girlfriend he has five on the
side that he could have been a bed
son a better brother a better man would
you like that person and I said no and
he said how could you possibly like
yourself that’s you and I cried
hysterically knowing that for the first
time somebody was telling me the truth
and I said what do I do
and he said in order to build
self-esteem you must do a steam Abul
acts and I said what do you mean and he
said every day you show up and you’re a
man of honor integrity and commitment
every day you go to wake work early you
stay late you put in a full day if you
have a girlfriend
you are honorable to heart and
trustworthy to her every day you’re a
good son a good friend a good brother a
good man you do charity didn’t tell
nobody every day you live the right way
and he said one day if you live that way
you’re gonna like yourself and if you’re
lucky you might even love yourself and
so he taught me for the first time that
how you live matters everything you do
connects and as I started to live with a
bit of self esteem I discovered
something very simple that my life was
defined by the choices that I make and
the choices that I make were influenced
by the attitudes and thoughts that I
keep smart disciplined attitudes and
undisciplined unsmoked thoughts and
attitudes lead to poor choices what were
undisciplined thoughts and attitudes
which was the way I used to live my life
I want what I want and I want
now more is better I’ll screw it up
first and I’ll worry about the
consequences later
those were the attitudes and thoughts
that used to lead my life and led me to
make a lot of poor choices but as I grew
and I started to do a steam herbal acts
I also learned that easy does it
first things first respond to life with
intellect don’t react to life with
emotion that you never make anything
better by making it worse and when I
applied these disciplines smart
attitudes to my life I started to make
really wise choices and those choices
culminated about seven months after I
met this doctor when I went to my dad I
went to making amends to my dad to tell
him how sorry I was for the lies and the
cheating before I had met dr. kahan
before they burst into my apartment and
when I sat down at my parents apartment
to say how sorry I was before I can
finish the word sorry my father stopped
me and I said and I couldn’t even and he
said I don’t want to hear what you have
to say your words mean nothing to me and
I was flabbergasted and he said I want
desperately to be judged by my
intentions but the world continues to
judge me by my actions don’t tell me
what you’re gonna do just do it and he
said the following he said great men
never have to tell anybody how great
they are people just know it and so from
that day forward I have tried to live my
life correctly by being a man of honor
and integrity and commitment
but it’s much more than that because
everything we do in life connects how
can you be a great father if you steal
from your job because if you get caught
at your job stealing and you go away to
jail what kind of father are you if
you’re away from your children for five
years and what kind of employee can you
be if you steal from your employee
excuse me if you cheat on your wife
because if you cheat at life you’re
gonna cheat at your job and what kind of
friend can you be if you treat strangers
poorly if you treat people with
disrespect
you’re gonna disrespect your friends and
so how you live matters Thanks [Applause]
2nd 1988 I snuck into the Grammy Awards
at Radio City Music Hall
i sat third row behind you two and Liza
Minnelli and I sang on stage at the
finale with Michael Jackson and Whitney
Houston that evening started the night
before on March 1st 1988
when in my apartment in New York City
with channel 7 on the news tapi Phillips
announced that tomorrow night was gonna
be the greatest night in the history of
rock and roll that all these iconic
stars were gonna be gathered at Radio
City and so I left my apartment with my
trusted inhaler and I went to Radio City
trying to get in that night to find
something that would give me credibility
to get in the next night and I
approached the guard at the front door
and he said who are you and I said I’m
working inside I had to go out in my car
and I grabbed my inhaler and I showed
him my asthma inhaler I said I want to
get back in he said come right in so I
walked around Radio City the night
before Michael Jackson was on stage
rehearsing and I was looking for
utensils something to get me in the next
night first thing I found was on the
floor was a business card that said
Michael huddle hairdressers I put it in
my pocket a little later I found the dog
chain that was broken I put that in my
pocket and I later found out there was a
production room underneath the stage and
when I made my way to the production
room there were desks and areas marked
after-parties hotels limos planes and in
the corner
was a sign that said VIP passes I took
my michael huddle business card out of
my pocket i approached the young girl
and i said hi how are you and with the
broken dog chain around my neck i said
i’m so sorry to bother you but I’m
having a problem they’re giving me a
hard time my pass fell off she said who
are you
I said I’m Craig smell but I work with
Michael huddle hairdressers she saw the
business card and she gave me a VIP pass
I took the VIP pass I left and I came
back the next night to sing at the
finale with Michael Jackson in Whitney
Houston several years before that I
conned my way into driving and President
Reagan’s motorcade and I picked the
president up from JFK I drove all over
New York and actually went into the UN
and had a photo shoot with President
smuggled genes into Russia I sold those
genes for thousands of rubles I was a
capitalist King in a socialist society
walking around Russia with thousands of
rubles I marched in the May Day Parade
I drank a lot of Stoli and I even stole
a Russian flag on the way out of Russia
I tell you these stories because
everywhere I went
everybody patted me on my back and told
me how wonderful and how amazing I was
how incredible I was but the truth was I
wasn’t incredible I was a liar
I was a cheater and I was a thief and
being that way led to a point that I
like to describe as life had
intolerable I wanted to live but I
didn’t know how to die
I was spiraling out of control and for
you to understand how I got to that
point we need to understand where I came
from when I was young my father was
had scars on my stomach and my eye and I
felt ugly and I got broke had broken my
leg and I should have been left back in
school and I always felt stupid in
school so as from a young boy I felt
ugly I felt stupid and I felt lonely the
problem is that’s how I felt feelings
aren’t facts but I felt that way and so
I grew up not feeling good about me not
feeling good in the world not feeling
like I had tools to live life correctly
and so when I was 15 in 16 I discovered
alcohol and I discovered drugs which
Mayton allowed me to escape I didn’t
have to feel me and when I drank and I
got high I can talk to girls I was the
life of the party
I felt secure and living that way
continued and so sneaking into places
being in places I didn’t belong I was on
Trump’s yacht I was backstage at live 8
these places made me feel good about
myself
but the truth was my life was spiraling
out of control until a beautiful day in
October of 1990 when there was a knock
on my door at my apartment in New York
City on a Saturday and I opened the door
and it was my parents
my mom was hysterically crying and my
father looked like he had seen death and
when they came in my mom said to me I
love you but I don’t like you and my
father said I have more respect to the
bum on the street corner
who’s wiping windows at red lights at
least he’s making something of his life
you have more potential in your pinkie
than most people have in their entire
bodies and the next sentence was you
have two choices either to continue on
the destructive path you’re on and never
call us again you’re out of my will I
never want to hear from you ever again
you’re dead to me or come home with us
get some help and figure out why you are
the way you are and I chose the second
and I went home and I was introduced to
a man by the name of dr. author canal
dr. kay for short and this man got to
know me a little and my life changed on
a day where he asked me a very simple
question
he asked me do you like yourself and I
said yes and he said really tell me why
and I said well I have a great apartment
in the city I have wonderful parents I
have a great job and he said that’s not
a reason to like yourself and he pointed
to a stranger across the street and he
said do you see that stranger and I said
yes he said what if I told you that
stranger was you and what if I told you
that stranger across the street you is a
liar a cheat and a thief that when he
has a job he goes in late leaves early
and does minimal work when he’s there
what if I told you that person across
the street has underachieved through
college his whole life what if I told
you that person across the street when
he has a girlfriend he has five on the
side that he could have been a bed
son a better brother a better man would
you like that person and I said no and
he said how could you possibly like
yourself that’s you and I cried
hysterically knowing that for the first
time somebody was telling me the truth
and I said what do I do
and he said in order to build
self-esteem you must do a steam Abul
acts and I said what do you mean and he
said every day you show up and you’re a
man of honor integrity and commitment
every day you go to wake work early you
stay late you put in a full day if you
have a girlfriend
you are honorable to heart and
trustworthy to her every day you’re a
good son a good friend a good brother a
good man you do charity didn’t tell
nobody every day you live the right way
and he said one day if you live that way
you’re gonna like yourself and if you’re
lucky you might even love yourself and
so he taught me for the first time that
how you live matters everything you do
connects and as I started to live with a
bit of self esteem I discovered
something very simple that my life was
defined by the choices that I make and
the choices that I make were influenced
by the attitudes and thoughts that I
keep smart disciplined attitudes and
undisciplined unsmoked thoughts and
attitudes lead to poor choices what were
undisciplined thoughts and attitudes
which was the way I used to live my life
I want what I want and I want
now more is better I’ll screw it up
first and I’ll worry about the
consequences later
those were the attitudes and thoughts
that used to lead my life and led me to
make a lot of poor choices but as I grew
and I started to do a steam herbal acts
I also learned that easy does it
first things first respond to life with
intellect don’t react to life with
emotion that you never make anything
better by making it worse and when I
applied these disciplines smart
attitudes to my life I started to make
really wise choices and those choices
culminated about seven months after I
met this doctor when I went to my dad I
went to making amends to my dad to tell
him how sorry I was for the lies and the
cheating before I had met dr. kahan
before they burst into my apartment and
when I sat down at my parents apartment
to say how sorry I was before I can
finish the word sorry my father stopped
me and I said and I couldn’t even and he
said I don’t want to hear what you have
to say your words mean nothing to me and
I was flabbergasted and he said I want
desperately to be judged by my
intentions but the world continues to
judge me by my actions don’t tell me
what you’re gonna do just do it and he
said the following he said great men
never have to tell anybody how great
they are people just know it and so from
that day forward I have tried to live my
life correctly by being a man of honor
and integrity and commitment
but it’s much more than that because
everything we do in life connects how
can you be a great father if you steal
from your job because if you get caught
at your job stealing and you go away to
jail what kind of father are you if
you’re away from your children for five
years and what kind of employee can you
be if you steal from your employee
excuse me if you cheat on your wife
because if you cheat at life you’re
gonna cheat at your job and what kind of
friend can you be if you treat strangers
poorly if you treat people with
disrespect
you’re gonna disrespect your friends and
so how you live matters Thanks [Applause]
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