human being ever I’m pretty sure I want
to be you when I grow up and you are the
best emcee the classic Center will ever
have on this stage so thank you
compliments like those are oftentimes
things that we crave is check points of
validation throughout our lives and
throughout my four-year career at the
University of Georgia I’ve had the
opportunity to work with a variety of
genuinely positive organizations and
very encouraging people and one of the
best parts about being a member of these
groups is that everyone is constantly
trying to find ways to lift each other
up but I began to notice this thing that
we did and about how we talk to each
other each time I heard something like
you’re the absolute greatest ever it
became clear to me there was a missed
opportunity to give people honest praise
when we look past the surface of these
compliments we find that they’re
surprisingly empty and require virtually
no thought while they may sound nice our
words do have repercussions that we
might not think about while we’re saying
them sure a compliment like you are
literally so perfect might make someone
smile and feel really good for a few
moments but ultimately it’s going to
discredit our words for when we call
somebody perfect they may feel pressured
to maintain that impossible standard or
if they buy it they end up with a
totally inflated ego and most
importantly our words lose value in the
eyes of others when we’re calling
everyone the greatest in the best it’s
not that we don’t have positive
intentions behind these compliments we
do of course it’s that observers quickly
catch on to the fact that the core
meaning behind them
is exaggerated when we’re calling
everyone the best nobody actually is by
definition the best thankfully I think
there’s a solution and it’s simple
giving intentional compliments we can
treat people as unique individuals and
give them the thoughtful credible and
precise compliments that they deserve
this doesn’t mean giving more
compliments or fewer compliments this
doesn’t mean giving compliments only to
certain people but not others this
simply means saying whatever it is you’d
like to be understood intentional
compliments don’t come with a rubric
whether there are a couple of words or a
few sentences doesn’t matter our
conscious thought behind them does it’s
important to clearly express what we
admire what we think highly of or what
we appreciate instead of just telling
someone you’re awesome
tell them why they’re awesome instead of
telling someone I literally want to be
you tell tell them why are they so
inspiring to you instead of telling
someone that they’re the greatest leader
ever consider explaining to them what
makes them such a great leader
intentional compliments and giving them
simply means saying what you mean and
doing it on purpose as co-workers is
siblings and strangers on sidewalks we
can all give intentional compliments
this solution is accessible to all of us
it just takes our time and thought which
in turn makes our praise that much more
this kind of thoughtful praise creates
such a positive impact on us that
oftentimes we internalize it
so perhaps even right now we can each
still think of an intentional compliment
that we’ve received in the past and I
want you to ask yourself why does it
still stick with you was there a piece
of specific information in it that made
it special was there a certain word that
someone used that sets it apart from
other nice things you’ve been told and
keep thinking of this compliment and
whether it may seem simpler
extraordinary doesn’t matter just ask
yourself why does it still stick with
you towards the end of last year I had
an experience that solidified for me
what an intentional compliment is and
more importantly what kind of impact
these compliments can make after serving
on the Executive Board for dog camp you
Jay’s extended orientation program for a
year I had a team member tell me Jake
I appreciate your congruence with your
values I don’t hear you say one thing
and then see you do another and that’s
when it hit me this kind of compliment
was the solution to what I had seen as
an issue for so long because this guy
could have just said Jake you’re the
best dog camp color group leader I’ve
ever seen and I can’t imagine this
program even happening without you and
your flawless leadership but what would
this have really done frightened me with
the unattainable expectation inflated my
ego had I under like bought what he was
saying or at the end of the day just
discredited his words yet he was
intentional and because he was he taught
me something about myself and this is
perhaps the most important reason why we
must make sure our compliments are
intentional for when we say what we
really mean as we offer praise to
somebody we introduce them to their
special traits and awesome
characteristics that maybe they’ve never
thought about before my friend
acknowledged the unique thing that I
brought to our team allowing me to
understand something about myself that I
had never really considered before and
might never had if he would have just
called me the greatest or the best in
like my friend
we can all give intentional compliments
when we say what we mean and do it on
the purpose we can come up with a few
examples to a co-worker it might be
thank you for making sure that
everybody’s voices were heard during
that meeting to a sibling it could be I
appreciate the fact that you’re the one
person I can call it anytime without the
risk of embarrassment to a stranger on
the sidewalk
perhaps I like your funky unique shoes
where’d you get them and we might be
tempted to constantly hand out
superlatives and place virtually
everyone around us in the ranks of
perfection but this ultimately
discredits the recognition that we’re so
wishing to give we can keep spreading
positivity as we should but in an even
better more meaningful and sincere way
than we are now
eventually when we use this idea in our
conference rooms our classrooms and our
living rooms we cultivate honest
positivity rather than empty flattery
and of course there is a caveat if you
do indeed find the most beautiful man in
the world well let me know or the
funniest woman you have ever met or the
most perfect human being ever then
intentionally tell them that thank
[Music] you