picture this
I’m sick it’s my birthday and I opened
this Easy Bake Oven which in a house of
five kids and thirty grand a year we
know this is a total grandma level
present it’s beautiful it’s pink it’s
got a nice light bulb and my sister Kate
who’s eight at the time she comes up and
she’s really watching the process and
she’s digging into how everything works
and 45 minutes later I’m meeting my
brownie and she walks up to me and she
looks me and my six-year-old eyes and
she says I can produce better results
faster she then proceeds to source all
of the candles and boxes and tinfoil and
anything she can find to create her own
Easy Bake Oven 20 minutes later she’s
eating her brownie I’m crying saying I
don’t like brownies anyway since Kate
was really little she had this idea of
the world that if she wanted something
she could create it which is why I the
little sister I got to grow up as a
human guinea pig I won point at
literally one point Kate the broomy on a
trampoline tied lines and sheets to me
on a very windy day and turned me into a
mini paraglider I think the worst was
when I woke up from a concussion
Kate leaning over me looking down saying
out loud is she dead
I promise our talk is not all about the
ways to torture your younger siblings
but what these stories really show is
that we were lucky not just lucky to
still be alive we were lucky to grow up
in a home where we could take risks we
could make bold ambitious declarations
build new things and embrace whatever
messy results that followed yes there
were some bumps and bruises along the
way and some concussions and maybe some
knocked out front teeth but we were so
lucky that no matter what our crazy
ideas we had a safe place to explore
them when we were little
our ideas were valuable until proven
otherwise this is a far cry from the
workforce and the world that we all find
ourselves in today it seems like every
day at work you are more likely to be
underestimated and undervalued than to
have your ideas and your goals taken
seriously this can have a huge impact on
how you see yourself and your ambition
but the good news is the opposite is
also true
when people are assumed to be valuable
they often rise to the occasion we see
so many examples of this in the research
and in life my favorite example
especially because this is one of our
grandmother’s that was the Rosie the
Riveter we actually have both
grandmothers that were Rosie the
riveters women before the war
we’re told that they should stay home or
take a handful of women’s jobs and yet
during the war women were told they were
capable of helping the United States win
the war they went from 1% of the
aircraft industry to 65% of that
workforce in just a few short years they
told themselves that we can do it and
they did being given the space to take
risks and knowing what you’re capable of
can change your life and we understand
that this sense of possibility it might
be foreign to a lot of you particularly
if you’ve joined a workforce that has
made it their personal mission to beat
the optimism out of you or as one of my
former bosses used to jokingly say the
beatings will continue until morale
improve but honestly what frustrates us
so much is that we live in this time
where there has never been more
potential we have all of this technology
and the sense of connectedness and yet
there has never been a time where there
is more portals for people to shoot you
down or make you feel invaluable and it
is not just that people say mean things
right
we all have thick skin you have thick
skin
what’s really heartbreaking is that
people are actually under estimating
each other that means that they think
you are lower in value or influence or
ability than you actually are we all
know what this feels like you could be
the youngest guy at a company where you
are the new kid until you have been
there for 10 years
or you might be the only woman in the
room at all like my friends who said if
I lean any further in I will fall over
and she was still not getting that
promotion or maybe you just don’t look
like any of the leadership in your
organization we feel this on a really
personal level I don’t know if you’ve
noticed but Kate and I we are both women
and if that’s not enough we have worked
in very male-dominated spaces so it’s
something that we’ve felt almost on a
daily basis and the funniest part about
what she just said is that it still
catches me off guard I I was jet sitting
around for work the other day I rocked
all my meetings I came home at 2:00 in
the morning on a red-eye feeling
exhausted and feeling so good about my
life and my abilities and the next
morning I go into the dry cleaner I hand
this woman my suit and she looks at me
and she says does he like his shirt
starch and I went from feeling like I
was on top of the world to feeling like
my own dry cleaner does not take me
seriously because of how I look and I
get it
I might not look like the typical
emergency manager and she might not look
like the typical ship captain and you
might not look like the typical CEO so
guess what you should all probably just
start expecting to be underestimated
and I’m not saying that’s right it’s
actually really unfair and it’s awful
but as long as you believe that being
underestimated doesn’t change your real
value or influence or ability which also
means that being underestimated isn’t
the whole problem it is not the whole
problem the problem is what you let it
do to you and in a time when everyone is
I’m hitting everyone else I know that
owning your value can feel like a
rebellious act but owning your value can
also put you so far ahead of the curve
because when you’re different you have a
spotlight and you can let that spotlight
shine on you and it can make you feel
really small or you can walk into that
spotlight and use it to have your ideas
heard this isn’t easy this actually
takes a lot of practice and
determination and grit but you can do it
because the ambition and goals they come
with risk and while you may not have
grown up an environment that embraces
either of those things we still want you
to be successful right now and so we
have compiled three messages from our
mother if you want to succeed when
you’re underestimated message number one
you yes you can do anything that you set
your mind to and it can be something big
or it can be something that’s really
tough or god forbid we set our minds to
doing something that we actually like to
do if I can literally start in a teeny
tiny town in the Midwest learn how to
captain a boat a hundred foot boat
across an ocean
fixa diesel engine and then end up
running a crew of sailors in Egypt I
think you guys can also do anything that
you want but we’ve got to set our minds
to it when we started talking about this
topic of being underestimated at work
the stories literally poured in and one
message became very clear the mindset of
those who were underestimated and
succeeded was very different than the
mindset of those who were underestimated
and felt stuck our friend put it simply
I’m young I’m short I’m Indian and I’m a
woman
she said you don’t think every single
time I walk into a room full of clients
they don’t look around like who is this
girl telling us what to do
and she’s crushing it in the tech
industry by the way and what was
interesting about
she handled the problem was it was quite
simple she actually externalize the
issue saying their opinion of my ability
is actually based on zero facts no
ability whatsoever they know nothing
about me and she would put that garbage
intentionally to the side and she would
focus on getting the job done because
she knew that she could people that are
succeeding when their us underestimated
our believing in themselves and focusing
on what they want not what they don’t
want you have to focus on what you want
versus what makes you feel comfortable
are you focusing on the jerk in the
corner of your office that’s making you
feel small and insignificant or are you
focusing and finding that great leader
that’s in front of you that you can
learn everything from are we focusing on
how we’re gonna get shot down when we
walk into negotiate our salary or are we
focusing on how great it is finally
going to feel to find a company that
appreciates our value because we our
valuable you’ve got to set your mind as
a first step on what she wants and get
rid of all that other junk and focus on
what you want as a first step and that
brings us to point number two message
number two I’m doing it anyway
when we were little my mom had five kids
and my dad had five kids
yes we’re we’re all around the kitchen
table and my mom is teaching me how to
write my ABCs so we’re practicing our
letters and my sister over here who is
two at the time she keeps coming up and
interrupting us and my mom is like
nicely dismissing her you know and my
sister guess what she doesn’t like to be
dismissed very much and so Amanda
actually goes over to the counter grabs
a pot comes back over throws it on the
floor stomps her foot at my mother and
says I want to make an A my mom just
looks at the rest of us and says it is
time to teach the baby how to write and
the lesson of this story is that you
have to tell the world what you are
ready for
and you’re going to be told no and
you’re going to be told not now and you
have to figure out a way to do it anyway
since throwing a pot is probably not the
right approach in a lot of situations
find a different approach learn a better
one surround yourself with information
and knowledge and wisdom and experience
the wisdom that surrounds you is
absolutely everything when you don’t
know how to make an A find someone who
does
learn what you can from them and figure
out how to just keep moving and we’re
not saying that earning your stripes is
ever going away and I think we can
probably all agree we don’t want it to
because putting in the work and the time
is absolutely necessary and what’s
equally as necessary is believing when
you do you deserve to have a seat at the
table because the thing is once you’ve
owned and earned your stripes you are
allowed to use them I think we women as
a group are the worst at this I think
we’re pretty terrible at it actually
guess what year women started earning
more master’s degrees than men 1987 30
years ago women started earning more
master’s degrees than men and women
continued to earn more masters and
bachelor’s and doctors degrees every
year and yet we still meet a woman every
week that does not feel as qualified as
the man sitting next door you are more
than likely every bit as qualified as
the man sitting next to you that is why
you’re sitting next to each other and if
more women can earn these degrees why do
we still feel like it is a stretch to
not have the same number of women
holding Senate seats and running fortune
500 companies we all need to tell the
world what we’re ready for and that
brings us to our third and final and
potentially most important thing our
mother used to say to us it is a good
thing that you’re tough when I was
little and I’d fall down and I’d scrape
my knee instead of my mom picking me up
and saying oh honey are you okay she
used to pick me up and say oh honey
is a good thing you’re tough failure and
criticism are inevitable unfortunately
those things are never going to go away
and that is when we need to tell
ourselves it is a good thing we’re tough
and we also need to foster the self of
confidence inside of us especially when
we’re being underestimated and told we
can’t and psychologists tell us in order
to have a base to build our
self-confidence we have to believe one
simple thing
your actions influence your result
that’s it
your actions influence your results in
other words and this is really exciting
it means that you are in charge of
designing your life as you move forward
through it it’s probably the most
exciting thing that we can think of and
you know what sometimes this is not easy
because it means you have to take
massive action in a different direction
to get the results that you want when I
was sailing through Pacific I ended up
in a hurricane and I remember thinking a
couple things number one I’m really
scared
it was pretty messy for me and number
two I thought if I ever get home again
I’m never gonna sail again just this is
you know this is not good for me
so when I arrived limping back to shore
I did not make it to my destination I
felt this spotlight more than ever
because the people that were around me
that didn’t think I could do it that did
not think I was capable of making it
they were not thinking I was appropriate
age to run that type of program they
were actually right because I did not
make it I failed and that’s when I
remember my mom telling me she’s here
it’s a good thing you’re tough and so I
packed my bags and two days later I left
for the ocean
and when I made my destination the
second time there was something really
magical about that you all will have
your own worst storm and you will be
criticized and you will fail and that is
when you need to tell yourself it’s a
good thing I’m tough and take a step
forward again because that is where you
will experience true growth yes it would
have been easier for Amanda to have
probably just not gotten back on the
boat and it would have been easier for
our mothers who have underestimated my
abilities to build an easy bake oven and
it would have been easier for our
grandmothers to have stayed home rather
than building machine guns and airplanes
during the war but can you imagine what
the world would be like if everyone’s
mother and sister and co-worker and
supervisor told them that they could do
anything they set their minds to as we
work towards that future you have to
remember you can do anything you set
your mind to but you have to focus on
what you want and you have to tell the
world what you’re ready for you’re still
going to be underestimated I’m sorry
you’re still going to be underestimated
but you can walk into the room with this
attitude that they will only
underestimate me once surround yourself
with people you can learn from and when
you get knocked down remember it is a
good thing you’re tough you can say on
our knees Lydia we know she is going to
be a world changer and we are excited
about the possibility that she will not
be underestimated for being a woman that
walks into a boardroom or in to perform
surgery like her doctor dad we cannot
wait until the men and the women in her
generation no longer undervalue each
other but rather work together to create
a bigger and brighter future thank you
[Applause] you