thank you all right I feel a little lost
without a whiteboard behind me I wanna
like write things down to illustrate
what I’m saying but I have to go with
the slide so I’m really gonna be talking
to the young people in the room because
old people get talked to all the time in
fact I used to be this whole t-shirt
campaign that said don’t trust anyone
over 30 so I’m gonna ask that for this
case you trust me on this what really is
the difference between young people and
adults okay how do manage adults in easy
the four easy steps what is the
difference between young people and
adults is it bank accounts the ability
to vote driver’s license wisdom life
experience height I don’t think that
adults are necessarily smarter than kids
and I can imagine children do any much
better job voting than we have done
recently and right now I’m taller than
many of you but the older I get the less
likely that is to stay the stay true
know what the difference is between you
and I between young people and old
people adults alone as a result is a
society trusts us with agency agency is
defined as the condition the state of
exerting power specifically the idea
that that you can exert power over your
own condition as adults we don’t do a
very good job trusting young people with
agency and as young people you don’t do
a good job of taking it so when I say
that there are four easy steps to
managing the adults in your life I’m
really saying there are four easy steps
to taking back or reclaiming your agency
I’m a teacher I like it it’s fun I get
to be the center of attention all the
time
but one thing that frustrates me is that
the people who make the laws in the
country about teachers are almost never
teachers they tell me that I have to do
this or that or that we need to try and
get these outcomes in the classroom and
they’ve never been in the classroom and
I say how can you tell me what to do
when you don’t know what it is I
actually do my goals are not your goals
my priorities are not your priorities
and if I were a kid if I were a young
person I would say that same thing I
would say hold on wait just just hold on
you’re talking about the environment and
health care and education and the budget
and gerrymandering and all of these
things but honestly you’re gonna be dead
when we have to deal with them I am the
one who is going to have to deal with
all of these your goals are not my goals
your priorities are not my priorities
your beliefs are not my beliefs but your
actions will lead to my consequences
unfortunately it’s unlikely that young
people are going to be given the chance
to hold office anytime soon so you’re
not going to be able to manage the
country as possibly you should because
you’ll be the inheritors of that country
so the best thing you can do is learn to
manage the adults around you and we
follow these four easy steps you’re not
going to be able to force them to to
fulfill your own nefarious desires every
single time but over time eventually if
you internalize these steps you will
find those grown-ups listening to what
you have to say ignoring you if
preferable and generally thinking about
whatever it is you have to suggest and
giving it that second thought so the
first step I have to say to you is ask
big questions at my school we have this
thing called growth mindset we talked
about it a lot it’s
some growth mindset is the approach to
life that says it’s okay to get things
wrong it’s okay to make a mistake and in
fact whenever we make mistakes and
whenever we succeed because of or
despite those mistakes or come up with
new solutions to those mistakes that is
when our brain does its best developing
well this is hard to get our minds
around because from a very young age we
are told don’t make mistakes don’t get
anything wrong don’t stand out if we if
we don’t know the answer we are made to
feel like a failure as a student as a
human being and so we don’t want to ever
reach our hand up and risk looking dumb
but I have something to tell you about
looking dumb
it’s totally underrated I’ve made a bit
of a career of looking dumb if you
notice this tie and checkered shirt
combination that’s just one of the most
subtle dumb looking things I’ve done
today I think the other is to keep
wrapping up this court I mean what they
go the other thing is almost everybody
forgets that you looked dumb and in fact
later on it gives you far more
interesting stories far more interesting
you know time so when when you have that
question you don’t know what to say you
don’t know what to think
ask because it does a couple of other
things one you’ll learn something
shocking
if you don’t ask you’re never gonna
learn and secondly it’s like giving us a
treat you know makes us feel good
they’re like good adult it’s like
throwing them a cookie and patting them
on the head and they’re like yeah it’s a
smart kid they asked me a question and
listened to what I had to say so next
time you actually have a desire you
think of it as an investment they’re
gonna make oh that kid totally asked me
really great questions
of course you can have an extension on
your homework you build up this habit of
trust with the adults because they see
you thinking the other the next step is
don’t ask questions but wait you said
ask questions I know I know I said ask
questions and there are questions there
are questions that push us to think that
make us ask what is our place in the
world and then there these are the
questions you can answer for yourself or
really you shouldn’t ask in public some
of my favorite should I put my coat on
well I guess frostbite is an option if
you would like to should I write my name
on it no I just decided to type name
with a line after it at the very top of
the page just for fun no put my name on
it but somebody else’s name anyway of
course what are we doing parents know
this one but the problem is when people
say what are we doing it is generally
while I’m in the midst of giving
instructions or please push it what are
we doing put your name on it it’s it’s
either in the middle of giving
instructions or immediately afterwards
like 30 seconds
like really immediately like I just
finished speaking and the last one that
really gets to me is this right or is it
good enough can you look at how I’m
doing so far I hate that question hate
it you know what I say I don’t know is
it right it’s a total teacher thing
I don’t know is it good enough I don’t
know can I look at how you’re doing so
far the problem with these questions is
they tell me a couple of things
generally one is that you didn’t read or
you didn’t listen or in a broader sense
you’re not willing to make a decision
for yourself the problem with that is
when you refuse to make a decision for
yourself you are training us the adults
to make those decisions for you you are
giving up your agency but it is that
last question this is this right am I
good enough that really gets to me
because we are not willing to assess for
ourselves and there is so much fear in
that question fear that I might get it
wrong so this leads me directly to the
next step
oh that’s a good picture I should have
clicked it earlier take a risk every
adult your parents your teachers random
adults on the street spend their lives
wrapping you in bubble wrap as they
should but there comes a point where you
need to come out from under their arms
and take a risk the best assignments I
have ever received from students were
the product of taking a risk they didn’t
say hey is this good enough they didn’t
say am i following the instructions no
they just did the assignment knowing
that if they failed they did so
gloriously and had fun doing it
they entered as Teddy Roosevelt would
say the arena now I am a social studies
teacher so if you thought you were gonna
get away with this without some story
about Teddy Roosevelt well too bad
then he Rosabelle failed it a couple of
things he was such a bad Rancher that
literally all of his cattle froze to
death like thousands of dollars of
cattle just freezing it was a horrible
winter in Wyoming but still he was a he
did not succeed as a father he gave
his oldest daughter to be raised by his
sister immediately after she was born he
did not completely cleanse the New York
State Assembly in Albany of all the
corruption but he tried however he was
unwilling to not try you he never said
well this might be too hard he said it
is not the critic who counts it is not
the person who points out how the strong
person stumbles or where the doer of
Deeds could have done them better the
credit belongs to the person who’s
actually in the arena whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood who
strives valiantly who airs who comes
short again and again because there is
no effort without error and shortcoming
but who does actually strive to do the
deeds who knows great enthusiasms the
great devotions who spends themselves in
a worthy cause Who at the best knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement
and this is my favorite part and who at
the worst if they fail at least fails
while daring greatly so at this their
place shall never be with those cold and
timid souls who neither know victory nor
defeat
did you know he once held the record for
Hilda record for 70 years for the most
handshakes in a mourning 8513 whoops I
know he used to stand up and shake
everybody’s hand new years 1907 all
right so mr. par design I’ve always said
it is better to fail spectacularly then
barely win don’t
and so I exhort you at this point in
your life young people do not content
yourself with small safe victories
instead challenge yourself for those
glorious defeats that lead to even more
spectacular wins and finally number 4
what happens on the playground stays on
the playground please stop telling us
things stop just stop and it’s not
unreasonable we do spend our time
raising you to trust adults which you
should if you are sad or upset or
somebody is picking on you or you need
help
trust us come to us absolutely but there
are things you need to stop telling us
and that is hard because we live in a
world where the public space exists so
vastly this digital public space of
Instagram and snap not snapchat but snap
Facebook and Twitter we want to share
everything we do with everyone around us
but sometimes boundaries are good
because you as young people will do
stupid things and we as adults will bust
you for them and if we don’t then we’re
actually not doing our job so I have a
couple of examples of times when perhaps
kids should not have spoken or chose not
to spoke speak and in fact we’re quite
successful as a result number one this
happens so often steinberg someone comes
into my classroom I didn’t do my
homework and I always say the exact same
thing and if you asked any of my
students they would they would tell you
exactly what I say and I would say why
are you telling me this because now that
you’ve told me this I have to mark down
do you haven’t done your homework when
there is a completely reasonable chance
that I’ve forgotten completely that I
assigned it that I needed to collect it
what we were talking about barring that
and you need to understand this is not
you know classes starting this is two or
three hours before classes started
barring that there are two other options
I continue to saying this I would say in
the next you know two and a half hours
before we have class
do your homework and burn that last case
worst case scenario as class begins
distract me which is really easy to do
and quickly copy your friends homework
now I need to say caveat here one
person’s problem solving is another
person’s cheating so if you choose to
pursue that Avenue know which teachers
you are do you know know what’s teachers
to target that at because well some may
respect your quick problem-solving
ability others will write you up and
that’s on you because part of agency is
actually taking responsibility for
whatever it is you do the second the
second great example of not telling
adults too much happened when I was 20
years old I was a counselor at a summer
camp I was a charge of a dozen boys
between between the grades of ninth and
10 so they’re about 14 years old
oh I’m not gonna tell you what they did
maybe privately but I come out of my
tent one day and we lived in tents in
the woods and I looked down in front of
me there’s a ziplock bag full of candy
oh that’s so nice and on that bag is a
distinctly anti-authoritarian statement
written in sharpie I find out that all
of the tents in what was called the
village where all of the ninth and 10th
graders lived had equally received this
bounty of candy but mine was the only
staff tent I come out and immediately
did the boys like crime crime yes we did
I’m I stopped I don’t know don’t talk I
don’t want to know because I know that
whatever it is you
tell me I’m actually gonna make the
responsible decision so don’t tell me
now tell me on final night they told me
one final night and needless to say it
was one of those camp adventures that
really only happens in movies none of
those boys were welcome back to camp the
next summer but it was epic the last
example of a time where a student did
not tell the adult too much was a
student of mine who once said at the end
of the school year you know I think I
spent more time out of the dress code
than in the dress code this year she had
never called attention to herself or
publicize the factor than like hey
notice anything wrong with my uniform
which other kids have done no instead
the student just cruised along didn’t
make waves till the end of the year when
I realized really need to pay more
attention to what the dress code says so
what does all of this have to do with
improving the experience of young people
at the end of the day the person you can
most rely on to advocate for you is you
adults will think that you are too young
you are too inexperienced that you just
don’t get it until you prove them wrong
my job is to teach you it is to take
care of you it is to make sure that you
don’t die your job is to prove to me
that you have learned something that you
can take care of yourself and if
released into the wild you can cross the
street safely
the only person who can give you agency
is you and until you learn to not
manipulate until you can learn to manage
the grown-ups in your life until you
learn to reclaim that agency you are
never going to grow up and adults that
goes for you too
but that’s a whole other talk altogether
thank you
[Applause]
without a whiteboard behind me I wanna
like write things down to illustrate
what I’m saying but I have to go with
the slide so I’m really gonna be talking
to the young people in the room because
old people get talked to all the time in
fact I used to be this whole t-shirt
campaign that said don’t trust anyone
over 30 so I’m gonna ask that for this
case you trust me on this what really is
the difference between young people and
adults okay how do manage adults in easy
the four easy steps what is the
difference between young people and
adults is it bank accounts the ability
to vote driver’s license wisdom life
experience height I don’t think that
adults are necessarily smarter than kids
and I can imagine children do any much
better job voting than we have done
recently and right now I’m taller than
many of you but the older I get the less
likely that is to stay the stay true
know what the difference is between you
and I between young people and old
people adults alone as a result is a
society trusts us with agency agency is
defined as the condition the state of
exerting power specifically the idea
that that you can exert power over your
own condition as adults we don’t do a
very good job trusting young people with
agency and as young people you don’t do
a good job of taking it so when I say
that there are four easy steps to
managing the adults in your life I’m
really saying there are four easy steps
to taking back or reclaiming your agency
I’m a teacher I like it it’s fun I get
to be the center of attention all the
time
but one thing that frustrates me is that
the people who make the laws in the
country about teachers are almost never
teachers they tell me that I have to do
this or that or that we need to try and
get these outcomes in the classroom and
they’ve never been in the classroom and
I say how can you tell me what to do
when you don’t know what it is I
actually do my goals are not your goals
my priorities are not your priorities
and if I were a kid if I were a young
person I would say that same thing I
would say hold on wait just just hold on
you’re talking about the environment and
health care and education and the budget
and gerrymandering and all of these
things but honestly you’re gonna be dead
when we have to deal with them I am the
one who is going to have to deal with
all of these your goals are not my goals
your priorities are not my priorities
your beliefs are not my beliefs but your
actions will lead to my consequences
unfortunately it’s unlikely that young
people are going to be given the chance
to hold office anytime soon so you’re
not going to be able to manage the
country as possibly you should because
you’ll be the inheritors of that country
so the best thing you can do is learn to
manage the adults around you and we
follow these four easy steps you’re not
going to be able to force them to to
fulfill your own nefarious desires every
single time but over time eventually if
you internalize these steps you will
find those grown-ups listening to what
you have to say ignoring you if
preferable and generally thinking about
whatever it is you have to suggest and
giving it that second thought so the
first step I have to say to you is ask
big questions at my school we have this
thing called growth mindset we talked
about it a lot it’s
some growth mindset is the approach to
life that says it’s okay to get things
wrong it’s okay to make a mistake and in
fact whenever we make mistakes and
whenever we succeed because of or
despite those mistakes or come up with
new solutions to those mistakes that is
when our brain does its best developing
well this is hard to get our minds
around because from a very young age we
are told don’t make mistakes don’t get
anything wrong don’t stand out if we if
we don’t know the answer we are made to
feel like a failure as a student as a
human being and so we don’t want to ever
reach our hand up and risk looking dumb
but I have something to tell you about
looking dumb
it’s totally underrated I’ve made a bit
of a career of looking dumb if you
notice this tie and checkered shirt
combination that’s just one of the most
subtle dumb looking things I’ve done
today I think the other is to keep
wrapping up this court I mean what they
go the other thing is almost everybody
forgets that you looked dumb and in fact
later on it gives you far more
interesting stories far more interesting
you know time so when when you have that
question you don’t know what to say you
don’t know what to think
ask because it does a couple of other
things one you’ll learn something
shocking
if you don’t ask you’re never gonna
learn and secondly it’s like giving us a
treat you know makes us feel good
they’re like good adult it’s like
throwing them a cookie and patting them
on the head and they’re like yeah it’s a
smart kid they asked me a question and
listened to what I had to say so next
time you actually have a desire you
think of it as an investment they’re
gonna make oh that kid totally asked me
really great questions
of course you can have an extension on
your homework you build up this habit of
trust with the adults because they see
you thinking the other the next step is
don’t ask questions but wait you said
ask questions I know I know I said ask
questions and there are questions there
are questions that push us to think that
make us ask what is our place in the
world and then there these are the
questions you can answer for yourself or
really you shouldn’t ask in public some
of my favorite should I put my coat on
well I guess frostbite is an option if
you would like to should I write my name
on it no I just decided to type name
with a line after it at the very top of
the page just for fun no put my name on
it but somebody else’s name anyway of
course what are we doing parents know
this one but the problem is when people
say what are we doing it is generally
while I’m in the midst of giving
instructions or please push it what are
we doing put your name on it it’s it’s
either in the middle of giving
instructions or immediately afterwards
like 30 seconds
like really immediately like I just
finished speaking and the last one that
really gets to me is this right or is it
good enough can you look at how I’m
doing so far I hate that question hate
it you know what I say I don’t know is
it right it’s a total teacher thing
I don’t know is it good enough I don’t
know can I look at how you’re doing so
far the problem with these questions is
they tell me a couple of things
generally one is that you didn’t read or
you didn’t listen or in a broader sense
you’re not willing to make a decision
for yourself the problem with that is
when you refuse to make a decision for
yourself you are training us the adults
to make those decisions for you you are
giving up your agency but it is that
last question this is this right am I
good enough that really gets to me
because we are not willing to assess for
ourselves and there is so much fear in
that question fear that I might get it
wrong so this leads me directly to the
next step
oh that’s a good picture I should have
clicked it earlier take a risk every
adult your parents your teachers random
adults on the street spend their lives
wrapping you in bubble wrap as they
should but there comes a point where you
need to come out from under their arms
and take a risk the best assignments I
have ever received from students were
the product of taking a risk they didn’t
say hey is this good enough they didn’t
say am i following the instructions no
they just did the assignment knowing
that if they failed they did so
gloriously and had fun doing it
they entered as Teddy Roosevelt would
say the arena now I am a social studies
teacher so if you thought you were gonna
get away with this without some story
about Teddy Roosevelt well too bad
then he Rosabelle failed it a couple of
things he was such a bad Rancher that
literally all of his cattle froze to
death like thousands of dollars of
cattle just freezing it was a horrible
winter in Wyoming but still he was a he
did not succeed as a father he gave
his oldest daughter to be raised by his
sister immediately after she was born he
did not completely cleanse the New York
State Assembly in Albany of all the
corruption but he tried however he was
unwilling to not try you he never said
well this might be too hard he said it
is not the critic who counts it is not
the person who points out how the strong
person stumbles or where the doer of
Deeds could have done them better the
credit belongs to the person who’s
actually in the arena whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood who
strives valiantly who airs who comes
short again and again because there is
no effort without error and shortcoming
but who does actually strive to do the
deeds who knows great enthusiasms the
great devotions who spends themselves in
a worthy cause Who at the best knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement
and this is my favorite part and who at
the worst if they fail at least fails
while daring greatly so at this their
place shall never be with those cold and
timid souls who neither know victory nor
defeat
did you know he once held the record for
Hilda record for 70 years for the most
handshakes in a mourning 8513 whoops I
know he used to stand up and shake
everybody’s hand new years 1907 all
right so mr. par design I’ve always said
it is better to fail spectacularly then
barely win don’t
and so I exhort you at this point in
your life young people do not content
yourself with small safe victories
instead challenge yourself for those
glorious defeats that lead to even more
spectacular wins and finally number 4
what happens on the playground stays on
the playground please stop telling us
things stop just stop and it’s not
unreasonable we do spend our time
raising you to trust adults which you
should if you are sad or upset or
somebody is picking on you or you need
help
trust us come to us absolutely but there
are things you need to stop telling us
and that is hard because we live in a
world where the public space exists so
vastly this digital public space of
Instagram and snap not snapchat but snap
Facebook and Twitter we want to share
everything we do with everyone around us
but sometimes boundaries are good
because you as young people will do
stupid things and we as adults will bust
you for them and if we don’t then we’re
actually not doing our job so I have a
couple of examples of times when perhaps
kids should not have spoken or chose not
to spoke speak and in fact we’re quite
successful as a result number one this
happens so often steinberg someone comes
into my classroom I didn’t do my
homework and I always say the exact same
thing and if you asked any of my
students they would they would tell you
exactly what I say and I would say why
are you telling me this because now that
you’ve told me this I have to mark down
do you haven’t done your homework when
there is a completely reasonable chance
that I’ve forgotten completely that I
assigned it that I needed to collect it
what we were talking about barring that
and you need to understand this is not
you know classes starting this is two or
three hours before classes started
barring that there are two other options
I continue to saying this I would say in
the next you know two and a half hours
before we have class
do your homework and burn that last case
worst case scenario as class begins
distract me which is really easy to do
and quickly copy your friends homework
now I need to say caveat here one
person’s problem solving is another
person’s cheating so if you choose to
pursue that Avenue know which teachers
you are do you know know what’s teachers
to target that at because well some may
respect your quick problem-solving
ability others will write you up and
that’s on you because part of agency is
actually taking responsibility for
whatever it is you do the second the
second great example of not telling
adults too much happened when I was 20
years old I was a counselor at a summer
camp I was a charge of a dozen boys
between between the grades of ninth and
10 so they’re about 14 years old
oh I’m not gonna tell you what they did
maybe privately but I come out of my
tent one day and we lived in tents in
the woods and I looked down in front of
me there’s a ziplock bag full of candy
oh that’s so nice and on that bag is a
distinctly anti-authoritarian statement
written in sharpie I find out that all
of the tents in what was called the
village where all of the ninth and 10th
graders lived had equally received this
bounty of candy but mine was the only
staff tent I come out and immediately
did the boys like crime crime yes we did
I’m I stopped I don’t know don’t talk I
don’t want to know because I know that
whatever it is you
tell me I’m actually gonna make the
responsible decision so don’t tell me
now tell me on final night they told me
one final night and needless to say it
was one of those camp adventures that
really only happens in movies none of
those boys were welcome back to camp the
next summer but it was epic the last
example of a time where a student did
not tell the adult too much was a
student of mine who once said at the end
of the school year you know I think I
spent more time out of the dress code
than in the dress code this year she had
never called attention to herself or
publicize the factor than like hey
notice anything wrong with my uniform
which other kids have done no instead
the student just cruised along didn’t
make waves till the end of the year when
I realized really need to pay more
attention to what the dress code says so
what does all of this have to do with
improving the experience of young people
at the end of the day the person you can
most rely on to advocate for you is you
adults will think that you are too young
you are too inexperienced that you just
don’t get it until you prove them wrong
my job is to teach you it is to take
care of you it is to make sure that you
don’t die your job is to prove to me
that you have learned something that you
can take care of yourself and if
released into the wild you can cross the
street safely
the only person who can give you agency
is you and until you learn to not
manipulate until you can learn to manage
the grown-ups in your life until you
learn to reclaim that agency you are
never going to grow up and adults that
goes for you too
but that’s a whole other talk altogether
thank you
[Applause]
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