[Music]
you
three years ago I was invited to Dhaka
Bangladesh to speak to a group of
leaders who were part of an organization
that gave micro loans to women it was
there that I heard about a woman who had
asked for a one hundred dollar loan so
she could start a coffee shop she got
the loan and so she started her coffee
shop the streets of Dhaka are lined with
little kiosks many no bigger than
closets and out of these kiosk products
are sold and that was her coffee shop
over time she paid back her lawn and she
got another loan for $100 and she added
bread to our little coffee shop and she
paid back that loan and after paying
back the two loans she started to make a
nice little profit and with that she
made the first major purchase of her
life she bought a bed so her children
would never have to sleep on the floor
again when I heard that story I was glad
for her and I admired the organization
that empowered her and helped her to
thrive but I also had to reflect on my
own experience with organizations those
experiences was that were not nearly so
positive for many times I found myself
in organizations that spoke very
glowingly and flower in flowering terms
about the people that were in their
organizations and then they structured
those people in very disempowering ways
I began to realize that bad systems
overwhelmed good people finally at the
age of 55 frustrated and disillusioned I
quit my job I moved to England I got
into a ph.d program at the University of
Birmingham and I began to study how to
create and sustain empowering social
environments in short how to help those
people we care about thrive and I
discovered that there were four things
that I could do that would help those
people I care about thrive here’s the
first one the first thing I can do is I
can offer
you voice now offering voice is not
simply asking for your opinion I can ask
for your opinion and really have no
interest in it at all and be totally
disengaged offering a person voice means
I want to treat you as if you are
present as if if you are not around the
table somebody’s missing that’s offering
somebody voice as I went in to all kinds
of organizations I would ask the
question can you describe a time you
were seriously disempowered people I
didn’t even know would break down
weeping as they talked about painful
work experiences and again and again the
source of that disempowerment came from
being deprived of voice being treated as
if they weren’t present almost being
treated as if they were invisible my
mom’s name is LC she was 91 when she
died not all that long ago she spent her
last nine years in a nursing home she
had a lot of health problems she had a
colostomy bag due to macular
degeneration she was virtually blind and
she had almost no teeth but she
determined while she was in that nursing
home that she would live joyfully and
she would try to encourage other people
one day an elderly woman was admitted to
the nursing home because she was trying
to get over a serious illness but she
had another problem she had lost the
will to live her family didn’t know what
to do the nurses tried a number of
things and they didn’t know what to do
and finally one of the nurses said I
know let’s put her at Elsie’s table and
see what happens and so breakfast lunch
and dinner this woman who had lost hope
sat at my mom’s table and even though
this woman was slowly disappearing my
mom treated her as if she was totally
present she treated her as if she was
interesting and interested
she talked to her about all kinds of
things my mom would have told her her
life story she would have talked about
how she grew up without a father how she
lived on the farm how she had
exceptional children she she would have
let this woman know she was glad she was
at her table now there’s the second
thing I can do to help someone’s thrive
I can be a support being a support is in
a back-slapping a tepee attaboy
being a support means I am endeavoring
to understand your reality and to relate
to you out of your reality now let’s see
how mom’s doing so they’re sitting there
at lunch and dinner and breakfast and
this woman without hope begins to
realize my mom understands her reality
she understands what it’s like to be in
a nursing home she understands what it
like to live with pain she understands
what it’s like to have limited capacity
and diminishing capacity that sense of
shared common life would have given her
hope there’s a third thing I can do I
can be an example over and over no
matter what organization I went to there
was a phrase that came up again and
again that phrase was walk the talk we
want people we want supervisors we want
leaders little walk the talk I came
across they came across a group of
middle managers who said they had never
seen an improvement plan handed down by
their supervisors work now here’s what
was going on their supervisors or leader
would read a new book go to a workshop
go to a seminar get a new idea come back
to the organization gather the managers
together present this new idea you know
what the middle managers would do they
would hear them out
and then they would wait a
because they knew that this plan would
only last until that supervisor or
leader read another book or went to
another workshop they were looking for
someone who would say to them this is a
hill I’ll die on I cannot not do this
and be me if I don’t do this I won’t be
just betraying you I’ll be betraying
myself they were looking for someone who
would be an example this woman without
hope would have watched my mom be an
example my mom joined the welcoming
committee at the nursing home and so
when a new resident would come in she
would carefully make her way to a room
she could barely find to introduce
herself to a resident she could barely
see because she said I wanted that
resident to know that in here they would
never be alone
there is a fourth thing I can do I can
provide a safe place voice produces
choice and choice means risk many
leaders never get the best that their
people have to offer because they never
make an effort to reduce the risk of
contributing and if I am offering you
voice and I am being a support and I am
being an example then I have created a
safe place and so over time this woman
without hope began to feel better and
she started talking about her family and
she started talking about going home and
one day she left and then she came back
with a card and she made her way to my
mom’s room and she thanked my mother for
giving her hope and helping her thrive
again
and if my mom with all the limitations
that were part of her life could help
someone she cared about thrive certainly
those of us in this room even with our
limitations can help those we care about
thrive as well
[Applause]
you
three years ago I was invited to Dhaka
Bangladesh to speak to a group of
leaders who were part of an organization
that gave micro loans to women it was
there that I heard about a woman who had
asked for a one hundred dollar loan so
she could start a coffee shop she got
the loan and so she started her coffee
shop the streets of Dhaka are lined with
little kiosks many no bigger than
closets and out of these kiosk products
are sold and that was her coffee shop
over time she paid back her lawn and she
got another loan for $100 and she added
bread to our little coffee shop and she
paid back that loan and after paying
back the two loans she started to make a
nice little profit and with that she
made the first major purchase of her
life she bought a bed so her children
would never have to sleep on the floor
again when I heard that story I was glad
for her and I admired the organization
that empowered her and helped her to
thrive but I also had to reflect on my
own experience with organizations those
experiences was that were not nearly so
positive for many times I found myself
in organizations that spoke very
glowingly and flower in flowering terms
about the people that were in their
organizations and then they structured
those people in very disempowering ways
I began to realize that bad systems
overwhelmed good people finally at the
age of 55 frustrated and disillusioned I
quit my job I moved to England I got
into a ph.d program at the University of
Birmingham and I began to study how to
create and sustain empowering social
environments in short how to help those
people we care about thrive and I
discovered that there were four things
that I could do that would help those
people I care about thrive here’s the
first one the first thing I can do is I
can offer
you voice now offering voice is not
simply asking for your opinion I can ask
for your opinion and really have no
interest in it at all and be totally
disengaged offering a person voice means
I want to treat you as if you are
present as if if you are not around the
table somebody’s missing that’s offering
somebody voice as I went in to all kinds
of organizations I would ask the
question can you describe a time you
were seriously disempowered people I
didn’t even know would break down
weeping as they talked about painful
work experiences and again and again the
source of that disempowerment came from
being deprived of voice being treated as
if they weren’t present almost being
treated as if they were invisible my
mom’s name is LC she was 91 when she
died not all that long ago she spent her
last nine years in a nursing home she
had a lot of health problems she had a
colostomy bag due to macular
degeneration she was virtually blind and
she had almost no teeth but she
determined while she was in that nursing
home that she would live joyfully and
she would try to encourage other people
one day an elderly woman was admitted to
the nursing home because she was trying
to get over a serious illness but she
had another problem she had lost the
will to live her family didn’t know what
to do the nurses tried a number of
things and they didn’t know what to do
and finally one of the nurses said I
know let’s put her at Elsie’s table and
see what happens and so breakfast lunch
and dinner this woman who had lost hope
sat at my mom’s table and even though
this woman was slowly disappearing my
mom treated her as if she was totally
present she treated her as if she was
interesting and interested
she talked to her about all kinds of
things my mom would have told her her
life story she would have talked about
how she grew up without a father how she
lived on the farm how she had
exceptional children she she would have
let this woman know she was glad she was
at her table now there’s the second
thing I can do to help someone’s thrive
I can be a support being a support is in
a back-slapping a tepee attaboy
being a support means I am endeavoring
to understand your reality and to relate
to you out of your reality now let’s see
how mom’s doing so they’re sitting there
at lunch and dinner and breakfast and
this woman without hope begins to
realize my mom understands her reality
she understands what it’s like to be in
a nursing home she understands what it
like to live with pain she understands
what it’s like to have limited capacity
and diminishing capacity that sense of
shared common life would have given her
hope there’s a third thing I can do I
can be an example over and over no
matter what organization I went to there
was a phrase that came up again and
again that phrase was walk the talk we
want people we want supervisors we want
leaders little walk the talk I came
across they came across a group of
middle managers who said they had never
seen an improvement plan handed down by
their supervisors work now here’s what
was going on their supervisors or leader
would read a new book go to a workshop
go to a seminar get a new idea come back
to the organization gather the managers
together present this new idea you know
what the middle managers would do they
would hear them out
and then they would wait a
because they knew that this plan would
only last until that supervisor or
leader read another book or went to
another workshop they were looking for
someone who would say to them this is a
hill I’ll die on I cannot not do this
and be me if I don’t do this I won’t be
just betraying you I’ll be betraying
myself they were looking for someone who
would be an example this woman without
hope would have watched my mom be an
example my mom joined the welcoming
committee at the nursing home and so
when a new resident would come in she
would carefully make her way to a room
she could barely find to introduce
herself to a resident she could barely
see because she said I wanted that
resident to know that in here they would
never be alone
there is a fourth thing I can do I can
provide a safe place voice produces
choice and choice means risk many
leaders never get the best that their
people have to offer because they never
make an effort to reduce the risk of
contributing and if I am offering you
voice and I am being a support and I am
being an example then I have created a
safe place and so over time this woman
without hope began to feel better and
she started talking about her family and
she started talking about going home and
one day she left and then she came back
with a card and she made her way to my
mom’s room and she thanked my mother for
giving her hope and helping her thrive
again
and if my mom with all the limitations
that were part of her life could help
someone she cared about thrive certainly
those of us in this room even with our
limitations can help those we care about
thrive as well
[Applause]
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