[Music]
now we are all interested in enhancing
our success joy and peace the natural
draw of success joy and peace or s JP as
I call it has an effortless pull merely
thinking about success joy and peace
makes you so full and so happy
probing Minds usually rest when in a
joyful or peaceful or have achieved some
success during the day success for a
student as many of you over here are
could be simply getting more marks in
your next exam or getting a job of your
own choice joy for somebody could be as
simple as visiting an amusement park or
eating delectable food or in my case
just watching my favorite football team
play every weekend and hopefully win
peace for people for some people rather
is to follow some faith
now the most common notion behind this
is that to achieve any of the SJP as i
call it
you only need to focus on yourselves now
by the way I am no philosopher saint or
yogi nor do I look like one and I
haven’t come here to transform your way
of life and neither have I come here to
make you into a super student talking of
student to super students do you guys
know who a super student really is well
I know you guys know but you’re not
going to tell me anyway so I’m gonna
explain it to you all these years in all
these classes you’ve kept nodding your
head in unison sometimes out of Meeks
the mission sometimes out of plane
boredom and perhaps more often than out
because you didn’t know what else to do
yes you were super students for your
teachers and now before you nod your
head an agreement to what I am saying
I’m gonna take a pause and ask you a
very simple question
how many of you sitting here believe
that the person sitting right next to
you or perhaps in the row behind you can
enhance your success joy or peace just a
raise of hand would get me an estimation
that’s about thirty percent in the room
and I think you’re raising your hands
because the person sitting next to you
did so well no harm no foul I wouldn’t
have raised mine how do you ask me this
three years ago now the strong and the
most common notion is that to achieve
success joy or peace you only need to
focus on yourselves
but the opposite couldn’t be sure the
role that other individuals play in our
success your joy and your peace is
shockingly very high while you guys will
agree that it is a positive correlation
between your efforts and your success
joy and peace there is an even stronger
positive correlation between other
efforts or others contribution towards
you and your success joy and peace let
me give you a simple example since most
of you out here students you would be
having a forthcoming exam now your
chances of scoring more marks will be a
lot more if you have the positive
contribution from your teachers and your
peers now let’s continue this chain of
thought individuals can only contribute
you contribute towards you in three
simple ways they can either have
positive contribution towards you a
negative contribution towards you or
they can play the role of a match up the
more positive contribution they have
towards you the happier you will be
and that invariably will bring more
success more joy and more peace in your
life now I was reading this Harvard case
study recently it was by the way a
seventy it the study lost it for 75
years long it was based on a series of
questionnaires live interviews a lot of
studying of medical records and brain
samples
and the study revealed only one simple
thing it said that to be healthier and
happier you only need to have good
relationships now it is if you ask me
not science but common sense outrightly
discounting the existence and influence
of those around us is only tantamount to
Hartman’s one himself
now let’s delve deeper and understand
who a human being actually is now as we
all know thanks to Eliot arenson for the
he’s been saying this for the last
quarter of the 20th century that man is
a social animal now if you ask me the
difference between the Society of an
animal and that of the man is that the
animal society is solely based on
genetic in ship whereas the human
society is based on both cognitive and
motivational mechanisms related to
psychology for us there is strength in
packs and there is exponential wisdom to
human intelligence has only evolved
because of two reasons one collaboration
and second social interaction therefore
relationships are pivotal for our
success joy and peace now most of you
sitting out here would have met so many
successful people but they might not be
too joyful or peaceful that is not a
strong SJP now that I’ve spoken so much
on success joy peace and about
relationships your probing question in
your mind right now could be that fine
you know we we need to increase our
success our joy than a piece but how do
we transform our relationships right
away if you ask me I’d say that building
relationship is actually quite simple
when thought of in a very cogent way you
simply need to be in a state of
awareness and let the evident forces
guide the way but more often than not we
are in a flight or fight mode and this
block-and-tackle cost us preciously the
many times you’ve come home and one
why did I say this so why did I
overreact is the number of times that
you could have lost out on a
relationship that could have been
plausibly the cornerstones of your life
and that broken relationship exact total
in missed opportunity in not only not
enhancing your SJP but also in not
materializing your unrealized self
potential but what if we have something
to hold on to some truths or principles
that are so deeply embedded in our
subconscious minds that our
relationships that the latent bonds of
our relationships remain eternally
strong well that’s exactly why I’m here
in front of you today I’m going to
introduce you to two such rules rules
which are both mutually exclusive but
exhaustive in their own rights let’s go
to the two rules rule number one always
do yourself defined duty towards your
key stakeholders now I urge you all to
make some self defined duty towards your
stakeholders in your life and these
stakeholders could be starting from your
family your your parents your siblings
perhaps your future bosses or your
present bosses or your employees but
what do these duties look like so for
instance a duty of a boss towards his
employees could be to clearly and
transparently communicate of the role
clarity the remuneration the appraisal
methods and the growth path and the self
defined duty of an employee could be
doing the duty by following the earthís
principle that is completing every task
on time and in full without avoidable
follow-up and taking complete sense of
ownership in his or her own work you
must also remember that others
contribution towards you will only be as
strong as the importance you give
towards them and higher the quality of
your self defined duty higher will be
the quality of your relationships
coming to what you must be very when
you’re defining yourself defined Duty is
one important point you should not
change yourself define duty from case to
case basis or because you receive a
negative reaction from your key
stakeholder let me give you an example
let’s assume there are two people in the
house one is the earning member and one
is the homemaker out of sheer humbleness
the earning member proudly decides to
lend 50,000 rupees to the homemaker on
the first of every month leading up to
the first of the next month the there’s
a quarrel between the earning member and
the homemaker now
the earning member decides not to lend
the 50,000 during the during the next
month
that is self-delusion of yourself
defined duty which will surely dampen
your relationships you must all avoid
that rule number two
do not expect anything from anyone now
if you ask me I’d say that if removed
the word expectations from our
dictionaries humanity could do a lot
better and I’m sure you must have heard
this an up Dean number of times by now
and every time for this you must have
wondered if I buy a movie ticket I do
expect to see the movie right or if I
rent a house I do expect my landlord to
fix the broken pane right how can one be
completely devoid of expectations and
that brings me to draw your attention
towards the differences between your
expectations and your rights let me put
it in a simpler way every human
interaction is simply a transaction
rights are those interactions where each
party knows the motives and what they
which other whereas expectations is when
your motives
create as instincts another reason why I
believe expectation arise while I was
doing my study is that often
presumptions leads to expectations
we often presume that what we say people
would agree to what we sell people would
like and our failure of not accepting
what we expected evokes feeling of
sadness discontent displeasure so every
time we do something from someone and in
expect in expect the thing that the
person should be doing or reciprocating
their behavior towards me we should
always ask ourselves this one question
did we do that task for the other person
because it was a self-defined duty or
did we do it because we wanted something
in return
and as long as your answer lies in the
former your expectations would evaporate
in a jiffy now I want you to think of
that one relationship in your life which
is not going to find or according to
your liking and you’ll see that it is
you who is not following either rule one
rule two or perhaps both of them now I
sincerely believe that if you put these
two rules in practice and letter and
spirit you can transform short
relationships right away and enhance
your success joy and peace now my words
can only do as much justice but you’re
off the thoughts will certainly do a lot
more thank you
[Applause]
now we are all interested in enhancing
our success joy and peace the natural
draw of success joy and peace or s JP as
I call it has an effortless pull merely
thinking about success joy and peace
makes you so full and so happy
probing Minds usually rest when in a
joyful or peaceful or have achieved some
success during the day success for a
student as many of you over here are
could be simply getting more marks in
your next exam or getting a job of your
own choice joy for somebody could be as
simple as visiting an amusement park or
eating delectable food or in my case
just watching my favorite football team
play every weekend and hopefully win
peace for people for some people rather
is to follow some faith
now the most common notion behind this
is that to achieve any of the SJP as i
call it
you only need to focus on yourselves now
by the way I am no philosopher saint or
yogi nor do I look like one and I
haven’t come here to transform your way
of life and neither have I come here to
make you into a super student talking of
student to super students do you guys
know who a super student really is well
I know you guys know but you’re not
going to tell me anyway so I’m gonna
explain it to you all these years in all
these classes you’ve kept nodding your
head in unison sometimes out of Meeks
the mission sometimes out of plane
boredom and perhaps more often than out
because you didn’t know what else to do
yes you were super students for your
teachers and now before you nod your
head an agreement to what I am saying
I’m gonna take a pause and ask you a
very simple question
how many of you sitting here believe
that the person sitting right next to
you or perhaps in the row behind you can
enhance your success joy or peace just a
raise of hand would get me an estimation
that’s about thirty percent in the room
and I think you’re raising your hands
because the person sitting next to you
did so well no harm no foul I wouldn’t
have raised mine how do you ask me this
three years ago now the strong and the
most common notion is that to achieve
success joy or peace you only need to
focus on yourselves
but the opposite couldn’t be sure the
role that other individuals play in our
success your joy and your peace is
shockingly very high while you guys will
agree that it is a positive correlation
between your efforts and your success
joy and peace there is an even stronger
positive correlation between other
efforts or others contribution towards
you and your success joy and peace let
me give you a simple example since most
of you out here students you would be
having a forthcoming exam now your
chances of scoring more marks will be a
lot more if you have the positive
contribution from your teachers and your
peers now let’s continue this chain of
thought individuals can only contribute
you contribute towards you in three
simple ways they can either have
positive contribution towards you a
negative contribution towards you or
they can play the role of a match up the
more positive contribution they have
towards you the happier you will be
and that invariably will bring more
success more joy and more peace in your
life now I was reading this Harvard case
study recently it was by the way a
seventy it the study lost it for 75
years long it was based on a series of
questionnaires live interviews a lot of
studying of medical records and brain
samples
and the study revealed only one simple
thing it said that to be healthier and
happier you only need to have good
relationships now it is if you ask me
not science but common sense outrightly
discounting the existence and influence
of those around us is only tantamount to
Hartman’s one himself
now let’s delve deeper and understand
who a human being actually is now as we
all know thanks to Eliot arenson for the
he’s been saying this for the last
quarter of the 20th century that man is
a social animal now if you ask me the
difference between the Society of an
animal and that of the man is that the
animal society is solely based on
genetic in ship whereas the human
society is based on both cognitive and
motivational mechanisms related to
psychology for us there is strength in
packs and there is exponential wisdom to
human intelligence has only evolved
because of two reasons one collaboration
and second social interaction therefore
relationships are pivotal for our
success joy and peace now most of you
sitting out here would have met so many
successful people but they might not be
too joyful or peaceful that is not a
strong SJP now that I’ve spoken so much
on success joy peace and about
relationships your probing question in
your mind right now could be that fine
you know we we need to increase our
success our joy than a piece but how do
we transform our relationships right
away if you ask me I’d say that building
relationship is actually quite simple
when thought of in a very cogent way you
simply need to be in a state of
awareness and let the evident forces
guide the way but more often than not we
are in a flight or fight mode and this
block-and-tackle cost us preciously the
many times you’ve come home and one
why did I say this so why did I
overreact is the number of times that
you could have lost out on a
relationship that could have been
plausibly the cornerstones of your life
and that broken relationship exact total
in missed opportunity in not only not
enhancing your SJP but also in not
materializing your unrealized self
potential but what if we have something
to hold on to some truths or principles
that are so deeply embedded in our
subconscious minds that our
relationships that the latent bonds of
our relationships remain eternally
strong well that’s exactly why I’m here
in front of you today I’m going to
introduce you to two such rules rules
which are both mutually exclusive but
exhaustive in their own rights let’s go
to the two rules rule number one always
do yourself defined duty towards your
key stakeholders now I urge you all to
make some self defined duty towards your
stakeholders in your life and these
stakeholders could be starting from your
family your your parents your siblings
perhaps your future bosses or your
present bosses or your employees but
what do these duties look like so for
instance a duty of a boss towards his
employees could be to clearly and
transparently communicate of the role
clarity the remuneration the appraisal
methods and the growth path and the self
defined duty of an employee could be
doing the duty by following the earthís
principle that is completing every task
on time and in full without avoidable
follow-up and taking complete sense of
ownership in his or her own work you
must also remember that others
contribution towards you will only be as
strong as the importance you give
towards them and higher the quality of
your self defined duty higher will be
the quality of your relationships
coming to what you must be very when
you’re defining yourself defined Duty is
one important point you should not
change yourself define duty from case to
case basis or because you receive a
negative reaction from your key
stakeholder let me give you an example
let’s assume there are two people in the
house one is the earning member and one
is the homemaker out of sheer humbleness
the earning member proudly decides to
lend 50,000 rupees to the homemaker on
the first of every month leading up to
the first of the next month the there’s
a quarrel between the earning member and
the homemaker now
the earning member decides not to lend
the 50,000 during the during the next
month
that is self-delusion of yourself
defined duty which will surely dampen
your relationships you must all avoid
that rule number two
do not expect anything from anyone now
if you ask me I’d say that if removed
the word expectations from our
dictionaries humanity could do a lot
better and I’m sure you must have heard
this an up Dean number of times by now
and every time for this you must have
wondered if I buy a movie ticket I do
expect to see the movie right or if I
rent a house I do expect my landlord to
fix the broken pane right how can one be
completely devoid of expectations and
that brings me to draw your attention
towards the differences between your
expectations and your rights let me put
it in a simpler way every human
interaction is simply a transaction
rights are those interactions where each
party knows the motives and what they
which other whereas expectations is when
your motives
create as instincts another reason why I
believe expectation arise while I was
doing my study is that often
presumptions leads to expectations
we often presume that what we say people
would agree to what we sell people would
like and our failure of not accepting
what we expected evokes feeling of
sadness discontent displeasure so every
time we do something from someone and in
expect in expect the thing that the
person should be doing or reciprocating
their behavior towards me we should
always ask ourselves this one question
did we do that task for the other person
because it was a self-defined duty or
did we do it because we wanted something
in return
and as long as your answer lies in the
former your expectations would evaporate
in a jiffy now I want you to think of
that one relationship in your life which
is not going to find or according to
your liking and you’ll see that it is
you who is not following either rule one
rule two or perhaps both of them now I
sincerely believe that if you put these
two rules in practice and letter and
spirit you can transform short
relationships right away and enhance
your success joy and peace now my words
can only do as much justice but you’re
off the thoughts will certainly do a lot
more thank you
[Applause]
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