how many people here would like to live
5 10 15 20 years longer than their life
expectancy many people are here so oh
how many people the hair would love to
have a backup to your best friends you
know the people who who’ve got your back
but you know things happen to them they
get married and no one to talk to you
anymore they emigrate to another country
where there’s no snow you know crazy
things happen how many would you like 5
besties or 10 or 20 people who’ve got
your back yeah this is about about 60 70
percent of the rest of the 30 percent
your goods well I have to make
confession
I was probably with the 30 percent who
didn’t want to live longer who didn’t
care about people in fact I would have
been afraid of people to make it worse I
was trying to shorten my life by doing
things that would make me not be hair
anymore because that was my growing up
days and here I am you’re thinking
you’re trying to teach me how to be
magnetic and I’m telling you the exact
opposite because that’s how I felt
now at the age of four and a half I went
to school I was a little little kid yes
and I got beaten up by some giant
monster I think somebody from junior
school and I came home crying I said mom
what’s Chinese I had no clue because in
those days the UK used to be quite
racist
compared to the really embracing country
it is today now my parents didn’t really
know what to do because they won’t
taught how to be parents and I remember
telling my aunt about what it
happened and my aunt told my parents and
and my parents told me off for telling
my aunt and in the couch that I come
from you you have to save face all the
time you you can’t admit any weakness in
your family so I had no there was just
no way to go now when I got to ten my
dad trans job changed and we moved to
Singapore where they thought I’d be fine
so I went to a local school there and I
was fine but remember I’m actually a leg
bro I didn’t shoot up to be the handsome
guy I am till 19 so I was still this
small person and immediately I opened my
mouth there was a great difference
because out came this lovely English
accent and so I was in fights for quite
a quite a long time and really I it
turns you into this kind of person who
wants to shy away from everybody and
when you’re away from everybody and you
don’t have much value in yourself you
create this vicious cycle you become
that person that other bullies can go
after
so that was my life fast forward several
decades and there are things that I’d
never dreamed I would have done I was
sharing with some of my fellow speakers
being on stage last year rapping with my
son who somewhere in the audience and I
don’t even know how to rap I just like
improv II be an improv er so so just
amazing things famous people I’ve spent
time with and this is what I’m sharing
about how to be magnetic my journey
through from being that that person who
hated himself and like 30 percent of you
didn’t want to live much much nothing
I’m teasing you it’s okay I’m not gonna
send the assassins after you’d find so
so there I was thinking what shall I do
to get myself out of out of this rut and
by the way it gets better with time I
went to university and the people there
were embracing of this crazy little boy
because I grew up a year later after
being at university just shut up and my
my son helped me write a book last year
be called social magnetism and it’s
based along some of the life lessons
that I’ve learnt on how to really get
out there in tracked some phenomenal
people in your life and live longer and
have fun at it so the first out of three
things that I’m going to be sharing is
you have to develop self-worth
self-worth its number one thing now I
know some of you have seen many TED
talks and I know you’re doing positive
affirmations maybe some of you have even
done self-hypnosis or some of you don’t
care you just hate yourself so much
who cares come and speak to me
afterwards and the one thing that I
learnt that was most effective to get
your your self-worth up because remember
I didn’t like myself was something
called a mirror technique and I have a
lovely mirror here see you can see all
your lovely cells look in that mirror
and say how beautiful you are with the
light doesn’t reflect and blind you and
so so this is part one of the three
things that you can do so you the mirror
technique is you look in that mirror oh
by the way you need to be naked which
seems inappropriate for
tedx so you need to take off all your
clothes and look in that mirror and you
have to look at that person as someone
who is your best person and you’ve need
to tell that person in the mirror that
you love them yeah look at them hey Ben
I love you you’re fantastic it’s a
wonderful I love the way your eyes slug
that’s so amazing nobody else is Isilon
like that
that mole in the middle of your nose
that’s a beauty mole I love it there big
stomach there yeah maybe you could lose
a few bits of weight but you know I’m
gonna love you and you know if you want
to get rid of the weight I’m gonna help
you but if you don’t I’m still going to
love you and I tell you what I’m going
to do more than love you I’m going to
wake up with you every day and just tell
you how much I love you you’re fantastic
yes yes I know I know I know you cut up
somebody in your car the other day I
know that and I know you you didn’t call
your friends give wels what’s a little
bit of flakiness between friends so
you’ve got to not just look at your
physical self but your emotional stuff
and you have to accept yourself the way
you are and this is why looking in the
mirror is perhaps a little bittle bit
better than self affirmations because I
hear people with these self affirmations
I’m confident but inside yourself is
thinking no you’re not and your heart is
arcing with your head I’m really
confident no you know I just saw you the
other day you were just chickened out so
when you are concert by the way this
took me three or four years probably I’m
still getting more value in myself by
doing this work as you believe in
yourself and get more value in yourself
you actually start looking more and more
handsome I was told how ugly I was as a
as a little boy by close relatives air
practically every day today I just think
I’m one of the most handsome guys ever I
but it took time it took time so that’s
the number one thing and this is the
foundational to being magnetic to be
attracting all the great people like as
many of you have already attracted to me
this is a I’m overwhelmed so the second
thing is to be able to add value to
people everywhere you go now somewhere
in my life I thought what’s your mission
and and the my first mission was to give
everyone their 15 minutes of fame so who
would like 15 minutes of fame here one
person – yeah I can’t name this young
man I don’t know you do I come up here
Wow look at the way you walk
ah I love that right now um oh you took
off your glasses as well yes so um can
you share what’s your name – everyone my
name is three on three on can you all
hear him Fran
Wow we’re a big clap for TRAI crayon I’m
only gonna ask you one question and the
question is this what are you most
passionate about what makes you wake up
in the morning and you think whoa
please don’t think sex anything apart
from that that’s it art art and which
side of art form on the musical wand the
musical art and what about musical art
makes you get up anything maybe even not
sleep like iin I went to bed at 9:00 I
know I woke up at 9:30 last night what
keeps you moving away it’s a different
dimension and different says it’s a
higher frequency to uplift you it
changed your perspective it just changed
your whole personality the moment you
just start absorbing at the moment here
if you’re doing it because I’m so so
what kind of music is it is it
instrumental is a good change the hard
rock I just recently did like a little
experiment when I was asked to do
different tasks with music and without
music interchange of performance struck
me as it actually changed my whole
personality during the music and Wow
observed that with five other people
that were doing the experiment in there
on your music experiment yeah yeah
exercise right and how do I spell your
name it’s a big question tra tra YN TR y
tra tra why a and train
okay that’s try and trace train thank
you so much can I get a selfie with you
let’s have it like so we can seal this
lovely audience behind us here we go
so this is gonna count down here we go
oh you want to see who let’s do one more
cuz I can do many it’s digital three two
now when you add value there are so many
great ways to add value to people but if
I could just share something I didn’t
ask Trejo
I didn’t say what do you do how old are
you how big is your family none of those
questions when you live I asked him a
question what makes you feel really
excited about life that’s one of the
best questions you I can ask anyone
there is a whole set of TED Talks is
about 10 of them on how to get great at
conversation adding value is a little
bit more than conversation and asking
them Auto response questions because
after while you get fed up what do you
do yeah
and you know what the answer is and I
used to when people ask me I used to
make it up after a while I just said I’m
a milkman
I deliver soya cheese goat’s milk
whatever you want yeah and and I adduced
you used to make it up so ask them at
some question that makes them feel
excited when you meet a stranger I’ve
never met Traian before in my life
by the way I talk to people on the
underground in restaurants wherever I go
and constantly and I’m doing these kind
of talks with people this is part of
being magnetic how do I add value to
tray on well the first thing is some of
you don’t have this but a lot of people
would love to be in a TEDx talk so
that’s the first thing I did but you
don’t have that in your disposal so the
second thing I did when I engaged with
him is I didn’t have my phone out while
I was talking with him
the third thing in this lost art of
conversation because of social media is
is I’m going deeper with him I didn’t
just say oh so music that’s great
what kind of music going deeper and
deeper and the fourth thing even if I
may not have like loved music I love
music the speaker’s saw me singing in
the room but the fourth thing I did was
I took a selfie with him and that’s
something you can easily do take a
selfie with someone and put it on your
social media gives some points about I
just met Trey on and he told me this
about music and how it changes your mood
and is he going to like my social media
my Instagram or my Facebook or whatever
it is so these are different ways over
time you will develop a whole set of
people that you know the next way is you
start connecting them with each other
that’s another way of adding value to
people even if you personally don’t have
any value to give now in the book we
actually teach you the values that you
have so I said I was bullied but I also
like to dance
I saw from X Mar I love comics somebody
I loved my bowtie that’s because I love
Doctor Who these are all areas that I
can talk and add value to you about with
especially about Doctor Who
and all the anecdotes you have those
things that you’ve been through and you
can add value to other people’s lives
now the third and final final component
of being magnetic is you need to learn
to walk away run away from some of the
crocodiles have a phrase which I post on
my facebook never teach a crocodile to
floss because you might lose your arm
and you’ll annoy the crocodile anyway
and the reason for that is because there
are some people who for whatever reason
either they don’t like you and they’re
just tolerating you who wants to be
tolerated I mean look you’ve just looked
in the mirror and you’ve seen that
wonderful person why would that person
want to be tolerated who wants to be
made to feel guilty there are people in
your life I’m really sorry there might
be a close relative he’s always my wagon
sadly was my cousin was often made to
feel like that he was a star student
something terrible happened to him
because of that so you you want to to be
able to walk away from the crocodiles
sometimes we call them sigh psycho
vampires who just suck you and your
trust trying to give and help them and
they don’t want it there’s a story where
I because because I’m really good at
technology and person I was working with
asked me to go and fix the servers that
had got been infected on a Sunday and
that son it was a special day with
someone who I was I I wanted to marry
her this lady and it took me three hours
to go to the server room four hours to
2d infect the servers three hours to
come back
I missed that lady because I’m not lucky
with her and I missed that day and the
person who sent me there I said well you
know that’s just whatever didn’t pay my
bills yes you’d think at that point
because I didn’t have the self-worth
that I do today I should have
walked away buying carried on engaging
with that person a close relative of
mine she fell in love with somebody who
has extreme paranoia and there’s not the
first year or the second year but in the
third fourth year she became extremely
paranoid and started impacting on me so
you want to be able to recognize those
crocodiles and surround yourself with
people who just get you they love your
beauty mole they don’t care if you got a
few extra pounds on you they just love
you for your personality and who you are
so the three things mirror technique for
self-worth the second thing had fairly
be an oasis in the storm waiters
waitresses security guys whoever and the
third thing walk away from the
crocodiles my name is Ben choy thank you
so much [Applause]
5 10 15 20 years longer than their life
expectancy many people are here so oh
how many people the hair would love to
have a backup to your best friends you
know the people who who’ve got your back
but you know things happen to them they
get married and no one to talk to you
anymore they emigrate to another country
where there’s no snow you know crazy
things happen how many would you like 5
besties or 10 or 20 people who’ve got
your back yeah this is about about 60 70
percent of the rest of the 30 percent
your goods well I have to make
confession
I was probably with the 30 percent who
didn’t want to live longer who didn’t
care about people in fact I would have
been afraid of people to make it worse I
was trying to shorten my life by doing
things that would make me not be hair
anymore because that was my growing up
days and here I am you’re thinking
you’re trying to teach me how to be
magnetic and I’m telling you the exact
opposite because that’s how I felt
now at the age of four and a half I went
to school I was a little little kid yes
and I got beaten up by some giant
monster I think somebody from junior
school and I came home crying I said mom
what’s Chinese I had no clue because in
those days the UK used to be quite
racist
compared to the really embracing country
it is today now my parents didn’t really
know what to do because they won’t
taught how to be parents and I remember
telling my aunt about what it
happened and my aunt told my parents and
and my parents told me off for telling
my aunt and in the couch that I come
from you you have to save face all the
time you you can’t admit any weakness in
your family so I had no there was just
no way to go now when I got to ten my
dad trans job changed and we moved to
Singapore where they thought I’d be fine
so I went to a local school there and I
was fine but remember I’m actually a leg
bro I didn’t shoot up to be the handsome
guy I am till 19 so I was still this
small person and immediately I opened my
mouth there was a great difference
because out came this lovely English
accent and so I was in fights for quite
a quite a long time and really I it
turns you into this kind of person who
wants to shy away from everybody and
when you’re away from everybody and you
don’t have much value in yourself you
create this vicious cycle you become
that person that other bullies can go
after
so that was my life fast forward several
decades and there are things that I’d
never dreamed I would have done I was
sharing with some of my fellow speakers
being on stage last year rapping with my
son who somewhere in the audience and I
don’t even know how to rap I just like
improv II be an improv er so so just
amazing things famous people I’ve spent
time with and this is what I’m sharing
about how to be magnetic my journey
through from being that that person who
hated himself and like 30 percent of you
didn’t want to live much much nothing
I’m teasing you it’s okay I’m not gonna
send the assassins after you’d find so
so there I was thinking what shall I do
to get myself out of out of this rut and
by the way it gets better with time I
went to university and the people there
were embracing of this crazy little boy
because I grew up a year later after
being at university just shut up and my
my son helped me write a book last year
be called social magnetism and it’s
based along some of the life lessons
that I’ve learnt on how to really get
out there in tracked some phenomenal
people in your life and live longer and
have fun at it so the first out of three
things that I’m going to be sharing is
you have to develop self-worth
self-worth its number one thing now I
know some of you have seen many TED
talks and I know you’re doing positive
affirmations maybe some of you have even
done self-hypnosis or some of you don’t
care you just hate yourself so much
who cares come and speak to me
afterwards and the one thing that I
learnt that was most effective to get
your your self-worth up because remember
I didn’t like myself was something
called a mirror technique and I have a
lovely mirror here see you can see all
your lovely cells look in that mirror
and say how beautiful you are with the
light doesn’t reflect and blind you and
so so this is part one of the three
things that you can do so you the mirror
technique is you look in that mirror oh
by the way you need to be naked which
seems inappropriate for
tedx so you need to take off all your
clothes and look in that mirror and you
have to look at that person as someone
who is your best person and you’ve need
to tell that person in the mirror that
you love them yeah look at them hey Ben
I love you you’re fantastic it’s a
wonderful I love the way your eyes slug
that’s so amazing nobody else is Isilon
like that
that mole in the middle of your nose
that’s a beauty mole I love it there big
stomach there yeah maybe you could lose
a few bits of weight but you know I’m
gonna love you and you know if you want
to get rid of the weight I’m gonna help
you but if you don’t I’m still going to
love you and I tell you what I’m going
to do more than love you I’m going to
wake up with you every day and just tell
you how much I love you you’re fantastic
yes yes I know I know I know you cut up
somebody in your car the other day I
know that and I know you you didn’t call
your friends give wels what’s a little
bit of flakiness between friends so
you’ve got to not just look at your
physical self but your emotional stuff
and you have to accept yourself the way
you are and this is why looking in the
mirror is perhaps a little bittle bit
better than self affirmations because I
hear people with these self affirmations
I’m confident but inside yourself is
thinking no you’re not and your heart is
arcing with your head I’m really
confident no you know I just saw you the
other day you were just chickened out so
when you are concert by the way this
took me three or four years probably I’m
still getting more value in myself by
doing this work as you believe in
yourself and get more value in yourself
you actually start looking more and more
handsome I was told how ugly I was as a
as a little boy by close relatives air
practically every day today I just think
I’m one of the most handsome guys ever I
but it took time it took time so that’s
the number one thing and this is the
foundational to being magnetic to be
attracting all the great people like as
many of you have already attracted to me
this is a I’m overwhelmed so the second
thing is to be able to add value to
people everywhere you go now somewhere
in my life I thought what’s your mission
and and the my first mission was to give
everyone their 15 minutes of fame so who
would like 15 minutes of fame here one
person – yeah I can’t name this young
man I don’t know you do I come up here
Wow look at the way you walk
ah I love that right now um oh you took
off your glasses as well yes so um can
you share what’s your name – everyone my
name is three on three on can you all
hear him Fran
Wow we’re a big clap for TRAI crayon I’m
only gonna ask you one question and the
question is this what are you most
passionate about what makes you wake up
in the morning and you think whoa
please don’t think sex anything apart
from that that’s it art art and which
side of art form on the musical wand the
musical art and what about musical art
makes you get up anything maybe even not
sleep like iin I went to bed at 9:00 I
know I woke up at 9:30 last night what
keeps you moving away it’s a different
dimension and different says it’s a
higher frequency to uplift you it
changed your perspective it just changed
your whole personality the moment you
just start absorbing at the moment here
if you’re doing it because I’m so so
what kind of music is it is it
instrumental is a good change the hard
rock I just recently did like a little
experiment when I was asked to do
different tasks with music and without
music interchange of performance struck
me as it actually changed my whole
personality during the music and Wow
observed that with five other people
that were doing the experiment in there
on your music experiment yeah yeah
exercise right and how do I spell your
name it’s a big question tra tra YN TR y
tra tra why a and train
okay that’s try and trace train thank
you so much can I get a selfie with you
let’s have it like so we can seal this
lovely audience behind us here we go
so this is gonna count down here we go
oh you want to see who let’s do one more
cuz I can do many it’s digital three two
now when you add value there are so many
great ways to add value to people but if
I could just share something I didn’t
ask Trejo
I didn’t say what do you do how old are
you how big is your family none of those
questions when you live I asked him a
question what makes you feel really
excited about life that’s one of the
best questions you I can ask anyone
there is a whole set of TED Talks is
about 10 of them on how to get great at
conversation adding value is a little
bit more than conversation and asking
them Auto response questions because
after while you get fed up what do you
do yeah
and you know what the answer is and I
used to when people ask me I used to
make it up after a while I just said I’m
a milkman
I deliver soya cheese goat’s milk
whatever you want yeah and and I adduced
you used to make it up so ask them at
some question that makes them feel
excited when you meet a stranger I’ve
never met Traian before in my life
by the way I talk to people on the
underground in restaurants wherever I go
and constantly and I’m doing these kind
of talks with people this is part of
being magnetic how do I add value to
tray on well the first thing is some of
you don’t have this but a lot of people
would love to be in a TEDx talk so
that’s the first thing I did but you
don’t have that in your disposal so the
second thing I did when I engaged with
him is I didn’t have my phone out while
I was talking with him
the third thing in this lost art of
conversation because of social media is
is I’m going deeper with him I didn’t
just say oh so music that’s great
what kind of music going deeper and
deeper and the fourth thing even if I
may not have like loved music I love
music the speaker’s saw me singing in
the room but the fourth thing I did was
I took a selfie with him and that’s
something you can easily do take a
selfie with someone and put it on your
social media gives some points about I
just met Trey on and he told me this
about music and how it changes your mood
and is he going to like my social media
my Instagram or my Facebook or whatever
it is so these are different ways over
time you will develop a whole set of
people that you know the next way is you
start connecting them with each other
that’s another way of adding value to
people even if you personally don’t have
any value to give now in the book we
actually teach you the values that you
have so I said I was bullied but I also
like to dance
I saw from X Mar I love comics somebody
I loved my bowtie that’s because I love
Doctor Who these are all areas that I
can talk and add value to you about with
especially about Doctor Who
and all the anecdotes you have those
things that you’ve been through and you
can add value to other people’s lives
now the third and final final component
of being magnetic is you need to learn
to walk away run away from some of the
crocodiles have a phrase which I post on
my facebook never teach a crocodile to
floss because you might lose your arm
and you’ll annoy the crocodile anyway
and the reason for that is because there
are some people who for whatever reason
either they don’t like you and they’re
just tolerating you who wants to be
tolerated I mean look you’ve just looked
in the mirror and you’ve seen that
wonderful person why would that person
want to be tolerated who wants to be
made to feel guilty there are people in
your life I’m really sorry there might
be a close relative he’s always my wagon
sadly was my cousin was often made to
feel like that he was a star student
something terrible happened to him
because of that so you you want to to be
able to walk away from the crocodiles
sometimes we call them sigh psycho
vampires who just suck you and your
trust trying to give and help them and
they don’t want it there’s a story where
I because because I’m really good at
technology and person I was working with
asked me to go and fix the servers that
had got been infected on a Sunday and
that son it was a special day with
someone who I was I I wanted to marry
her this lady and it took me three hours
to go to the server room four hours to
2d infect the servers three hours to
come back
I missed that lady because I’m not lucky
with her and I missed that day and the
person who sent me there I said well you
know that’s just whatever didn’t pay my
bills yes you’d think at that point
because I didn’t have the self-worth
that I do today I should have
walked away buying carried on engaging
with that person a close relative of
mine she fell in love with somebody who
has extreme paranoia and there’s not the
first year or the second year but in the
third fourth year she became extremely
paranoid and started impacting on me so
you want to be able to recognize those
crocodiles and surround yourself with
people who just get you they love your
beauty mole they don’t care if you got a
few extra pounds on you they just love
you for your personality and who you are
so the three things mirror technique for
self-worth the second thing had fairly
be an oasis in the storm waiters
waitresses security guys whoever and the
third thing walk away from the
crocodiles my name is Ben choy thank you
so much [Applause]
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