[Music]
power it’s one of the most mysterious
social forces in all of human existence
the exertion of our will on others for
some just hearing the word causes
anxiety it pits our basic sense of human
kindness against the seduction of
self-interest it defines and reveals how
we participate in relationship and for
some that conditioning starts in the
earliest part of our social development
how well playground bullying teaches us
the painful consequences of power over
others whether we’re the bully or the
bullied our parents give away our
Halloween candy too late
trick-or-treaters and we quickly know
how unfair resource allocation decisions
can be a teacher falsely accuses us of
cheating on a test and we feel how
fickle the decisions of those in power
can be and the terrible injustice of
having the real cheater go free without
accountability the soccer coach puts in
his own kid to kick the winning goal
instead of the most talented player and
we feel the disempowering effects of
favoritism and wonder just how rare is
meritocracy remember being asked the
captain kickball at recess and pick
teams and later facing the anger of our
friends we didn’t bid and learning that
sometimes having power means making
really hard trade-offs these formative
experiences shape our predispositions
early in life and they accompany us
right into adulthood for some these
lessons teach us that power is bad and
and therefore not always to be trusted
futurist Alvin Toffler in his 1990
world-changing book power shift said
despite the bad odor that clings to the
very notion of power because of the
misuses to which it has been put power
is neither good nor bad it’s an
inescapable aspect of every human
relationship
to a greater degree that most of us
imagine we are all the products of power
25 years later my firm commissioned a
ten year longitudinal study of more than
2700 people and confirmed that indeed
the greatest misuse of power wasn’t for
self-interest no the most astounding
finding in our study was despite the
misconception that power is misused for
personal or immoral gain was that people
didn’t over indulge power nearly to the
degree and they simply chose not to use
it at all
a full sixty percent of the people in
our study struggled with the notion that
people ascribe more power to them than
they actually believed they had
themselves whether for fear of being
judged or a fear of making a mistake for
some abandoning power just seemed easier
and safer and the saddest waste of all
that power is that all of the good it
could do to change the world goes
unrealized but what if you are more
powerful than you are powerless what if
there are more sources of power
available to you than you know and
therefore more good you could do to
change the world and you can possibly
imagine instead of fearing our power
what if we were haunted by the notion of
reaching the end of our life only to
discover that all of the good we could
have done
we forfeited our research revealed three
primary sources of power that we each
have available to us that if we brought
to bear with greater intention and
purpose could influence the world in
profoundly important ways we each have
power in our positions we have power in
our network of relationships and we have
power in our information let’s see how
they each could help us all change the
world the power in our positions the
power to bring a sense of justice how
many of you have had the word said to
you it’s not fair if you’re a teacher or
a leader and goodness knows if you’re a
parent it is one of the most common
laments we hear
and though life isn’t always fair when
injustice goes on addressed research
shows that a sense of unfairness sets
the stage for unethical behavior because
when people feel wronged they feel
entitled to take but as parents and
leaders and teachers we have the
opportunity in fact I think we have the
obligation to restore justice for those
we influence so they come to trust
Authority susan was a new supervisor of
a small sales and service rep team at a
small family-owned business she’d taken
the position over from one of the owners
children now he only hired his friends
he bought their loyalty by doing them
favors and he never held them
accountable well customer complaints had
become so bad the owners had no choice
but to take him out of the job Susan
knew that if she was going to turn this
team around she’d have to relearn their
trust and restore a sense of standards
well with the support of the owners
susan generously rewarded those of a
team who done more than their fair share
because they had felt it was so unfair
they got rewarded the same as those who
did so little and in the first six
months of her job she removed those who
couldn’t meet the new standards Susan
kept her word she restored faith and
commitment to the team and she restored
customer loyalty as well yes she risk
disappointing those employees who come
to expect so much for doing so little
but that may be one of the greatest
gifts she could have given them they had
to learn even at the expense of their
jobs that life doesn’t owe them that
they have to contribute to earn a living
using our positions of power minute
always win us popularity but they will
gain us respect whether you’re leader
meeting a thousands of people or just a
few whether you’re a teacher or a school
administrator or you’re a parent leading
a family making the world a more just
place for even a few it means more hope
instead of cynicism it means more
justice for those who in turn will treat
others more justly as well so in your
life
what wrongs are waiting for you to write
them where can you restore a sense of
justice where injustice has prevailed
the power in our connections the power
to help others discover the greatest
versions of themselves now in our
research people in relationship with
great influencers consistently describe
them in two ways first they said I knew
I mattered to them second they saw
potential in me that I couldn’t see in
myself now think about the people who
have had the greatest impact in your
life I bet you would say over them that
one if not both of those sentences were
true
you see our greatest human hunger to be
seen and known by those important to us
it’s met when we know we matter and when
we start to become the people we’ve
always dreamed of becoming Jared was a
very gifted school teacher to one of the
most dangerous and feared populations of
student groups junior high schoolers
Jarret knew the fragile sense of self
with which they struggled he knew how
even the popular kids were consumed in
self-doubt and desperate to fit in but
he was a teacher everybody wanted an
average grades in his classes were 14%
higher than the rest of the school
despite the fact he gave more homework
and harder tests when asked what his
secret was to motivating one of the most
notoriously unmotivated well student
groups was he said it’s simple I asked
for the story when a Jarrod’s favorite
questions to ask his students when they
would finish a paper or a project was
tell me how you did that he said the
minute they began telling me this story
where they started where they struggled
where they broke through
they came alive they became animated and
the more intently I listened and the
more impressed I became the more
validated they felt as parents and
teachers as bosses we hold the stories
of others in our hands and when we hold
them lovingly we help others write their
stories as they hope they will go when
people invite us into their stories we
have the chance to help them discover
the greatest versions of themselves
we legitimize and empower them and in so
doing we help them believe they can
become the people they’ve always dreamed
of whose story is waiting for you to
validate it who needs to hear those
motivating and encouraging words from
you that was amazing
tell me how did you do it the power in
our information the power to change
perspectives at some point or other we
have all played the game I know let’s
see having some juicy piece of
information that we hoarded over other
people that they didn’t have we’ve also
all been on the other side of that game
and
the loneliness of being left out and
shunned used to be having information
made you powerful but these days the
instant accessibility of most
information makes hoarding it pretty
pointless no just having it doesn’t make
you powerful but having an insightful
interpretation of the information that
others find meaningful that does make
you powerful when we share information
generously we have the power to unleash
curiosity and open-mindedness
when we trust others with important
information we elevate their sense of
responsibility we open them to
possibilities they might have otherwise
missed because the perspective could
have remained too narrow every day in
public life in our communities and our
in our friends on social media and on
the news we face the agonizing reality
of biased and distorted information
intended to manipulate instead of inform
and help others learn but when we share
information honestly we have the power
to change perspectives instead of more
division trusted and verified
information has the power to build
bridges
Rachid was the small business owner who
had come to the United States when he
was just a boy now he and his wife had
two grown children they had raised
Muslim and their oldest son Ahmed was
home from college on spring break and
sharing how difficult life had become on
campus for Muslim students you see from
one small group there was a deep
anti-muslim sentiment and from a larger
group there was a seemingly
well-intended sense of support but that
felt like a different kind of
marginalization being treated like
victims well understandably frustrated
and very confused
I’m advented to his father why do they
think we’re all radicals and why do they
think we’re just pathetic victims that
need them to defend us both perspectives
just make them feel superior and look so
ignorant
well patiently
Rasheed said to his son Ahmed maybe they
aren’t the only part of the problem
maybe the other part of the problem is
that you’ve concluded that they’re all
ignorant
son I know how horrible it feels to be
distorted or labeled by anyone you feel
invisible but you’ve taken yourself out
of the conversation by labeling them
back how many of your anti-muslim
students have you engaged and talked to
how many of your so-called offenders
have you reached out to and told them
how you felt and offer them suggestions
for how to channel their good intentions
to show you friendship and solidarity
until you tell me you’ve had those
conversations all I can do is have
compassion for you
Rasheed then handed his son a pile of
articles he had found about how Muslims
had successfully engaged others across
religious and social and political lines
he said son I think there’s a lot of
other ways we can think about this see
if some of these can help well turns out
one of the articles he shared with him
was an article I wrote about a Muslim TV
producer who had traveled all the way
across the country to small town Alaska
to engage others of very different
social and political views and to his
surprise found them warm and respectful
and hospitable when I wrote that article
I never imagined it being used to shape
the perspective of a college student so
far away but when I learned it had been
used that way it changed my perspective
I now understood that information I
shared had much further reaching
implications than I ever understood but
now I would share information keeping
that in mind as the dad of two college
students I deeply appreciate the courage
and compassion it took for Oishi to
challenge his son’s views but his wisdom
and insight prevailed and it did change
the way
IMed saw things and changed how he
returned to campus after spring break so
whose mind is waiting for you to offer
it a new question a new perspective
who’s deeply entrenched views are
waiting for you to help gently dislodge
them with new information
wandering with them could there be a
different way to see this the power in
our positions to bring justice the power
in our connections to help others
discover the greatest versions of
themselves the power in information to
change perspectives together they form
the power to change the world maybe not
the whole world but your world for Susan
and Jared and Rashid beautiful
embodiments of all three of these they
changed their world what if we
approached every day believing we had
the power to change the world for those
around us what if we didn’t fear our
power assuming our voices couldn’t
possibly make a difference or others
wouldn’t care what we had to offer but
what if instead we approached everyday
believing the power in our positions
could restore justice for those for whom
life wasn’t fair or the power in our
connections could bring together
communities of students who believed
they mattered and could reach their full
potential or the power in our
information could help change the views
of our neighbors who might come to
appreciate views different than their
own that’s the world I want to sign up
for and live in today and leave behind
for our children if we want a world
where those inclined to abuse their
power do it less more of us have to find
the courage to use ours you are so much
more powerful than you realize instead
of shirking or shunning your power
embrace it
resolve today to use it for a great good
and live a life that shows it and when
you do watch
watch the world around you change for
good thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
power it’s one of the most mysterious
social forces in all of human existence
the exertion of our will on others for
some just hearing the word causes
anxiety it pits our basic sense of human
kindness against the seduction of
self-interest it defines and reveals how
we participate in relationship and for
some that conditioning starts in the
earliest part of our social development
how well playground bullying teaches us
the painful consequences of power over
others whether we’re the bully or the
bullied our parents give away our
Halloween candy too late
trick-or-treaters and we quickly know
how unfair resource allocation decisions
can be a teacher falsely accuses us of
cheating on a test and we feel how
fickle the decisions of those in power
can be and the terrible injustice of
having the real cheater go free without
accountability the soccer coach puts in
his own kid to kick the winning goal
instead of the most talented player and
we feel the disempowering effects of
favoritism and wonder just how rare is
meritocracy remember being asked the
captain kickball at recess and pick
teams and later facing the anger of our
friends we didn’t bid and learning that
sometimes having power means making
really hard trade-offs these formative
experiences shape our predispositions
early in life and they accompany us
right into adulthood for some these
lessons teach us that power is bad and
and therefore not always to be trusted
futurist Alvin Toffler in his 1990
world-changing book power shift said
despite the bad odor that clings to the
very notion of power because of the
misuses to which it has been put power
is neither good nor bad it’s an
inescapable aspect of every human
relationship
to a greater degree that most of us
imagine we are all the products of power
25 years later my firm commissioned a
ten year longitudinal study of more than
2700 people and confirmed that indeed
the greatest misuse of power wasn’t for
self-interest no the most astounding
finding in our study was despite the
misconception that power is misused for
personal or immoral gain was that people
didn’t over indulge power nearly to the
degree and they simply chose not to use
it at all
a full sixty percent of the people in
our study struggled with the notion that
people ascribe more power to them than
they actually believed they had
themselves whether for fear of being
judged or a fear of making a mistake for
some abandoning power just seemed easier
and safer and the saddest waste of all
that power is that all of the good it
could do to change the world goes
unrealized but what if you are more
powerful than you are powerless what if
there are more sources of power
available to you than you know and
therefore more good you could do to
change the world and you can possibly
imagine instead of fearing our power
what if we were haunted by the notion of
reaching the end of our life only to
discover that all of the good we could
have done
we forfeited our research revealed three
primary sources of power that we each
have available to us that if we brought
to bear with greater intention and
purpose could influence the world in
profoundly important ways we each have
power in our positions we have power in
our network of relationships and we have
power in our information let’s see how
they each could help us all change the
world the power in our positions the
power to bring a sense of justice how
many of you have had the word said to
you it’s not fair if you’re a teacher or
a leader and goodness knows if you’re a
parent it is one of the most common
laments we hear
and though life isn’t always fair when
injustice goes on addressed research
shows that a sense of unfairness sets
the stage for unethical behavior because
when people feel wronged they feel
entitled to take but as parents and
leaders and teachers we have the
opportunity in fact I think we have the
obligation to restore justice for those
we influence so they come to trust
Authority susan was a new supervisor of
a small sales and service rep team at a
small family-owned business she’d taken
the position over from one of the owners
children now he only hired his friends
he bought their loyalty by doing them
favors and he never held them
accountable well customer complaints had
become so bad the owners had no choice
but to take him out of the job Susan
knew that if she was going to turn this
team around she’d have to relearn their
trust and restore a sense of standards
well with the support of the owners
susan generously rewarded those of a
team who done more than their fair share
because they had felt it was so unfair
they got rewarded the same as those who
did so little and in the first six
months of her job she removed those who
couldn’t meet the new standards Susan
kept her word she restored faith and
commitment to the team and she restored
customer loyalty as well yes she risk
disappointing those employees who come
to expect so much for doing so little
but that may be one of the greatest
gifts she could have given them they had
to learn even at the expense of their
jobs that life doesn’t owe them that
they have to contribute to earn a living
using our positions of power minute
always win us popularity but they will
gain us respect whether you’re leader
meeting a thousands of people or just a
few whether you’re a teacher or a school
administrator or you’re a parent leading
a family making the world a more just
place for even a few it means more hope
instead of cynicism it means more
justice for those who in turn will treat
others more justly as well so in your
life
what wrongs are waiting for you to write
them where can you restore a sense of
justice where injustice has prevailed
the power in our connections the power
to help others discover the greatest
versions of themselves now in our
research people in relationship with
great influencers consistently describe
them in two ways first they said I knew
I mattered to them second they saw
potential in me that I couldn’t see in
myself now think about the people who
have had the greatest impact in your
life I bet you would say over them that
one if not both of those sentences were
true
you see our greatest human hunger to be
seen and known by those important to us
it’s met when we know we matter and when
we start to become the people we’ve
always dreamed of becoming Jared was a
very gifted school teacher to one of the
most dangerous and feared populations of
student groups junior high schoolers
Jarret knew the fragile sense of self
with which they struggled he knew how
even the popular kids were consumed in
self-doubt and desperate to fit in but
he was a teacher everybody wanted an
average grades in his classes were 14%
higher than the rest of the school
despite the fact he gave more homework
and harder tests when asked what his
secret was to motivating one of the most
notoriously unmotivated well student
groups was he said it’s simple I asked
for the story when a Jarrod’s favorite
questions to ask his students when they
would finish a paper or a project was
tell me how you did that he said the
minute they began telling me this story
where they started where they struggled
where they broke through
they came alive they became animated and
the more intently I listened and the
more impressed I became the more
validated they felt as parents and
teachers as bosses we hold the stories
of others in our hands and when we hold
them lovingly we help others write their
stories as they hope they will go when
people invite us into their stories we
have the chance to help them discover
the greatest versions of themselves
we legitimize and empower them and in so
doing we help them believe they can
become the people they’ve always dreamed
of whose story is waiting for you to
validate it who needs to hear those
motivating and encouraging words from
you that was amazing
tell me how did you do it the power in
our information the power to change
perspectives at some point or other we
have all played the game I know let’s
see having some juicy piece of
information that we hoarded over other
people that they didn’t have we’ve also
all been on the other side of that game
and
the loneliness of being left out and
shunned used to be having information
made you powerful but these days the
instant accessibility of most
information makes hoarding it pretty
pointless no just having it doesn’t make
you powerful but having an insightful
interpretation of the information that
others find meaningful that does make
you powerful when we share information
generously we have the power to unleash
curiosity and open-mindedness
when we trust others with important
information we elevate their sense of
responsibility we open them to
possibilities they might have otherwise
missed because the perspective could
have remained too narrow every day in
public life in our communities and our
in our friends on social media and on
the news we face the agonizing reality
of biased and distorted information
intended to manipulate instead of inform
and help others learn but when we share
information honestly we have the power
to change perspectives instead of more
division trusted and verified
information has the power to build
bridges
Rachid was the small business owner who
had come to the United States when he
was just a boy now he and his wife had
two grown children they had raised
Muslim and their oldest son Ahmed was
home from college on spring break and
sharing how difficult life had become on
campus for Muslim students you see from
one small group there was a deep
anti-muslim sentiment and from a larger
group there was a seemingly
well-intended sense of support but that
felt like a different kind of
marginalization being treated like
victims well understandably frustrated
and very confused
I’m advented to his father why do they
think we’re all radicals and why do they
think we’re just pathetic victims that
need them to defend us both perspectives
just make them feel superior and look so
ignorant
well patiently
Rasheed said to his son Ahmed maybe they
aren’t the only part of the problem
maybe the other part of the problem is
that you’ve concluded that they’re all
ignorant
son I know how horrible it feels to be
distorted or labeled by anyone you feel
invisible but you’ve taken yourself out
of the conversation by labeling them
back how many of your anti-muslim
students have you engaged and talked to
how many of your so-called offenders
have you reached out to and told them
how you felt and offer them suggestions
for how to channel their good intentions
to show you friendship and solidarity
until you tell me you’ve had those
conversations all I can do is have
compassion for you
Rasheed then handed his son a pile of
articles he had found about how Muslims
had successfully engaged others across
religious and social and political lines
he said son I think there’s a lot of
other ways we can think about this see
if some of these can help well turns out
one of the articles he shared with him
was an article I wrote about a Muslim TV
producer who had traveled all the way
across the country to small town Alaska
to engage others of very different
social and political views and to his
surprise found them warm and respectful
and hospitable when I wrote that article
I never imagined it being used to shape
the perspective of a college student so
far away but when I learned it had been
used that way it changed my perspective
I now understood that information I
shared had much further reaching
implications than I ever understood but
now I would share information keeping
that in mind as the dad of two college
students I deeply appreciate the courage
and compassion it took for Oishi to
challenge his son’s views but his wisdom
and insight prevailed and it did change
the way
IMed saw things and changed how he
returned to campus after spring break so
whose mind is waiting for you to offer
it a new question a new perspective
who’s deeply entrenched views are
waiting for you to help gently dislodge
them with new information
wandering with them could there be a
different way to see this the power in
our positions to bring justice the power
in our connections to help others
discover the greatest versions of
themselves the power in information to
change perspectives together they form
the power to change the world maybe not
the whole world but your world for Susan
and Jared and Rashid beautiful
embodiments of all three of these they
changed their world what if we
approached every day believing we had
the power to change the world for those
around us what if we didn’t fear our
power assuming our voices couldn’t
possibly make a difference or others
wouldn’t care what we had to offer but
what if instead we approached everyday
believing the power in our positions
could restore justice for those for whom
life wasn’t fair or the power in our
connections could bring together
communities of students who believed
they mattered and could reach their full
potential or the power in our
information could help change the views
of our neighbors who might come to
appreciate views different than their
own that’s the world I want to sign up
for and live in today and leave behind
for our children if we want a world
where those inclined to abuse their
power do it less more of us have to find
the courage to use ours you are so much
more powerful than you realize instead
of shirking or shunning your power
embrace it
resolve today to use it for a great good
and live a life that shows it and when
you do watch
watch the world around you change for
good thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
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