what I’m going to speak about over the
next 20 minutes or so is about this word
called perception but I’m gonna take it
around I’m gonna play with it you know
why because nobody else does we’re going
to shake it a little and so pardon me if
sometimes what I say strikes home hurts
a little if it does good if it doesn’t
I’m just saying you’re not listening if
I would look at the yin-yang as as the
globe as the world and I’d say it’s you
know one half is full of hope love peace
I’m just going to say this it can be a
nasty place it’s filled also with
cruelty and hatred and we do that to
ourselves we do that to others in the
process we create such damage that
sometimes we don’t want to acknowledge
it but sometimes were very proud of it
and that process of creating damage can
derail lives can derail careers can
destroy relationships can topple
governments can bring down presidents
why is it that perception is so so evil
or why does it even come up in the first
place let’s go to school when you didn’t
understand maths do you remember the
feeling you do right when you walked
into a class and you saw that teacher do
you remember that feeling you do right
okay so then we won’t need to come to
college who have fun at school but the
problem is this we don’t understand
because we fear but we never take the
trouble to do this what do you think
this is what do you think this is
connect okay so connect is so critical
because if you don’t reach out we’ll
never know the other side
strewth but we’re very conveniently okay
with creating their truth for us and
others I’m very fine with that
so we fear things so so let’s let’s go
let’s go to the smallest unit that we
know for mankind it’s called the family
have you heard of instances where a
parent actually maligns a child’s
reputation within their own circle that
boy terrible and that boy could be five
he could be 25 that boy is the kid that
girl very sly thing but have you
experienced this
it could be parent it could be sibling
or it could be extended family but
somebody is doing it and maybe you’re
none of those so now they’ve created a
perception of you and everyone looks at
you through those lenses the minute they
see you Oh miss sly has walked in the
minute they see you oh the wicked boy is
here and no matter what good you do it’s
useless and sometimes you try too hard
no no that’s not me that’s just not who
I am and we try hard to invalidate those
perceptions crater about us and we try
and we try and we try but you know
somehow even in the comics even in the
movies the bad guys always win because
you can’t be around everyone all the
time telling them I’m the good guy I’m
not that person so you walk away guess
what window for perception to come in
window for the people who are there to
discredit you beautiful opportunity
finally two things one of two things are
going to happen
one is that you’re gonna try your best
to change it or you’ll just flip the
other way and say I don’t care anymore I
just don’t care anymore and then
sometimes you go one step further and
say if that’s who you think I am let me
become that person for you and now you
change because of someone else and you
will live in anguish and hate and
frustration just to prove someone right
where all this time you’re trying to
prove them wrong and you change and your
relationships change and then suddenly
one day you say it’s not worth it
so let’s call these people toxic people
they’re in your houses they’re in your
friends circle they’re in your teams
they’re in the government they’re all
over and you might be one of them all
right so while you’re very safely saying
aye aye yeah
whoa that’s you and I’m not talking of
momentous massive strategic attack to
people I’m just talking of the small
things small things so a week ago I was
doing a leadership session with the
senior leadership of an automotive giant
global giant one gentleman said you know
if the lie if a light shines a thousand
times it becomes the truth so let me
just change it to people if a perception
is believed by many does it become the
truth well it doesn’t but guess what it
becomes their truth and it becomes your
challenge for the rest of your life so
change it around if the truth the truth
is known by just a few or one does it
become a lie
no it doesn’t but guess what hey numbers
count they’re not on your team the
numbers are there you’re standing alone
you say no no I’m gonna fight this
that’s a you and what team nobody there
so now you have a choice give up and
most of us do we just we just don’t have
the energy we don’t have the strength
we don’t care anymore saying that I
don’t want to do this anymore
some of us walk out of relationships but
can you leave your parents yeah I’ve
heard of parents say I disown you from
today you’re not my child so yeah good
tell that to the doctor and the
government right
Wow moment Wow moment so how do you then
decide to fight something that you no
longer can fight how do you stand up for
yourself or is it worth it should you
stand up it happens everywhere it
happens at work you have people who
create perception about you and then
you’re left fighting right you have
people who malign your name and your
every action and if you’re in the
corporate career you’ll hit what’s known
as the glass ceiling you do a great job
when it comes to appraisal somehow
you’re not the person who’s promoted
somehow why oh no because I heard they
said you showed no I didn’t show but I
saw how did you see I didn’t show no no
maybe you don’t remember I saw but I saw
my perception is becoming so rock solid
it’s now a wall it’s it’s no longer
filter it’s a wall and I just can’t go
why in the first place do we have
perception so when they’re born babies
already know the difference between like
don’t like good bad try putting
something sour in their mouth what
happens have you seen a baby’s whatsapp
videos you know if someone takes a lemon
and puts in the baby’s mouth and the
baby goes well for the next two minutes
what is the way we do that why can’t you
fool the baby into saying very nice
babies clean slate they don’t understand
they don’t know they don’t feel so how
is it that
sar is sour for them how is it that
pungent is pungent for them how is it
that sweet is sweet for them and how do
they know I want milk I don’t want
mutton perception is preloaded you have
that distinction of if a spider comes in
there are some children you know there
are parents who fear dogs and there are
children who just walk up and hold the
dog now we get into the zone called
conditioning we start creating our
children in our image or our children
absorb everything so if you don’t like
the ante next door every time you come
into the lift you should even also give
them a dirty look we start conditioning
them on what I think is bad is bad what
I think is good is good do what I say so
we conditioned sometimes we conditioned
through positive interaction positive
strokes saying that listen don’t do this
it’s not good oh I love my dad idolized
my mom if they are saying it I will
believe it sometimes we punish them into
accepting our truth saying that this is
bad you do this next time no movie or no
dinner or no family I’ll disown you
right so you say okay safe-side let me
just that’s my reality and then we grow
up and we come to college by now ladies
and gentlemen intelligent beings that we
are our perception becomes conscious or
unconscious perception
which means that we will consciously do
things to people how we’ll just do them
subconsciously because the conditioning
has been so solid right so it’s okay to
discredit someone if you want to get
ahead in life
push the other person down that’s good
if you want to succeed make sure that
there’s no competition wipe them out
it’s all about winning is it is it all
about winning Best Actor Award Hey
there are five actors I think they’ve
done a great job why should he or she
get the award somebody said I think this
this you know technical angle seems to
have made it right what about the other
four so we call them good losers but we
still call them losers so good bad
winner loser and we’re stuck in that as
we go along and we start creating the
impression of now I’m in control and I
like the control the feeling of control
knowing I can destroy someone we use the
most powerful weapon known to man it’s
called the tongue and it comes out end
of you end of the story right so now we
start engaging with people discrediting
them and doing this but have you ever
thought of what happens to them because
this is what we’re talking about today
that’s the elephant what happens to
those people have you been on the
receiving end I’m sure you have at least
once in your life and if it’s more then
I I empathize with you because I know
the hurt
it’s terrible to constantly receive
somebody’s perception you know people
don’t know you they look at you it’s
happened to me how many of you show of
hands think I’m a boxer just let me see
your hands there you go so we have this
we have this image and we start writing
off people
they are like this so there are people
who will malign you they will create
their impression about you and it’s the
truth what happens to people like this
so first you get irritated why are
people doing this it’s irritating then
it goes on now you start getting
frustrated they’re doing it they’re
doing it again then it keeps happening
and now you’re saying they’re doing it
they’re doing it again they’re still
doing it now you start getting angry and
then they still do it and now you you
just blow into range god help you if
someone sees you at that moment you
could be Gandhi but if they see you in
rage that longi that stick and
everything else is out of the window
you’re no longer the nice guy one second
so it starts doing things to you so you
you fly into a rage suddenly you say
That’s not me so why am i doing this now
the other option is either I engage or
disengage so I say it’s better I
disengage let go of the toxic people in
my life I’m stepping back I don’t want
you’re isolated you’re lonely because
every time you go there they do this
magic of perception and you say I don’t
like this so you step back when you
start getting isolated you get lonely
when you get lonely you get depressed
and depression is the killer and there
are so many people who because of
perception I’ve committed suicide or
just let go of their life and it all
probably started with a very innocent
she’s a terrible person and maybe you
said it but you were not there to see
so the big question is what can we do
about it I mean it’s a it’s a reality
can we do something about it yes we can
so let’s just let’s talk about that for
a while
firstly let’s start with stop stop doing
this to people ask yourself why do you
do this why do people discredit or
malign people why do they do that one is
because of their own insecurities they
don’t know how to handle it the best way
to do it is to destroy someone so their
own insecurities the second one is that
some people are narcissistic it’s all
about them it’s all about power it’s all
about my point of view and your crap it
doesn’t matter
so I’ll just treat you like that so
firstly stop ask yourself why are you
doing this are you insecure fix your
insecurities don’t destroy someone else
all right
the second one is this we fear what we
don’t know so if we know we feel less or
we’ll stop fearing so start connecting
with people hurting you say no to hurt
let them go if they follow you still let
them go if they still follow you it’s
time you got into something called
caring confrontation we don’t like
confrontation we don’t like to address
things we just don’t like it
how about caring confrontation listen I
moved you followed me I moved you
followed me I moved you’re still
following me but while you are following
me and I’m good because mary mary had a
little lamb and all that was fine you
damaged me every time you come along why
do you do that can we have that
conversation why do you keep doing these
things to me and do you understand the
extent of the damage that you’re causing
is it possible for you to understand
that so caring confrontation talk to
people have those conversations guess
what I’m guessing most of us will not do
it we will just not do it
we don’t care anymore we say I’d rather
not talk to that person then solve it
because I’ve tried probably I’ve tried
to I try it I’m fed up or I don’t have
it in me so I’d rather live like this
then confront people so please decide do
you want to change it we were born we were here for love peace and hope
next 20 minutes or so is about this word
called perception but I’m gonna take it
around I’m gonna play with it you know
why because nobody else does we’re going
to shake it a little and so pardon me if
sometimes what I say strikes home hurts
a little if it does good if it doesn’t
I’m just saying you’re not listening if
I would look at the yin-yang as as the
globe as the world and I’d say it’s you
know one half is full of hope love peace
I’m just going to say this it can be a
nasty place it’s filled also with
cruelty and hatred and we do that to
ourselves we do that to others in the
process we create such damage that
sometimes we don’t want to acknowledge
it but sometimes were very proud of it
and that process of creating damage can
derail lives can derail careers can
destroy relationships can topple
governments can bring down presidents
why is it that perception is so so evil
or why does it even come up in the first
place let’s go to school when you didn’t
understand maths do you remember the
feeling you do right when you walked
into a class and you saw that teacher do
you remember that feeling you do right
okay so then we won’t need to come to
college who have fun at school but the
problem is this we don’t understand
because we fear but we never take the
trouble to do this what do you think
this is what do you think this is
connect okay so connect is so critical
because if you don’t reach out we’ll
never know the other side
strewth but we’re very conveniently okay
with creating their truth for us and
others I’m very fine with that
so we fear things so so let’s let’s go
let’s go to the smallest unit that we
know for mankind it’s called the family
have you heard of instances where a
parent actually maligns a child’s
reputation within their own circle that
boy terrible and that boy could be five
he could be 25 that boy is the kid that
girl very sly thing but have you
experienced this
it could be parent it could be sibling
or it could be extended family but
somebody is doing it and maybe you’re
none of those so now they’ve created a
perception of you and everyone looks at
you through those lenses the minute they
see you Oh miss sly has walked in the
minute they see you oh the wicked boy is
here and no matter what good you do it’s
useless and sometimes you try too hard
no no that’s not me that’s just not who
I am and we try hard to invalidate those
perceptions crater about us and we try
and we try and we try but you know
somehow even in the comics even in the
movies the bad guys always win because
you can’t be around everyone all the
time telling them I’m the good guy I’m
not that person so you walk away guess
what window for perception to come in
window for the people who are there to
discredit you beautiful opportunity
finally two things one of two things are
going to happen
one is that you’re gonna try your best
to change it or you’ll just flip the
other way and say I don’t care anymore I
just don’t care anymore and then
sometimes you go one step further and
say if that’s who you think I am let me
become that person for you and now you
change because of someone else and you
will live in anguish and hate and
frustration just to prove someone right
where all this time you’re trying to
prove them wrong and you change and your
relationships change and then suddenly
one day you say it’s not worth it
so let’s call these people toxic people
they’re in your houses they’re in your
friends circle they’re in your teams
they’re in the government they’re all
over and you might be one of them all
right so while you’re very safely saying
aye aye yeah
whoa that’s you and I’m not talking of
momentous massive strategic attack to
people I’m just talking of the small
things small things so a week ago I was
doing a leadership session with the
senior leadership of an automotive giant
global giant one gentleman said you know
if the lie if a light shines a thousand
times it becomes the truth so let me
just change it to people if a perception
is believed by many does it become the
truth well it doesn’t but guess what it
becomes their truth and it becomes your
challenge for the rest of your life so
change it around if the truth the truth
is known by just a few or one does it
become a lie
no it doesn’t but guess what hey numbers
count they’re not on your team the
numbers are there you’re standing alone
you say no no I’m gonna fight this
that’s a you and what team nobody there
so now you have a choice give up and
most of us do we just we just don’t have
the energy we don’t have the strength
we don’t care anymore saying that I
don’t want to do this anymore
some of us walk out of relationships but
can you leave your parents yeah I’ve
heard of parents say I disown you from
today you’re not my child so yeah good
tell that to the doctor and the
government right
Wow moment Wow moment so how do you then
decide to fight something that you no
longer can fight how do you stand up for
yourself or is it worth it should you
stand up it happens everywhere it
happens at work you have people who
create perception about you and then
you’re left fighting right you have
people who malign your name and your
every action and if you’re in the
corporate career you’ll hit what’s known
as the glass ceiling you do a great job
when it comes to appraisal somehow
you’re not the person who’s promoted
somehow why oh no because I heard they
said you showed no I didn’t show but I
saw how did you see I didn’t show no no
maybe you don’t remember I saw but I saw
my perception is becoming so rock solid
it’s now a wall it’s it’s no longer
filter it’s a wall and I just can’t go
why in the first place do we have
perception so when they’re born babies
already know the difference between like
don’t like good bad try putting
something sour in their mouth what
happens have you seen a baby’s whatsapp
videos you know if someone takes a lemon
and puts in the baby’s mouth and the
baby goes well for the next two minutes
what is the way we do that why can’t you
fool the baby into saying very nice
babies clean slate they don’t understand
they don’t know they don’t feel so how
is it that
sar is sour for them how is it that
pungent is pungent for them how is it
that sweet is sweet for them and how do
they know I want milk I don’t want
mutton perception is preloaded you have
that distinction of if a spider comes in
there are some children you know there
are parents who fear dogs and there are
children who just walk up and hold the
dog now we get into the zone called
conditioning we start creating our
children in our image or our children
absorb everything so if you don’t like
the ante next door every time you come
into the lift you should even also give
them a dirty look we start conditioning
them on what I think is bad is bad what
I think is good is good do what I say so
we conditioned sometimes we conditioned
through positive interaction positive
strokes saying that listen don’t do this
it’s not good oh I love my dad idolized
my mom if they are saying it I will
believe it sometimes we punish them into
accepting our truth saying that this is
bad you do this next time no movie or no
dinner or no family I’ll disown you
right so you say okay safe-side let me
just that’s my reality and then we grow
up and we come to college by now ladies
and gentlemen intelligent beings that we
are our perception becomes conscious or
unconscious perception
which means that we will consciously do
things to people how we’ll just do them
subconsciously because the conditioning
has been so solid right so it’s okay to
discredit someone if you want to get
ahead in life
push the other person down that’s good
if you want to succeed make sure that
there’s no competition wipe them out
it’s all about winning is it is it all
about winning Best Actor Award Hey
there are five actors I think they’ve
done a great job why should he or she
get the award somebody said I think this
this you know technical angle seems to
have made it right what about the other
four so we call them good losers but we
still call them losers so good bad
winner loser and we’re stuck in that as
we go along and we start creating the
impression of now I’m in control and I
like the control the feeling of control
knowing I can destroy someone we use the
most powerful weapon known to man it’s
called the tongue and it comes out end
of you end of the story right so now we
start engaging with people discrediting
them and doing this but have you ever
thought of what happens to them because
this is what we’re talking about today
that’s the elephant what happens to
those people have you been on the
receiving end I’m sure you have at least
once in your life and if it’s more then
I I empathize with you because I know
the hurt
it’s terrible to constantly receive
somebody’s perception you know people
don’t know you they look at you it’s
happened to me how many of you show of
hands think I’m a boxer just let me see
your hands there you go so we have this
we have this image and we start writing
off people
they are like this so there are people
who will malign you they will create
their impression about you and it’s the
truth what happens to people like this
so first you get irritated why are
people doing this it’s irritating then
it goes on now you start getting
frustrated they’re doing it they’re
doing it again then it keeps happening
and now you’re saying they’re doing it
they’re doing it again they’re still
doing it now you start getting angry and
then they still do it and now you you
just blow into range god help you if
someone sees you at that moment you
could be Gandhi but if they see you in
rage that longi that stick and
everything else is out of the window
you’re no longer the nice guy one second
so it starts doing things to you so you
you fly into a rage suddenly you say
That’s not me so why am i doing this now
the other option is either I engage or
disengage so I say it’s better I
disengage let go of the toxic people in
my life I’m stepping back I don’t want
you’re isolated you’re lonely because
every time you go there they do this
magic of perception and you say I don’t
like this so you step back when you
start getting isolated you get lonely
when you get lonely you get depressed
and depression is the killer and there
are so many people who because of
perception I’ve committed suicide or
just let go of their life and it all
probably started with a very innocent
she’s a terrible person and maybe you
said it but you were not there to see
so the big question is what can we do
about it I mean it’s a it’s a reality
can we do something about it yes we can
so let’s just let’s talk about that for
a while
firstly let’s start with stop stop doing
this to people ask yourself why do you
do this why do people discredit or
malign people why do they do that one is
because of their own insecurities they
don’t know how to handle it the best way
to do it is to destroy someone so their
own insecurities the second one is that
some people are narcissistic it’s all
about them it’s all about power it’s all
about my point of view and your crap it
doesn’t matter
so I’ll just treat you like that so
firstly stop ask yourself why are you
doing this are you insecure fix your
insecurities don’t destroy someone else
all right
the second one is this we fear what we
don’t know so if we know we feel less or
we’ll stop fearing so start connecting
with people hurting you say no to hurt
let them go if they follow you still let
them go if they still follow you it’s
time you got into something called
caring confrontation we don’t like
confrontation we don’t like to address
things we just don’t like it
how about caring confrontation listen I
moved you followed me I moved you
followed me I moved you’re still
following me but while you are following
me and I’m good because mary mary had a
little lamb and all that was fine you
damaged me every time you come along why
do you do that can we have that
conversation why do you keep doing these
things to me and do you understand the
extent of the damage that you’re causing
is it possible for you to understand
that so caring confrontation talk to
people have those conversations guess
what I’m guessing most of us will not do
it we will just not do it
we don’t care anymore we say I’d rather
not talk to that person then solve it
because I’ve tried probably I’ve tried
to I try it I’m fed up or I don’t have
it in me so I’d rather live like this
then confront people so please decide do
you want to change it we were born we were here for love peace and hope
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