it’s alright I’m wearing my lucky undies
the same ones same ones I wore in the
day we’ve won the yes vote
so courage the ability to overcome fear
and risk one’s personal safety or
sometimes even one’s life is recognized
as one of humankind’s greatest virtues
we certainly appreciate its usefulness
we are a fragile species and we face
many threats not least of all from
ourselves
so courage is essential for survival
most of us value courage and would like
to have more of it but how should we go
about getting it is courage something
that we are born with or something that
we learn now I am certainly not the
first person to ask this question
everyone from Socrates to Putin has
sought to understand maximize and
exploit courage now for disclosure I am
NOT an expert I am a comedian but I am
descended from a long line of very brave
from the moment Hitler invaded Poland at
the start of World War two every member
of my father’s family including my
grandmother and my aunt was heavily
involved in the resistance they were
active combatants they smuggled guns
into the Jewish ghetto and throughout
the war they hid and assisted Jewish
people had they been caught they would
have been killed if they were lucky much
more likely they would have been
tortured all my life I have wondered
would I have the courage to do what they
did I hoped I would but I feared I would
not seeking answers I treated my family
as a kind of living instruction manual
I would pester them asking why they did
what they did and where did their
courage come from but they would look
back at me with the wildered in
comprehension they had no insight into
their own behavior in fact they didn’t
even consider their actions to be
courageous the best they could offer was
that they did what they did
because it was the right thing to do
this mantra was so automatic as to be
almost meaningless but perhaps that is
the point because when the time comes
there is no time for reflection only
reflex and their moral code bred into
them over generations of invasion was
like a well-trained muscle primed to
take the right action even so there is
no guarantee my father would always say
to me Magda
until you are there you do not know what
you will do and sure enough when the
time finally came for the test of my
courage it was not in a form I expected
or wanted it was not for a noble cause
of which
could be proud it was the test of me of
my courage to be who I truly am
I began to realize I was gay when I was
about five or six years old a tender age
and at first I felt okay about this but
I quickly learned that being same-sex
attracted was not only not okay it was a
sin it was in fact a very opposite of
the right thing to do
it is hard perhaps impossible to stand
up for something that you are ashamed of
now excuse me to be clear I am capable
of courage when I was 19 I worked in a
women’s refuge at a time when there was
no police protection and when a bomb
exploded in my street I was one of the
few who who ran towards the flames to
offer assistance but for myself I had no
courage it just evaporated
in a cloud of shame and excruciating
shyness what I did have however was the
desire to be courageous
so I said about learning to be honest my
father was no help his utter
fearlessness only served to discourage
me
and in fact growing up listening to him
and his friends talking about the war
shattered any romantic Hollywood
illusions I had about heroism I was
schooled in its true cost
I saw lives ruined blighted by futile
sometimes misdirected acts of valor
courage doing the right thing can even
have monstrous unintended consequences
one particular story haunts me a friend
of my father
never
got over the suicide of his elderly
parents who killed themselves rather
than risk divulging his name to the
Gestapo under torture so first I’d have
to challenge this cross-generational
fear although based in reality cruel
harrowing reality was it realistic or
even relevant to the here and now
secondly I began studying in a very
informal way people who overcame their
fear now it wasn’t a terribly conscious
process it was more a matter of just
paying attention of noticing I watched
biographies on the History Channel I
would look for clues in magazines and
memoirs and movies and scholarly
articles and self-help books slowly over
time I nourished and cultivated my
courage over the years I came up to
friends and family and colleagues I did
decades of therapy to overcome my
internalized homophobia excuse me and as
I became more famous I push myself to
step from behind the mask of my
characters and appear more in public as
my real self for example I became the
face of Jenny Craig lost a lot of weight
and then put all the weight back on very
publicly but through that process I
learned that I was able to survive
public humiliation more than that I
began to correct my faulty thinking I
realized that not only did many people
not care they empathized the world it
finally in February 2012 I came out live
on national television in support of
same-sex marriage and from there my
courage snowboard and the more I did the
more I realized that courage is not a
state of being it is a way of doing it
was in the act of doing something brave
that I became brave and it changed me in
ways I could never have anticipated
firstly my cognitive abilities actually
improved and became more accurate I was
able to perceive that while homophobia
is very real it is not everywhere
secondly I was less affected by those
people who actually are homophobic it
wasn’t that I became recklessly
indifferent it was more like Iceland
developed an immunity and the virus of
homophobia lost its power to corrupt my
operating system thirdly my desire and
ability to fight for what is right grew
stronger some people suggested in light
of my family but it was in my blood
giving me a kind of genetic edge like
more and more studies are confirming the
existence of intergenerational trauma is
there I wondered such a thing as
intergenerational courage well recently
I had my DNA tested and it turns out
that there is a gene nicknamed the
in fact what I do have is called the
warrior gene this apparently means that
I’m good at multitasking but prone to
psychosocial anxiety
tell me something I don’t know now
have I actually been paying attention
during any of my philosophy degree I
would have known our education was free
you know but look at me using it now I
would have known that Aristotle had in
fact answered my question two and a half
thousand years ago he believed that
virtues are not qualities that we are
born with but habits that we acquire and
that we learn them by doing them quote
just as men become builders by building
and liar players by playing the liar
had I known that perhaps I would have
treated myself more kindly instead of
calling myself a coward perhaps I might
have thought that courage was in part
just a skill I had not yet learned in
August of 2017 after 14 years and 22
bills the chronically deadlocked
Australian Parliament decided to put
same-sex marriage to a popular vote very
quickly the arguments became vicious and
bitterly divisive the government opted
to take a hands-off approach and in the
moral vacuum created by this total
absence of political leadership my
long-standing fame led to me becoming a
kind of public unofficial face of the
yes campaign despite looking like fun it
was actually a very daunting
responsibility it would be terrible if
we lost not just in Australia a victory
for the no side might also bolster
discrimination in countries where LGBTQI
people are persecuted and killed
but even if we won would the gains be
worth the cost of dragging that the
LGBTQI community through a very damaging
ugly debate civil rights struggles are
long and hard and never fully won and
over the course of their journey they
require many types of courage at
different stages
sometimes fearless individuals are
needed to pave the way but at other
times what I needed are the gentle arts
of conciliation and unification I don’t
regret my fear it taught me humility
patience and compassion for suffering
and perhaps that was just the right kind
of courage that was needed for that
moment I knew I was gay when I was 5
years old that was 1966 terrified and
alone I saw my fear and I called myself
a coward 52 years later I would never
ever claim to have the courage of my
ancestors but with persistence
willingness and a shift of understanding
I was able to increase the small amount
I did have to become one of the most
effective campaigners for LGBTQ rights
courage may be crucial to our survival
but it is powerful magic and it serves
us best when it is placed in a
constellation of other virtues without
kindness and common sense it can be
cruel and reckless so if we are to be
brave
perhaps our first brave act should be to
look with intelligence and compassion at
our cowardice and just a quick
PostScript
I misjudged my father after he died I
came across a quote he had written in
Latin
Nick Hercules contrib Flores it’s an old
Polish proverb and it means even
Hercules is afraid when confronted with
many enemies because as it turns out my
father didn’t have the warrior gene
either thank you
[Applause] [Music]
the same ones same ones I wore in the
day we’ve won the yes vote
so courage the ability to overcome fear
and risk one’s personal safety or
sometimes even one’s life is recognized
as one of humankind’s greatest virtues
we certainly appreciate its usefulness
we are a fragile species and we face
many threats not least of all from
ourselves
so courage is essential for survival
most of us value courage and would like
to have more of it but how should we go
about getting it is courage something
that we are born with or something that
we learn now I am certainly not the
first person to ask this question
everyone from Socrates to Putin has
sought to understand maximize and
exploit courage now for disclosure I am
NOT an expert I am a comedian but I am
descended from a long line of very brave
from the moment Hitler invaded Poland at
the start of World War two every member
of my father’s family including my
grandmother and my aunt was heavily
involved in the resistance they were
active combatants they smuggled guns
into the Jewish ghetto and throughout
the war they hid and assisted Jewish
people had they been caught they would
have been killed if they were lucky much
more likely they would have been
tortured all my life I have wondered
would I have the courage to do what they
did I hoped I would but I feared I would
not seeking answers I treated my family
as a kind of living instruction manual
I would pester them asking why they did
what they did and where did their
courage come from but they would look
back at me with the wildered in
comprehension they had no insight into
their own behavior in fact they didn’t
even consider their actions to be
courageous the best they could offer was
that they did what they did
because it was the right thing to do
this mantra was so automatic as to be
almost meaningless but perhaps that is
the point because when the time comes
there is no time for reflection only
reflex and their moral code bred into
them over generations of invasion was
like a well-trained muscle primed to
take the right action even so there is
no guarantee my father would always say
to me Magda
until you are there you do not know what
you will do and sure enough when the
time finally came for the test of my
courage it was not in a form I expected
or wanted it was not for a noble cause
of which
could be proud it was the test of me of
my courage to be who I truly am
I began to realize I was gay when I was
about five or six years old a tender age
and at first I felt okay about this but
I quickly learned that being same-sex
attracted was not only not okay it was a
sin it was in fact a very opposite of
the right thing to do
it is hard perhaps impossible to stand
up for something that you are ashamed of
now excuse me to be clear I am capable
of courage when I was 19 I worked in a
women’s refuge at a time when there was
no police protection and when a bomb
exploded in my street I was one of the
few who who ran towards the flames to
offer assistance but for myself I had no
courage it just evaporated
in a cloud of shame and excruciating
shyness what I did have however was the
desire to be courageous
so I said about learning to be honest my
father was no help his utter
fearlessness only served to discourage
me
and in fact growing up listening to him
and his friends talking about the war
shattered any romantic Hollywood
illusions I had about heroism I was
schooled in its true cost
I saw lives ruined blighted by futile
sometimes misdirected acts of valor
courage doing the right thing can even
have monstrous unintended consequences
one particular story haunts me a friend
of my father
never
got over the suicide of his elderly
parents who killed themselves rather
than risk divulging his name to the
Gestapo under torture so first I’d have
to challenge this cross-generational
fear although based in reality cruel
harrowing reality was it realistic or
even relevant to the here and now
secondly I began studying in a very
informal way people who overcame their
fear now it wasn’t a terribly conscious
process it was more a matter of just
paying attention of noticing I watched
biographies on the History Channel I
would look for clues in magazines and
memoirs and movies and scholarly
articles and self-help books slowly over
time I nourished and cultivated my
courage over the years I came up to
friends and family and colleagues I did
decades of therapy to overcome my
internalized homophobia excuse me and as
I became more famous I push myself to
step from behind the mask of my
characters and appear more in public as
my real self for example I became the
face of Jenny Craig lost a lot of weight
and then put all the weight back on very
publicly but through that process I
learned that I was able to survive
public humiliation more than that I
began to correct my faulty thinking I
realized that not only did many people
not care they empathized the world it
finally in February 2012 I came out live
on national television in support of
same-sex marriage and from there my
courage snowboard and the more I did the
more I realized that courage is not a
state of being it is a way of doing it
was in the act of doing something brave
that I became brave and it changed me in
ways I could never have anticipated
firstly my cognitive abilities actually
improved and became more accurate I was
able to perceive that while homophobia
is very real it is not everywhere
secondly I was less affected by those
people who actually are homophobic it
wasn’t that I became recklessly
indifferent it was more like Iceland
developed an immunity and the virus of
homophobia lost its power to corrupt my
operating system thirdly my desire and
ability to fight for what is right grew
stronger some people suggested in light
of my family but it was in my blood
giving me a kind of genetic edge like
more and more studies are confirming the
existence of intergenerational trauma is
there I wondered such a thing as
intergenerational courage well recently
I had my DNA tested and it turns out
that there is a gene nicknamed the
in fact what I do have is called the
warrior gene this apparently means that
I’m good at multitasking but prone to
psychosocial anxiety
tell me something I don’t know now
have I actually been paying attention
during any of my philosophy degree I
would have known our education was free
you know but look at me using it now I
would have known that Aristotle had in
fact answered my question two and a half
thousand years ago he believed that
virtues are not qualities that we are
born with but habits that we acquire and
that we learn them by doing them quote
just as men become builders by building
and liar players by playing the liar
had I known that perhaps I would have
treated myself more kindly instead of
calling myself a coward perhaps I might
have thought that courage was in part
just a skill I had not yet learned in
August of 2017 after 14 years and 22
bills the chronically deadlocked
Australian Parliament decided to put
same-sex marriage to a popular vote very
quickly the arguments became vicious and
bitterly divisive the government opted
to take a hands-off approach and in the
moral vacuum created by this total
absence of political leadership my
long-standing fame led to me becoming a
kind of public unofficial face of the
yes campaign despite looking like fun it
was actually a very daunting
responsibility it would be terrible if
we lost not just in Australia a victory
for the no side might also bolster
discrimination in countries where LGBTQI
people are persecuted and killed
but even if we won would the gains be
worth the cost of dragging that the
LGBTQI community through a very damaging
ugly debate civil rights struggles are
long and hard and never fully won and
over the course of their journey they
require many types of courage at
different stages
sometimes fearless individuals are
needed to pave the way but at other
times what I needed are the gentle arts
of conciliation and unification I don’t
regret my fear it taught me humility
patience and compassion for suffering
and perhaps that was just the right kind
of courage that was needed for that
moment I knew I was gay when I was 5
years old that was 1966 terrified and
alone I saw my fear and I called myself
a coward 52 years later I would never
ever claim to have the courage of my
ancestors but with persistence
willingness and a shift of understanding
I was able to increase the small amount
I did have to become one of the most
effective campaigners for LGBTQ rights
courage may be crucial to our survival
but it is powerful magic and it serves
us best when it is placed in a
constellation of other virtues without
kindness and common sense it can be
cruel and reckless so if we are to be
brave
perhaps our first brave act should be to
look with intelligence and compassion at
our cowardice and just a quick
PostScript
I misjudged my father after he died I
came across a quote he had written in
Latin
Nick Hercules contrib Flores it’s an old
Polish proverb and it means even
Hercules is afraid when confronted with
many enemies because as it turns out my
father didn’t have the warrior gene
either thank you
[Applause] [Music]
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