there were once two acorns that sat high
up in the tree
the older acorn was wishing to impart
some wisdom on the younger one he said
you know you have greatness within you
crammed inside your tiny shell there’s
an oak tree yearning to come out the
younger one looks at the older one in
astonishment and says you’re nuts
the older one replies that’s exactly
what I’m trying to tell you I’m a nut
and yura not we are acorns and crammed
within us is an oak tree yearning to
spring forth look at the forest floor
though so many acorns fail to realize
their full potential they become lunch
for squirrels but if you can create the
right conditions you can become the
majestic oak tree the most glorious of
all the trees in the forest you can
create that lasting legacy I work as a
hospice chaplain normally when I say I
work for hospice people take a few steps
back they don’t know how to respond to
that this is largely because people
think Hospice is all about dying truly
though as hospice works with the dying
it teaches so much about living what are
some of the lessons that the dying can
teach to the living Leo Tolstoy wrote a
classic short story called the death of
Ivan Illich in it he has Ivan reflecting
on his conventional life as he lays
dying there on his deathbed he asked
what to my mind would be a horrifying
question what if my whole life has been
wrong Americans were asked to rank what
is most important to them included in
the list is family health
friends work money religion hobbies
leisure time community activities the
surveys get similar findings even when
repeated in different years Americans
consistently rank family and health as
the most important aspects of life
friends work money religion are all
viewed as less important and roughly
equal in the context of someone who is
nearing the end of his or her life I
think that this says basically three
things one money and possessions are
usually not the most important things in
life money does not buy happiness at
best money may rent happiness but if we
have spent a lifetime collecting money
and things we come to see that
ultimately this leaves us empty – at the
end of our lives our work and profession
are not as important work is an
important part of life but it does not
define us in any ultimate sense no one
at the end of their life says I wish I
had worked more and three the opinions
of others are not that important the
thoughts of others are so fleeting and
fickle worrying about the thoughts of
others is wasted worried if these things
are not important at the end of life
what then is important most people at
the end of their lives want to know that
their lives mattered that they made a
difference that the world is somehow
different because they were here they
come to truly appreciate what is
reflected in those surveys that the most
important things are family health and
legacy several years ago I knew a
hospice patient named Betty Betty was a
pleasant lady one of the things that she
would constantly tell me was that she
was a proper southern lady she taught me
that in the south when we don’t have
something nice to say about someone we
simply say bless his heart
she was such a storehouse of wisdom
however from the first time I met Betty
I could tell that something bothered her
it took weeks to build rapport and gain
her trust
she finally shared with me that when she
was 16 years old she had gotten pregnant
the baby was born and adopted out
somewhere she had no idea where the
little girl went or what became of her
to make the matter a bit more
complicated Betty’s husband of fifty
years had no idea any of this had ever
happened not knowing what had happened
to her daughter and keeping this deep
secret had taken a toll on Betty she was
full of fear what if I tell my husband
and he doesn’t understand what if he
becomes angry and feels lied to she
feared putting a strain on their
marriage in its Twilight bet he did come
to terms with her past and with a great
deal of courage she told her husband
about this unknown daughter who would
now be 53 years old her husband was
amazing at this news he was
compassionate understanding and kind
because this 50-year old secret had been
put to rest they now had a closeness and
an intimacy like never before as
difficult as it was for Betty to tell
her husband there was another piece to
this that was even more challenging all
we knew was a birth date time location
and gender would it ever be possible to
find this now 53 year old woman
technology is an amazing tool with the
help of a few telephone calls the
internet and even a private investigator
we found her she was living in another
city and had been trying for years to
find her birth mother with her voice and
hands trembling Betty made a telephone
call to the daughter she had not seen in
53 years her husband and I cried tears
of joy as we watched Betty reconnect
with her daughter two weeks after that
call the daughter was able to make the
trip to meet Betty in person this whole
experience losing the burden of a secret
and
connecting with family made Betty an
entirely different person
she was now complete and happy three
months later when she died
it happened beautifully and peacefully
surrounded by her old and newfound
family Betty was able to connect with
family and she did it with enough time
to enjoy that connection for a few
months before she died
Betty has left a lasting legacy with me
she reminds me still that family
connection is important for us there is
good news and bad news the bad news is
that each and every one of us is going
to die one day the good news is that
there is still time there is still time
to recognize the importance to connect
with family yes family maybe ultimately
more important than work but what about
those times that work takes us away from
family there are creative ways to deal
with this
for example technology allows families
to connect even when work takes them
away I’ve seen soldiers deployed halfway
around the world that are still able to
check their children’s homework in real
time amazing technology though also has
the ability to hinder family connections
let us be mindful of this put our phones
down and actually talk to each other the
point here is not to feel guilty or beat
ourselves up the point is to recognize
that family is important or likely will
become so and to work at improving our
connection to family health is or likely
will become a priority in our lives we
can make conscious choices here as well
exercise more eat right get enough rest
drink more water nurture mental and
emotional health to take that vacation
read a good book call an old friend
scratch a few things off a bucket list
finally we can make a difference and
make the world a better place we can do
this when in countless ways each and
every day practice a random act of
kindness plant a tree become an organ
donor smile more
laughs more love more another patient we
had was named Charlie Charlie was an old
marine he had served in World War two
and Korea Charlie was a hard man a mean
man actually the best way to describe
this cranky old man is to say bless his
heart
Charlie had a tough outer shell and no
one would get into that shell he was a
man’s man and he raised his three sons
to be the same at Charlie’s funeral his
oldest son John described to me what had
happened just the week before John was
helping his father in the bathroom he
described how hard it was for his father
a proud marine to need help in the
bathroom as John lifted his father off
of the toilet this frail old man kissed
John shared with me for years I had
played sports had broken bones and even
joined the military because I longed to
hear and deserve those words from my
father
this was the one and only time I ever
heard my father’s say he loved me and he
says it now one week before he dies we
wasted so much time yes John was angry
that his father waited all that time to
say those words but he was later able to
appreciate that at least he has the
memory of hearing his father say this
many many people do not have that memory
what are the memories we are creating
with the lives that we lead what are the
legacies we wish to create to design
with our lives to our current lives
reflect the priorities that we are
likely to have at the end of our lives
let us strive to live
so as to avoid Ivan Aleks hauntingly
horrible question what if my whole life
has been wrong let us begin
today to live each day more fully more
alive with no regrets thank you
up in the tree
the older acorn was wishing to impart
some wisdom on the younger one he said
you know you have greatness within you
crammed inside your tiny shell there’s
an oak tree yearning to come out the
younger one looks at the older one in
astonishment and says you’re nuts
the older one replies that’s exactly
what I’m trying to tell you I’m a nut
and yura not we are acorns and crammed
within us is an oak tree yearning to
spring forth look at the forest floor
though so many acorns fail to realize
their full potential they become lunch
for squirrels but if you can create the
right conditions you can become the
majestic oak tree the most glorious of
all the trees in the forest you can
create that lasting legacy I work as a
hospice chaplain normally when I say I
work for hospice people take a few steps
back they don’t know how to respond to
that this is largely because people
think Hospice is all about dying truly
though as hospice works with the dying
it teaches so much about living what are
some of the lessons that the dying can
teach to the living Leo Tolstoy wrote a
classic short story called the death of
Ivan Illich in it he has Ivan reflecting
on his conventional life as he lays
dying there on his deathbed he asked
what to my mind would be a horrifying
question what if my whole life has been
wrong Americans were asked to rank what
is most important to them included in
the list is family health
friends work money religion hobbies
leisure time community activities the
surveys get similar findings even when
repeated in different years Americans
consistently rank family and health as
the most important aspects of life
friends work money religion are all
viewed as less important and roughly
equal in the context of someone who is
nearing the end of his or her life I
think that this says basically three
things one money and possessions are
usually not the most important things in
life money does not buy happiness at
best money may rent happiness but if we
have spent a lifetime collecting money
and things we come to see that
ultimately this leaves us empty – at the
end of our lives our work and profession
are not as important work is an
important part of life but it does not
define us in any ultimate sense no one
at the end of their life says I wish I
had worked more and three the opinions
of others are not that important the
thoughts of others are so fleeting and
fickle worrying about the thoughts of
others is wasted worried if these things
are not important at the end of life
what then is important most people at
the end of their lives want to know that
their lives mattered that they made a
difference that the world is somehow
different because they were here they
come to truly appreciate what is
reflected in those surveys that the most
important things are family health and
legacy several years ago I knew a
hospice patient named Betty Betty was a
pleasant lady one of the things that she
would constantly tell me was that she
was a proper southern lady she taught me
that in the south when we don’t have
something nice to say about someone we
simply say bless his heart
she was such a storehouse of wisdom
however from the first time I met Betty
I could tell that something bothered her
it took weeks to build rapport and gain
her trust
she finally shared with me that when she
was 16 years old she had gotten pregnant
the baby was born and adopted out
somewhere she had no idea where the
little girl went or what became of her
to make the matter a bit more
complicated Betty’s husband of fifty
years had no idea any of this had ever
happened not knowing what had happened
to her daughter and keeping this deep
secret had taken a toll on Betty she was
full of fear what if I tell my husband
and he doesn’t understand what if he
becomes angry and feels lied to she
feared putting a strain on their
marriage in its Twilight bet he did come
to terms with her past and with a great
deal of courage she told her husband
about this unknown daughter who would
now be 53 years old her husband was
amazing at this news he was
compassionate understanding and kind
because this 50-year old secret had been
put to rest they now had a closeness and
an intimacy like never before as
difficult as it was for Betty to tell
her husband there was another piece to
this that was even more challenging all
we knew was a birth date time location
and gender would it ever be possible to
find this now 53 year old woman
technology is an amazing tool with the
help of a few telephone calls the
internet and even a private investigator
we found her she was living in another
city and had been trying for years to
find her birth mother with her voice and
hands trembling Betty made a telephone
call to the daughter she had not seen in
53 years her husband and I cried tears
of joy as we watched Betty reconnect
with her daughter two weeks after that
call the daughter was able to make the
trip to meet Betty in person this whole
experience losing the burden of a secret
and
connecting with family made Betty an
entirely different person
she was now complete and happy three
months later when she died
it happened beautifully and peacefully
surrounded by her old and newfound
family Betty was able to connect with
family and she did it with enough time
to enjoy that connection for a few
months before she died
Betty has left a lasting legacy with me
she reminds me still that family
connection is important for us there is
good news and bad news the bad news is
that each and every one of us is going
to die one day the good news is that
there is still time there is still time
to recognize the importance to connect
with family yes family maybe ultimately
more important than work but what about
those times that work takes us away from
family there are creative ways to deal
with this
for example technology allows families
to connect even when work takes them
away I’ve seen soldiers deployed halfway
around the world that are still able to
check their children’s homework in real
time amazing technology though also has
the ability to hinder family connections
let us be mindful of this put our phones
down and actually talk to each other the
point here is not to feel guilty or beat
ourselves up the point is to recognize
that family is important or likely will
become so and to work at improving our
connection to family health is or likely
will become a priority in our lives we
can make conscious choices here as well
exercise more eat right get enough rest
drink more water nurture mental and
emotional health to take that vacation
read a good book call an old friend
scratch a few things off a bucket list
finally we can make a difference and
make the world a better place we can do
this when in countless ways each and
every day practice a random act of
kindness plant a tree become an organ
donor smile more
laughs more love more another patient we
had was named Charlie Charlie was an old
marine he had served in World War two
and Korea Charlie was a hard man a mean
man actually the best way to describe
this cranky old man is to say bless his
heart
Charlie had a tough outer shell and no
one would get into that shell he was a
man’s man and he raised his three sons
to be the same at Charlie’s funeral his
oldest son John described to me what had
happened just the week before John was
helping his father in the bathroom he
described how hard it was for his father
a proud marine to need help in the
bathroom as John lifted his father off
of the toilet this frail old man kissed
John shared with me for years I had
played sports had broken bones and even
joined the military because I longed to
hear and deserve those words from my
father
this was the one and only time I ever
heard my father’s say he loved me and he
says it now one week before he dies we
wasted so much time yes John was angry
that his father waited all that time to
say those words but he was later able to
appreciate that at least he has the
memory of hearing his father say this
many many people do not have that memory
what are the memories we are creating
with the lives that we lead what are the
legacies we wish to create to design
with our lives to our current lives
reflect the priorities that we are
likely to have at the end of our lives
let us strive to live
so as to avoid Ivan Aleks hauntingly
horrible question what if my whole life
has been wrong let us begin
today to live each day more fully more
alive with no regrets thank you
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