[Applause]
the options for survivors to disclose
sexual abuse by a family member or
someone known to them without any
additional consequences of burden are
very difficult many survivors suffering
silence because of the stigma shame and
guilt attached to such trauma others
keep quiet because of the fear of blame
and for those who manage to speak out
like me often find themselves rejected
and ostracized by their family and
social circle
without support to articulate these
issues the impact of not doing so can
have devastating effects on the survivor
who is not only left confined to a world
of isolation but are unable to break out
of their prison of silence
I was nine years old when my father
started to sexually abuse me
my life as I knew it change from
normality to chaos and despair
there were never any warning signs that
I was in any danger and I certainly
never imagined such a thing could happen
to me but it did
that fateful day when he called me
upstairs to my parents bedroom I thought
I assumed it was to be given chores but
instead my father raped me
it was not a one-off incident and for
five years of my life it became a common
occurrence that was until one day when I
was 13 years old I learned during a
visit from child line a children’s
charity that came to my school the name
for what was happening to me sexual
abuse the realization the consequences
of my disclosure slowly dawned on me
after I was taken into the government
care at 13 years old as I tried to come
to terms with the betrayal the voice for
I courageously found and speaking out
about my abuse quietly faded away
there were many factors in why this
happened I was placed in a foster care
placement with people I didn’t know in a
new environment away from my family
trust issues I found it hard to talk to
anyone especially adults
I was without family support and it
became clear on being taken into care
that my mom and my family were going to
support my dad whilst I was left without
the only family I had ever known the
people that had been around me my entire
life
suddenly were not there but one of the
biggest reasons why I lost my voice was
because I believed I was to blame for
what had happened to me I felt sad and
lost guilty and ashamed that I had done
something wrong because why did it
happen to me
it didn’t happen to my brother or sister
and because of that I felt something was
inherently wrong with me
besides these issues I was diagnosed
with post-traumatic stress disorder
suffered from depression and had other
mental health challenges in order to
cope with the trauma I internalized my
pain and turned to alcohol drugs and
self harming as a way of dealing with
the overwhelming sense of pain and loss
that I felt I became a prisoner in the
aftermath to my challenges in sexual
abuse
experience is not exclusive to me it is
the story and journey of millions of
adult survivors worldwide trying to cope
with and make sense of the devastation
left behind in the aftermath of sexual
abuse
it is indiscriminate in the lives that
it affects male and female young and old
people from different races religions
classes and cultures have been affected
sexual abuse of a child can be defined
as contact a non-contact it can involve
sexual touching
penetration coercing a child into sexual
activity flashing
showing a child inappropriate images
amongst the range of other behavior and
actions
statistics from organizations such as
NSPCC are reporting one in 20 and in the
US figures from organizations such as
darkness to light report that one in
four girls one in six boys have been
sexually abused as children
the World Health Organization estimates
there are 800 million survivors
worldwide
these figures are just estimates what
could be considerably more because of
the stigma attached to disclose in this
epidemic crime we may never know the
true number of lives affected what we do
know from data gathered from different
organizations and charities that help
and support victims and survivors of
sexual abuse is that 90% of sexual abuse
is committed by someone the child knows
love or trust
the perpetrator can be anyone
parent sibling teacher coach neighbor
friends it is someone the child knows
who has access to the child
it is because of this depth of betrayal
the stigma and the implications involved
in speaking out that caused many
survivors to withdraw isolate self and
internalized their trauma
whilst there has been an increase in the
amount of survivors contacting
organizations in the wake of revelations
regarding well-known celebrities and
other high-profile people many still
feel unable to tell their family and
friends
for fear of judgment and repercussions
it is important to note it can take a
survivor many years to open up about
what has happened to them for each
survivor
besides emotional behavioral or
psychological effects they may
experience other factors such as
generational attitudes who the
perpetrator is how long the abuse lasted
and social backdrop can have an
influence on their decision to speak out
what happens in many cases sometimes
years later when the survivor finds the
courage to speak out is their disclosure
is met with immediate denial
some are labeled troublemakers or liars
for daring to voice the unimaginable
it is incredibly difficult for a child
to articulate that they have been
sexually abused especially if they don’t
know what is happening to them and there
are other factors that play a part in
why they don’t tell someone sooner they
may have been threatened to keep quiet
or told no one would believe them the
perpetrator may be older well-liked in a
position of power Authority or the
survivor may have conflicting feelings
towards the person because in another
area of their life they have provided
for their needs
the society mindset is an adult is
automatically seen as a person of truth
whilst the child can be seen as capable
of making up stories in denying and not
acknowledging the trauma caused to the
survivor it can have a compounding
effect on their recovery healing and
life
is also a generational mindset that is
passed down in some families they
believe what goes on in your house stays
in your house or that you don’t air your
dirty laundry in public meaning that
family affairs should not be privy to
the ears of strangers so you’re finding
these circumstances the survivor will
keep it to themselves for fear of being
in shame on the family but in making
that decision to do so it allows the
perpetrator to go unaccountable for
their actions and it does not protect
other children they may have access to
these are just some examples of the
challenges faced in speaking out there
is huge risk and personal cost involved
in doing so
loss of relationships rejection possible
humiliation and scrutiny can weigh
heavily on the survivors mind
I first identified the need for
supportive empowerment on leaving care
at 17 years old as a survivor looking
for help I found there were no complete
interactive support programs available
for people experiencing issues such as
mine so in 2011 after many years of
facing my own challenges I decided to
set up door to arise an organization
designed to create empowerment through
peer support
I used my experience and their lack of
what was missing in terms of support
as the building blocks for my vision of
providing a network that helps survivors
supportive empowerment is about breaking
down walls to reach the survivor why I
prefer by providing a helping hand a
safe space for them to open up about
their challenges and to engage in
activities that help them to find their
voice the idea is simple in its approach
by hiring a community hall and providing
tear refreshments I have created an
empowering environment for the survivor
to find support amongst others we’ve had
similar experiences
the tools that we use are both
communicative and interactive for
example we did an exercise called hidden
hearts I gave each survivor a large
heart balloon and a small blue and on
pieces of paper they wrote down emotions
and feelings they hide within themselves
that affect their everyday life
once Thun the small pieces of paper were
put inside the small balloon then inside
the large heart balloon which they blew
up and tied on the outside of the heart
balloon they wrote down how they
presented to people in their everyday
life some wrote happy joyful
approachable others quiet talkative
serious in doing this exercise
he opened the way for honest dialogue
between the survivors and for the first
time those who had never shared how they
felt before were able to talk about how
they’re hidden hurts had affected them
and also to finally face the feelings
and fears that they’ve held inside for
so long
for many survivors living in a prisoner
of isolation has proved to have a
destructive impact on their life in
taking part in these interactive
sessions it has helped the survivor to
gain a different insight into how their
experience has affected them and also
help them to build self-esteem and
confidence when we get together as a
group we are able to listen to one
another and support each other in a
power of unity it never felt possible to
be able to do this before my in sharing
my story providing the environment tools
and resources to facilitate this has now
become a reality
survivors of sexual abuse are typically
changed by their experience not only
because they were traumatized but also
because they feel the loss of innocence
and dignity the overwhelming weight of
that shame comes to define the survivor
shaping and influencing their choices
keeping them from their potential
at governmental level I believe there is
a lack of understanding of the scale of
the problem and how it impacts the
survivor the government should not only
invest in opening counseling and support
centers that could help make a
difference in restoring lives but also
employ survivors with knowledge and
experience in consultancy roles to help
advise and guide them on issues on
decisions regarding this issue
research from the World Health
Organization shows that women that have
been sexually and physically abused of
higher rates of mental health illness
unintended pregnancies abortions and
miscarriages than non abused women and
statistics from 3939 countries showed
that seventy-nine thousand suicides were
as a direct result of childhood sexual
abuse a high percentage of those were
men you could help make a difference in
breaking the stigma around this issue
and not only and not only empower
survivors but also help to make it
easier for future generations of
children to speak out prevention is
better than cure
if you have children talk to them about
their bodies teach them about good touch
and bad touch and the difference between
keeping good and bad secrets
we Ord an open relationship with your
child so they feel safe enough to
communicate to you anything that was
then we open to initiate and dialogue on
the subject by being open about it it
will help break down the walls of
silence surrounding it if you know a
survivor become that bridge of support
by listening to that person don’t judge
just listen you could make the
difference in that person open it up to
receive further help
for the survivor I know it’s not easy to
find your voice but the first step to
empowering yourself is to find your
voice it’s the first step to personal
freedom in sharing my experience I hope
that you too can find hope and courage
thank you
[Applause]
the options for survivors to disclose
sexual abuse by a family member or
someone known to them without any
additional consequences of burden are
very difficult many survivors suffering
silence because of the stigma shame and
guilt attached to such trauma others
keep quiet because of the fear of blame
and for those who manage to speak out
like me often find themselves rejected
and ostracized by their family and
social circle
without support to articulate these
issues the impact of not doing so can
have devastating effects on the survivor
who is not only left confined to a world
of isolation but are unable to break out
of their prison of silence
I was nine years old when my father
started to sexually abuse me
my life as I knew it change from
normality to chaos and despair
there were never any warning signs that
I was in any danger and I certainly
never imagined such a thing could happen
to me but it did
that fateful day when he called me
upstairs to my parents bedroom I thought
I assumed it was to be given chores but
instead my father raped me
it was not a one-off incident and for
five years of my life it became a common
occurrence that was until one day when I
was 13 years old I learned during a
visit from child line a children’s
charity that came to my school the name
for what was happening to me sexual
abuse the realization the consequences
of my disclosure slowly dawned on me
after I was taken into the government
care at 13 years old as I tried to come
to terms with the betrayal the voice for
I courageously found and speaking out
about my abuse quietly faded away
there were many factors in why this
happened I was placed in a foster care
placement with people I didn’t know in a
new environment away from my family
trust issues I found it hard to talk to
anyone especially adults
I was without family support and it
became clear on being taken into care
that my mom and my family were going to
support my dad whilst I was left without
the only family I had ever known the
people that had been around me my entire
life
suddenly were not there but one of the
biggest reasons why I lost my voice was
because I believed I was to blame for
what had happened to me I felt sad and
lost guilty and ashamed that I had done
something wrong because why did it
happen to me
it didn’t happen to my brother or sister
and because of that I felt something was
inherently wrong with me
besides these issues I was diagnosed
with post-traumatic stress disorder
suffered from depression and had other
mental health challenges in order to
cope with the trauma I internalized my
pain and turned to alcohol drugs and
self harming as a way of dealing with
the overwhelming sense of pain and loss
that I felt I became a prisoner in the
aftermath to my challenges in sexual
abuse
experience is not exclusive to me it is
the story and journey of millions of
adult survivors worldwide trying to cope
with and make sense of the devastation
left behind in the aftermath of sexual
abuse
it is indiscriminate in the lives that
it affects male and female young and old
people from different races religions
classes and cultures have been affected
sexual abuse of a child can be defined
as contact a non-contact it can involve
sexual touching
penetration coercing a child into sexual
activity flashing
showing a child inappropriate images
amongst the range of other behavior and
actions
statistics from organizations such as
NSPCC are reporting one in 20 and in the
US figures from organizations such as
darkness to light report that one in
four girls one in six boys have been
sexually abused as children
the World Health Organization estimates
there are 800 million survivors
worldwide
these figures are just estimates what
could be considerably more because of
the stigma attached to disclose in this
epidemic crime we may never know the
true number of lives affected what we do
know from data gathered from different
organizations and charities that help
and support victims and survivors of
sexual abuse is that 90% of sexual abuse
is committed by someone the child knows
love or trust
the perpetrator can be anyone
parent sibling teacher coach neighbor
friends it is someone the child knows
who has access to the child
it is because of this depth of betrayal
the stigma and the implications involved
in speaking out that caused many
survivors to withdraw isolate self and
internalized their trauma
whilst there has been an increase in the
amount of survivors contacting
organizations in the wake of revelations
regarding well-known celebrities and
other high-profile people many still
feel unable to tell their family and
friends
for fear of judgment and repercussions
it is important to note it can take a
survivor many years to open up about
what has happened to them for each
survivor
besides emotional behavioral or
psychological effects they may
experience other factors such as
generational attitudes who the
perpetrator is how long the abuse lasted
and social backdrop can have an
influence on their decision to speak out
what happens in many cases sometimes
years later when the survivor finds the
courage to speak out is their disclosure
is met with immediate denial
some are labeled troublemakers or liars
for daring to voice the unimaginable
it is incredibly difficult for a child
to articulate that they have been
sexually abused especially if they don’t
know what is happening to them and there
are other factors that play a part in
why they don’t tell someone sooner they
may have been threatened to keep quiet
or told no one would believe them the
perpetrator may be older well-liked in a
position of power Authority or the
survivor may have conflicting feelings
towards the person because in another
area of their life they have provided
for their needs
the society mindset is an adult is
automatically seen as a person of truth
whilst the child can be seen as capable
of making up stories in denying and not
acknowledging the trauma caused to the
survivor it can have a compounding
effect on their recovery healing and
life
is also a generational mindset that is
passed down in some families they
believe what goes on in your house stays
in your house or that you don’t air your
dirty laundry in public meaning that
family affairs should not be privy to
the ears of strangers so you’re finding
these circumstances the survivor will
keep it to themselves for fear of being
in shame on the family but in making
that decision to do so it allows the
perpetrator to go unaccountable for
their actions and it does not protect
other children they may have access to
these are just some examples of the
challenges faced in speaking out there
is huge risk and personal cost involved
in doing so
loss of relationships rejection possible
humiliation and scrutiny can weigh
heavily on the survivors mind
I first identified the need for
supportive empowerment on leaving care
at 17 years old as a survivor looking
for help I found there were no complete
interactive support programs available
for people experiencing issues such as
mine so in 2011 after many years of
facing my own challenges I decided to
set up door to arise an organization
designed to create empowerment through
peer support
I used my experience and their lack of
what was missing in terms of support
as the building blocks for my vision of
providing a network that helps survivors
supportive empowerment is about breaking
down walls to reach the survivor why I
prefer by providing a helping hand a
safe space for them to open up about
their challenges and to engage in
activities that help them to find their
voice the idea is simple in its approach
by hiring a community hall and providing
tear refreshments I have created an
empowering environment for the survivor
to find support amongst others we’ve had
similar experiences
the tools that we use are both
communicative and interactive for
example we did an exercise called hidden
hearts I gave each survivor a large
heart balloon and a small blue and on
pieces of paper they wrote down emotions
and feelings they hide within themselves
that affect their everyday life
once Thun the small pieces of paper were
put inside the small balloon then inside
the large heart balloon which they blew
up and tied on the outside of the heart
balloon they wrote down how they
presented to people in their everyday
life some wrote happy joyful
approachable others quiet talkative
serious in doing this exercise
he opened the way for honest dialogue
between the survivors and for the first
time those who had never shared how they
felt before were able to talk about how
they’re hidden hurts had affected them
and also to finally face the feelings
and fears that they’ve held inside for
so long
for many survivors living in a prisoner
of isolation has proved to have a
destructive impact on their life in
taking part in these interactive
sessions it has helped the survivor to
gain a different insight into how their
experience has affected them and also
help them to build self-esteem and
confidence when we get together as a
group we are able to listen to one
another and support each other in a
power of unity it never felt possible to
be able to do this before my in sharing
my story providing the environment tools
and resources to facilitate this has now
become a reality
survivors of sexual abuse are typically
changed by their experience not only
because they were traumatized but also
because they feel the loss of innocence
and dignity the overwhelming weight of
that shame comes to define the survivor
shaping and influencing their choices
keeping them from their potential
at governmental level I believe there is
a lack of understanding of the scale of
the problem and how it impacts the
survivor the government should not only
invest in opening counseling and support
centers that could help make a
difference in restoring lives but also
employ survivors with knowledge and
experience in consultancy roles to help
advise and guide them on issues on
decisions regarding this issue
research from the World Health
Organization shows that women that have
been sexually and physically abused of
higher rates of mental health illness
unintended pregnancies abortions and
miscarriages than non abused women and
statistics from 3939 countries showed
that seventy-nine thousand suicides were
as a direct result of childhood sexual
abuse a high percentage of those were
men you could help make a difference in
breaking the stigma around this issue
and not only and not only empower
survivors but also help to make it
easier for future generations of
children to speak out prevention is
better than cure
if you have children talk to them about
their bodies teach them about good touch
and bad touch and the difference between
keeping good and bad secrets
we Ord an open relationship with your
child so they feel safe enough to
communicate to you anything that was
then we open to initiate and dialogue on
the subject by being open about it it
will help break down the walls of
silence surrounding it if you know a
survivor become that bridge of support
by listening to that person don’t judge
just listen you could make the
difference in that person open it up to
receive further help
for the survivor I know it’s not easy to
find your voice but the first step to
empowering yourself is to find your
voice it’s the first step to personal
freedom in sharing my experience I hope
that you too can find hope and courage
thank you
[Applause]
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