the hero’s story often begins in
obscurity for Luke Skywalker it begins
on the desert planet of Tatooine for
Frodo Baggins it’s the all but forgotten
realm of the Shire and for Diana Prince
or Wonder Woman it’s the remote island
of the mascara and these heroes stay
shrouded in obscurity if not for the
intervention of a mentor who possesses
the two things that every hero needs
experience and perspective this mentor
values the hero draws them out of their
isolation trains them and then
Commission’s them according to
mythologist Joseph Campbell the hero’s
journey includes a wide variety of
components but I really wanted to focus
on the relationship between the mentor
and the hero from the perspective of the
mentor I wanted to see what kind of
relationships produce heroes because you
see these aren’t just stories they’re
rooted in who we are and and deep down
we really hope they’re true for me my
first mentor was a man by the name of
Rick wood Rick there’s normal life
circumstances introduced us but Rick
made an intentional decision to mentor
me he he didn’t force the relationship
on me he invited me into it and I
trusted him enough to accept he had a
life history a set of experiences in a
perspective that was completely
different from mine and it allowed me to
start to see the world in a different
way he helped me to see that aptitudes
and things like singing and cooking and
storytelling were just as noble as any
other and he didn’t he didn’t undermine
the authority of my parents on the
contrary he compounded the lessons that
I had learned from my parents and so
many others by giving me opportunities
to to express or to apply those lessons
to new problems
he believed that at some point in time I
would fight for the good of others and
he worked hard too
pair me for the day when I would be on
my own to say that Rick was an influence
is a gross understatement because he was
more than that there’s nothing wrong
with being an influencer but understand
that there’s a difference between those
two terms influencers are passive
they’re impersonal they share general
knowledge aimed at anyone in everyone
they risk very little invest very little
and because of that investment they reap
very little but mentors are different
mentors are active and personal they
share specific information aimed at one
maybe two people at a time they risk
greatly they invest greatly and as a
result they reap generously lots of
garage bands claim to be influenced by
Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash maybe the
Beatles but nobody hears that and really
thinks that John Lennon is in the living
room hammering out the lyrics to the new
single influences may be able to be
heard in the music but but mentors are
credited on the album so if you decide
that you want to be a mentor rather than
simply an influencer you’re not gonna
have to look very far to find the
potential hero because like we said
earlier heroes are found in obscurity
but more often than not obscurity is
found mmm your neighbourhood the street
you live on a friend of a friend or
maybe just where you work and it’s not
about being significantly older than
your hero it’s about possessing
experience and perspective that could
potentially help them and help to draw
them out of their isolation now if you
look around and you can’t find anyone to
mentor or if the thought of approaching
someone about mentorship makes you want
to vomit consider joining forces with an
organization that are has already built
inroads into populations rich with
heroes organizations like Boys and Girls
Club of America or another after-school
program or your local schools or even
consider your area of foster care
network many of these organizations
already have programs designed to train
you to equip you to prepare you and then
to pair you with an individual who could
benefit from your experience and
perspective regardless of where you find
this individual
it’s likely that you’re gonna find
someone who’s a little bit guarded or
maybe even jaded by something that’s
happened in the past and that’s not a
character flaw that may be rooted in the
fact that many have been marginalized
many have been abused and many have been
discarded so forgive them if it takes a
little bit for them to overcome their
initial skepticism of your motives
take for example Taylor the young man
that I’m mentoring now Taylor and I had
a relationship for years before he asked
me to mentor him but even even with that
history it took a little bit he was a
little bit guarded in those first few
meetings so I let him know up front that
I’m only interested in progress not
perfection and also let him know that
eventually I’m probably gonna let him
down in one area or another and I wasn’t
doing that to make excuses for the
future I was doing that because I wanted
him to know that if at some point in
time I did something or didn’t do
something that hurt him that I would
acknowledge it and I would apologize
Patrick Lencioni of the table group
calls this vulnerability based trust
when you when you share or you’re open
and honest about your faults and
limitations you open the door for your
hero to be just as honest and open about
theirs when you share your past
experiences in the context in which they
occurred you prove to them that you too
are a product of progress and you got to
trust them with more than just the truth
about you you’ve got to trust them with
all the truth just like Professor
Dumbledore does whenever he exposes the
truth about Cedric Diggory death you’ve
got to be the person who refuses to
sugarcoat conversation regardless of how
bleak and distasteful it may be and then
when a subject comes up that you know
nothing about
just admit it it’s okay to say you don’t
know it’s okay that you don’t know about
the latest artist or game
or a poor selfie filter matter of fact
it’s it’s important for your hero to
feel like they’re the authority in
something to feel like an expert in
something because it helps to reinforce
this concept that eventually they’re
going to be able to offer something to
the outside world and you you take
whatever that is to begin with and you
build upon that and once you’ve
developed this new layer of trust you
got to start designing experience as to
where they can start to see what what
inspires you and then look for what
inspires them once you see that you
start tailoring your activities in order
to help them experience that passion and
start to invest in it for another young
man dusty it was obvious from the first
time I met him his passion was music and
at one point in time whether he’ll admit
it or not I was actually a better
musician than him maybe not so much
today but at one point in time I was and
his dad was the drummer in our band so
it was it was easy to have him just come
and observe just come and watch what we
do and then tell us later what you think
about it tell us how you think we’re
doing how are we how are we getting from
one song to the next heart we transition
within the music and then as he began to
process that mentally and his he was
growing his skills as a musician we we
invited him to come and be a part and
and start to express some of those those
intuitions by playing with us and it was
done in a safe environment he did he
wasn’t overly exposed he was able to do
these things and make some mistakes and
it didn’t it didn’t really matter it
wasn’t it wasn’t anything that was life
or death but but then along the way we
started to ask him to take a little bit
bolder risk a little bit bolder risk and
and to begin to put himself out there
can you can he play this this lead line
can you play this solo can you sing this
harmony can you sing this song can you
perform in this arena and then we’ll
just back you up and as he grew and as
he grew he became more confident in the
fact that he had something to share and
then we got to ask that all-important
question who’s benefiting from the music
that you’re produced
because see that’s what heroes do heroes
work hard to save others they work hard
to benefit others and if and if your
hero doesn’t see what they’re doing as
being valuable to someone else as
improving someone else’s life then they
may become disenchanted with the process
and wonder why they’re working so hard
so you’ve got to constantly connect what
they’re doing with other people and then
at some point in time as it always
should it’s gonna come time to launch
and let go that can be hard especially
if you’re not ready almost ten years ago
my boss’s son JT decided to end his
heroin addiction in my office so over
the next several weeks nights of either
relapse or withdraw were met with
and at the time I really couldn’t
imagine a scenario where he would be
strong enough to be on his own but as
they grew and as he developed and he
dedicated himself as a husband and a
father it came time for him to move his
young family hundreds of miles away and
I was the one that wasn’t ready because
I’d forgotten that moving on is the goal
and sometimes your hero is going to take
the reigns for themselves and there and
they’re gonna run off and then other
times like like Luke Skywalker in the
absence of obi-wan Kenobi they need to
take mentorship from someone new but
either way it happens either way that
so what why isn’t this happening more if
we see this in our literature if we can
see this in in in the way it has worked
at least in my life
and if any of you have actually been
inspired by by this concept why is it
that we don’t see it more well I think
it boils down to one of two things
either one potential mentors don’t see
their experience its perspective as
being valuable to someone else or two
and far more tragic
they don’t see potential heroes as being
worth their time and that could be a
result of any number of biases and
Prejudice
maybe it’s racial ethnic gender
religious or simply aged bias but I’ve
seen far too many potential heroes
dismissed because of a label because
someone decided that this kid would
never amount to anything and if left in
isolation regardless of the dinner of
the demographic that could be true of
anyone but it’s just like Alan Turing
says in the movie the imitation game
sometimes it’s the people that no one
imagines anything of who do the things
that no one else can imagine so if you
are willing to be a mentor if you’re
willing to invest yourself deeply risked
yourself greatly you may inspire someone
to do things that they never thought
possible
you may even inspire them to someday
find a hero of their own thank you [Applause]
obscurity for Luke Skywalker it begins
on the desert planet of Tatooine for
Frodo Baggins it’s the all but forgotten
realm of the Shire and for Diana Prince
or Wonder Woman it’s the remote island
of the mascara and these heroes stay
shrouded in obscurity if not for the
intervention of a mentor who possesses
the two things that every hero needs
experience and perspective this mentor
values the hero draws them out of their
isolation trains them and then
Commission’s them according to
mythologist Joseph Campbell the hero’s
journey includes a wide variety of
components but I really wanted to focus
on the relationship between the mentor
and the hero from the perspective of the
mentor I wanted to see what kind of
relationships produce heroes because you
see these aren’t just stories they’re
rooted in who we are and and deep down
we really hope they’re true for me my
first mentor was a man by the name of
Rick wood Rick there’s normal life
circumstances introduced us but Rick
made an intentional decision to mentor
me he he didn’t force the relationship
on me he invited me into it and I
trusted him enough to accept he had a
life history a set of experiences in a
perspective that was completely
different from mine and it allowed me to
start to see the world in a different
way he helped me to see that aptitudes
and things like singing and cooking and
storytelling were just as noble as any
other and he didn’t he didn’t undermine
the authority of my parents on the
contrary he compounded the lessons that
I had learned from my parents and so
many others by giving me opportunities
to to express or to apply those lessons
to new problems
he believed that at some point in time I
would fight for the good of others and
he worked hard too
pair me for the day when I would be on
my own to say that Rick was an influence
is a gross understatement because he was
more than that there’s nothing wrong
with being an influencer but understand
that there’s a difference between those
two terms influencers are passive
they’re impersonal they share general
knowledge aimed at anyone in everyone
they risk very little invest very little
and because of that investment they reap
very little but mentors are different
mentors are active and personal they
share specific information aimed at one
maybe two people at a time they risk
greatly they invest greatly and as a
result they reap generously lots of
garage bands claim to be influenced by
Bob Dylan or Johnny Cash maybe the
Beatles but nobody hears that and really
thinks that John Lennon is in the living
room hammering out the lyrics to the new
single influences may be able to be
heard in the music but but mentors are
credited on the album so if you decide
that you want to be a mentor rather than
simply an influencer you’re not gonna
have to look very far to find the
potential hero because like we said
earlier heroes are found in obscurity
but more often than not obscurity is
found mmm your neighbourhood the street
you live on a friend of a friend or
maybe just where you work and it’s not
about being significantly older than
your hero it’s about possessing
experience and perspective that could
potentially help them and help to draw
them out of their isolation now if you
look around and you can’t find anyone to
mentor or if the thought of approaching
someone about mentorship makes you want
to vomit consider joining forces with an
organization that are has already built
inroads into populations rich with
heroes organizations like Boys and Girls
Club of America or another after-school
program or your local schools or even
consider your area of foster care
network many of these organizations
already have programs designed to train
you to equip you to prepare you and then
to pair you with an individual who could
benefit from your experience and
perspective regardless of where you find
this individual
it’s likely that you’re gonna find
someone who’s a little bit guarded or
maybe even jaded by something that’s
happened in the past and that’s not a
character flaw that may be rooted in the
fact that many have been marginalized
many have been abused and many have been
discarded so forgive them if it takes a
little bit for them to overcome their
initial skepticism of your motives
take for example Taylor the young man
that I’m mentoring now Taylor and I had
a relationship for years before he asked
me to mentor him but even even with that
history it took a little bit he was a
little bit guarded in those first few
meetings so I let him know up front that
I’m only interested in progress not
perfection and also let him know that
eventually I’m probably gonna let him
down in one area or another and I wasn’t
doing that to make excuses for the
future I was doing that because I wanted
him to know that if at some point in
time I did something or didn’t do
something that hurt him that I would
acknowledge it and I would apologize
Patrick Lencioni of the table group
calls this vulnerability based trust
when you when you share or you’re open
and honest about your faults and
limitations you open the door for your
hero to be just as honest and open about
theirs when you share your past
experiences in the context in which they
occurred you prove to them that you too
are a product of progress and you got to
trust them with more than just the truth
about you you’ve got to trust them with
all the truth just like Professor
Dumbledore does whenever he exposes the
truth about Cedric Diggory death you’ve
got to be the person who refuses to
sugarcoat conversation regardless of how
bleak and distasteful it may be and then
when a subject comes up that you know
nothing about
just admit it it’s okay to say you don’t
know it’s okay that you don’t know about
the latest artist or game
or a poor selfie filter matter of fact
it’s it’s important for your hero to
feel like they’re the authority in
something to feel like an expert in
something because it helps to reinforce
this concept that eventually they’re
going to be able to offer something to
the outside world and you you take
whatever that is to begin with and you
build upon that and once you’ve
developed this new layer of trust you
got to start designing experience as to
where they can start to see what what
inspires you and then look for what
inspires them once you see that you
start tailoring your activities in order
to help them experience that passion and
start to invest in it for another young
man dusty it was obvious from the first
time I met him his passion was music and
at one point in time whether he’ll admit
it or not I was actually a better
musician than him maybe not so much
today but at one point in time I was and
his dad was the drummer in our band so
it was it was easy to have him just come
and observe just come and watch what we
do and then tell us later what you think
about it tell us how you think we’re
doing how are we how are we getting from
one song to the next heart we transition
within the music and then as he began to
process that mentally and his he was
growing his skills as a musician we we
invited him to come and be a part and
and start to express some of those those
intuitions by playing with us and it was
done in a safe environment he did he
wasn’t overly exposed he was able to do
these things and make some mistakes and
it didn’t it didn’t really matter it
wasn’t it wasn’t anything that was life
or death but but then along the way we
started to ask him to take a little bit
bolder risk a little bit bolder risk and
and to begin to put himself out there
can you can he play this this lead line
can you play this solo can you sing this
harmony can you sing this song can you
perform in this arena and then we’ll
just back you up and as he grew and as
he grew he became more confident in the
fact that he had something to share and
then we got to ask that all-important
question who’s benefiting from the music
that you’re produced
because see that’s what heroes do heroes
work hard to save others they work hard
to benefit others and if and if your
hero doesn’t see what they’re doing as
being valuable to someone else as
improving someone else’s life then they
may become disenchanted with the process
and wonder why they’re working so hard
so you’ve got to constantly connect what
they’re doing with other people and then
at some point in time as it always
should it’s gonna come time to launch
and let go that can be hard especially
if you’re not ready almost ten years ago
my boss’s son JT decided to end his
heroin addiction in my office so over
the next several weeks nights of either
relapse or withdraw were met with
and at the time I really couldn’t
imagine a scenario where he would be
strong enough to be on his own but as
they grew and as he developed and he
dedicated himself as a husband and a
father it came time for him to move his
young family hundreds of miles away and
I was the one that wasn’t ready because
I’d forgotten that moving on is the goal
and sometimes your hero is going to take
the reigns for themselves and there and
they’re gonna run off and then other
times like like Luke Skywalker in the
absence of obi-wan Kenobi they need to
take mentorship from someone new but
either way it happens either way that
so what why isn’t this happening more if
we see this in our literature if we can
see this in in in the way it has worked
at least in my life
and if any of you have actually been
inspired by by this concept why is it
that we don’t see it more well I think
it boils down to one of two things
either one potential mentors don’t see
their experience its perspective as
being valuable to someone else or two
and far more tragic
they don’t see potential heroes as being
worth their time and that could be a
result of any number of biases and
Prejudice
maybe it’s racial ethnic gender
religious or simply aged bias but I’ve
seen far too many potential heroes
dismissed because of a label because
someone decided that this kid would
never amount to anything and if left in
isolation regardless of the dinner of
the demographic that could be true of
anyone but it’s just like Alan Turing
says in the movie the imitation game
sometimes it’s the people that no one
imagines anything of who do the things
that no one else can imagine so if you
are willing to be a mentor if you’re
willing to invest yourself deeply risked
yourself greatly you may inspire someone
to do things that they never thought
possible
you may even inspire them to someday
find a hero of their own thank you [Applause]
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