I would like to refer to this message
and my journey in comparison with a
you have the stars in the universe and
throughout their lifetime they gather
particles different material and
information that make them what they are
and the coma point in time in their life
where they die but in that death in that
destruction it’s not the end for them to
me it’s actually the beginning because
they then explode and they release that
information in those particles back into
the universe to make it possible for a
million more stars to be formed and for
me that was the perfect way to explain
my life I think we as people we where
like the stars where it’s so easy for us
to show the beauty that we possess on
the surface but there’s something deeper
going on inside of us that is a little
more complicated a little more difficult
to explain so for me it looked good on
the surface I had a good job I was
making good money I built my first house
when I was 21 years old so on the
surface the average person it looked
like everything was alright with me but
there was something deeper going on
inside where I still had a lot of
questions for myself whether or not I
was satisfied with me and that curiosity
that concern grew more and more every
day but I couldn’t answer it and there
were moments where I would be at staff
events parties you know where I’m
supposed to be enjoying myself but I
always find these moments to just zone
out in my mind and trying to figure
things out and this was this picture was
one of the
was moments where I’m supposed to be
okay here having fun but there’s so much
going on in my head I just can’t enjoy
myself as much anymore and that
continued to grow to the point where I
don’t have the answers so I want to try
and ignore this so I started to drink a
lot I would drink every single day of my
life
to the point where I would wake up in
the mornings and I couldn’t tell if I
was sober intoxicated from the neighbor
before it was so it was so constant and
I would just continue to do that it was
in affecting my work at the time so
still to the public they couldn’t really
see what was going on with me but this
feeling continued to grow regardless of
me trying to ignore it this way this
concern was still growing and a dumb
woman I decided I need to figure out you
know some other way to to answer this
question I don’t know if is it this job
that I mean is do I need to like start
over though what do I need to do because
this is not helping
so I decided at that point in time that
I’m gonna leave my position I was an
engineer at the time I was not a company
for seven years
and I decided I’m gonna leave this
position I gonna wipe my slate clean I
gonna start over I don’t have that
answer yet but I gonna start over I
gonna figure it out and I resigned from
my position I had someone is saved so I
could manage the bills a bit till I
figured out myself so I was still
drinking you know I have more time now
to abuse this Hobbit and know my family
and my friends they start to get a
little more concerned about me because
they could see instances before where I
was in this state but no it was more
frequent and no I don’t have a job I
have bills still but I don’t have a job
so you know they’re putting this
additional pressure on you know trying
to help me figure this out
so I start to push everybody away and
then when everybody gives me that space
now I start to feel alone because now I
don’t have anybody but I decided to
build on that isolation that I created
and I decided I don’t want to be in my
house as much anymore so I would every
night I would drive to the beach and I
were just stargaze I would have my
alcohol but I would just stargaze
because I felt like at that point my
answers would come from above my answers
would come some way I don’t know how but
if I keep my head up you know maybe the
answers would just come to me but then
one night that caught up to me as well I
was driving home fell asleep behind the
wheel and I got into an accident no
fortunately nobody was injured I was an
injured but a dull moment I know I need
to I need to fix this situation I know
how a criminal charge to face with the
police this car doesn’t belong to me I
borrowed this from a friend so no I have
to answer to them I still have all this
other stuff going on but I have this new
problem
there were many incidents before this
that happened that I should have you
know figured it out then but they
weren’t convincing enough but at this
point in time I knew I have to figure
don’t know so that passe I dealt with
the situation with the police and
everything and I’m at home now
trying to figure it out I don’t know
what go hopping and a friend of mine
came by one day and said you know what
you can doing it I don’t know you say
well you you select a plant and you
suffer that way you don’t make that yeah
you know consume your time so at the
time when I was in my previous job I
would find little moments and I would
plant stuff in the yard I just were
fascinated with the idea of things
growing and you know just I just used to
love that so I said Aria I mean see that
helps see if I can escape that way
so I decided I was gonna build a
greenhouse in my backyard
so I started to prepare the line but at
this point I have no idea how to bill
agree knows I have no carpentry
experience I don’t know anything about
getting this job done but I need to I
need to take the first step because
nothing else is working at this point in
time so I started to prepare the space
that I was going to use the business
greenhouse and I went to the local
hardware store and I bought the material
that I needed to start and it’s all
guessing at this point I’m gonna figure
it out somehow maybe about six or seven
days it took for me to build it and I
was about three years ago it’s still
standing so I think I did a good job so
that was the beginning and then at the
time I wasn’t when I used to like the
plant
it wasn’t necessarily food it was more
flowers and stuff I was more concerned
about like what is they had probably
plant some sunflowers give to my the
ladies and my family and stuff like that
because I figured that was easier to do
then grow food I dabbled a bit in some
food but not as heavy so I started to
plant and at that point I wanted to
start to share that experience as well
so I created a social media page you
know surrounding this new farmer
personality that I had and I would I
want to share that with people because
at this point you know I got a little
bit heavy-handed so I planted more than
I could manage so I decided to take to
social media and just ask a few people
if they would be interested in you know
getting some plants or buying some and I
got good feedback from people you know
they were very interested in what I was
doing and at the same time I was also
sharing personal information you know
just explaining to people you know I
I’m going through a few things this is
how I’m dealing with it I’m trying to
fix myself so I tried to build a
relationship with people as well and
then I started to get some requests you
know did you think about growing
vegetables or anything like that and I
didn’t have it in mind but I got those
requests more often no so I said okay
well I’m I’ll take a chance I’ll grow
some stuff so I started to grow more of
the the easier crops that I could manage
at the time I had different veg going
and then again I got a bit heavy-handed
and I ran out of space No
so here I have this greenhouse it’s it’s
full – you know capacity I need more
space so I decided no to top into the
carpenter scale a little bit more and I
want to expand a bit so I start I got a
I got some scrap material from a friend
and I started constructing some raised
boxes raised beds in my yard space you
know fill in my yard space completely
with these additional places for
planting at that point I was I’m still
sharing all of this on the media you
know going showing this experience and a
friend of mine she came by one day
because she saw what I was doing and she
said to me you know would I be
interested in going into schools and
talking to students about the growing
you know the carpentry stuff no I’m
trying to fix myself so I don’t think I
have the capability now to go and talk
to students and educate them but at the
same time I’m also saying I need to take
this chance because maybe that’s the
next step for me is to offer this
experience to someone else but I don’t
know what how I gonna do it so I go
figure it out click you’re not working
okay
so we go into the school and it’s the
best experience that I have a heart in
my life you have these innocent souls
these children that they’re not
concerned with my past they’re not
concerned with why I’m even that D
they’re just concerned about what I’m
what am I going to talk about why am I
here so if I can give them the best part
of me something that will help them in
the future then I think I would have
done my job and it was like I said it
was the best experience I have a heart
you know just working these these
students and from there I shared that on
social media as well and I started to
get feedback from other schools
interested in me working with their
students and you know doing something
similar getting a little bit nervous no
because know I have this service that I
never intended to offer no I’m
everybody’s one in that part of me but I
take the challenge anyway I go to the
schools I talk with them and add a
moment I decided I wanted to to shift my
focus now I realized that it was
important for me to hear myself but I
think that’s a journey that I’m still
gonna be on in a year in a few years to
come but here these children you know
they need this opportunity for someone
to come and share with them what I feel
is some of the most important things and
life growing your own food you know be
more conscious about your health you
know what spiritual movement and and
physically but I just want to share with
them how I feel why I did it and get
them not to meet the mistakes I made
with with farming that’s how I intended
to achieve that so I’m working with
these students in different schools and
around that same time a friend of mine
that we went we went to school together
and we would like each other post on
social media we would just comment about
me
one day we should meet up in
exchange plants either whatever and we
met one day and he said to me you know I
have some I have some property that you
know if you were interested we could use
it together and maybe do something on a
bigger scale at that time I needed the
space too because I can’t even walk in
my yard anymore in his boxes everywhere
plants everywhere so I said sure like
you know less let’s do this and
immediately I think about two years ago
no we went to the property we started
developing it you know building places
that we could store plants we started
growing immediately but a damn moment I
knew that was my dynastar moment because
I think the whole journey before that
was me collecting this information I
needed the materials I needed the
experience I needed to know expanding
become more than I ever was and this new
property no would the focus would be
mainly on that was we’re gonna use this
property we’re gonna grow like we did
before but no the the focus should be on
providing for people just as much as we
provide for ourselves with information
with food just a different idea on a
life stab because I feel that was like I
felt like that was a gap that was
getting a lot bigger here my generation
and the ones before us we saw a lot more
of this in the community or we saw a lot
more in general but there’s no
generation they’re not seeing it as much
so I think now this is the opportunity
that we need to we need to bridge this
gap so that became the main focus of
this new property was providing for the
public as much as we provide for
why would see is so how can I say it
doesn’t have to be as dramatic as my
beginning I don’t think it has to be for
anybody to to get to this point you know
some people are ready on this journey
but for those who aren’t on this journey
as yet I think it’s just important to
recognize that Danes are a moment in
your life where you’ve gotten all of
this information you’ve gotten all of
this experience and know that you were
exploded onto the scene you know once
you recognize that moment will you be
satisfied with just using it and healing
yourself with it or would you want to
heal the world with it
lessons thank you
[Applause] you