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thank you very much and the instrument
you just heard and saw me perform on is
perhaps my favorite instrument my
electric vintage toy organ I bought this
instrument on eBay about five years ago
and when I first brought it into my
college dorm room at the time I kind of
joke that I saw it as two things my
first solid as sort of my ticket to
Brooklyn uh-huh I needed something weird
something out of tune and of course
something very 1960s and order to get me
across that bridge for Manhattan and I
also joked that kind of solid as my
permanent boy magnet
I needed something heavy something
awkward and of course something that I
always looked like I needed an
incredible amount of assistance with in
order to have that ever long line of
male sneakers at the door and of course
more importantly my Brooklyn apartment
doors we clear a dome and I’m happy to
say that both of those values have still
proven mostly true more recently the
organ has come to have much greater
meaning for me I meaning that phenol
applies to me personally but can really
apply to all on a big or small level
that’s because I feel that the organ
allows me to navigate something not only
musical and not only visual but rather
something beyond ability and I’m going
to attempt to explain why about 15 years
ago my family and I were involved in a
serious car accident during which my
left hand was nearly amputated and
therefore ever since the acts today I
feel that it’s always been a challenge
to find an instrument that really suits
my body
well then always suits my body but
doesn’t remind me of the things that
won’t happen with my impairment the
notes that won’t sound the keys that
won’t press and rather rather I’ve
always longed to find a musical
instrument that does suit my body and
reminds me of the things that will and
can’t happen with my impairment the
notes that will sound the keys that will
press and I think most importantly the
possibilities that can emerge and
therefore worth of organ as you can see
it’s physical setup with the chord
buttons on the left hand side and the
keyboard part on the right hand side
feels very comfortable for me to
physically perform on I feel it was
almost made for my body and I say may
for my form and made for my deform I
feel that through performing on the
organ it challenges me to interact and
engage with my impairment on a different
level a level that allows my body to
navigate a unique environment in its own
manner without comparison or concern of
whether is able or not formed or not but
if it could be something else you know
something else that can perhaps be
beyond physicality beyond perception and
even beyond beyond ability and therefore
performing with the organ and
investigating my body on its own level
within its own manner has led me to want
to create a new social imaginary
imaginary that challenges traditional
notions regarding impairments in the
human body challenges those notions and
specifically challenged as the
historical stigma towards it you know
that stigma that categorizes a body that
has other categorizes a body that is
different and sets it aside rather than
something to be celebrated something to
be explored and I think most importantly
something to be enjoyed as disability
studies pioneer Rosemarie garland
Thompson often expresses disability is
really a product of cultural rules about
what body should be or should do and she
also adds that it’s a repository
resulting from social anxieties
involving vulnerability control and
identity she often also adds that um she
has a desire to recast disability from
the realm of medicine to that of
political minority and thus from a form
of pathology to a form of identity
therefore along those lines
I wish to recast disability from a fixed
static and perfection to that of a fluid
creative potential a potential that is
not concerned with able or disabled
formed or deform functional or
non-functional but rather all the
in-betweens those in betweens that lie
within the pillars of possible and
impossible fixed and fluid static and
moving and those in betweens that emerge
when we’re not concerned with the
ability of a body or normality of a body
but the imaginary of a body and a body
that can see beyond that virtue of
physicality and beyond that virtue that
satisfaction of visibility
you know that satisfaction of seeing a
body move as it should move act as it
should act form as it should form and
rather discarding of that false socially
constructed ideal and letting a body
move as it wants to move act as it wants
to act form as it wants to form but I
think most importantly deform as it
wants to deform and pair as it wants to
impaired and just be as it wants to be
to be without comparison with aljex to
position and to be celebrated for that
physical difference the physical
diversion it contains and a physical
difference that I from way too long
chose to hide away chose to cover in
long sleeves
I’m chose to be my permanent excuse from
gym class but rather a physical
difference that I now chose to uncover
to reveal to not be my excuse from gym
class to allow me to become addicted to
toy organs but I think perhaps most
importantly and the words of philosopher
John Dewey become that individual lends
to a perhaps greater truth and in the
words of another favorite philosopher of
mine
maurice merleau-ponty he states that we
must learn to see the world as if we
knew nothing about it as if we still had
everything to learn and expanding upon
that notion I feel that we still have
everything to learn regards the physical
impairment and we still have everything
to learn and the nuances it contains the
possibilities it holds and the
imaginaries that can emerge able or
disabled does not have to be black or
white on or off it can rather be a
spectrum of mobility a range of
possibility in a field of opportunity a
field where physical difference is not
only physical it’s not only clinical and
it’s not only personal it’s something
that’s rather emotional its political
and it’s quite livable but I think more
importantly something of a miracle a
miracle that sheds a light on to the
limits of human perception the limits of
human ability those limits I feel too
often and not forced bodies into
conformity rather than complexity
normality rather than vitality and
rather a miracle that sheds a light on
to the realm of opportunity of
possibility waiting beyond those limits
beyond those boundaries and a miracle
that for me has been a gift that keeps
on giving
I guess that is not only temporary but
here to stay
the gift that doesn’t only appear in the
darkest of my times or the lightest of
my times but in all my times and all
those times since my accident that I
used to think why me why is it me in the
very back seat of my parents SUV the SUV
that flipped on its side and seemingly
at my hand follow away from me fall into
the concrete fall into the bridge and
fall away from me and open up a world
that was not made for me not formed for
me instead I asked now why not me why
can’t I be the one to push against that
world to push against that false reality
to push against that social construction
and to push into something else that is
perhaps beyond physicality beyond
ability and beyond perception and I will
continually attempt to enter this world
I’ll continue attempt to play a tiny
role on my tiny organ into entering this
world and I courage you to join me in
imagining in creating and in fulfilling
what for you could be beyond ability and
work for you could be beyond comparison
[Music]
and if you don’t mind I’ll now finish
the piece I started at the beginning of
my talk a piece I wrote to challenge the
interaction between my two physically
different hands a piece titled form and
deform thank you very much
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thank you very much and the instrument
you just heard and saw me perform on is
perhaps my favorite instrument my
electric vintage toy organ I bought this
instrument on eBay about five years ago
and when I first brought it into my
college dorm room at the time I kind of
joke that I saw it as two things my
first solid as sort of my ticket to
Brooklyn uh-huh I needed something weird
something out of tune and of course
something very 1960s and order to get me
across that bridge for Manhattan and I
also joked that kind of solid as my
permanent boy magnet
I needed something heavy something
awkward and of course something that I
always looked like I needed an
incredible amount of assistance with in
order to have that ever long line of
male sneakers at the door and of course
more importantly my Brooklyn apartment
doors we clear a dome and I’m happy to
say that both of those values have still
proven mostly true more recently the
organ has come to have much greater
meaning for me I meaning that phenol
applies to me personally but can really
apply to all on a big or small level
that’s because I feel that the organ
allows me to navigate something not only
musical and not only visual but rather
something beyond ability and I’m going
to attempt to explain why about 15 years
ago my family and I were involved in a
serious car accident during which my
left hand was nearly amputated and
therefore ever since the acts today I
feel that it’s always been a challenge
to find an instrument that really suits
my body
well then always suits my body but
doesn’t remind me of the things that
won’t happen with my impairment the
notes that won’t sound the keys that
won’t press and rather rather I’ve
always longed to find a musical
instrument that does suit my body and
reminds me of the things that will and
can’t happen with my impairment the
notes that will sound the keys that will
press and I think most importantly the
possibilities that can emerge and
therefore worth of organ as you can see
it’s physical setup with the chord
buttons on the left hand side and the
keyboard part on the right hand side
feels very comfortable for me to
physically perform on I feel it was
almost made for my body and I say may
for my form and made for my deform I
feel that through performing on the
organ it challenges me to interact and
engage with my impairment on a different
level a level that allows my body to
navigate a unique environment in its own
manner without comparison or concern of
whether is able or not formed or not but
if it could be something else you know
something else that can perhaps be
beyond physicality beyond perception and
even beyond beyond ability and therefore
performing with the organ and
investigating my body on its own level
within its own manner has led me to want
to create a new social imaginary
imaginary that challenges traditional
notions regarding impairments in the
human body challenges those notions and
specifically challenged as the
historical stigma towards it you know
that stigma that categorizes a body that
has other categorizes a body that is
different and sets it aside rather than
something to be celebrated something to
be explored and I think most importantly
something to be enjoyed as disability
studies pioneer Rosemarie garland
Thompson often expresses disability is
really a product of cultural rules about
what body should be or should do and she
also adds that it’s a repository
resulting from social anxieties
involving vulnerability control and
identity she often also adds that um she
has a desire to recast disability from
the realm of medicine to that of
political minority and thus from a form
of pathology to a form of identity
therefore along those lines
I wish to recast disability from a fixed
static and perfection to that of a fluid
creative potential a potential that is
not concerned with able or disabled
formed or deform functional or
non-functional but rather all the
in-betweens those in betweens that lie
within the pillars of possible and
impossible fixed and fluid static and
moving and those in betweens that emerge
when we’re not concerned with the
ability of a body or normality of a body
but the imaginary of a body and a body
that can see beyond that virtue of
physicality and beyond that virtue that
satisfaction of visibility
you know that satisfaction of seeing a
body move as it should move act as it
should act form as it should form and
rather discarding of that false socially
constructed ideal and letting a body
move as it wants to move act as it wants
to act form as it wants to form but I
think most importantly deform as it
wants to deform and pair as it wants to
impaired and just be as it wants to be
to be without comparison with aljex to
position and to be celebrated for that
physical difference the physical
diversion it contains and a physical
difference that I from way too long
chose to hide away chose to cover in
long sleeves
I’m chose to be my permanent excuse from
gym class but rather a physical
difference that I now chose to uncover
to reveal to not be my excuse from gym
class to allow me to become addicted to
toy organs but I think perhaps most
importantly and the words of philosopher
John Dewey become that individual lends
to a perhaps greater truth and in the
words of another favorite philosopher of
mine
maurice merleau-ponty he states that we
must learn to see the world as if we
knew nothing about it as if we still had
everything to learn and expanding upon
that notion I feel that we still have
everything to learn regards the physical
impairment and we still have everything
to learn and the nuances it contains the
possibilities it holds and the
imaginaries that can emerge able or
disabled does not have to be black or
white on or off it can rather be a
spectrum of mobility a range of
possibility in a field of opportunity a
field where physical difference is not
only physical it’s not only clinical and
it’s not only personal it’s something
that’s rather emotional its political
and it’s quite livable but I think more
importantly something of a miracle a
miracle that sheds a light on to the
limits of human perception the limits of
human ability those limits I feel too
often and not forced bodies into
conformity rather than complexity
normality rather than vitality and
rather a miracle that sheds a light on
to the realm of opportunity of
possibility waiting beyond those limits
beyond those boundaries and a miracle
that for me has been a gift that keeps
on giving
I guess that is not only temporary but
here to stay
the gift that doesn’t only appear in the
darkest of my times or the lightest of
my times but in all my times and all
those times since my accident that I
used to think why me why is it me in the
very back seat of my parents SUV the SUV
that flipped on its side and seemingly
at my hand follow away from me fall into
the concrete fall into the bridge and
fall away from me and open up a world
that was not made for me not formed for
me instead I asked now why not me why
can’t I be the one to push against that
world to push against that false reality
to push against that social construction
and to push into something else that is
perhaps beyond physicality beyond
ability and beyond perception and I will
continually attempt to enter this world
I’ll continue attempt to play a tiny
role on my tiny organ into entering this
world and I courage you to join me in
imagining in creating and in fulfilling
what for you could be beyond ability and
work for you could be beyond comparison
[Music]
and if you don’t mind I’ll now finish
the piece I started at the beginning of
my talk a piece I wrote to challenge the
interaction between my two physically
different hands a piece titled form and
deform thank you very much
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
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