so I’m currently a senior here at
Illinois Wesleyan and I’m a very proud
latina first-generation college student
which means I’m one of the first people
in my family to go to college however I
am the first person in my family to
study abroad I took this picture
actually on a plane while I was on a 12
hour plane ride to st. Petersburg Russia
so if this was my first time leaving the
country entirely by myself it was the
first time I’d be leaving my family for
more than two weeks and I didn’t realize
it at the time but it would be the first
time that I really would challenge
myself by putting myself in an
environment that I was not familiar with
as well as in an environment barely
understood the language see as an
International Studies major in Russian
minor it was a requirement that I
studied abroad so I knew I would at some
point I just didn’t know when or where
yet but then the Russian minor came
along and I said okay stuff here we go
so I had taken three semesters of
Russian language while I was here before
I left so I thought I was totally good
like I knew Russian you know and then I
got there and then I had a host family
that spoke no English and I realized
that I only knew survival skill Russian
so I could tell you hello my name is
where’s the toilet all those great
things but then once I got beyond that I
had no clue especially because it was
rapid-fire Russian that Russian speak so
it was an incredible incredible study
abroad opportunity that I was able to go
on and the four months by way way too
quickly so under in December December
18th to be exact I was on that 12 hour
plane ride back home to the United
States and I’m sure everyone on that
plane was already looking forward to
getting back to the u.s. getting back to
their jobs going back to school but I
was just trying to figure out how I
could go back to st. Petersburg because
I loved it there even though we were
only a couple of hours out on that plane
ride I already missed st. Petersburg
I missed the city I missed the metro I
missed the lights
I missed the buses I missed the language
that was sometimes easy to understand
and sometimes really hard to understand
and then I realized that out of
everything the the thing that I missed
the most was getting lost and I got lost
a lot because Russian uses a Cyrillic
alphabet and some of their metro
stations and some of their bus stops
look exactly the same
in my opinion and so I would get on the
bus or I get on the metro trying to go
somewhere and I’d end up going in the
exact opposite direction and I would end
up 20 minutes out of the way and
definitely not at the destination I was
trying to reach but it was those moments
of getting lost in the city and finding
myself in a new part of town and
exploring and meeting new people seeing
new things that really made that
experience worth it I remember one of
the times that my friends and I were on
a mission to go find a donkey Nietzsche
which translates into book house or
house of books I felt like that and we
didn’t have an exact address for it we
were just kind of told about it and
we’re like that’d be cool to go check
out so we hopped on the metro and got
off at the metro stop that they told us
to get off on and we just started
exploring we just started walking down
the street making random turns and
eventually we were like okay we don’t
see the dome Kenichi so we decided to go
inside a Russian grocery store and we
asked the store keepers if they knew
where the dome genuki was and
unfortunately they said that I had
already been destroyed or it no longer
existed so we were a little upset
because we were literally looking
forward to it but we were like okay
that’s fine we’re just gonna keep
exploring then so we left and we just
took some more turns kept walking I saw
a lot of really and then when we were
near the bank of the neva river we saw
this big building maybe three or four
storeys tall and there was a lot of
people coming in and out of it and above
the building if there was a sign that
said dome cool duty which translates
into house of culture and we’re like
okay this sounds cool let’s go check
this out and it was the most incredible
place in my opinion it was awesome
and it quickly became one of my favorite
places in saint-petersburg because it
was a giant indoor flea market basically
and there was so many Russian people
they’re selling their handmade crafts
and scarves and chess sets and literally
everything you can imagine and it was
also a great opportunity to practice a
Russian and since I went so often I got
to know some of the people and I was
able to talk to them and when I ever I
met new people I would talk to them
new Russian skills that I was slowly but
surely learning and they actually
thought that I was Russian they thought
I was from like Kazakhstan or something
and then I got past the Russian that I
knew and they’re like oh you’re not from
here and I said yes
you’re right but I’m trying and that was
the most important part so these were
the things that I was remembering when I
was on that 12-hour plane ride home so I
was thinking about everything that I was
leaving behind because I was four short
months saint-peter’s heard see ears
birth can be home to me but I was also
thinking ahead because the only reason I
was able to study abroad was because of
some really great for scholarships that
I was able to get if it hadn’t been for
that I wouldn’t have been able to fund
my trip the results of one of those
scholarships required me to do a
follow-on service project and most
people do travel blogs or photo essays
or something like that I just wanted to
do something different I didn’t know
what though when I was brainstorming
about what I wanted to do I remember
having a conversation with my younger
brother who at the time was a senior in
high school and he was it was graduation
season season he was about to graduate
and he was telling me about his fellow
peers who were who had like a very
dejected outlook on college life they
hadn’t even started applying yet because
they didn’t think they were good enough
they didn’t think that they’d be able to
make it but mostly it was because of
limited financial means and that really
struck me because as a first-generation
college student from a low-income
background at my alma mater I knew
exactly what those students were going
through I was able to relate to them on
so many different levels and I realized
that this was something that I’m so
passionate about I wanted to make this
my project and so when I finally got
back from my study abroad trip I emailed
my incredible high school counselor Miss
hack and told her about the plan and
asked her if it was okay if I came and
did a couple of presentations and she
was great and she reached out to a
couple of our old teachers and they were
very enthusiastic they were very
supportive of my project and they
invited me to do seven hour-long
presentations in seven different classes
over the time over the time period of
two days so that was fun and I was
really excited because I was like yes my
projects taking off it’s gonna be great
but then I realized I probably should
have something to show to the kids I
should probably start putting together
this presentation and so I did I started
going through a Facebook and Instagram
and snapchat and every other photo media
outlet that I had and I started pulling
pictures out of like the past seven
years of my life and when I was looking
through all of those pictures I was
recalling all of the memories that were
attached to them and I remember
realizing wow like I got to do that
that’s so cool like and I was able to do
this but then I realized that in all of
those different moments there were
moments where I felt lost to where I
felt insecure emotionally or physically
or spiritually or mentally but in
particular it reminded me of a time when
I was in eighth grade and I was going
somewhere with my mom I have no clue
where we were going but we’re going
somewhere and we were lost I knew we
were lost she knew we were lost
she didn’t care I care and I was in
eighth grade so this was before I had a
phone and I remember feeling really
frustrated because I could just really
easily Google this and we could get
there so much faster and I told her a
Mac we’re lost can I please use your
phone so I can look up the directions
and she was just very calm very peaceful
telling me no no don’t worry about it
we’ll be fine we’ll get there but it was
going on and I was just like mom please
and then I remember at one of the
stoplights she turned around and she
looked at me and very calmly said soloq
beardian looked at thank cuentas
which translates into only by getting
lost do you find yourself and me being
in that moment being a teenager I was
like yeah yeah whatever you say mommy
and she just calmly kept driving drove
around in a couple more circles and
eventually we made it to where we needed
to go so that moment is when it’s a
moment that came to mind when I was
looking through all those pictures and I
started attaching that moment to
pictures like this one where I looked
like I’m happy but this was actually
taken during the first week here at
Wesleyan and I was smiling at minor
Meyers cuz I thought he was super cool
that there was a statue but I remember
feeling very insecure and very lost
because I didn’t have a lot of support
and a lot of guidance as a
first-generation student I didn’t have a
lot of help filling out the paperwork
and the loans in the financial aid and
all of those other great things because
my mom didn’t know about it
my older and a brother and I had to
struggle through that to get
also I was physically lost cuz you can
still see the little campus map in my
purse it’s not a big campus but I still
managed to get lost quite a number of
times but all of those moments that I
got lost in my family was always present
they were my support so that’s my
beautiful mother on the left and my two
younger brothers Richard and Alex Alex’s
in the graduation cap and that’s my
older brother Eric so that’s the wise
advice my mom gave me the solo pair they
know to think when truss and I realized
that looking through all of those
pictures that she would tell me the same
thing and random moments that had
absolutely nothing to do with getting
physically lost so I realized either she
didn’t understand what she was saying or
I didn’t understand what she was say it
was me but she was right in looking at
all at all of those pictures putting
together that slideshow thinking about
all of those things that I have been
able to do but there were there were so
many periods of uncertainty I realized
that she was the one who was right I
didn’t understand that only by getting
lost through actually really find out
about yourself it doesn’t necessarily
mean that your entire future is
enlightened it doesn’t mean that you
know everything about yourself but those
periods of getting lost helped you find
out a lot about yourself whether you are
independent enough to go into a whole
new the country and learn a new language
and try to survive for four months
whether you’re responsible enough to
take on tasks whether you are committed
enough to take charge on a brand new
project there are so many different
things that you learn about yourself
when you do get lost this for example is
one of the metro stations that I found
when I got lost again in st. Petersburg
I didn’t mean to go there but I got
there and it put me about an hour out of
the way so how to go back home in the
opposite direction but this picture this
Mont know the feeling and the emotion
connected to this memory reminded me
that there was so much that I was able
to find out about myself when I got lost
in st. Petersburg I realized that when I
get lost I guess I don’t buy it I don’t
panic I just look for a solution and
keep finding a different way to figure
things out but it’s more importantly it
helped me realize that breakthrough
moments are not just giant breakthrough
moments but rather they’re comprised of
smaller yet still significant
breakthrough moments that lead you and
prepare you for
larger breakthrough moments in high
school for me that was putting myself
out of my comfort zone and joining
activities and finding out what I was
good at and not so good at but also
finding out that I love languages and I
love helping people and I love meeting
new people and trying new things when I
was a senior it meant going through the
whole insecurity being unsure of whether
I was even ready for college whether it
was good enough for college whether that
was something for me or not when I was a
freshman it meant having to put up with
college realizing that there’s a whole
nother level required of you when you
make it to college that people have
higher expectations that there are
things I need to be done and deadlines
are deadlines and there’s just so many
different moments of getting lost
physically mentally emotionally
spiritually go through all of those
things those smaller moments prepare you
for the lights but I also realized that
those lost moments mean that you’re
going to feel insecure and I did feel
insecure a lot of times so my advice to
you is be unsure and do it anyways
because chances are if you take on a new
job if you move to a new place if you
join a new organization you’re gonna
feel lost at some point anyways and
you’re gonna have to figure out a
solution anyways you’re gonna have to
figure out a way to get over it through
it around it whatever it takes to get
you to where you need to go so be unsure
and do it anyways but more importantly I
realized that those smaller moments in
my life led to those bigger
breakthroughs in 2014 that meant
battling all the things that I needed to
battle – to get to graduation in
highschool and now hopefully May of 2018
I will get to graduation 2018
so I would encourage you all to
recognize that in the moments where you
feel lost and secure not sure take
advantage of my mother’s wise advice
that I didn’t listen to you at the time
but now finally understand that solo
perdiendo to think cuentas only by
getting lost do you find yourself thank
you
[Applause]
Illinois Wesleyan and I’m a very proud
latina first-generation college student
which means I’m one of the first people
in my family to go to college however I
am the first person in my family to
study abroad I took this picture
actually on a plane while I was on a 12
hour plane ride to st. Petersburg Russia
so if this was my first time leaving the
country entirely by myself it was the
first time I’d be leaving my family for
more than two weeks and I didn’t realize
it at the time but it would be the first
time that I really would challenge
myself by putting myself in an
environment that I was not familiar with
as well as in an environment barely
understood the language see as an
International Studies major in Russian
minor it was a requirement that I
studied abroad so I knew I would at some
point I just didn’t know when or where
yet but then the Russian minor came
along and I said okay stuff here we go
so I had taken three semesters of
Russian language while I was here before
I left so I thought I was totally good
like I knew Russian you know and then I
got there and then I had a host family
that spoke no English and I realized
that I only knew survival skill Russian
so I could tell you hello my name is
where’s the toilet all those great
things but then once I got beyond that I
had no clue especially because it was
rapid-fire Russian that Russian speak so
it was an incredible incredible study
abroad opportunity that I was able to go
on and the four months by way way too
quickly so under in December December
18th to be exact I was on that 12 hour
plane ride back home to the United
States and I’m sure everyone on that
plane was already looking forward to
getting back to the u.s. getting back to
their jobs going back to school but I
was just trying to figure out how I
could go back to st. Petersburg because
I loved it there even though we were
only a couple of hours out on that plane
ride I already missed st. Petersburg
I missed the city I missed the metro I
missed the lights
I missed the buses I missed the language
that was sometimes easy to understand
and sometimes really hard to understand
and then I realized that out of
everything the the thing that I missed
the most was getting lost and I got lost
a lot because Russian uses a Cyrillic
alphabet and some of their metro
stations and some of their bus stops
look exactly the same
in my opinion and so I would get on the
bus or I get on the metro trying to go
somewhere and I’d end up going in the
exact opposite direction and I would end
up 20 minutes out of the way and
definitely not at the destination I was
trying to reach but it was those moments
of getting lost in the city and finding
myself in a new part of town and
exploring and meeting new people seeing
new things that really made that
experience worth it I remember one of
the times that my friends and I were on
a mission to go find a donkey Nietzsche
which translates into book house or
house of books I felt like that and we
didn’t have an exact address for it we
were just kind of told about it and
we’re like that’d be cool to go check
out so we hopped on the metro and got
off at the metro stop that they told us
to get off on and we just started
exploring we just started walking down
the street making random turns and
eventually we were like okay we don’t
see the dome Kenichi so we decided to go
inside a Russian grocery store and we
asked the store keepers if they knew
where the dome genuki was and
unfortunately they said that I had
already been destroyed or it no longer
existed so we were a little upset
because we were literally looking
forward to it but we were like okay
that’s fine we’re just gonna keep
exploring then so we left and we just
took some more turns kept walking I saw
a lot of really and then when we were
near the bank of the neva river we saw
this big building maybe three or four
storeys tall and there was a lot of
people coming in and out of it and above
the building if there was a sign that
said dome cool duty which translates
into house of culture and we’re like
okay this sounds cool let’s go check
this out and it was the most incredible
place in my opinion it was awesome
and it quickly became one of my favorite
places in saint-petersburg because it
was a giant indoor flea market basically
and there was so many Russian people
they’re selling their handmade crafts
and scarves and chess sets and literally
everything you can imagine and it was
also a great opportunity to practice a
Russian and since I went so often I got
to know some of the people and I was
able to talk to them and when I ever I
met new people I would talk to them
new Russian skills that I was slowly but
surely learning and they actually
thought that I was Russian they thought
I was from like Kazakhstan or something
and then I got past the Russian that I
knew and they’re like oh you’re not from
here and I said yes
you’re right but I’m trying and that was
the most important part so these were
the things that I was remembering when I
was on that 12-hour plane ride home so I
was thinking about everything that I was
leaving behind because I was four short
months saint-peter’s heard see ears
birth can be home to me but I was also
thinking ahead because the only reason I
was able to study abroad was because of
some really great for scholarships that
I was able to get if it hadn’t been for
that I wouldn’t have been able to fund
my trip the results of one of those
scholarships required me to do a
follow-on service project and most
people do travel blogs or photo essays
or something like that I just wanted to
do something different I didn’t know
what though when I was brainstorming
about what I wanted to do I remember
having a conversation with my younger
brother who at the time was a senior in
high school and he was it was graduation
season season he was about to graduate
and he was telling me about his fellow
peers who were who had like a very
dejected outlook on college life they
hadn’t even started applying yet because
they didn’t think they were good enough
they didn’t think that they’d be able to
make it but mostly it was because of
limited financial means and that really
struck me because as a first-generation
college student from a low-income
background at my alma mater I knew
exactly what those students were going
through I was able to relate to them on
so many different levels and I realized
that this was something that I’m so
passionate about I wanted to make this
my project and so when I finally got
back from my study abroad trip I emailed
my incredible high school counselor Miss
hack and told her about the plan and
asked her if it was okay if I came and
did a couple of presentations and she
was great and she reached out to a
couple of our old teachers and they were
very enthusiastic they were very
supportive of my project and they
invited me to do seven hour-long
presentations in seven different classes
over the time over the time period of
two days so that was fun and I was
really excited because I was like yes my
projects taking off it’s gonna be great
but then I realized I probably should
have something to show to the kids I
should probably start putting together
this presentation and so I did I started
going through a Facebook and Instagram
and snapchat and every other photo media
outlet that I had and I started pulling
pictures out of like the past seven
years of my life and when I was looking
through all of those pictures I was
recalling all of the memories that were
attached to them and I remember
realizing wow like I got to do that
that’s so cool like and I was able to do
this but then I realized that in all of
those different moments there were
moments where I felt lost to where I
felt insecure emotionally or physically
or spiritually or mentally but in
particular it reminded me of a time when
I was in eighth grade and I was going
somewhere with my mom I have no clue
where we were going but we’re going
somewhere and we were lost I knew we
were lost she knew we were lost
she didn’t care I care and I was in
eighth grade so this was before I had a
phone and I remember feeling really
frustrated because I could just really
easily Google this and we could get
there so much faster and I told her a
Mac we’re lost can I please use your
phone so I can look up the directions
and she was just very calm very peaceful
telling me no no don’t worry about it
we’ll be fine we’ll get there but it was
going on and I was just like mom please
and then I remember at one of the
stoplights she turned around and she
looked at me and very calmly said soloq
beardian looked at thank cuentas
which translates into only by getting
lost do you find yourself and me being
in that moment being a teenager I was
like yeah yeah whatever you say mommy
and she just calmly kept driving drove
around in a couple more circles and
eventually we made it to where we needed
to go so that moment is when it’s a
moment that came to mind when I was
looking through all those pictures and I
started attaching that moment to
pictures like this one where I looked
like I’m happy but this was actually
taken during the first week here at
Wesleyan and I was smiling at minor
Meyers cuz I thought he was super cool
that there was a statue but I remember
feeling very insecure and very lost
because I didn’t have a lot of support
and a lot of guidance as a
first-generation student I didn’t have a
lot of help filling out the paperwork
and the loans in the financial aid and
all of those other great things because
my mom didn’t know about it
my older and a brother and I had to
struggle through that to get
also I was physically lost cuz you can
still see the little campus map in my
purse it’s not a big campus but I still
managed to get lost quite a number of
times but all of those moments that I
got lost in my family was always present
they were my support so that’s my
beautiful mother on the left and my two
younger brothers Richard and Alex Alex’s
in the graduation cap and that’s my
older brother Eric so that’s the wise
advice my mom gave me the solo pair they
know to think when truss and I realized
that looking through all of those
pictures that she would tell me the same
thing and random moments that had
absolutely nothing to do with getting
physically lost so I realized either she
didn’t understand what she was saying or
I didn’t understand what she was say it
was me but she was right in looking at
all at all of those pictures putting
together that slideshow thinking about
all of those things that I have been
able to do but there were there were so
many periods of uncertainty I realized
that she was the one who was right I
didn’t understand that only by getting
lost through actually really find out
about yourself it doesn’t necessarily
mean that your entire future is
enlightened it doesn’t mean that you
know everything about yourself but those
periods of getting lost helped you find
out a lot about yourself whether you are
independent enough to go into a whole
new the country and learn a new language
and try to survive for four months
whether you’re responsible enough to
take on tasks whether you are committed
enough to take charge on a brand new
project there are so many different
things that you learn about yourself
when you do get lost this for example is
one of the metro stations that I found
when I got lost again in st. Petersburg
I didn’t mean to go there but I got
there and it put me about an hour out of
the way so how to go back home in the
opposite direction but this picture this
Mont know the feeling and the emotion
connected to this memory reminded me
that there was so much that I was able
to find out about myself when I got lost
in st. Petersburg I realized that when I
get lost I guess I don’t buy it I don’t
panic I just look for a solution and
keep finding a different way to figure
things out but it’s more importantly it
helped me realize that breakthrough
moments are not just giant breakthrough
moments but rather they’re comprised of
smaller yet still significant
breakthrough moments that lead you and
prepare you for
larger breakthrough moments in high
school for me that was putting myself
out of my comfort zone and joining
activities and finding out what I was
good at and not so good at but also
finding out that I love languages and I
love helping people and I love meeting
new people and trying new things when I
was a senior it meant going through the
whole insecurity being unsure of whether
I was even ready for college whether it
was good enough for college whether that
was something for me or not when I was a
freshman it meant having to put up with
college realizing that there’s a whole
nother level required of you when you
make it to college that people have
higher expectations that there are
things I need to be done and deadlines
are deadlines and there’s just so many
different moments of getting lost
physically mentally emotionally
spiritually go through all of those
things those smaller moments prepare you
for the lights but I also realized that
those lost moments mean that you’re
going to feel insecure and I did feel
insecure a lot of times so my advice to
you is be unsure and do it anyways
because chances are if you take on a new
job if you move to a new place if you
join a new organization you’re gonna
feel lost at some point anyways and
you’re gonna have to figure out a
solution anyways you’re gonna have to
figure out a way to get over it through
it around it whatever it takes to get
you to where you need to go so be unsure
and do it anyways but more importantly I
realized that those smaller moments in
my life led to those bigger
breakthroughs in 2014 that meant
battling all the things that I needed to
battle – to get to graduation in
highschool and now hopefully May of 2018
I will get to graduation 2018
so I would encourage you all to
recognize that in the moments where you
feel lost and secure not sure take
advantage of my mother’s wise advice
that I didn’t listen to you at the time
but now finally understand that solo
perdiendo to think cuentas only by
getting lost do you find yourself thank
you
[Applause]
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