[Music]
it’s a city way thing that people are
imbued with a lot of book ness and
imbued with a lot of confidence now
growing up in Pawtucket you are told
that you can do almost anything you put
your mind to and I really believe them
so from pisacas I moved on to Lagos
accompanied with my fearless self that I
had developed in Port Harcourt
now in Lagos I got a job and started
working and I felt that there were lots
of things that I was struggling with I
believe that I was one of those people
who said things exactly as they were you
know one of those people you would meet
in a meeting where someone had put
through a slide that said six plus six
is nine he just made an innocent mistake
I was one of those people that would say
excuse me six or six is ten very boldly
and without fear so I spent a lot of
time trying to dial up myself and dial
down myself and it’s a wonder that I
didn’t lose myself I missed it all now
fast forward to wealth I was still in
this struggle I got married and then the
children started coming you know I’m not
wake up one day and there was this
little child crying and needing me I
mean it was surprising because I thought
even I still needed my mother and whilst
I continued with with this child who
needed me I also had to balance the home
and ensure that dinner was prepared and
things just started falling apart you
know I would find that I missed them
vaccinations you know I found that I
missed things that I thought were really
important that no serious person should
be missing and so one day I cried I
cried because I was frustrated I cried
and you know was crying I looked and
thought hey is that really me the bold
confident girl from petticoat who came
from a no-holds bad society and
who felt she could do anything and so I
kept being frustrated and looking for
answers and solutions I’ll go for and
then I thought I’ll say something else
to her I’ll say to her look it’s okay to
cry because some days I was so
frustrated with trying to balance
everything that I literally broke up and
broke down in tears now crying is fine
but what do you do after the tears what
you do after those tears is just rise up
and keep going
now along the way I did meet a lot of
judgmental people I mean I miss all of
the things that were happening to me if
I took my son or my child to the
hospital and then I met one of those
matrons you know those matrons this big
type of matrons as soon as I came in in
my suits I would say and then the
conversation go like this what does the
child have I’ll be like diarrhea do you
like diarrhea madam is this child an
exclusive or is this child on on the
bottle of course you know what the
answer is I’m like before I begin the
bottle I get a big lecture of how the
bottle is really bad for the child and
how every child who has the bottle and
how exclusive is an answer to all the
world’s problems but I think the message
hearing is every woman every working
mother and every woman you meet is going
through something please do not judge
her I think that’s a really important
message that we should each go away with
the third thing I would say to her is
there are many things that hold you back
please do not be the woman that standing
that stands in her own way and how can a
woman stand in her own way I think that
a woman stands in her own way when she
doesn’t show up and then explain it I’m
gonna be sitting those meetings those
really big meeting executive meetings
where you have all sorts of senior
people and someone has asked a really
intelligent question and you know you
know the answers but you’re mulling in
your brain and thinking how am I gonna
freeze this how am I gonna respond and
just before you muster up the courage to
respond another man has responded and
you’re thinking excuse me I know that we
I know that answer that’s the very thing
that I should have been saying so I
think the message in there for us is
please be courageous I mean the answers
don’t always have to be right and to be
honest when is not right the world
doesn’t break through the world doesn’t
come to an end
but please be courageous to speak up in
writing my manual the second thing I was
gonna say to her is there’ll be days
when you miss vaccinations there’ll be
days when you forget to take your breast
pads there’ll be days when the world
falls apart but I promise you that all
you need to do is put yourself together
and begin the journey again now one of
the other things I would say to her is
women can also support women no one
wrote the handbook or the manual for me
you’ll agree that that all sorts of
manual they’re different manuals about
how to meet your husband or how a woman
meets or how a man meets his wife
there’s a manual on how to keep your
husband when you’ve gotten him there’s a
manual on how to keep your wife when
you’ve gotten her I mean there’s even a
manual on how to have great sex but the
one manual that we miss is how to help
the woman survive the pressure cooker
and that’s what my column did for me and
again I graduated from the column to
make this a book called the pressure
cooker lessons from a woman at work and
the message really in there is to say to
each one and every woman you can be the
support you can be the manual that the
other woman hasn’t read or that the
other woman couldn’t find and how can
you do that you can pause and just share
experiences I remember one of the young
girls who I had worked with in the past
who had come to me to say to me oh she
was struggling she couldn’t keep it all
together she was really having a bad
hair day and I said to her I promise you
I’m also set up on looking great but I
have no idea what’s for dinner and
that’s how it is there’ll be days when
you don’t have those things there’ll be
days where you cannot organize there’ll
be days when you’ll be so frustrated but
I believe that if you compose think
about the other woman right Harry Monroe
just share your experiences so she knows
that the world is imperfect I believe it
would be a great way to build those
bridges
it’s a city way thing that people are
imbued with a lot of book ness and
imbued with a lot of confidence now
growing up in Pawtucket you are told
that you can do almost anything you put
your mind to and I really believe them
so from pisacas I moved on to Lagos
accompanied with my fearless self that I
had developed in Port Harcourt
now in Lagos I got a job and started
working and I felt that there were lots
of things that I was struggling with I
believe that I was one of those people
who said things exactly as they were you
know one of those people you would meet
in a meeting where someone had put
through a slide that said six plus six
is nine he just made an innocent mistake
I was one of those people that would say
excuse me six or six is ten very boldly
and without fear so I spent a lot of
time trying to dial up myself and dial
down myself and it’s a wonder that I
didn’t lose myself I missed it all now
fast forward to wealth I was still in
this struggle I got married and then the
children started coming you know I’m not
wake up one day and there was this
little child crying and needing me I
mean it was surprising because I thought
even I still needed my mother and whilst
I continued with with this child who
needed me I also had to balance the home
and ensure that dinner was prepared and
things just started falling apart you
know I would find that I missed them
vaccinations you know I found that I
missed things that I thought were really
important that no serious person should
be missing and so one day I cried I
cried because I was frustrated I cried
and you know was crying I looked and
thought hey is that really me the bold
confident girl from petticoat who came
from a no-holds bad society and
who felt she could do anything and so I
kept being frustrated and looking for
answers and solutions I’ll go for and
then I thought I’ll say something else
to her I’ll say to her look it’s okay to
cry because some days I was so
frustrated with trying to balance
everything that I literally broke up and
broke down in tears now crying is fine
but what do you do after the tears what
you do after those tears is just rise up
and keep going
now along the way I did meet a lot of
judgmental people I mean I miss all of
the things that were happening to me if
I took my son or my child to the
hospital and then I met one of those
matrons you know those matrons this big
type of matrons as soon as I came in in
my suits I would say and then the
conversation go like this what does the
child have I’ll be like diarrhea do you
like diarrhea madam is this child an
exclusive or is this child on on the
bottle of course you know what the
answer is I’m like before I begin the
bottle I get a big lecture of how the
bottle is really bad for the child and
how every child who has the bottle and
how exclusive is an answer to all the
world’s problems but I think the message
hearing is every woman every working
mother and every woman you meet is going
through something please do not judge
her I think that’s a really important
message that we should each go away with
the third thing I would say to her is
there are many things that hold you back
please do not be the woman that standing
that stands in her own way and how can a
woman stand in her own way I think that
a woman stands in her own way when she
doesn’t show up and then explain it I’m
gonna be sitting those meetings those
really big meeting executive meetings
where you have all sorts of senior
people and someone has asked a really
intelligent question and you know you
know the answers but you’re mulling in
your brain and thinking how am I gonna
freeze this how am I gonna respond and
just before you muster up the courage to
respond another man has responded and
you’re thinking excuse me I know that we
I know that answer that’s the very thing
that I should have been saying so I
think the message in there for us is
please be courageous I mean the answers
don’t always have to be right and to be
honest when is not right the world
doesn’t break through the world doesn’t
come to an end
but please be courageous to speak up in
writing my manual the second thing I was
gonna say to her is there’ll be days
when you miss vaccinations there’ll be
days when you forget to take your breast
pads there’ll be days when the world
falls apart but I promise you that all
you need to do is put yourself together
and begin the journey again now one of
the other things I would say to her is
women can also support women no one
wrote the handbook or the manual for me
you’ll agree that that all sorts of
manual they’re different manuals about
how to meet your husband or how a woman
meets or how a man meets his wife
there’s a manual on how to keep your
husband when you’ve gotten him there’s a
manual on how to keep your wife when
you’ve gotten her I mean there’s even a
manual on how to have great sex but the
one manual that we miss is how to help
the woman survive the pressure cooker
and that’s what my column did for me and
again I graduated from the column to
make this a book called the pressure
cooker lessons from a woman at work and
the message really in there is to say to
each one and every woman you can be the
support you can be the manual that the
other woman hasn’t read or that the
other woman couldn’t find and how can
you do that you can pause and just share
experiences I remember one of the young
girls who I had worked with in the past
who had come to me to say to me oh she
was struggling she couldn’t keep it all
together she was really having a bad
hair day and I said to her I promise you
I’m also set up on looking great but I
have no idea what’s for dinner and
that’s how it is there’ll be days when
you don’t have those things there’ll be
days where you cannot organize there’ll
be days when you’ll be so frustrated but
I believe that if you compose think
about the other woman right Harry Monroe
just share your experiences so she knows
that the world is imperfect I believe it
would be a great way to build those
bridges
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