[Applause]
as of two weeks ago I am officially
cancer-free
thank you I’m doing great now finally
starting to grow back a little bit of
hair and the doctors told me it may even
grow back thicker but I was a ginger
before this so mainly I’m just hoping it
comes back a different color so I found
out I had cancer while I was on my
birthright trip to Israel which is a
free trip anyone could go on as long as
you have one Jewish parent or you’ve
seen some of the episodes of Seinfeld’s
I had a terrible stomach ache and I
thought it was from too much hummus and
the recommended dose of tums which is 12
didn’t cure it turns out it wasn’t too
much hummus who was cancer classic
mix-up tropical flavored tums delicious
not an effective cancer treatment but
it’s amazing that we still haven’t found
the cure for cancer given how much
funding has gone into it other fields
are important too I just read that
scientists still can’t figure out why
yawns are contagious but they’re close
to the answer who is leading that
funding effort yawning doesn’t even make
you boss
but it’s it’s testicular cancer because
you guys asked which is the cancer where
they take one of your balls which I
didn’t mind giving up a woman don’t know
what to do with them anyway also it’s
cut down on my shower time by 50% the
the doctors told me I should be
following a pregnant woman diet while
going through chemotherapy so I’ve been
eating seven meals a day putting an odd
amount of honey on everything and
telling my husband were never having sex
again but pregnant woman diet means no
raw fish and no alcohol which means no
sushi or mimosas at brunch
I don’t know how basic white girls deal
with pregnancy or cancer so the other
weird effect of chemotherapy is that
water tasted really weird it tasted
metallic except for Voss water other
really cool feature of a Voss water is
that if you hold a Voss water bottle up
to your ear you can actually hear the
people people told me I should talk to a
psychologist to help me deal with
everything but I don’t like all of their
questions so I figured talking at a
group of strangers and making you guys
uncomfortable was the next best thing so
you’re welcome this will experience
though in all seriousness has made me
realize how important stand-up comedy
has been for me being able to have a
creative outlet to work through my
feelings while having cancer was
everything I was dealt a shitty hand and
I realized I could either feel shitty
and also have to deal with cancer or I
could write about it try to make it
funny and really enjoy the days where I
felt good and go all-in stand-up comedy
is a new passion of mine that I was able
to figure out about myself by just
getting started that’s it I just started
trying to do it writing and performing a
five-minute set seemed overwhelming at
first so I just started writing down a
few jokes everyday added some new
thoughts and finally gained the courage
to get on stage for five minutes and now
I get to say that I am proof that doing
stand-up comedy doesn’t take balls it
getting started can be as simple as
searching google for meetup groups for
one of your interests or if you’re not a
fan at Google you could use Yahoo
Answers which has answers to
thought-provoking questions such as how
did spaghetti stains get in my underwear
how do you get spaghetti stains out of
underwear we’ve all been there or how
big is the specific ocean which is
really hard to sponsor and I wish they
were more Pacific with their question if
you think you’re too busy to try out
something new all it takes is a few
minutes a day to get started try writing
for 20 minutes a day or have fun with it
and Google how to say I only know this
one sentence in 10 different languages
cut out a few YouTube videos of cats
doing things if you have to or if you
don’t know what new passion to try out
think about where you go when you walk
into a Barnes & Noble are you drawn to
interior design science the young adult
sorry stories about vampire section you
may not find a new passion in the first
few tries but I can guarantee you that
you won’t find a new passion if you
don’t just get started trying new things
finding out more about yourself and
learning what you like is an incredible
lifelong journey so enjoy the ride and
the process of figuring it out thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]
as of two weeks ago I am officially
cancer-free
thank you I’m doing great now finally
starting to grow back a little bit of
hair and the doctors told me it may even
grow back thicker but I was a ginger
before this so mainly I’m just hoping it
comes back a different color so I found
out I had cancer while I was on my
birthright trip to Israel which is a
free trip anyone could go on as long as
you have one Jewish parent or you’ve
seen some of the episodes of Seinfeld’s
I had a terrible stomach ache and I
thought it was from too much hummus and
the recommended dose of tums which is 12
didn’t cure it turns out it wasn’t too
much hummus who was cancer classic
mix-up tropical flavored tums delicious
not an effective cancer treatment but
it’s amazing that we still haven’t found
the cure for cancer given how much
funding has gone into it other fields
are important too I just read that
scientists still can’t figure out why
yawns are contagious but they’re close
to the answer who is leading that
funding effort yawning doesn’t even make
you boss
but it’s it’s testicular cancer because
you guys asked which is the cancer where
they take one of your balls which I
didn’t mind giving up a woman don’t know
what to do with them anyway also it’s
cut down on my shower time by 50% the
the doctors told me I should be
following a pregnant woman diet while
going through chemotherapy so I’ve been
eating seven meals a day putting an odd
amount of honey on everything and
telling my husband were never having sex
again but pregnant woman diet means no
raw fish and no alcohol which means no
sushi or mimosas at brunch
I don’t know how basic white girls deal
with pregnancy or cancer so the other
weird effect of chemotherapy is that
water tasted really weird it tasted
metallic except for Voss water other
really cool feature of a Voss water is
that if you hold a Voss water bottle up
to your ear you can actually hear the
people people told me I should talk to a
psychologist to help me deal with
everything but I don’t like all of their
questions so I figured talking at a
group of strangers and making you guys
uncomfortable was the next best thing so
you’re welcome this will experience
though in all seriousness has made me
realize how important stand-up comedy
has been for me being able to have a
creative outlet to work through my
feelings while having cancer was
everything I was dealt a shitty hand and
I realized I could either feel shitty
and also have to deal with cancer or I
could write about it try to make it
funny and really enjoy the days where I
felt good and go all-in stand-up comedy
is a new passion of mine that I was able
to figure out about myself by just
getting started that’s it I just started
trying to do it writing and performing a
five-minute set seemed overwhelming at
first so I just started writing down a
few jokes everyday added some new
thoughts and finally gained the courage
to get on stage for five minutes and now
I get to say that I am proof that doing
stand-up comedy doesn’t take balls it
getting started can be as simple as
searching google for meetup groups for
one of your interests or if you’re not a
fan at Google you could use Yahoo
Answers which has answers to
thought-provoking questions such as how
did spaghetti stains get in my underwear
how do you get spaghetti stains out of
underwear we’ve all been there or how
big is the specific ocean which is
really hard to sponsor and I wish they
were more Pacific with their question if
you think you’re too busy to try out
something new all it takes is a few
minutes a day to get started try writing
for 20 minutes a day or have fun with it
and Google how to say I only know this
one sentence in 10 different languages
cut out a few YouTube videos of cats
doing things if you have to or if you
don’t know what new passion to try out
think about where you go when you walk
into a Barnes & Noble are you drawn to
interior design science the young adult
sorry stories about vampire section you
may not find a new passion in the first
few tries but I can guarantee you that
you won’t find a new passion if you
don’t just get started trying new things
finding out more about yourself and
learning what you like is an incredible
lifelong journey so enjoy the ride and
the process of figuring it out thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]
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