who are you
difficult question isn’t it who were you
before the word told you who you should
be let me put that in a different way
who were you before you linked your
phone number to your dad’s heart so the
other card is an identification card for
every citizen of India and it gives each
one of them a unique 12 digit code like
this one that makes you into it 12 digit
number
have you seen your other card photo do
you remember what it looks like most of
us are still trying to forget you though
this was going to be a good photo you
were ready for this one with your
trademark look and flash weeks later you
get your card you open the envelope and
you can’t stand looking at it it’s
horrible why is that well of the many
possible reasons perhaps the most common
one is that you’re not smiling in the
photo and what happened there because
it’s part of the protocol of having the
card made you know it’s supposed to
smile and that can make you feel
uncomfortable well that’s kind of what
it’s like bringing an identity you are
not comfortable in now be spend a lot of
time trying to have an impact on the
world we want to have an impact on the
world but do we really think about how
the world around us shapes us into who
we are and shapes our identity and why
is it so important you have a
well-defined identity anyway but mrs.
brawny we’re a palliative care nurse
that’s someone who takes care of people
in their last remaining days of life now
while are working with reparations
reparations would tell her about their
lives and
what the regrets were in their lives and
she put together a book called
the top five regrets of dying of their
dying and she mentions in this book that
the number one most common regret was
and I quote I wish I’d had the courage
to live a life true to myself and not
the life others expected of me what does
this mean well we struggle a lot you
find the right balance between
satisfying our true self what we want to
become and satisfying what others want
us to become but isn’t this something we
can work on well this is something we
can work on and listen what is the true
self anyway let’s look at the first
ingredient and it isn’t the 12 digit
number of the other codes actually four
letters e g c e put together in a
specific sequence into your DNA which
exists inside every single cell of your
body so the sequence is so long that if
you decided to print it out in the form
for a book this book would have 130
volumes which a few scientists in the UK
were kind enough to show us that’s what
it looks like and this DNA it makes your
biological identity now your biological
identity is what you see when you stand
in front of a mirror it’s the texture of
your hair the color of your skin and
your eyes and unfortunately the size of
your nose all of this is written
information in your DNA but we rarely
start rambling our DNA sequence when
someone says tell me about yourself
what makes us who we are is the people
we are born into and the circumstances
and experiences that shape us and for us
as Indians one of these is Sam Scott
it’s a Sanskrit word for culture and it
refers to the offering
a child in an Indian home but he can
also consider it as the values that a
family teaches his children in a home in
any part of the world really and it’s
really important it paints and colors us
inside and out just like at the end of
the day on Holi it each’s us our
cultural values how we relate to our
history what our religious beliefs are
and what we call the difference between
right and wrong
now as amazing and necessary as it is it
also ends up creating a lot of conflict
in our minds and especially the minds of
young adults the constant push and pull
of the identity that is demanded by us
from our families and from our culture
and the identity we want to cultivate
for ourselves now what can we do about
this can we make it better there is a
solution and it isn’t a self-help book
it’s science science has taught us a lot
about our minds and our biology but what
can we learn from science in dealing
with these conflicts well let’s look at
some of the common things we
inadvertently end up learning while
growing up and what science can tell us
about them number one try not the
question the way things are too much we
hear this way too often now it makes
sense initially asking the wrong
question at the wrong time can be rude
disrespectful or even rebellious so we
can not ask too many questions we teach
our children when they go to school we
teach them to become critical thinkers
you think for themselves when they come
back home we deny them the right to do
so
we tell them that this area is
unquestionable what is science a science
has questioned everything
that questioning is important not only
not only necessary but it’s essential
and it’s honorable next point is what I
call trial and error now we are terribly
cautious of taking lead naturally when
we when we do take leaps and we do
succeed we tend to stop right there
because we’re afraid of losing what we
have
and on the other hand if you try
something new but fail we tend to go
back to something that is more
comfortable and accepting of us so maybe
we maybe don’t have to try so hard and
face the fear of failure what the
science evil the obvious answer is trial
and error error mistakes there’s not
something to shy away from and as bob
ross said there are no mistakes only
happy accidents the next point is
conformity
now this simply means that we adjust our
behavior and thinking according to the
behavior and thinking of the group we
belong to and this is useful to us it
helps us fit in with our group it helps
us bond with each other better but its
influence on us was perhaps best
explained by a psychologist named
Solomon Asch and it really cool
experiment he did now what he did was he
sat down five people and he told them
that they were going to be tested on
their visual perception and he showed
them something that looked like this on
the left side of the screen we have a
standard line of a certain length and on
the right shuttle screen we have three
lines of different lengths and he simply
asked the participants he’ll name the
line which is the same length as the
standard line simple enough right but
there was a catch
four out of five of those participants
they were in on the experiment they were
actors and they were told to give the
right answers initially but then start
giving the wrong answers later on and
what he found was remarkable on average
1/3 of the participants answered
incorrectly with the group and 75% of
them answered incorrectly at least once
that means 75% of people denied the
obvious – that right in front of them
just your answer with the group so that
they can fit in better without you so
that they don’t have to stand out that
says a lot about us and how groups
affect us the next point is the other
versus dem dynamic now we grew up as
part of one large diverse culture and we
develop a strong commitment to it but at
the same time we end up developing a
dislike to everyone who isn’t a part of
this culture now how science can help us
here is that we understand that this is
a phenomenon called Group polarization
and that by being aware of it we can
learn to be careful of it and prevent it
from starting in the first place
now keeping all of these factors in mind
you can lead us to a place of balance
where we can learn to respect our
culture and our sons guard and at the
same time resolve the conflicts it
creates now remember that even over the
second largest population in the world
we do just make up 17% of this
population now what if you never had to
struggle with your identity whatever it
was never that difficult for you now
this is called identity foreclosure and
let me give you a very simple example
you understand this say that you needed
to buy a pair of pants you don’t have a
good pair of pants and you walk into the
next room and you see your father’s
rousers handing elegancy in the wardrobe
and you say to yourself hey that’s a
good pair of pants
my father wears them all the time he
likes him a lot why don’t I just wear
his if you did this with your identity
that is foreclosure it’s when you pick
up the first example you saw without
really trying different options
and you committed you will really well
now you will have no problems in life if
you go ahead with this method but unless
something or someone comes along and
challenges your worldview say that the
fashion changes all of a sudden skirts
are in ads and no longer the thing you
are shocked
you can’t believe what’s happened you’ve
worn pants your whole life you’re for
other world pants his whole life how
comes courage the other thing out it’s
hard to comprehend because he never took
the time out to figure out the other
options and say that you didn’t choose
your father’s man say you said I’m not
going to do this and you decided to go
to the store and try out different
options so you grabbed the Lord pair of
pants you picked them up you went to the
trial room but you never came back
because you were lost in your choices
this is identity moratorium now we do
this by delaying the option of choosing
an identity for us one thing we can
commit you by taking shelter in an
institution and this happens to be
college most often for us what we do is
we go into identity moratorium and we
delay the decision of taking an identity
and we try out whole different options
but we don’t have to commit to one we
don’t have to settle for one now even
though these two stages identity
foreclosure and moratorium they are
stages in the development of your
identity but the final step is identity
achievement that is when you’ve tried
out different options you’ve explored
them really well and then picked one
that best fits you and then you can
commit to it and trust me after you do
this after you try out all your possible
options you will never be frustrated
with the choices you have made or the
choices others have made in their life
so this is how science can help us in
resolving these conflicts in life now
the moment we realize we’re not the same
as our parents or our families we tend
to go into hiding where we make sure
that they never find out what we really
are they never find out who we really
are or we rebel as if it’s the last
thing we have left to do both of these
options are not as healthy as you think
they are and perhaps science can show
you the way and remember always keep
asking yourself am i Who I am because of
my circumstances or regardless of them
thank you [Applause]
difficult question isn’t it who were you
before the word told you who you should
be let me put that in a different way
who were you before you linked your
phone number to your dad’s heart so the
other card is an identification card for
every citizen of India and it gives each
one of them a unique 12 digit code like
this one that makes you into it 12 digit
number
have you seen your other card photo do
you remember what it looks like most of
us are still trying to forget you though
this was going to be a good photo you
were ready for this one with your
trademark look and flash weeks later you
get your card you open the envelope and
you can’t stand looking at it it’s
horrible why is that well of the many
possible reasons perhaps the most common
one is that you’re not smiling in the
photo and what happened there because
it’s part of the protocol of having the
card made you know it’s supposed to
smile and that can make you feel
uncomfortable well that’s kind of what
it’s like bringing an identity you are
not comfortable in now be spend a lot of
time trying to have an impact on the
world we want to have an impact on the
world but do we really think about how
the world around us shapes us into who
we are and shapes our identity and why
is it so important you have a
well-defined identity anyway but mrs.
brawny we’re a palliative care nurse
that’s someone who takes care of people
in their last remaining days of life now
while are working with reparations
reparations would tell her about their
lives and
what the regrets were in their lives and
she put together a book called
the top five regrets of dying of their
dying and she mentions in this book that
the number one most common regret was
and I quote I wish I’d had the courage
to live a life true to myself and not
the life others expected of me what does
this mean well we struggle a lot you
find the right balance between
satisfying our true self what we want to
become and satisfying what others want
us to become but isn’t this something we
can work on well this is something we
can work on and listen what is the true
self anyway let’s look at the first
ingredient and it isn’t the 12 digit
number of the other codes actually four
letters e g c e put together in a
specific sequence into your DNA which
exists inside every single cell of your
body so the sequence is so long that if
you decided to print it out in the form
for a book this book would have 130
volumes which a few scientists in the UK
were kind enough to show us that’s what
it looks like and this DNA it makes your
biological identity now your biological
identity is what you see when you stand
in front of a mirror it’s the texture of
your hair the color of your skin and
your eyes and unfortunately the size of
your nose all of this is written
information in your DNA but we rarely
start rambling our DNA sequence when
someone says tell me about yourself
what makes us who we are is the people
we are born into and the circumstances
and experiences that shape us and for us
as Indians one of these is Sam Scott
it’s a Sanskrit word for culture and it
refers to the offering
a child in an Indian home but he can
also consider it as the values that a
family teaches his children in a home in
any part of the world really and it’s
really important it paints and colors us
inside and out just like at the end of
the day on Holi it each’s us our
cultural values how we relate to our
history what our religious beliefs are
and what we call the difference between
right and wrong
now as amazing and necessary as it is it
also ends up creating a lot of conflict
in our minds and especially the minds of
young adults the constant push and pull
of the identity that is demanded by us
from our families and from our culture
and the identity we want to cultivate
for ourselves now what can we do about
this can we make it better there is a
solution and it isn’t a self-help book
it’s science science has taught us a lot
about our minds and our biology but what
can we learn from science in dealing
with these conflicts well let’s look at
some of the common things we
inadvertently end up learning while
growing up and what science can tell us
about them number one try not the
question the way things are too much we
hear this way too often now it makes
sense initially asking the wrong
question at the wrong time can be rude
disrespectful or even rebellious so we
can not ask too many questions we teach
our children when they go to school we
teach them to become critical thinkers
you think for themselves when they come
back home we deny them the right to do
so
we tell them that this area is
unquestionable what is science a science
has questioned everything
that questioning is important not only
not only necessary but it’s essential
and it’s honorable next point is what I
call trial and error now we are terribly
cautious of taking lead naturally when
we when we do take leaps and we do
succeed we tend to stop right there
because we’re afraid of losing what we
have
and on the other hand if you try
something new but fail we tend to go
back to something that is more
comfortable and accepting of us so maybe
we maybe don’t have to try so hard and
face the fear of failure what the
science evil the obvious answer is trial
and error error mistakes there’s not
something to shy away from and as bob
ross said there are no mistakes only
happy accidents the next point is
conformity
now this simply means that we adjust our
behavior and thinking according to the
behavior and thinking of the group we
belong to and this is useful to us it
helps us fit in with our group it helps
us bond with each other better but its
influence on us was perhaps best
explained by a psychologist named
Solomon Asch and it really cool
experiment he did now what he did was he
sat down five people and he told them
that they were going to be tested on
their visual perception and he showed
them something that looked like this on
the left side of the screen we have a
standard line of a certain length and on
the right shuttle screen we have three
lines of different lengths and he simply
asked the participants he’ll name the
line which is the same length as the
standard line simple enough right but
there was a catch
four out of five of those participants
they were in on the experiment they were
actors and they were told to give the
right answers initially but then start
giving the wrong answers later on and
what he found was remarkable on average
1/3 of the participants answered
incorrectly with the group and 75% of
them answered incorrectly at least once
that means 75% of people denied the
obvious – that right in front of them
just your answer with the group so that
they can fit in better without you so
that they don’t have to stand out that
says a lot about us and how groups
affect us the next point is the other
versus dem dynamic now we grew up as
part of one large diverse culture and we
develop a strong commitment to it but at
the same time we end up developing a
dislike to everyone who isn’t a part of
this culture now how science can help us
here is that we understand that this is
a phenomenon called Group polarization
and that by being aware of it we can
learn to be careful of it and prevent it
from starting in the first place
now keeping all of these factors in mind
you can lead us to a place of balance
where we can learn to respect our
culture and our sons guard and at the
same time resolve the conflicts it
creates now remember that even over the
second largest population in the world
we do just make up 17% of this
population now what if you never had to
struggle with your identity whatever it
was never that difficult for you now
this is called identity foreclosure and
let me give you a very simple example
you understand this say that you needed
to buy a pair of pants you don’t have a
good pair of pants and you walk into the
next room and you see your father’s
rousers handing elegancy in the wardrobe
and you say to yourself hey that’s a
good pair of pants
my father wears them all the time he
likes him a lot why don’t I just wear
his if you did this with your identity
that is foreclosure it’s when you pick
up the first example you saw without
really trying different options
and you committed you will really well
now you will have no problems in life if
you go ahead with this method but unless
something or someone comes along and
challenges your worldview say that the
fashion changes all of a sudden skirts
are in ads and no longer the thing you
are shocked
you can’t believe what’s happened you’ve
worn pants your whole life you’re for
other world pants his whole life how
comes courage the other thing out it’s
hard to comprehend because he never took
the time out to figure out the other
options and say that you didn’t choose
your father’s man say you said I’m not
going to do this and you decided to go
to the store and try out different
options so you grabbed the Lord pair of
pants you picked them up you went to the
trial room but you never came back
because you were lost in your choices
this is identity moratorium now we do
this by delaying the option of choosing
an identity for us one thing we can
commit you by taking shelter in an
institution and this happens to be
college most often for us what we do is
we go into identity moratorium and we
delay the decision of taking an identity
and we try out whole different options
but we don’t have to commit to one we
don’t have to settle for one now even
though these two stages identity
foreclosure and moratorium they are
stages in the development of your
identity but the final step is identity
achievement that is when you’ve tried
out different options you’ve explored
them really well and then picked one
that best fits you and then you can
commit to it and trust me after you do
this after you try out all your possible
options you will never be frustrated
with the choices you have made or the
choices others have made in their life
so this is how science can help us in
resolving these conflicts in life now
the moment we realize we’re not the same
as our parents or our families we tend
to go into hiding where we make sure
that they never find out what we really
are they never find out who we really
are or we rebel as if it’s the last
thing we have left to do both of these
options are not as healthy as you think
they are and perhaps science can show
you the way and remember always keep
asking yourself am i Who I am because of
my circumstances or regardless of them
thank you [Applause]
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