[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
the Alzheimer’s Association tells us
that every 66 seconds someone in the
u.s. develops Alzheimer’s for me that
was a meaningless statistic Alzheimer’s
wouldn’t happen in my family it couldn’t
until it did and my dad developed
Alzheimer’s then managing his life
became the focal point of mine and my
story is not unique
there more than five million Americans
living with Alzheimer’s this is my story
of adversity transformation and
unexpected lessons learned along the way
as the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar
says difficult roads often lead to
beautiful destinations navigating any
disease is overwhelming and exhausting
little did I know along my difficult
Road there was a stunning surprise
waiting to be revealed
you see fate had given me a distant
demanding father but through Alzheimer’s
he became a sweet gentle man capable of
love and genuine affection but the man I
knew growing up he was strict and he was
demanding two weeks before his 18th
birthday he left home forged his
mother’s signature and joined the Navy
perhaps it was all those years spent in
military life that’s so engraved in him
the need for discipline order and
protocol I remember coming home with my
grade school report card on a scale of
4.0 I’d achieved a 3.5 I was so proud I
produced my report card he takes one
look at the grades and said where are
the other points hey Dad
then as an adult he thought being
involved in my life meant asking
questions like how much have you saved
for retirement or when was the last time
you had an oil change that’s who he was
before Alzheimer’s then in 2005 when the
symptoms of the disease first started to
show we knew something had to be done so
I assumed responsibility for his care
and well-being because we didn’t have a
close relationship I assumed
responsibility for him more out of a
sense of duty than love and affection
but that would all change these are the
five unexpected lessons I learned on my
road to a beautiful destination impact
the lives of others currently dad lives
in an Alzheimer’s Alzheimer’s facility
that houses mid to late stage
Alzheimer’s patients a lot of them are
suffering from sundowning syndrome
sundowning syndrome is a neurological
phenomenon that affects Alzheimer’s
patients in the late afternoon when the
son says it causes them to become
agitated distraught confused one
particular resident had a severe case of
sundowning every afternoon you would
find her ringing a cloth napkin weeping
and wailing distraught agitated I
watched as my dad
gently approached her he placed his hand
on her back bent his head down to her
and said it’s okay you’re okay
come on it’s okay I watched for a bit as
he consoled her eventually they came and
sat down he continuing to console her
until she calmed down then they got up
and went off to dinner watching this new
level of kindness and compassion and my
dad was extraordinary who was this guy
and where was my dad who is this guy
where was my dad rather but it actually
made me think here is a man who can’t
brush his teeth or dress himself and
yeah he was acutely
aware of someone else’s pain and he
reached out with kindness I don’t have
Alzheimer’s
am i as aware of someone else’s pain and
even if I am what I reach out with the
same level of kindness and compassion
maybe it was time for me to step up my
game he taught me that you don’t have to
be wealthy intelligent or successful to
significantly impact the lives of others
grace and gratitude this is one of my
favorites today he’s not the austere man
I knew as a child he’s funny
sweet and even charming one evening I
was getting him ready for bed I gave him
a sponge bath changed his diaper brushed
his teeth and put him in his pajamas as
we were finishing he took my hands he
turned them palms up kissed both hands
and then gently laid them against his
cheeks the feeling of gratitude was
profound and without saying a word his
message was crystal clear but what
struck me the most was the fact that he
was so comfortable allowing me to help
him with such personal intimate tasks
again I had to question myself if I were
in the same situation would I allow
someone to help me with those tasks I
don’t know and even if I did allow
someone to help me with those personal
tasks would I be as vulnerable and then
show such a level of gratitude I don’t
know he taught me that even in the most
vulnerable moments it’s possible to
graciously accept help and then
genuinely express gratitude cultivate
and sustain joy being with him now is
like being with a small child simple
things are important to him like
afternoon naps snacks and simple things
delight him he’s absolutely fascinated
with the circular flow created when
flushing the toy
and he loves to see things disappear
down the toilet
small combs bars of soap toothbrushes
you name it he loves to flush things and
one day he found a particularly fabulous
item to flush his dentures so now he
doesn’t have any teeth but he doesn’t
care he still smiles and sings as a
young man he was a lead singer for the
barbershop quartet currently his
vocabulary is only limited to a very few
short phrases but somewhere in the back
of his mind he still remembers the words
to all those old songs and he sings them
frequently usually in the most unlikely
places
one afternoon I had taken him to his
cardiologist appointment and the the
waiting room was packed with patients
they were either filling out forms or
reading quietly when my dad decides he
needs to sing he belts out one of his
favorite songs I love you
oh man what 94 he still has a strong
clear voice whoo and he can project
startled I looked around at the other
patients wondering if they were upset by
his singing most of them were smiling
and nodding and one woman sitting across
from me said he’s a happy guy
yeah he is a happy guy now he serenades
his caregivers one of his caregivers
recently told me that when situations
get tense at the facility he’ll stand up
and he’ll sing until the tension breaks
and then everyone goes on about their
business here’s a man who can’t
contribute much but what he does
contribute he does it with all his heart
here he is at his facility celebrating a
Hawaiian luau I promise you before
Alzheimer’s you never would have seen
him dressed like that
he taught me that it’s never too late
it’s never too late to cultivate and
sustain joy and the next lesson is
evaluate your measure of success this
road for us has held a wealth of lessons
including an opportunity for me to
reevaluate how I measure success as a
young woman working in the corporate
world I measured success by the amount
of money I made the car I drove and the
company I work for now holding that
measurement of success against the span
of a lifetime is ludicrous dad doesn’t
remember what he did for a living he
doesn’t remember the hobbies he used to
love or his wife of 50 years what is
important is how much life how much joy
can he experience in any one given
moment because his moments they don’t
connect and all he has is this one
moment so now I’ve reconfigured my
measurement of success I measure success
with the emotional footprint I create
with the days and the events of my life
and along this road he and I we’ve had
some really difficult times some
setbacks and some really dark days and
it was during one of those dark days
that I realized I have a choice I could
either become despondent and depressed
or I could step up and adapt and use
these experiences as a learning
opportunity dad had completely lost the
ability to consciously choose anything
or consciously change anything so it was
up to me to partner with his caregiving
team and create the solutions that
worked for him this is one of my
favorite photos it was taken at his 90th
birthday party he taught me that the
true measurement of success is not
wealth it’s not material wealth it’s the
relationships we create and the love we
share
and the next lesson is embrace new
opportunities before Alzheimer’s dad was
a chronic warrior always concerned about
how people would perceive him so when
the first symptoms of Alzheimer’s showed
up it showed up in his speaking he would
use the wrong words and jumble his
sentences so that his his communication
literally was unintelligible the
facility where he lives offered fabulous
social outings and afternoon at the
movies the theater museums the aquarium
he wouldn’t go he never attended
anything he was embarrassed about his
speaking then as time went on and he
worked his way through the different
layers of the disease he changed
significantly he still couldn’t speak
any better but he lost the ability to
care he lost the ability to be
embarrassed so now in his Monday
afternoon and it’s time for the movies
he bolts out that front door he wants to
be the first one on the bus it doesn’t
matter to him that he may not understand
the dialogue of the plot of the movie
it’s an adventure and he’s all in in
fact he’s enthusiastically all in when
his facility offered art classes he
attended everyone when they offered oil
painting he went to those classes too
this is his first oil painting done at
93 this was part of a silent auction
held by his facility and all of the
proceeds went to the Alzheimer’s
Association all those years ago when I
took responsibility for dad I did it out
of a sense of duty
now that sense of duty has been
completely replaced with a sense of love
and affection and awe at his ultimate
transformation the great unexpected gift
of Alzheimer’s was giving me the father
I always wanted
we all have obstacles we all face
challenges so whatever challenge you’re
facing whatever difficult road you’re
traveling
I hope my story helps you find your way
to a beautiful destination as the author
Vivian Greene says life is not about
waiting for the storm to pass it’s about
learning to dance in the rain thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
the Alzheimer’s Association tells us
that every 66 seconds someone in the
u.s. develops Alzheimer’s for me that
was a meaningless statistic Alzheimer’s
wouldn’t happen in my family it couldn’t
until it did and my dad developed
Alzheimer’s then managing his life
became the focal point of mine and my
story is not unique
there more than five million Americans
living with Alzheimer’s this is my story
of adversity transformation and
unexpected lessons learned along the way
as the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar
says difficult roads often lead to
beautiful destinations navigating any
disease is overwhelming and exhausting
little did I know along my difficult
Road there was a stunning surprise
waiting to be revealed
you see fate had given me a distant
demanding father but through Alzheimer’s
he became a sweet gentle man capable of
love and genuine affection but the man I
knew growing up he was strict and he was
demanding two weeks before his 18th
birthday he left home forged his
mother’s signature and joined the Navy
perhaps it was all those years spent in
military life that’s so engraved in him
the need for discipline order and
protocol I remember coming home with my
grade school report card on a scale of
4.0 I’d achieved a 3.5 I was so proud I
produced my report card he takes one
look at the grades and said where are
the other points hey Dad
then as an adult he thought being
involved in my life meant asking
questions like how much have you saved
for retirement or when was the last time
you had an oil change that’s who he was
before Alzheimer’s then in 2005 when the
symptoms of the disease first started to
show we knew something had to be done so
I assumed responsibility for his care
and well-being because we didn’t have a
close relationship I assumed
responsibility for him more out of a
sense of duty than love and affection
but that would all change these are the
five unexpected lessons I learned on my
road to a beautiful destination impact
the lives of others currently dad lives
in an Alzheimer’s Alzheimer’s facility
that houses mid to late stage
Alzheimer’s patients a lot of them are
suffering from sundowning syndrome
sundowning syndrome is a neurological
phenomenon that affects Alzheimer’s
patients in the late afternoon when the
son says it causes them to become
agitated distraught confused one
particular resident had a severe case of
sundowning every afternoon you would
find her ringing a cloth napkin weeping
and wailing distraught agitated I
watched as my dad
gently approached her he placed his hand
on her back bent his head down to her
and said it’s okay you’re okay
come on it’s okay I watched for a bit as
he consoled her eventually they came and
sat down he continuing to console her
until she calmed down then they got up
and went off to dinner watching this new
level of kindness and compassion and my
dad was extraordinary who was this guy
and where was my dad who is this guy
where was my dad rather but it actually
made me think here is a man who can’t
brush his teeth or dress himself and
yeah he was acutely
aware of someone else’s pain and he
reached out with kindness I don’t have
Alzheimer’s
am i as aware of someone else’s pain and
even if I am what I reach out with the
same level of kindness and compassion
maybe it was time for me to step up my
game he taught me that you don’t have to
be wealthy intelligent or successful to
significantly impact the lives of others
grace and gratitude this is one of my
favorites today he’s not the austere man
I knew as a child he’s funny
sweet and even charming one evening I
was getting him ready for bed I gave him
a sponge bath changed his diaper brushed
his teeth and put him in his pajamas as
we were finishing he took my hands he
turned them palms up kissed both hands
and then gently laid them against his
cheeks the feeling of gratitude was
profound and without saying a word his
message was crystal clear but what
struck me the most was the fact that he
was so comfortable allowing me to help
him with such personal intimate tasks
again I had to question myself if I were
in the same situation would I allow
someone to help me with those tasks I
don’t know and even if I did allow
someone to help me with those personal
tasks would I be as vulnerable and then
show such a level of gratitude I don’t
know he taught me that even in the most
vulnerable moments it’s possible to
graciously accept help and then
genuinely express gratitude cultivate
and sustain joy being with him now is
like being with a small child simple
things are important to him like
afternoon naps snacks and simple things
delight him he’s absolutely fascinated
with the circular flow created when
flushing the toy
and he loves to see things disappear
down the toilet
small combs bars of soap toothbrushes
you name it he loves to flush things and
one day he found a particularly fabulous
item to flush his dentures so now he
doesn’t have any teeth but he doesn’t
care he still smiles and sings as a
young man he was a lead singer for the
barbershop quartet currently his
vocabulary is only limited to a very few
short phrases but somewhere in the back
of his mind he still remembers the words
to all those old songs and he sings them
frequently usually in the most unlikely
places
one afternoon I had taken him to his
cardiologist appointment and the the
waiting room was packed with patients
they were either filling out forms or
reading quietly when my dad decides he
needs to sing he belts out one of his
favorite songs I love you
oh man what 94 he still has a strong
clear voice whoo and he can project
startled I looked around at the other
patients wondering if they were upset by
his singing most of them were smiling
and nodding and one woman sitting across
from me said he’s a happy guy
yeah he is a happy guy now he serenades
his caregivers one of his caregivers
recently told me that when situations
get tense at the facility he’ll stand up
and he’ll sing until the tension breaks
and then everyone goes on about their
business here’s a man who can’t
contribute much but what he does
contribute he does it with all his heart
here he is at his facility celebrating a
Hawaiian luau I promise you before
Alzheimer’s you never would have seen
him dressed like that
he taught me that it’s never too late
it’s never too late to cultivate and
sustain joy and the next lesson is
evaluate your measure of success this
road for us has held a wealth of lessons
including an opportunity for me to
reevaluate how I measure success as a
young woman working in the corporate
world I measured success by the amount
of money I made the car I drove and the
company I work for now holding that
measurement of success against the span
of a lifetime is ludicrous dad doesn’t
remember what he did for a living he
doesn’t remember the hobbies he used to
love or his wife of 50 years what is
important is how much life how much joy
can he experience in any one given
moment because his moments they don’t
connect and all he has is this one
moment so now I’ve reconfigured my
measurement of success I measure success
with the emotional footprint I create
with the days and the events of my life
and along this road he and I we’ve had
some really difficult times some
setbacks and some really dark days and
it was during one of those dark days
that I realized I have a choice I could
either become despondent and depressed
or I could step up and adapt and use
these experiences as a learning
opportunity dad had completely lost the
ability to consciously choose anything
or consciously change anything so it was
up to me to partner with his caregiving
team and create the solutions that
worked for him this is one of my
favorite photos it was taken at his 90th
birthday party he taught me that the
true measurement of success is not
wealth it’s not material wealth it’s the
relationships we create and the love we
share
and the next lesson is embrace new
opportunities before Alzheimer’s dad was
a chronic warrior always concerned about
how people would perceive him so when
the first symptoms of Alzheimer’s showed
up it showed up in his speaking he would
use the wrong words and jumble his
sentences so that his his communication
literally was unintelligible the
facility where he lives offered fabulous
social outings and afternoon at the
movies the theater museums the aquarium
he wouldn’t go he never attended
anything he was embarrassed about his
speaking then as time went on and he
worked his way through the different
layers of the disease he changed
significantly he still couldn’t speak
any better but he lost the ability to
care he lost the ability to be
embarrassed so now in his Monday
afternoon and it’s time for the movies
he bolts out that front door he wants to
be the first one on the bus it doesn’t
matter to him that he may not understand
the dialogue of the plot of the movie
it’s an adventure and he’s all in in
fact he’s enthusiastically all in when
his facility offered art classes he
attended everyone when they offered oil
painting he went to those classes too
this is his first oil painting done at
93 this was part of a silent auction
held by his facility and all of the
proceeds went to the Alzheimer’s
Association all those years ago when I
took responsibility for dad I did it out
of a sense of duty
now that sense of duty has been
completely replaced with a sense of love
and affection and awe at his ultimate
transformation the great unexpected gift
of Alzheimer’s was giving me the father
I always wanted
we all have obstacles we all face
challenges so whatever challenge you’re
facing whatever difficult road you’re
traveling
I hope my story helps you find your way
to a beautiful destination as the author
Vivian Greene says life is not about
waiting for the storm to pass it’s about
learning to dance in the rain thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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