[Music]
[Applause]
right now thousands of people are
staring at me with high hopes that I can
deliver an idea worth spreading
no pressure my heart’s racing my palms
are sweaty and I keep thinking why did I
agree to do this now we’ve all heard
that most people’s number one fear is
public speaking and number two is death
so as I’m sitting I was thinking about
this as I’m sitting at my great uncle’s
funeral with my family and it occurs to
me that people are more afraid of
speaking at a funeral that of being the
guest of honor our fears are is real and
it’s powerful as we allow them to be see
the first time I can remember being
surely afraid I was about six years old
my older brother had gotten special
permission from our parents for us to go
to play at a park
that was a ways away from where we lived
now this was a big deal because we had
to cross a major highway and our parents
didn’t usually let us play that far away
so when we get to the park we decided to
have a competition we’re gonna see who
can fly the farthest off of the swing
set
spoiler alert I won but how i won was by
jumping so far off of that swing set
that I landed on a manhole cover and
broke all the bones in my left arm
needless to say I was the last person to
jump that day and as I brushed myself
off and got a I looked at my arm and the
bones were nearly poking out of the skin
and in that moment all I wanted was my
mom and that’s when he told me see my
brother hadn’t really gotten permission
for us to be at that Park which meant
that I had to go home and explain to my
mom how I hurt myself
someplace that I shouldn’t have been
playing now that’s real fear so we get
home I remember walking up the stairs to
my parents bedroom and my mother is
sitting on the edge of the bed doing her
hair I walk in with my arm behind my
back as best as I could and I say if I
show you something do you promise you
won’t get mad
so she nods and I don’t remove my
mangled left arm and my mother let out a
scream that is unlike anything I’ve ever
heard before or since she rushes me to
the emergency room I get bandaged up I
cast on my arm and eventually things get
better as I reflected on that moment I
had a realization when I was in my
mother’s room my arm didn’t hurt you see
in that moment I was more afraid that I
was in pain and that was my first lesson
about fear if we allow it it can be
incredibly powerful over us physically
and mentally so fast forward to 2009 I
met this wonderful woman in law school
and we had been dating for about two
years I decided that I wanted to her to
be my wife so in a way for me to earn
some favor with her parents I decided on
a Saturday I would help her and her mom
go shopping after a few hours of hold
this hold that how does this look people
ignore my opinion we eventually get to
the point where we’re going back to
Tiffany’s house so after while Tiffany
and her mother are parking the car I run
in the house to use the restroom and the
moment I come through the door her
father is standing there with a look on
his face that says explain yourself and
so without thinking I’ve learned out
gene and Tiffany are coming they’re just
parking the car and dashing to the
restaurant as I’m washing my hands it
occurs to me I just did the unthinkable
I called my girlfriend’s mother by her
first name to her husband
to make matters worse this was the day I
was going to ask for his permission to
propose so after washing my hands for an
awkwardly long time
I decided to step out of that restroom
and take a risk maybe he hadn’t hurt so
I step outside and then I come the
realization that I’m not that lucky what
you need to know about Tiffany’s father
is that we have a lot in common
we’re members of the same fraternity we
actually have the same birthday and we
have the same appreciation for starcast
so as I walk out of that bathroom he’s
already begun referring to his wife as
mrs. reading and for the next 30 minutes
he continues to refer to his wife as
mrs. reading
message received so and then after about
30 minutes of this ask him can I talk to
you in private he says of course and
walks me down the stairs to their dark
basement I find the light and begin to
apologize profusely I’ve never done that
before
I’ll never do it again indeed to this
day they are in my phone as mr. and mrs.
ready and after a few minutes have
apologized and I can see that he’s
starting to soften up so I decided to
take my shot I say since I have you down
here there’s one other thing I’d like to
ask and so I asked him for his blessing
in proposing longest pause ever ain’t
can’t tilt his head he smiles and says
of course and that was my second lesson
in fear that in order for you to beat
your fears you have to face them but by
facing them you’ve actually already won
so fast forward to 2013 I began my MBA
at Darden the University of Virginia my
first year goes as expected
it’s a lot of work it’s a lot of
difficult times and a lot of learning by
the second year I am the president of
black business student forum and we are
beginning our year with the death of
Mike Brown on August 9th to 2014
Mike Brown was killed by a Ferguson
police officer
but president the black business student
forum at Darden so to give you some
context and my graduating class there
are about three hundred and sixteen
people of those eleven or black two are
international and only two are women so
by my second semester things are
starting to heat up and conversations
are starting to happen but by jade by
February we have two major events to do
there’s Black History Month speech and
we have a black business student
conference so for Black History Month
realizing that what the kind of tone in
temper was of the school I decided that
we’re gonna have a die-in and what that
meant was while I was giving my speech
on Black History Month I read the names
of each of the 14 African Americans who
had been unarmed and killed by the
police in the last year and that every
one for every one of those names I read
one of my classmates bodies hit the
ground it was emotional it was impactful
but it wasn’t enough see over the time
that I’ve become a student leader at
Darden people that shared their stories
with me and while that event was
impactful it didn’t really change the
environment so then we get to the
conference and when we’re doing the
black business student conference I
decide that we’re gonna take this
opportunity to eradicate a myth that
it’s too hard to find top talent and
black talent at Darden and they won’t
come to Charlottesville
so what we do is my team and I found
historically black colleges across the
mid-atlantic and invited them all to
come to our global business conference
that day we were able to create an
environment where 150 black students
from across the mid-atlantic were able
to participate in what the Dean called
the best conference he had ever seen put
on by a student organization but we
still weren’t there yet see we ain’t
never had as a community had the talk
and we needed to have the talk
so I’d organized and plan it to have a
talk
with our student leaders our Dean and
our faculty by the time we get to
actually have the event I’ve gotten
feedback from black and white students
saying this is a good idea people aren’t
really comfortable and no one’s gonna
come the day comes where we’re supposed
to have the talk I get a call from
student services they say something’s
wrong so I immediately rush over and
when I get there I’m told we don’t have
enough seats what do you mean
well there’s 250 people who want to
participate in this but the room only
holds 120 so we need to have an overflow
room what I learned was and what I got
confirmation on was that it wasn’t just
the black kids who needed to talk we all
had to be a part of this so we had to
talk we started this talk as most
conversations on race to do very surface
well we started this talk it was all
about things we can all generally agree
on racism is bad yeah we get that I wish
that these things didn’t happen okay
thanks but as the time went on I could
look and see the frustration and anxiety
and exhaustion from the flase phases of
my black classmates not again not
another one we’re not just gonna glance
over this and make everyone feel better
and then it happened
one of my classmates decided to tell his
story see he told the story about how
every day after he left school he
checked every light on his car because
it was dark and he was scared as a six
foot three black man of being pulled
over for a bad blinker and by him
telling his story he gave us permission
to tell our stories and so I told my
story about what it felt like to be a
black man and a leader in a town where
when I moved here my mother cried and
that was my third lesson about fear you
see what Marcus Thomas taught me
was that courage and facing your fears
requires vulnerability his willingness
to share his story and take the risk of
being ostracized doubted made fun of and
treated different enabled the rest of us
to tell our stories everything didn’t
change that day but our community began
to talk our community began to heal
which is something that I think Charles
still needs right now
so those are my three lessons on fear
number one it could be incredibly
powerful if you allow it to be number
two you the only way to overcome it is
to face it and when you face it you’ve
already won and number three when you
decide to face your fears you have to be
vulnerable lastly no matter what fears
were facing I’d ask that each of us
remember then whatever you’re in front
of including death it’s not nearly as
scary as standing in front of a
thousands of people with high hopes that
you’ll share an idea worth spreading no
pressure
[Applause]
[Applause]
right now thousands of people are
staring at me with high hopes that I can
deliver an idea worth spreading
no pressure my heart’s racing my palms
are sweaty and I keep thinking why did I
agree to do this now we’ve all heard
that most people’s number one fear is
public speaking and number two is death
so as I’m sitting I was thinking about
this as I’m sitting at my great uncle’s
funeral with my family and it occurs to
me that people are more afraid of
speaking at a funeral that of being the
guest of honor our fears are is real and
it’s powerful as we allow them to be see
the first time I can remember being
surely afraid I was about six years old
my older brother had gotten special
permission from our parents for us to go
to play at a park
that was a ways away from where we lived
now this was a big deal because we had
to cross a major highway and our parents
didn’t usually let us play that far away
so when we get to the park we decided to
have a competition we’re gonna see who
can fly the farthest off of the swing
set
spoiler alert I won but how i won was by
jumping so far off of that swing set
that I landed on a manhole cover and
broke all the bones in my left arm
needless to say I was the last person to
jump that day and as I brushed myself
off and got a I looked at my arm and the
bones were nearly poking out of the skin
and in that moment all I wanted was my
mom and that’s when he told me see my
brother hadn’t really gotten permission
for us to be at that Park which meant
that I had to go home and explain to my
mom how I hurt myself
someplace that I shouldn’t have been
playing now that’s real fear so we get
home I remember walking up the stairs to
my parents bedroom and my mother is
sitting on the edge of the bed doing her
hair I walk in with my arm behind my
back as best as I could and I say if I
show you something do you promise you
won’t get mad
so she nods and I don’t remove my
mangled left arm and my mother let out a
scream that is unlike anything I’ve ever
heard before or since she rushes me to
the emergency room I get bandaged up I
cast on my arm and eventually things get
better as I reflected on that moment I
had a realization when I was in my
mother’s room my arm didn’t hurt you see
in that moment I was more afraid that I
was in pain and that was my first lesson
about fear if we allow it it can be
incredibly powerful over us physically
and mentally so fast forward to 2009 I
met this wonderful woman in law school
and we had been dating for about two
years I decided that I wanted to her to
be my wife so in a way for me to earn
some favor with her parents I decided on
a Saturday I would help her and her mom
go shopping after a few hours of hold
this hold that how does this look people
ignore my opinion we eventually get to
the point where we’re going back to
Tiffany’s house so after while Tiffany
and her mother are parking the car I run
in the house to use the restroom and the
moment I come through the door her
father is standing there with a look on
his face that says explain yourself and
so without thinking I’ve learned out
gene and Tiffany are coming they’re just
parking the car and dashing to the
restaurant as I’m washing my hands it
occurs to me I just did the unthinkable
I called my girlfriend’s mother by her
first name to her husband
to make matters worse this was the day I
was going to ask for his permission to
propose so after washing my hands for an
awkwardly long time
I decided to step out of that restroom
and take a risk maybe he hadn’t hurt so
I step outside and then I come the
realization that I’m not that lucky what
you need to know about Tiffany’s father
is that we have a lot in common
we’re members of the same fraternity we
actually have the same birthday and we
have the same appreciation for starcast
so as I walk out of that bathroom he’s
already begun referring to his wife as
mrs. reading and for the next 30 minutes
he continues to refer to his wife as
mrs. reading
message received so and then after about
30 minutes of this ask him can I talk to
you in private he says of course and
walks me down the stairs to their dark
basement I find the light and begin to
apologize profusely I’ve never done that
before
I’ll never do it again indeed to this
day they are in my phone as mr. and mrs.
ready and after a few minutes have
apologized and I can see that he’s
starting to soften up so I decided to
take my shot I say since I have you down
here there’s one other thing I’d like to
ask and so I asked him for his blessing
in proposing longest pause ever ain’t
can’t tilt his head he smiles and says
of course and that was my second lesson
in fear that in order for you to beat
your fears you have to face them but by
facing them you’ve actually already won
so fast forward to 2013 I began my MBA
at Darden the University of Virginia my
first year goes as expected
it’s a lot of work it’s a lot of
difficult times and a lot of learning by
the second year I am the president of
black business student forum and we are
beginning our year with the death of
Mike Brown on August 9th to 2014
Mike Brown was killed by a Ferguson
police officer
but president the black business student
forum at Darden so to give you some
context and my graduating class there
are about three hundred and sixteen
people of those eleven or black two are
international and only two are women so
by my second semester things are
starting to heat up and conversations
are starting to happen but by jade by
February we have two major events to do
there’s Black History Month speech and
we have a black business student
conference so for Black History Month
realizing that what the kind of tone in
temper was of the school I decided that
we’re gonna have a die-in and what that
meant was while I was giving my speech
on Black History Month I read the names
of each of the 14 African Americans who
had been unarmed and killed by the
police in the last year and that every
one for every one of those names I read
one of my classmates bodies hit the
ground it was emotional it was impactful
but it wasn’t enough see over the time
that I’ve become a student leader at
Darden people that shared their stories
with me and while that event was
impactful it didn’t really change the
environment so then we get to the
conference and when we’re doing the
black business student conference I
decide that we’re gonna take this
opportunity to eradicate a myth that
it’s too hard to find top talent and
black talent at Darden and they won’t
come to Charlottesville
so what we do is my team and I found
historically black colleges across the
mid-atlantic and invited them all to
come to our global business conference
that day we were able to create an
environment where 150 black students
from across the mid-atlantic were able
to participate in what the Dean called
the best conference he had ever seen put
on by a student organization but we
still weren’t there yet see we ain’t
never had as a community had the talk
and we needed to have the talk
so I’d organized and plan it to have a
talk
with our student leaders our Dean and
our faculty by the time we get to
actually have the event I’ve gotten
feedback from black and white students
saying this is a good idea people aren’t
really comfortable and no one’s gonna
come the day comes where we’re supposed
to have the talk I get a call from
student services they say something’s
wrong so I immediately rush over and
when I get there I’m told we don’t have
enough seats what do you mean
well there’s 250 people who want to
participate in this but the room only
holds 120 so we need to have an overflow
room what I learned was and what I got
confirmation on was that it wasn’t just
the black kids who needed to talk we all
had to be a part of this so we had to
talk we started this talk as most
conversations on race to do very surface
well we started this talk it was all
about things we can all generally agree
on racism is bad yeah we get that I wish
that these things didn’t happen okay
thanks but as the time went on I could
look and see the frustration and anxiety
and exhaustion from the flase phases of
my black classmates not again not
another one we’re not just gonna glance
over this and make everyone feel better
and then it happened
one of my classmates decided to tell his
story see he told the story about how
every day after he left school he
checked every light on his car because
it was dark and he was scared as a six
foot three black man of being pulled
over for a bad blinker and by him
telling his story he gave us permission
to tell our stories and so I told my
story about what it felt like to be a
black man and a leader in a town where
when I moved here my mother cried and
that was my third lesson about fear you
see what Marcus Thomas taught me
was that courage and facing your fears
requires vulnerability his willingness
to share his story and take the risk of
being ostracized doubted made fun of and
treated different enabled the rest of us
to tell our stories everything didn’t
change that day but our community began
to talk our community began to heal
which is something that I think Charles
still needs right now
so those are my three lessons on fear
number one it could be incredibly
powerful if you allow it to be number
two you the only way to overcome it is
to face it and when you face it you’ve
already won and number three when you
decide to face your fears you have to be
vulnerable lastly no matter what fears
were facing I’d ask that each of us
remember then whatever you’re in front
of including death it’s not nearly as
scary as standing in front of a
thousands of people with high hopes that
you’ll share an idea worth spreading no
pressure
[Applause]
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