[Music]
on April 11th 2012 I started my hike on
the Appalachian Trail I was 22 years old
and on April 12th
I found myself completely lost and
utterly alone the Appalachian Trail is a
2,180 five-mile Trek that spans the
length between Georgia and Maine going
through 14 states today I’m going to
talk to you about three fears that I
experienced on the trail and how this
positively affected my life I guess I
should tell you that my ultimate fear
prior to hiking the trail was getting
lost I would think about it all the time
and honestly I would just like stay up
at night and be like what would happen
if I got lost in the woods with the
Blair Witch comes like that I was like
kid that was scared of the dark you guys
but honestly I reassured myself you know
leading up to the the months leading up
to leaving for the trail that I would
not be so careless and I would not get
lost so back on the trail
as I was hiking I was following the
white blazes that indicated that I was
on the Appalachian Trail which
inexplicably they turn started turning
into white diamonds and then all the
sudden unmarked bare naked trees I found
myself six miles in the middle of
Georgia having no idea where I was and
it was pretty frightening and you know
when you’re young and you’re at your
friend’s sleepover and you just want to
go home so you call your parents to come
and pick you up well that’s exactly what
I did I called my parents and thanks mom
and dad I talked to them for a really
long time and I was like I am scared
shitless and I don’t know what to do but
they were in Vermont and I was in
Georgia so I had to hunker down and make
camp right then and there my dad had
insisted I would use this tiny slit army
knife and when I pitched my tent I
crawled in there and lay rigid why
with this tiny slits army knives
clutched white-knuckled to my chest
looking at this tent that was so wimpy
and the material so weak that could
honestly be swiped down and one swipe of
a bear’s paw and as I lay there staring
up at this tent I was thinking oh my god
this is the second day and I have a
hundred and seventy odd more days of
this and I’m not even kidding you I fell
asleep to the sound of coyotes howling
throughout the night I woke up the next
morning and I was alive I could not
believe it I slept through my worst fear
and honestly I think AI was so
unprepared but also be I was incredibly
exhausted through the beginning miles of
the trail but I think I just fell asleep
naturally and when I woke up I had this
sense of gratitude just come over me
everything that I was scared of that I
experienced that night I was able to
wake up and I was okay I was still the
same person and ever since then I
decided that I would lean into fear that
this was actually the best thing that
could have happened to me on the trail
that I was able to live through my worst
fear and I was still ever I was still
okay and so with this new outlook in
life I decided to really accept fear as
something that was good in my life and
not trying to run away from it from
unpredictable fears to long-term fears I
really tried to lean in and really think
about this as a positive involvement and
the trail is really funny because all
the minutiae on the trail is so
exaggerated because you really have no
distractions and so my second fear a
primal unexpected fear that I
experienced happen in Virginia I was
walking upon this Ridgeline it was
absolutely gorgeous
there was ferns it was very lush very
green with his forest of canopy opening
up to either side of you and there’s
these beautiful purple and blue and
dusty pink mountains on either side and
as one does on the trail I was hiking
with my head down in my own thoughts
when I look up and 25 feet in front of
me in the middle of the trail
is a mountain lion I was completely
petrified this is a completely
unexpected fear and I had no idea what
to do and as I had this stare down with
this mountain lion this incredibly
beautiful powerful beasts eyes
unwavering as she stared right back at
me I just froze and my body just
completely Stood Still and I thought I
am gonna die I am going to die right
here and I cannot run from this thing I
have a 60 pound pack my Swiss Army knife
is located at the bottom of my pack and
I cannot retrieve it I would not be able
to win this fight against this mountain
lion so I just accepted it I accepted
that I wasn’t gonna win and as we stared
at each other
this beautiful insanely powerful beast
this wave of Caan just came over me and
I was at peace it was insane it was
incredible and as we were staring at
each other her eyes and wavering all the
sudden she broke her gaze and she slinks
her body through the ferns and her
shoulders undulating like waves she goes
up upon this Boulder and fits on her
perch and sits calmly powerfully
beautifully and looks out into the land
before her and I’m like standing like oh
my god what what’s happening like over
yeah so she sits on her perch and I’m
standing there just watching what’s
happening and all of a sudden she turns
out around and she looks at me over her
shoulder and she just looks at me and as
if she acknowledged me once before she
was acknowledging me again saying okay I
see you and you have to keep going and
so that’s what I did I kept walking I
don’t know how but I kept walking so the
last glimpse I had of her before
rounding the bend she was still on her
perch sitting on her Boulder powerful
peaceful surveying the land
paying me no mind and it was incredible
and out of that surrender that I felt
with this mountain lion I also felt so
many things but the most powerful thing
I felt was this power that I had
withheld all of my life just brimming
upon the edge of myself ready to
overflow and it was incredible I had
never felt so confident and so peaceful
and so just completely me and ever since
that moment the mountain lion on the
trail everything started to fall into
place
I really felt independent and confident
in my own womanhood and part of my
intention of hiking the trail was to be
okay in my solitude and really just own
myself and own my womanhood and get to
know myself it was great
so I finally accepted that fear of
aloneness and ironically once I accepted
that I was gonna be alone that I was
going to spend five and a half months on
the trail I met a boy I met him upon
this creek bed upon a Ridgeline or a
pond excuse me upon a mountain ominously
named Blood Mountain and he was this
crazy southern man who had a tattoo of a
bright green frog on his belly and he
was just like had this magnetic energy
and people were just drawn to him it was
only supposed to be on the trail for one
week after that week was over he quit
his job and decided to hike the trail in
its entirety the trail has a way of
inducing trail magic and honestly I have
learned that people are inherently good
because of the trail when we met he
offered me half of his knickers bar
which is a coveted power food on the
trail and not something to take lightly
and in return I offered to do his
laundry which I failed miserably yet
it’s really hard to clean clothes in a
creek and ever since that day
we decided to hike every single day
together or just became naturally
natural that we hiked every single day
together and because we had only miles
to kill in time we talked and we talked
a lot we talked about our families and
our dreams we talked about our fears and
our hopes we primarily talked about the
food that we missed like grapefruit and
romaine lettuce weirdly enough and we
even hiked naked together on hiked naked
day which is a national holiday on the
summer solstice on the trail so needless
to say we learned a lot about each other
and there was little that we did not
and with each passing mile and each
passing landmark and each passing state
my love for this man really grew to
scare me and I had this in like this
doom that was looming over me because we
had a time limit to our relationship it
was going to be over i i’m Katahdin
which is the last mountain on the a team
and i wanted to keep walking through
life with this man by my side and so
like with the mountain lions and like a
very different beast that’s just as wild
and untamed i looked into those man’s
eyes and told him I loved him in New
Jersey of all places we decided to do
long-distance for a little bit I see
them Vermont which is where I’m from
and he went down to Nashville and then I
decided to lean in again and make the
jump and move down to Nashville which
I’ve lived in for five years and my
hiking partner the man I’m at my third
day we have been married for one year
and to this day I am so incredibly
grateful that I met my lifetime trail
mate on the trail and that he can remind
me all the gifts that the 80 has given
me and the lessons that I keep learning
every day one of the most important
things I learned is that something that
fear is something that’s so beautiful
and delicate and something that we
shouldn’t run away from and that fear is
FLE not a summit to overcome but really
something that is inevitable whatever
shape or form it takes and that it will
drive us to the lightness or darkness
whichever we may choose it’ll inspire us
despite the pain of putting one
blistered foot in front of the other
despite the destination and really focus
on the journey and so many things scared
me on the trail and things still scare
me public speaking for example is a very
real fear of life and everyday life I
find myself that I fall victim to really
not being present and last thru-hikers
called this the real world and on the
trail every single step counts there are
no screens on the trail there is really
dating is reduced to sharing a Snickers
bar and I would not recommend dating
because it’s not the most hygienic
pastime you’re not showering and you
but there are no there’s no status
there’s no caste there are no careers
and there are even no real names on the
trail all you really have are you’re
given trail name the thoughts in your
head and whatever you can carry on your
back you are completely stripped raw
organic version of yourself and you have
no choice but to see yourself for who
you really are and so like with the
mountain lion if we choose to observe
and acknowledge and look and see what’s
standing right in front of us and accept
that fear instead of being at its mercy
I promise you life will become that much more adventurous thank you
on April 11th 2012 I started my hike on
the Appalachian Trail I was 22 years old
and on April 12th
I found myself completely lost and
utterly alone the Appalachian Trail is a
2,180 five-mile Trek that spans the
length between Georgia and Maine going
through 14 states today I’m going to
talk to you about three fears that I
experienced on the trail and how this
positively affected my life I guess I
should tell you that my ultimate fear
prior to hiking the trail was getting
lost I would think about it all the time
and honestly I would just like stay up
at night and be like what would happen
if I got lost in the woods with the
Blair Witch comes like that I was like
kid that was scared of the dark you guys
but honestly I reassured myself you know
leading up to the the months leading up
to leaving for the trail that I would
not be so careless and I would not get
lost so back on the trail
as I was hiking I was following the
white blazes that indicated that I was
on the Appalachian Trail which
inexplicably they turn started turning
into white diamonds and then all the
sudden unmarked bare naked trees I found
myself six miles in the middle of
Georgia having no idea where I was and
it was pretty frightening and you know
when you’re young and you’re at your
friend’s sleepover and you just want to
go home so you call your parents to come
and pick you up well that’s exactly what
I did I called my parents and thanks mom
and dad I talked to them for a really
long time and I was like I am scared
shitless and I don’t know what to do but
they were in Vermont and I was in
Georgia so I had to hunker down and make
camp right then and there my dad had
insisted I would use this tiny slit army
knife and when I pitched my tent I
crawled in there and lay rigid why
with this tiny slits army knives
clutched white-knuckled to my chest
looking at this tent that was so wimpy
and the material so weak that could
honestly be swiped down and one swipe of
a bear’s paw and as I lay there staring
up at this tent I was thinking oh my god
this is the second day and I have a
hundred and seventy odd more days of
this and I’m not even kidding you I fell
asleep to the sound of coyotes howling
throughout the night I woke up the next
morning and I was alive I could not
believe it I slept through my worst fear
and honestly I think AI was so
unprepared but also be I was incredibly
exhausted through the beginning miles of
the trail but I think I just fell asleep
naturally and when I woke up I had this
sense of gratitude just come over me
everything that I was scared of that I
experienced that night I was able to
wake up and I was okay I was still the
same person and ever since then I
decided that I would lean into fear that
this was actually the best thing that
could have happened to me on the trail
that I was able to live through my worst
fear and I was still ever I was still
okay and so with this new outlook in
life I decided to really accept fear as
something that was good in my life and
not trying to run away from it from
unpredictable fears to long-term fears I
really tried to lean in and really think
about this as a positive involvement and
the trail is really funny because all
the minutiae on the trail is so
exaggerated because you really have no
distractions and so my second fear a
primal unexpected fear that I
experienced happen in Virginia I was
walking upon this Ridgeline it was
absolutely gorgeous
there was ferns it was very lush very
green with his forest of canopy opening
up to either side of you and there’s
these beautiful purple and blue and
dusty pink mountains on either side and
as one does on the trail I was hiking
with my head down in my own thoughts
when I look up and 25 feet in front of
me in the middle of the trail
is a mountain lion I was completely
petrified this is a completely
unexpected fear and I had no idea what
to do and as I had this stare down with
this mountain lion this incredibly
beautiful powerful beasts eyes
unwavering as she stared right back at
me I just froze and my body just
completely Stood Still and I thought I
am gonna die I am going to die right
here and I cannot run from this thing I
have a 60 pound pack my Swiss Army knife
is located at the bottom of my pack and
I cannot retrieve it I would not be able
to win this fight against this mountain
lion so I just accepted it I accepted
that I wasn’t gonna win and as we stared
at each other
this beautiful insanely powerful beast
this wave of Caan just came over me and
I was at peace it was insane it was
incredible and as we were staring at
each other her eyes and wavering all the
sudden she broke her gaze and she slinks
her body through the ferns and her
shoulders undulating like waves she goes
up upon this Boulder and fits on her
perch and sits calmly powerfully
beautifully and looks out into the land
before her and I’m like standing like oh
my god what what’s happening like over
yeah so she sits on her perch and I’m
standing there just watching what’s
happening and all of a sudden she turns
out around and she looks at me over her
shoulder and she just looks at me and as
if she acknowledged me once before she
was acknowledging me again saying okay I
see you and you have to keep going and
so that’s what I did I kept walking I
don’t know how but I kept walking so the
last glimpse I had of her before
rounding the bend she was still on her
perch sitting on her Boulder powerful
peaceful surveying the land
paying me no mind and it was incredible
and out of that surrender that I felt
with this mountain lion I also felt so
many things but the most powerful thing
I felt was this power that I had
withheld all of my life just brimming
upon the edge of myself ready to
overflow and it was incredible I had
never felt so confident and so peaceful
and so just completely me and ever since
that moment the mountain lion on the
trail everything started to fall into
place
I really felt independent and confident
in my own womanhood and part of my
intention of hiking the trail was to be
okay in my solitude and really just own
myself and own my womanhood and get to
know myself it was great
so I finally accepted that fear of
aloneness and ironically once I accepted
that I was gonna be alone that I was
going to spend five and a half months on
the trail I met a boy I met him upon
this creek bed upon a Ridgeline or a
pond excuse me upon a mountain ominously
named Blood Mountain and he was this
crazy southern man who had a tattoo of a
bright green frog on his belly and he
was just like had this magnetic energy
and people were just drawn to him it was
only supposed to be on the trail for one
week after that week was over he quit
his job and decided to hike the trail in
its entirety the trail has a way of
inducing trail magic and honestly I have
learned that people are inherently good
because of the trail when we met he
offered me half of his knickers bar
which is a coveted power food on the
trail and not something to take lightly
and in return I offered to do his
laundry which I failed miserably yet
it’s really hard to clean clothes in a
creek and ever since that day
we decided to hike every single day
together or just became naturally
natural that we hiked every single day
together and because we had only miles
to kill in time we talked and we talked
a lot we talked about our families and
our dreams we talked about our fears and
our hopes we primarily talked about the
food that we missed like grapefruit and
romaine lettuce weirdly enough and we
even hiked naked together on hiked naked
day which is a national holiday on the
summer solstice on the trail so needless
to say we learned a lot about each other
and there was little that we did not
and with each passing mile and each
passing landmark and each passing state
my love for this man really grew to
scare me and I had this in like this
doom that was looming over me because we
had a time limit to our relationship it
was going to be over i i’m Katahdin
which is the last mountain on the a team
and i wanted to keep walking through
life with this man by my side and so
like with the mountain lions and like a
very different beast that’s just as wild
and untamed i looked into those man’s
eyes and told him I loved him in New
Jersey of all places we decided to do
long-distance for a little bit I see
them Vermont which is where I’m from
and he went down to Nashville and then I
decided to lean in again and make the
jump and move down to Nashville which
I’ve lived in for five years and my
hiking partner the man I’m at my third
day we have been married for one year
and to this day I am so incredibly
grateful that I met my lifetime trail
mate on the trail and that he can remind
me all the gifts that the 80 has given
me and the lessons that I keep learning
every day one of the most important
things I learned is that something that
fear is something that’s so beautiful
and delicate and something that we
shouldn’t run away from and that fear is
FLE not a summit to overcome but really
something that is inevitable whatever
shape or form it takes and that it will
drive us to the lightness or darkness
whichever we may choose it’ll inspire us
despite the pain of putting one
blistered foot in front of the other
despite the destination and really focus
on the journey and so many things scared
me on the trail and things still scare
me public speaking for example is a very
real fear of life and everyday life I
find myself that I fall victim to really
not being present and last thru-hikers
called this the real world and on the
trail every single step counts there are
no screens on the trail there is really
dating is reduced to sharing a Snickers
bar and I would not recommend dating
because it’s not the most hygienic
pastime you’re not showering and you
but there are no there’s no status
there’s no caste there are no careers
and there are even no real names on the
trail all you really have are you’re
given trail name the thoughts in your
head and whatever you can carry on your
back you are completely stripped raw
organic version of yourself and you have
no choice but to see yourself for who
you really are and so like with the
mountain lion if we choose to observe
and acknowledge and look and see what’s
standing right in front of us and accept
that fear instead of being at its mercy
I promise you life will become that much more adventurous thank you
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