[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
I’m four years old when my parents had a
I’m four years old when my parents had a family friend’s house the night has come
family friend’s house the night has come
family friend’s house the night has come to a close and we were preparing to
to a close and we were preparing to
to a close and we were preparing to leave as we move through the house the
leave as we move through the house the
leave as we move through the house the front door comes into view and the tins
front door comes into view and the tins
front door comes into view and the tins of anxiety arises as I contemplate
of anxiety arises as I contemplate
of anxiety arises as I contemplate successfully crossing that threshold
suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by
suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by our host who reaches down picks me up
our host who reaches down picks me up
our host who reaches down picks me up and turns me towards this dreaded closet
the fear in my eyes screamed and my
the fear in my eyes screamed and my parents help me please nothing the door
parents help me please nothing the door
parents help me please nothing the door closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness
closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness
closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness and the smell of leather terrified the
and the smell of leather terrified the
and the smell of leather terrified the hairs on my arms are at attention
hairs on my arms are at attention
hairs on my arms are at attention my breathing sharp shallow glued to the
my breathing sharp shallow glued to the
my breathing sharp shallow glued to the door fearful of the horrid creature that
door fearful of the horrid creature that
door fearful of the horrid creature that I’ve imagined living there I’m
I’ve imagined living there I’m
I’ve imagined living there I’m disheartened by the sound of laughter on
disheartened by the sound of laughter on
disheartened by the sound of laughter on the other side as if this were funny
the other side as if this were funny
the other side as if this were funny confused by the humor crushed their
confused by the humor crushed their
confused by the humor crushed their their indifference the sobbing starts
their indifference the sobbing starts
their indifference the sobbing starts eventually the door opens relieved and
eventually the door opens relieved and
eventually the door opens relieved and disappointed I fall into the arms of my
disappointed I fall into the arms of my
disappointed I fall into the arms of my mother bawling unconsolable for I had
mother bawling unconsolable for I had
mother bawling unconsolable for I had just experienced the stinging pain of a
just experienced the stinging pain of a
just experienced the stinging pain of a child unprotected and marked two and a
child unprotected and marked two and a
child unprotected and marked two and a half years later my father and I had
half years later my father and I had
half years later my father and I had just returned from a two-year visit with
just returned from a two-year visit with
just returned from a two-year visit with his family overseas elated to be back in
his family overseas elated to be back in
his family overseas elated to be back in the loving presence of my mother I
the loving presence of my mother I
the loving presence of my mother I quickly realized that not everyone was
quickly realized that not everyone was
quickly realized that not everyone was happy of my return up in my role plan
happy of my return up in my role plan
happy of my return up in my role plan doing me the lights go out and I hear
doing me the lights go out and I hear
doing me the lights go out and I hear faintly
faintly
faintly my older brother chief rival for my
my older brother chief rival for my
my older brother chief rival for my mother’s affection had put a pillow over
mother’s affection had put a pillow over
mother’s affection had put a pillow over my face and was suffocating me I thought
my face and was suffocating me I thought
my face and was suffocating me I thought it was some sort of game until I
it was some sort of game until I
it was some sort of game until I couldn’t move and then I panicked and
couldn’t move and then I panicked and
couldn’t move and then I panicked and was transported right back to the closet
was transported right back to the closet
was transported right back to the closet where I was alone in the darkness but
where I was alone in the darkness but
where I was alone in the darkness but unlike that experience this time I
unlike that experience this time I
unlike that experience this time I couldn’t breathe and the potential for
couldn’t breathe and the potential for
couldn’t breathe and the potential for injury here was real not imagined
injury here was real not imagined
injury here was real not imagined so I struggled and fought to get him off
so I struggled and fought to get him off
so I struggled and fought to get him off me but he was just too strong for me
me but he was just too strong for me
me but he was just too strong for me overwhelmed and exhausted scared and
overwhelmed and exhausted scared and
overwhelmed and exhausted scared and devoid of hope I gave up I had
devoid of hope I gave up I had
devoid of hope I gave up I had absolutely nothing left and as I lay
absolutely nothing left and as I lay
absolutely nothing left and as I lay there lifeless for what seemed like an
there lifeless for what seemed like an
there lifeless for what seemed like an eternity he finally relented invigorated
eternity he finally relented invigorated
eternity he finally relented invigorated I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy
I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy
I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy mommy and related to her what had
mommy and related to her what had
mommy and related to her what had happened with a somber and perplexed
happened with a somber and perplexed
happened with a somber and perplexed look on her first she said Oh sweetie he
look on her first she said Oh sweetie he
look on her first she said Oh sweetie he was just playing with you he missed you
was just playing with you he missed you
was just playing with you he missed you we all did
we all did
we all did appalled at the lack of action and
appalled at the lack of action and
appalled at the lack of action and scared for my life I plopped down at her
scared for my life I plopped down at her
scared for my life I plopped down at her feet
feet
feet confused and dejected refusing to leave
confused and dejected refusing to leave
confused and dejected refusing to leave her side for the remainder of that night
her side for the remainder of that night
her side for the remainder of that night and many a night after that
and many a night after that
and many a night after that sadly that was but a couple of the many
sadly that was but a couple of the many
sadly that was but a couple of the many experiences that wreaked havoc on my
experiences that wreaked havoc on my
experiences that wreaked havoc on my minds ability to process and regulate
minds ability to process and regulate
minds ability to process and regulate emotion my personality my character my
emotion my personality my character my
emotion my personality my character my ability to reason with reality was born
ability to reason with reality was born
ability to reason with reality was born out of a fickle womb of fear and hate
out of a fickle womb of fear and hate
out of a fickle womb of fear and hate fear of being overpowered I had a strong
fear of being overpowered I had a strong
fear of being overpowered I had a strong dislike for bullies or anyone who
dislike for bullies or anyone who
dislike for bullies or anyone who dictated Authority on the other hand I
dictated Authority on the other hand I
dictated Authority on the other hand I was an emotional wreck totally dependent
was an emotional wreck totally dependent
was an emotional wreck totally dependent upon others for identity and acceptance
upon others for identity and acceptance
upon others for identity and acceptance and for this my preteen years blur a
and for this my preteen years blur a
and for this my preteen years blur a haze of appeasement and conciliation my
haze of appeasement and conciliation my
haze of appeasement and conciliation my rationale through junior high and high
rationale through junior high and high
rationale through junior high and high school suggested
school suggested
school suggested that I’ve befriend only those to whom I
that I’ve befriend only those to whom I
that I’ve befriend only those to whom I was superior physically or
was superior physically or
was superior physically or intellectually removing any possibility
intellectually removing any possibility
intellectually removing any possibility of being dominated or one-upped for the
of being dominated or one-upped for the
of being dominated or one-upped for the security of my fragile ego rested solely
security of my fragile ego rested solely
security of my fragile ego rested solely on the belief that none were greater
on the belief that none were greater
on the belief that none were greater delusion so a 15 psychologically
delusion so a 15 psychologically
delusion so a 15 psychologically stagnated and socially inept with all
stagnated and socially inept with all
stagnated and socially inept with all the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I
the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I
the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I foolishly ignorantly offered my
foolishly ignorantly offered my
foolishly ignorantly offered my allegiance to the local bad boys who
allegiance to the local bad boys who
allegiance to the local bad boys who like me all emotionally illiterate you
like me all emotionally illiterate you
like me all emotionally illiterate you see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the
see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the
see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the courage needed to stand on my own
courage needed to stand on my own
courage needed to stand on my own what I now believe to be a direct result
what I now believe to be a direct result
what I now believe to be a direct result of the closet and many other instances
of the closet and many other instances
of the closet and many other instances where no one stood up for me acts that
where no one stood up for me acts that
where no one stood up for me acts that would have imparted value and worth into
would have imparted value and worth into
would have imparted value and worth into me a sense of self but that wasn’t the
me a sense of self but that wasn’t the
me a sense of self but that wasn’t the case and insecurities insecurities
case and insecurities insecurities
case and insecurities insecurities assured me into the hands of outcasts
assured me into the hands of outcasts
assured me into the hands of outcasts turn rebels and rebell we did for we
turn rebels and rebell we did for we
turn rebels and rebell we did for we denounced any in everything Authority
denounced any in everything Authority
denounced any in everything Authority which consequently led to a few stints
which consequently led to a few stints
which consequently led to a few stints in the county jails eventually here in
in the county jails eventually here in
in the county jails eventually here in hindsight I see I see that my life was
hindsight I see I see that my life was
hindsight I see I see that my life was marred by the perception of lack that
marred by the perception of lack that
marred by the perception of lack that fear created fear had become the
fear created fear had become the
fear created fear had become the predominant determinant in my
predominant determinant in my
predominant determinant in my decision-making
decision-making
decision-making I was either currying favor or avoiding
I was either currying favor or avoiding
I was either currying favor or avoiding conflict all under the guise of street
conflict all under the guise of street
conflict all under the guise of street bravado and had been carrying on this
bravado and had been carrying on this
bravado and had been carrying on this way up until recently four years ago 41
way up until recently four years ago 41
way up until recently four years ago 41 at the time at another facility there
at the time at another facility there
at the time at another facility there was conflict between young men I knew
was conflict between young men I knew
was conflict between young men I knew and leadership was needed but instead of
and leadership was needed but instead of
and leadership was needed but instead of guiding this conversation towards peace
guiding this conversation towards peace
guiding this conversation towards peace I was consumed by it I yielded to the
I was consumed by it I yielded to the
I was consumed by it I yielded to the ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl
ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl
ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl and soon
after the dust settle a trip to the
after the dust settle a trip to the disciplinary unit encouraged for my
disciplinary unit encouraged for my
disciplinary unit encouraged for my actions a painful truth had set in that
actions a painful truth had set in that
actions a painful truth had set in that I had been operating on the level of men
I had been operating on the level of men
I had been operating on the level of men twice my junior and this was
twice my junior and this was
twice my junior and this was unacceptable it is said that change
unacceptable it is said that change
unacceptable it is said that change doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred
doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred
doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred percent dissatisfied well I had finally
percent dissatisfied well I had finally
percent dissatisfied well I had finally met that quota and it was this new law
met that quota and it was this new law
met that quota and it was this new law that became the catalyst that propelled
that became the catalyst that propelled
that became the catalyst that propelled to me on this journey of discovery from
to me on this journey of discovery from
to me on this journey of discovery from illusion to truth boy to man now the
illusion to truth boy to man now the
illusion to truth boy to man now the first order of business was to identify
first order of business was to identify
first order of business was to identify who I was and was not to get an accurate
who I was and was not to get an accurate
who I was and was not to get an accurate picture I had to go back and pry through
picture I had to go back and pry through
picture I had to go back and pry through their aspirations of adolescence and
their aspirations of adolescence and
their aspirations of adolescence and what I found were the dreams of a boy
what I found were the dreams of a boy
what I found were the dreams of a boy enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi
enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi
enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with
and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with
and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with this vision direction became clear I was
this vision direction became clear I was
this vision direction became clear I was to lead righteously but in order to do
to lead righteously but in order to do
to lead righteously but in order to do so had to come into alignment with
so had to come into alignment with
so had to come into alignment with correct principles which meant I had to
correct principles which meant I had to
correct principles which meant I had to rid myself the stereotypical ideals of
rid myself the stereotypical ideals of
rid myself the stereotypical ideals of masculinity for they were rife with
masculinity for they were rife with
masculinity for they were rife with deficiencies mission at hand I got to
deficiencies mission at hand I got to
deficiencies mission at hand I got to work isolated in the Dungeness cells of
work isolated in the Dungeness cells of
work isolated in the Dungeness cells of the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I
the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I
the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I began my rehabilitations with three
began my rehabilitations with three
began my rehabilitations with three topics the autobiographies of great
topics the autobiographies of great
topics the autobiographies of great leaders which showed me what maturity
leaders which showed me what maturity
leaders which showed me what maturity looked like mannerisms conviction
looked like mannerisms conviction
looked like mannerisms conviction spirituality brought comfort and inner
spirituality brought comfort and inner
spirituality brought comfort and inner peace through forgiveness the relinquish
peace through forgiveness the relinquish
peace through forgiveness the relinquish sheen of vengeance the intricacies of
sheen of vengeance the intricacies of
sheen of vengeance the intricacies of psychology expanded my mind bringing
psychology expanded my mind bringing
psychology expanded my mind bringing clarity and insight yet also revealed
clarity and insight yet also revealed
clarity and insight yet also revealed the rift resentments I didn’t know I had
the rift resentments I didn’t know I had
the rift resentments I didn’t know I had towards my mother for not protecting me
towards my mother for not protecting me
towards my mother for not protecting me this new revelation was nearly
this new revelation was nearly
this new revelation was nearly impossible for me to admit to myself let
impossible for me to admit to myself let
impossible for me to admit to myself let alone to her she was my angel my rock
alone to her she was my angel my rock
alone to her she was my angel my rock but I eventually did and I’m happy to
but I eventually did and I’m happy to
but I eventually did and I’m happy to say we have since minted those fences
say we have since minted those fences
say we have since minted those fences there was one other book that I should
there was one other book that I should
there was one other book that I should share with you great self matters by dr.
share with you great self matters by dr.
share with you great self matters by dr. Phil instrumental in bringing me to the
Phil instrumental in bringing me to the
Phil instrumental in bringing me to the realization that I mattered that apart
realization that I mattered that apart
realization that I mattered that apart from the opinions of the naysayers I
from the opinions of the naysayers I
from the opinions of the naysayers I hold value and most importantly that
hold value and most importantly that
hold value and most importantly that what’s needed to combat an unhealthy
what’s needed to combat an unhealthy
what’s needed to combat an unhealthy need for acceptance is self-love the
need for acceptance is self-love the
need for acceptance is self-love the accepting of oneself flaws and all
accepting of oneself flaws and all
accepting of oneself flaws and all exposure to this information freed me
exposure to this information freed me
exposure to this information freed me from falsehood and shame stripped away
from falsehood and shame stripped away
from falsehood and shame stripped away the masks and ideologies that had held
the masks and ideologies that had held
the masks and ideologies that had held me captive and for the first time in a
me captive and for the first time in a
me captive and for the first time in a long time without the crutch of social
long time without the crutch of social
long time without the crutch of social opinion
opinion
opinion I felt adequate a wise man once said I
I felt adequate a wise man once said I
I felt adequate a wise man once said I am NOT what has happened to me I am what
am NOT what has happened to me I am what
am NOT what has happened to me I am what I choose to become so today this day I
I choose to become so today this day I
I choose to become so today this day I stand before you with vision new vision
stand before you with vision new vision
stand before you with vision new vision and purpose service a loving and caring
and purpose service a loving and caring
and purpose service a loving and caring man without agenda without the need for
man without agenda without the need for
man without agenda without the need for one’s approval but simply because it
one’s approval but simply because it
one’s approval but simply because it serves my heart to be so and my work my
serves my heart to be so and my work my
serves my heart to be so and my work my work isn’t contingent on physical or
work isn’t contingent on physical or
work isn’t contingent on physical or intellectual superiority I am blessed
intellectual superiority I am blessed
intellectual superiority I am blessed because I am loved and in spite of my
because I am loved and in spite of my
because I am loved and in spite of my shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be
shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be
shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be relegated to the shadowy sidelines of
relegated to the shadowy sidelines of
relegated to the shadowy sidelines of fear and hate for fear ladies and
fear and hate for fear ladies and
fear and hate for fear ladies and gentlemen is an abstract concept
gentlemen is an abstract concept
gentlemen is an abstract concept unworthy of our affections with that
unworthy of our affections with that
unworthy of our affections with that said remember that unresolved issues in
said remember that unresolved issues in
said remember that unresolved issues in a child can greatly influence his or her
a child can greatly influence his or her
a child can greatly influence his or her ability to cope to make sense of the
ability to cope to make sense of the
ability to cope to make sense of the world and
world and
world and checked these experiences can blur the
checked these experiences can blur the
checked these experiences can blur the lines of reality sentencer to a time of
lines of reality sentencer to a time of
lines of reality sentencer to a time of insecurity and suspicion therefore let
insecurity and suspicion therefore let
insecurity and suspicion therefore let us be impassioned and vigilant in the
us be impassioned and vigilant in the
us be impassioned and vigilant in the safeguarding of the hearts and minds of
safeguarding of the hearts and minds of
safeguarding of the hearts and minds of our children and grandchildren because
our children and grandchildren because
our children and grandchildren because we ladies and gentlemen our actions or
we ladies and gentlemen our actions or
we ladies and gentlemen our actions or inactions are their reality
inactions are their reality
[Applause]
[Applause] you
[Music] [Applause]
I’m four years old when my parents had a
I’m four years old when my parents had a family friend’s house the night has come
family friend’s house the night has come
family friend’s house the night has come to a close and we were preparing to
to a close and we were preparing to
to a close and we were preparing to leave as we move through the house the
leave as we move through the house the
leave as we move through the house the front door comes into view and the tins
front door comes into view and the tins
front door comes into view and the tins of anxiety arises as I contemplate
of anxiety arises as I contemplate
of anxiety arises as I contemplate successfully crossing that threshold
suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by
suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by our host who reaches down picks me up
our host who reaches down picks me up
our host who reaches down picks me up and turns me towards this dreaded closet
the fear in my eyes screamed and my
the fear in my eyes screamed and my parents help me please nothing the door
parents help me please nothing the door
parents help me please nothing the door closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness
closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness
closes inside I’m surrounded by darkness and the smell of leather terrified the
and the smell of leather terrified the
and the smell of leather terrified the hairs on my arms are at attention
hairs on my arms are at attention
hairs on my arms are at attention my breathing sharp shallow glued to the
my breathing sharp shallow glued to the
my breathing sharp shallow glued to the door fearful of the horrid creature that
door fearful of the horrid creature that
door fearful of the horrid creature that I’ve imagined living there I’m
I’ve imagined living there I’m
I’ve imagined living there I’m disheartened by the sound of laughter on
disheartened by the sound of laughter on
disheartened by the sound of laughter on the other side as if this were funny
the other side as if this were funny
the other side as if this were funny confused by the humor crushed their
confused by the humor crushed their
confused by the humor crushed their their indifference the sobbing starts
their indifference the sobbing starts
their indifference the sobbing starts eventually the door opens relieved and
eventually the door opens relieved and
eventually the door opens relieved and disappointed I fall into the arms of my
disappointed I fall into the arms of my
disappointed I fall into the arms of my mother bawling unconsolable for I had
mother bawling unconsolable for I had
mother bawling unconsolable for I had just experienced the stinging pain of a
just experienced the stinging pain of a
just experienced the stinging pain of a child unprotected and marked two and a
child unprotected and marked two and a
child unprotected and marked two and a half years later my father and I had
half years later my father and I had
half years later my father and I had just returned from a two-year visit with
just returned from a two-year visit with
just returned from a two-year visit with his family overseas elated to be back in
his family overseas elated to be back in
his family overseas elated to be back in the loving presence of my mother I
the loving presence of my mother I
the loving presence of my mother I quickly realized that not everyone was
quickly realized that not everyone was
quickly realized that not everyone was happy of my return up in my role plan
happy of my return up in my role plan
happy of my return up in my role plan doing me the lights go out and I hear
doing me the lights go out and I hear
doing me the lights go out and I hear faintly
faintly
faintly my older brother chief rival for my
my older brother chief rival for my
my older brother chief rival for my mother’s affection had put a pillow over
mother’s affection had put a pillow over
mother’s affection had put a pillow over my face and was suffocating me I thought
my face and was suffocating me I thought
my face and was suffocating me I thought it was some sort of game until I
it was some sort of game until I
it was some sort of game until I couldn’t move and then I panicked and
couldn’t move and then I panicked and
couldn’t move and then I panicked and was transported right back to the closet
was transported right back to the closet
was transported right back to the closet where I was alone in the darkness but
where I was alone in the darkness but
where I was alone in the darkness but unlike that experience this time I
unlike that experience this time I
unlike that experience this time I couldn’t breathe and the potential for
couldn’t breathe and the potential for
couldn’t breathe and the potential for injury here was real not imagined
injury here was real not imagined
injury here was real not imagined so I struggled and fought to get him off
so I struggled and fought to get him off
so I struggled and fought to get him off me but he was just too strong for me
me but he was just too strong for me
me but he was just too strong for me overwhelmed and exhausted scared and
overwhelmed and exhausted scared and
overwhelmed and exhausted scared and devoid of hope I gave up I had
devoid of hope I gave up I had
devoid of hope I gave up I had absolutely nothing left and as I lay
absolutely nothing left and as I lay
absolutely nothing left and as I lay there lifeless for what seemed like an
there lifeless for what seemed like an
there lifeless for what seemed like an eternity he finally relented invigorated
eternity he finally relented invigorated
eternity he finally relented invigorated I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy
I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy
I bawled it to my mother mommy mommy mommy and related to her what had
mommy and related to her what had
mommy and related to her what had happened with a somber and perplexed
happened with a somber and perplexed
happened with a somber and perplexed look on her first she said Oh sweetie he
look on her first she said Oh sweetie he
look on her first she said Oh sweetie he was just playing with you he missed you
was just playing with you he missed you
was just playing with you he missed you we all did
we all did
we all did appalled at the lack of action and
appalled at the lack of action and
appalled at the lack of action and scared for my life I plopped down at her
scared for my life I plopped down at her
scared for my life I plopped down at her feet
feet
feet confused and dejected refusing to leave
confused and dejected refusing to leave
confused and dejected refusing to leave her side for the remainder of that night
her side for the remainder of that night
her side for the remainder of that night and many a night after that
and many a night after that
and many a night after that sadly that was but a couple of the many
sadly that was but a couple of the many
sadly that was but a couple of the many experiences that wreaked havoc on my
experiences that wreaked havoc on my
experiences that wreaked havoc on my minds ability to process and regulate
minds ability to process and regulate
minds ability to process and regulate emotion my personality my character my
emotion my personality my character my
emotion my personality my character my ability to reason with reality was born
ability to reason with reality was born
ability to reason with reality was born out of a fickle womb of fear and hate
out of a fickle womb of fear and hate
out of a fickle womb of fear and hate fear of being overpowered I had a strong
fear of being overpowered I had a strong
fear of being overpowered I had a strong dislike for bullies or anyone who
dislike for bullies or anyone who
dislike for bullies or anyone who dictated Authority on the other hand I
dictated Authority on the other hand I
dictated Authority on the other hand I was an emotional wreck totally dependent
was an emotional wreck totally dependent
was an emotional wreck totally dependent upon others for identity and acceptance
upon others for identity and acceptance
upon others for identity and acceptance and for this my preteen years blur a
and for this my preteen years blur a
and for this my preteen years blur a haze of appeasement and conciliation my
haze of appeasement and conciliation my
haze of appeasement and conciliation my rationale through junior high and high
rationale through junior high and high
rationale through junior high and high school suggested
school suggested
school suggested that I’ve befriend only those to whom I
that I’ve befriend only those to whom I
that I’ve befriend only those to whom I was superior physically or
was superior physically or
was superior physically or intellectually removing any possibility
intellectually removing any possibility
intellectually removing any possibility of being dominated or one-upped for the
of being dominated or one-upped for the
of being dominated or one-upped for the security of my fragile ego rested solely
security of my fragile ego rested solely
security of my fragile ego rested solely on the belief that none were greater
on the belief that none were greater
on the belief that none were greater delusion so a 15 psychologically
delusion so a 15 psychologically
delusion so a 15 psychologically stagnated and socially inept with all
stagnated and socially inept with all
stagnated and socially inept with all the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I
the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I
the wit of a begoing twelve-year-old I foolishly ignorantly offered my
foolishly ignorantly offered my
foolishly ignorantly offered my allegiance to the local bad boys who
allegiance to the local bad boys who
allegiance to the local bad boys who like me all emotionally illiterate you
like me all emotionally illiterate you
like me all emotionally illiterate you see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the
see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the
see I didn’t have the self-esteem of the courage needed to stand on my own
courage needed to stand on my own
courage needed to stand on my own what I now believe to be a direct result
what I now believe to be a direct result
what I now believe to be a direct result of the closet and many other instances
of the closet and many other instances
of the closet and many other instances where no one stood up for me acts that
where no one stood up for me acts that
where no one stood up for me acts that would have imparted value and worth into
would have imparted value and worth into
would have imparted value and worth into me a sense of self but that wasn’t the
me a sense of self but that wasn’t the
me a sense of self but that wasn’t the case and insecurities insecurities
case and insecurities insecurities
case and insecurities insecurities assured me into the hands of outcasts
assured me into the hands of outcasts
assured me into the hands of outcasts turn rebels and rebell we did for we
turn rebels and rebell we did for we
turn rebels and rebell we did for we denounced any in everything Authority
denounced any in everything Authority
denounced any in everything Authority which consequently led to a few stints
which consequently led to a few stints
which consequently led to a few stints in the county jails eventually here in
in the county jails eventually here in
in the county jails eventually here in hindsight I see I see that my life was
hindsight I see I see that my life was
hindsight I see I see that my life was marred by the perception of lack that
marred by the perception of lack that
marred by the perception of lack that fear created fear had become the
fear created fear had become the
fear created fear had become the predominant determinant in my
predominant determinant in my
predominant determinant in my decision-making
decision-making
decision-making I was either currying favor or avoiding
I was either currying favor or avoiding
I was either currying favor or avoiding conflict all under the guise of street
conflict all under the guise of street
conflict all under the guise of street bravado and had been carrying on this
bravado and had been carrying on this
bravado and had been carrying on this way up until recently four years ago 41
way up until recently four years ago 41
way up until recently four years ago 41 at the time at another facility there
at the time at another facility there
at the time at another facility there was conflict between young men I knew
was conflict between young men I knew
was conflict between young men I knew and leadership was needed but instead of
and leadership was needed but instead of
and leadership was needed but instead of guiding this conversation towards peace
guiding this conversation towards peace
guiding this conversation towards peace I was consumed by it I yielded to the
I was consumed by it I yielded to the
I was consumed by it I yielded to the ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl
ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl
ego driven impulses of youth in a brawl and soon
after the dust settle a trip to the
after the dust settle a trip to the disciplinary unit encouraged for my
disciplinary unit encouraged for my
disciplinary unit encouraged for my actions a painful truth had set in that
actions a painful truth had set in that
actions a painful truth had set in that I had been operating on the level of men
I had been operating on the level of men
I had been operating on the level of men twice my junior and this was
twice my junior and this was
twice my junior and this was unacceptable it is said that change
unacceptable it is said that change
unacceptable it is said that change doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred
doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred
doesn’t occur until you’re a hundred percent dissatisfied well I had finally
percent dissatisfied well I had finally
percent dissatisfied well I had finally met that quota and it was this new law
met that quota and it was this new law
met that quota and it was this new law that became the catalyst that propelled
that became the catalyst that propelled
that became the catalyst that propelled to me on this journey of discovery from
to me on this journey of discovery from
to me on this journey of discovery from illusion to truth boy to man now the
illusion to truth boy to man now the
illusion to truth boy to man now the first order of business was to identify
first order of business was to identify
first order of business was to identify who I was and was not to get an accurate
who I was and was not to get an accurate
who I was and was not to get an accurate picture I had to go back and pry through
picture I had to go back and pry through
picture I had to go back and pry through their aspirations of adolescence and
their aspirations of adolescence and
their aspirations of adolescence and what I found were the dreams of a boy
what I found were the dreams of a boy
what I found were the dreams of a boy enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi
enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi
enamored with the philosophies of Gandhi and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with
and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with
and the tenacity of Malcolm girded with this vision direction became clear I was
this vision direction became clear I was
this vision direction became clear I was to lead righteously but in order to do
to lead righteously but in order to do
to lead righteously but in order to do so had to come into alignment with
so had to come into alignment with
so had to come into alignment with correct principles which meant I had to
correct principles which meant I had to
correct principles which meant I had to rid myself the stereotypical ideals of
rid myself the stereotypical ideals of
rid myself the stereotypical ideals of masculinity for they were rife with
masculinity for they were rife with
masculinity for they were rife with deficiencies mission at hand I got to
deficiencies mission at hand I got to
deficiencies mission at hand I got to work isolated in the Dungeness cells of
work isolated in the Dungeness cells of
work isolated in the Dungeness cells of the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I
the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I
the Disciplinary unit 22 hours a day I began my rehabilitations with three
began my rehabilitations with three
began my rehabilitations with three topics the autobiographies of great
topics the autobiographies of great
topics the autobiographies of great leaders which showed me what maturity
leaders which showed me what maturity
leaders which showed me what maturity looked like mannerisms conviction
looked like mannerisms conviction
looked like mannerisms conviction spirituality brought comfort and inner
spirituality brought comfort and inner
spirituality brought comfort and inner peace through forgiveness the relinquish
peace through forgiveness the relinquish
peace through forgiveness the relinquish sheen of vengeance the intricacies of
sheen of vengeance the intricacies of
sheen of vengeance the intricacies of psychology expanded my mind bringing
psychology expanded my mind bringing
psychology expanded my mind bringing clarity and insight yet also revealed
clarity and insight yet also revealed
clarity and insight yet also revealed the rift resentments I didn’t know I had
the rift resentments I didn’t know I had
the rift resentments I didn’t know I had towards my mother for not protecting me
towards my mother for not protecting me
towards my mother for not protecting me this new revelation was nearly
this new revelation was nearly
this new revelation was nearly impossible for me to admit to myself let
impossible for me to admit to myself let
impossible for me to admit to myself let alone to her she was my angel my rock
alone to her she was my angel my rock
alone to her she was my angel my rock but I eventually did and I’m happy to
but I eventually did and I’m happy to
but I eventually did and I’m happy to say we have since minted those fences
say we have since minted those fences
say we have since minted those fences there was one other book that I should
there was one other book that I should
there was one other book that I should share with you great self matters by dr.
share with you great self matters by dr.
share with you great self matters by dr. Phil instrumental in bringing me to the
Phil instrumental in bringing me to the
Phil instrumental in bringing me to the realization that I mattered that apart
realization that I mattered that apart
realization that I mattered that apart from the opinions of the naysayers I
from the opinions of the naysayers I
from the opinions of the naysayers I hold value and most importantly that
hold value and most importantly that
hold value and most importantly that what’s needed to combat an unhealthy
what’s needed to combat an unhealthy
what’s needed to combat an unhealthy need for acceptance is self-love the
need for acceptance is self-love the
need for acceptance is self-love the accepting of oneself flaws and all
accepting of oneself flaws and all
accepting of oneself flaws and all exposure to this information freed me
exposure to this information freed me
exposure to this information freed me from falsehood and shame stripped away
from falsehood and shame stripped away
from falsehood and shame stripped away the masks and ideologies that had held
the masks and ideologies that had held
the masks and ideologies that had held me captive and for the first time in a
me captive and for the first time in a
me captive and for the first time in a long time without the crutch of social
long time without the crutch of social
long time without the crutch of social opinion
opinion
opinion I felt adequate a wise man once said I
I felt adequate a wise man once said I
I felt adequate a wise man once said I am NOT what has happened to me I am what
am NOT what has happened to me I am what
am NOT what has happened to me I am what I choose to become so today this day I
I choose to become so today this day I
I choose to become so today this day I stand before you with vision new vision
stand before you with vision new vision
stand before you with vision new vision and purpose service a loving and caring
and purpose service a loving and caring
and purpose service a loving and caring man without agenda without the need for
man without agenda without the need for
man without agenda without the need for one’s approval but simply because it
one’s approval but simply because it
one’s approval but simply because it serves my heart to be so and my work my
serves my heart to be so and my work my
serves my heart to be so and my work my work isn’t contingent on physical or
work isn’t contingent on physical or
work isn’t contingent on physical or intellectual superiority I am blessed
intellectual superiority I am blessed
intellectual superiority I am blessed because I am loved and in spite of my
because I am loved and in spite of my
because I am loved and in spite of my shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be
shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be
shortcomings I refuse I refuse to be relegated to the shadowy sidelines of
relegated to the shadowy sidelines of
relegated to the shadowy sidelines of fear and hate for fear ladies and
fear and hate for fear ladies and
fear and hate for fear ladies and gentlemen is an abstract concept
gentlemen is an abstract concept
gentlemen is an abstract concept unworthy of our affections with that
unworthy of our affections with that
unworthy of our affections with that said remember that unresolved issues in
said remember that unresolved issues in
said remember that unresolved issues in a child can greatly influence his or her
a child can greatly influence his or her
a child can greatly influence his or her ability to cope to make sense of the
ability to cope to make sense of the
ability to cope to make sense of the world and
world and
world and checked these experiences can blur the
checked these experiences can blur the
checked these experiences can blur the lines of reality sentencer to a time of
lines of reality sentencer to a time of
lines of reality sentencer to a time of insecurity and suspicion therefore let
insecurity and suspicion therefore let
insecurity and suspicion therefore let us be impassioned and vigilant in the
us be impassioned and vigilant in the
us be impassioned and vigilant in the safeguarding of the hearts and minds of
safeguarding of the hearts and minds of
safeguarding of the hearts and minds of our children and grandchildren because
our children and grandchildren because
our children and grandchildren because we ladies and gentlemen our actions or
we ladies and gentlemen our actions or
we ladies and gentlemen our actions or inactions are their reality
inactions are their reality
[Applause]
[Applause] you
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