I want you to think of that one thing
you want to do that one thing you’re
compelled to do that you need to do but
you’re being held back what is stopping
you fear fear can be so debilitating how
do we fight through our fear how do we
find courage it’s easy to be courageous
when we know what’s on the other side
but when we keep moving forward even
though we don’t know the outcome that’s
courage three years ago it was a cool
and crisp day the only kind of day you
can find in an Alberta autumn sat down
at a dinner table was Thanksgiving with
my family my parents my sibling my wife
my child enjoying this amazing turkey
dinner nobody can cook a turkey like my
mom just smell it right now we gotta
believe the the men were talking sports
the women were cleaning dishes as were
the gendered norms at her family at the
time I never knew where I fit in that
scenario leader we would gather back
together at that dinner table around
dessert except my son wasn’t there he
was in another room with headphones on
watching videos because I didn’t want
him to hear what was about to happen
next I pulled out a tear-stained
three-page letter with words that I had
written and rewritten many times over
the previous many months I’m about to
tell my mom and dad what was about to
happen in my life that I am transgender
that the son the son that they thought
they had was the other daughter in their
life it was scary
and it took everything I could to find
my courage my boys helped me through
that you see my boys I loved them long
before they were ever conceived my wife
and I we struggled for many years to
have children we went
every fertility treatment you could
possibly imagine many pregnancy losses
finally in vitro fertilization gave us
the gift of twin boys Alex and Andrew
and we named them Alex and Andrew
because they were born so early
we never got through the A’s of the name
book they’re born three and a half
months early less than two pounds and
very very sick this is my favorite
picture in the whole wide world and that
surprises a lot of people because it’s
pre-transition but I love this picture
it was the first time after three months
that I got to hold both my boys together
at the same time they’ve been too sick
up to that point I love this picture
this day a few days later we got a call
from the hospital that said there’s been
a change with Andrew you need to come in
so we rushed to the hospital running
into the room and remember my wife
saying give me my boy as we sat in the
chairs they handed him to her and we
held him and we look down at him you
know my son he could tell me so many
things with his big beautiful brown eyes
he would say I got this daddy I’m gonna
be okay mommy this particular day
his eyes were tired and we spent those
next few minutes telling him all the
things that we needed to say all the
things that we wanted to say there’s
never enough time to say all those
things I looked behind me at the
respiratory therapist was standing
behind me tears running down her face
she’s gently squeezing a bag that was
pushing puffs of air into my son’s tiny
lungs keeping him alive long enough for
him to know how much we loved him this
is my favorite picture because it would
be the only time I would hold both my
boys together at the same time when your
son is looking at you for the last time
when you’re holding your child is he’s
taking his last few breaths it teaches
you something about living life without
regret about embracing each special
moment and every gift that life brings
you I knew that if I could survive this
I could survive anything including
being true to me I started dressing in
girls clothes when I was about five or
six years of age I was about 40 years
ago yeah I know what you’re thinking
while Barney looks pretty awesome in
those days we didn’t have internet we
didn’t have you know we have two and a
half channels on TV unless the rabbit
ears were pointed in the right direction
if you don’t know what rabbit ears are
we are totally in a generation gap right
now I never had the language to
articulate how I felt I never heard the
rat word transgender until my 30s I
didn’t I couldn’t tell you who I was but
I could tell you who I wasn’t I didn’t
fit in to what was expected of me as
that young boy and then later a man and
our gendered roles were so clearly
defined in those days that if I knew
that if I was to deviate from those
roles that would be catastrophic for me
so you get really good at keeping a
secret as a child and you get really
really good at being alone because
that’s where your secret is safe astad
one word in my entire life that could
was the common thread through all of the
days of my life it would be the word
loneliness and standing on this stage in
front of a thousand people I couldn’t
feel more alone even in this moment
about a year before that final
Thanksgiving dinner with my family I
found myself in Raleigh North Carolina
as far away from home as I could
possibly get where I could be me for a
day where nobody would know me where I
could hide and just brace who I was now
I’ve seen a thousand pictures of myself
over the years but when I saw this
picture of me that day coming out of the
Atlantic Ocean with the waves crashing
behind me I saw somebody I had never
seen before I saw me and it wasn’t like
was somebody new it was somebody who had
always been there but I was too afraid
to look and I finally found that courage
to say the words to myself that I am
transgender
and was still very scary but I knew I
had to move forward because when you
find yourself on this journey of
authenticity you have to follow the road
wherever it takes you you follow the
journey wherever its leading you because
you get to a point where what you fear
losing if you tell your truth pales in
comparison to what you will lose if you
don’t it’s like being on this train
you’re going to a town that you’ve never
been to before
you kind of have a vague idea of what
it’s like but you don’t know what it
looks like you don’t know what time you
will arrive will they be nice to you
will you be safe will you feel welcome
you don’t know but you’re compelled to
keep going forward the Train isn’t going
to stop it’s not going to turn around
you keep going forward you keep looking
forward but to get at that point you
have to look back in your life and
reflect on all those times where you
fought fear and got to the other side
wherever you faced adversity you learn
from those moments because when you
don’t learn from those those are missed
opportunities for me I can’t imagine a
more devastating time than losing my own
son but I’m here it took a lot of work I
never thought there was another side but
I am here and don’t get me wrong I would
give anything to hold him one more time
but I am here and the gift that that
gave me was that I knew that I could do
anything so I think back to that dinner
with my family that last Thanksgiving
dinner looking down at that piece of
paper with my tears on it from many
months I had never been more afraid in
my life than I was in that moment but I
knew I would get to the other side even
though the outcome was pretty much as
bad as I ever thought it would be but I
kept moving forward and in that moment
when I told them this boulder had been
lifted off my shoulders I was no longer
being held back by this debilitating
force of fear I was able to move forward
I was
longer living by what other people said
I had to do to to live I’m in control of
my life now I have self-determination I
have clarity and when you can find that
within yourself to be true to yourself
the world opens up before you what I
used to think was a barrier in my life
being a transgender person being true to
me became opportunity and less
opportunities of things I never imagined
I’ve got a beautiful ten-year-old boy
who loves his daddy he really loves her
I’ve got friends and family who I’m more
engaged with more present with I’ve got
an amazing career at a organization who
accepted me for who I wasn’t celebrated
the gifts that I had to bring and now I
have an opportunity to affect the
society our whole entire province with
my work it brings you to places you
never thought you would be just a month
ago I walked into this room and took a
seat at this table a seat at the table
facing 12 senators from across Canada I
was there to advocate for rights for
transgender Canadians I would spend the
next hour giving testimony to the
Standing Committee on constitutional and
legal affairs saying that transgender
people are people we are deserve rights
we deserve to be protected and it was
scary and it was intimidating but I knew
I belong there and just this last Monday
bill c16 received Royal Assent it became
law in Canada and it tells to
transgender Canadians in the whole world
that Canada embraces diversity and it
tells transgender people that you belong
here you are welcome here you’re a part
of the fabric of this country and we
will protect you you are welcome here
and those are words many transgender
people never ever hear but it wasn’t
just me it was a collection of voices
over many many many years who each and
everybody found their courage to keep
fighting forward and add
getting together when enough people find
their courage and join together you can
change the course of a country I
recently found myself single for the
first time in 18 years
and a single woman for the first time in
my life and I found myself on this thing
called the tinder anybody ever hear of
this thing yeah oh I know yeah it’s a
little stressful dating in general my
first girlfriend I was using a party
line yeah I’m not old
I wasn’t swiping left or right I
consider myself a pretty confident
person I have worked really hard to get
to a point where I can stand on this big
red dot and tell the world my secrets
but it get into online dating and in
that moment when you’re swiping right
and hoping they swipe right – or when
you’re waiting for that text for what
seems like days and days and days
wondering if she likes you too it’s
amazing how all of your insecurities can
come crashing back with the weight of a
thousand broken hearts and it’s also
amazing what you’re willing to
compromise to not be alone and it took a
few failed relationships more like
catastrophes to go back through my life
and learn again what was important to me
all of those fears that I faced and how
I got to the other side what I realized
that the worst thing that I feared
wasn’t losing my son wasn’t losing my
family wasn’t a broken heart what I
feared losing was my ability to be me
because if I’m not me if I can’t live
true that I’m not living at all and when
I finally found it within myself to say
I’m worthy of being loved and when I
started to love myself something really
fun happened somebody else fell in love
with me – the real me for the first time
because to be yourself in a world that
is trying to make you something else
that is your greatest accomplishment is
we’re always being told you’re too
taller just kidding too much education
not enough education we’re always living
up to what everybody else says we need
to be but when you can truly embrace who
you are find your courage to be who you
are that is an accomplishment worth
celebrating
so I want you to think back to that
question that asked you at the beginning
that one thing that you’re striving for
that one thing that you need that you
want that you have to do and I want you
to think back to your life of all those
times where you faced adversity all of
those fears all those things that held
you back but yet you got to the other
side and it may not feel like you got to
the other side but we’re all here
together somehow we got here
so I want us all together to commit to
each other to pledge to each other to
support each other to go find your
courage to take that next step take that
leap move forward because when you find
your courage you inspire other people to
find their courage and when enough
people get together and are courageous
together you can change the world so
find your courage to be healthy to be
true to be happy to be you
[Applause]
you want to do that one thing you’re
compelled to do that you need to do but
you’re being held back what is stopping
you fear fear can be so debilitating how
do we fight through our fear how do we
find courage it’s easy to be courageous
when we know what’s on the other side
but when we keep moving forward even
though we don’t know the outcome that’s
courage three years ago it was a cool
and crisp day the only kind of day you
can find in an Alberta autumn sat down
at a dinner table was Thanksgiving with
my family my parents my sibling my wife
my child enjoying this amazing turkey
dinner nobody can cook a turkey like my
mom just smell it right now we gotta
believe the the men were talking sports
the women were cleaning dishes as were
the gendered norms at her family at the
time I never knew where I fit in that
scenario leader we would gather back
together at that dinner table around
dessert except my son wasn’t there he
was in another room with headphones on
watching videos because I didn’t want
him to hear what was about to happen
next I pulled out a tear-stained
three-page letter with words that I had
written and rewritten many times over
the previous many months I’m about to
tell my mom and dad what was about to
happen in my life that I am transgender
that the son the son that they thought
they had was the other daughter in their
life it was scary
and it took everything I could to find
my courage my boys helped me through
that you see my boys I loved them long
before they were ever conceived my wife
and I we struggled for many years to
have children we went
every fertility treatment you could
possibly imagine many pregnancy losses
finally in vitro fertilization gave us
the gift of twin boys Alex and Andrew
and we named them Alex and Andrew
because they were born so early
we never got through the A’s of the name
book they’re born three and a half
months early less than two pounds and
very very sick this is my favorite
picture in the whole wide world and that
surprises a lot of people because it’s
pre-transition but I love this picture
it was the first time after three months
that I got to hold both my boys together
at the same time they’ve been too sick
up to that point I love this picture
this day a few days later we got a call
from the hospital that said there’s been
a change with Andrew you need to come in
so we rushed to the hospital running
into the room and remember my wife
saying give me my boy as we sat in the
chairs they handed him to her and we
held him and we look down at him you
know my son he could tell me so many
things with his big beautiful brown eyes
he would say I got this daddy I’m gonna
be okay mommy this particular day
his eyes were tired and we spent those
next few minutes telling him all the
things that we needed to say all the
things that we wanted to say there’s
never enough time to say all those
things I looked behind me at the
respiratory therapist was standing
behind me tears running down her face
she’s gently squeezing a bag that was
pushing puffs of air into my son’s tiny
lungs keeping him alive long enough for
him to know how much we loved him this
is my favorite picture because it would
be the only time I would hold both my
boys together at the same time when your
son is looking at you for the last time
when you’re holding your child is he’s
taking his last few breaths it teaches
you something about living life without
regret about embracing each special
moment and every gift that life brings
you I knew that if I could survive this
I could survive anything including
being true to me I started dressing in
girls clothes when I was about five or
six years of age I was about 40 years
ago yeah I know what you’re thinking
while Barney looks pretty awesome in
those days we didn’t have internet we
didn’t have you know we have two and a
half channels on TV unless the rabbit
ears were pointed in the right direction
if you don’t know what rabbit ears are
we are totally in a generation gap right
now I never had the language to
articulate how I felt I never heard the
rat word transgender until my 30s I
didn’t I couldn’t tell you who I was but
I could tell you who I wasn’t I didn’t
fit in to what was expected of me as
that young boy and then later a man and
our gendered roles were so clearly
defined in those days that if I knew
that if I was to deviate from those
roles that would be catastrophic for me
so you get really good at keeping a
secret as a child and you get really
really good at being alone because
that’s where your secret is safe astad
one word in my entire life that could
was the common thread through all of the
days of my life it would be the word
loneliness and standing on this stage in
front of a thousand people I couldn’t
feel more alone even in this moment
about a year before that final
Thanksgiving dinner with my family I
found myself in Raleigh North Carolina
as far away from home as I could
possibly get where I could be me for a
day where nobody would know me where I
could hide and just brace who I was now
I’ve seen a thousand pictures of myself
over the years but when I saw this
picture of me that day coming out of the
Atlantic Ocean with the waves crashing
behind me I saw somebody I had never
seen before I saw me and it wasn’t like
was somebody new it was somebody who had
always been there but I was too afraid
to look and I finally found that courage
to say the words to myself that I am
transgender
and was still very scary but I knew I
had to move forward because when you
find yourself on this journey of
authenticity you have to follow the road
wherever it takes you you follow the
journey wherever its leading you because
you get to a point where what you fear
losing if you tell your truth pales in
comparison to what you will lose if you
don’t it’s like being on this train
you’re going to a town that you’ve never
been to before
you kind of have a vague idea of what
it’s like but you don’t know what it
looks like you don’t know what time you
will arrive will they be nice to you
will you be safe will you feel welcome
you don’t know but you’re compelled to
keep going forward the Train isn’t going
to stop it’s not going to turn around
you keep going forward you keep looking
forward but to get at that point you
have to look back in your life and
reflect on all those times where you
fought fear and got to the other side
wherever you faced adversity you learn
from those moments because when you
don’t learn from those those are missed
opportunities for me I can’t imagine a
more devastating time than losing my own
son but I’m here it took a lot of work I
never thought there was another side but
I am here and don’t get me wrong I would
give anything to hold him one more time
but I am here and the gift that that
gave me was that I knew that I could do
anything so I think back to that dinner
with my family that last Thanksgiving
dinner looking down at that piece of
paper with my tears on it from many
months I had never been more afraid in
my life than I was in that moment but I
knew I would get to the other side even
though the outcome was pretty much as
bad as I ever thought it would be but I
kept moving forward and in that moment
when I told them this boulder had been
lifted off my shoulders I was no longer
being held back by this debilitating
force of fear I was able to move forward
I was
longer living by what other people said
I had to do to to live I’m in control of
my life now I have self-determination I
have clarity and when you can find that
within yourself to be true to yourself
the world opens up before you what I
used to think was a barrier in my life
being a transgender person being true to
me became opportunity and less
opportunities of things I never imagined
I’ve got a beautiful ten-year-old boy
who loves his daddy he really loves her
I’ve got friends and family who I’m more
engaged with more present with I’ve got
an amazing career at a organization who
accepted me for who I wasn’t celebrated
the gifts that I had to bring and now I
have an opportunity to affect the
society our whole entire province with
my work it brings you to places you
never thought you would be just a month
ago I walked into this room and took a
seat at this table a seat at the table
facing 12 senators from across Canada I
was there to advocate for rights for
transgender Canadians I would spend the
next hour giving testimony to the
Standing Committee on constitutional and
legal affairs saying that transgender
people are people we are deserve rights
we deserve to be protected and it was
scary and it was intimidating but I knew
I belong there and just this last Monday
bill c16 received Royal Assent it became
law in Canada and it tells to
transgender Canadians in the whole world
that Canada embraces diversity and it
tells transgender people that you belong
here you are welcome here you’re a part
of the fabric of this country and we
will protect you you are welcome here
and those are words many transgender
people never ever hear but it wasn’t
just me it was a collection of voices
over many many many years who each and
everybody found their courage to keep
fighting forward and add
getting together when enough people find
their courage and join together you can
change the course of a country I
recently found myself single for the
first time in 18 years
and a single woman for the first time in
my life and I found myself on this thing
called the tinder anybody ever hear of
this thing yeah oh I know yeah it’s a
little stressful dating in general my
first girlfriend I was using a party
line yeah I’m not old
I wasn’t swiping left or right I
consider myself a pretty confident
person I have worked really hard to get
to a point where I can stand on this big
red dot and tell the world my secrets
but it get into online dating and in
that moment when you’re swiping right
and hoping they swipe right – or when
you’re waiting for that text for what
seems like days and days and days
wondering if she likes you too it’s
amazing how all of your insecurities can
come crashing back with the weight of a
thousand broken hearts and it’s also
amazing what you’re willing to
compromise to not be alone and it took a
few failed relationships more like
catastrophes to go back through my life
and learn again what was important to me
all of those fears that I faced and how
I got to the other side what I realized
that the worst thing that I feared
wasn’t losing my son wasn’t losing my
family wasn’t a broken heart what I
feared losing was my ability to be me
because if I’m not me if I can’t live
true that I’m not living at all and when
I finally found it within myself to say
I’m worthy of being loved and when I
started to love myself something really
fun happened somebody else fell in love
with me – the real me for the first time
because to be yourself in a world that
is trying to make you something else
that is your greatest accomplishment is
we’re always being told you’re too
taller just kidding too much education
not enough education we’re always living
up to what everybody else says we need
to be but when you can truly embrace who
you are find your courage to be who you
are that is an accomplishment worth
celebrating
so I want you to think back to that
question that asked you at the beginning
that one thing that you’re striving for
that one thing that you need that you
want that you have to do and I want you
to think back to your life of all those
times where you faced adversity all of
those fears all those things that held
you back but yet you got to the other
side and it may not feel like you got to
the other side but we’re all here
together somehow we got here
so I want us all together to commit to
each other to pledge to each other to
support each other to go find your
courage to take that next step take that
leap move forward because when you find
your courage you inspire other people to
find their courage and when enough
people get together and are courageous
together you can change the world so
find your courage to be healthy to be
true to be happy to be you
[Applause]
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