what is in my life one night sat down
next to me told me y’all these are
wondrous things and then he you touched
mine me looked into my eye so Dee I was
falling in love was hypnotizing me while
he led the dance music lights glamour
sold-out shows that’s my life right now
but it wasn’t always like this in fact
it wasn’t like this just five years ago
five years ago I was a stay-at-home mom
here in Solana Beach and then suddenly
life brought me to the proverbial ledge
where there was no going back my
marriage was over and all that lay in
front of me was the vast unknown so I
had to decide in the moment do I stay
here and cower in fear for the rest of
my life
or do I go for it I’d like to share with
you the story of how I became a jazz
recording artist and producer midway
through life and found my wings I was
born in communist Poland and I grew up
with a great deal of oppression back
then you couldn’t speak your mind you
couldn’t travel you couldn’t even dream
there was nothing to dream of my parents
wanted way more out of life and they
devised a plan to escape we packed up
our little tiny Fiat and took a ferry to
Sweeney but within a year we were told
we weren’t allowed to stay there and had
to seek asylum elsewhere ending up in
Canada I didn’t really come into my own
until much later in college and law
school when the ugly duckling finally
turned into a swan I was not only
speaking multiple languages but I was a
scholarship student and I opened up my
law practice in downtown Toronto and
then when the practice was starting to
take
he appeared prince charming all the way
from across the continent California and
he invited me to be with him forever
after and share those California sunsets
together we got married we started a
family had my daughter Grace I helped
him in his business and then I became a
stay-at-home mom and I built us this
gorgeous Dream House
I thought our dreams were coming true
and then suddenly a 13 year dream turned
into a nightmare he’d stand there
surrounded by his fleet of Ferraris and
tell me how I was nothing without him
he’d make fun of me and belittle me and
come home late at night so drunk that I
would keep the car packed just in case
and then his girlfriend emerged from the
shadows and she would stalk me and as
much as I was afraid of him I was much
more afraid of leaving my life of this
outward comfort and luxury and this
perverted sense of safety and security
my dream home became a gilded cage and I
now dreaded those California sunsets
because it meant another night sleeping
with the phone under my pillow and maybe
where do you go when the lights go out I
pour a drink and I’m numb and down can’t
find the key to the heart of this house
I lost the voice that can’t escape my
mouth grace has gone to sleep and I can
how to honor and obey turn to sin and
Shades of Grey crush the roses bite my
lip I lost the faith when you let her
innocence should stay that way
[Music]
but I wanted everything to appear normal
for my daughter who was seven at the
time graves had expressed an interest in
wanting to sing so I bought her some
singing lessons and at the fourth one
she folded her arms like so in the
lesson and said I’m done with this it’s
boring
the teacher looked at me and said would
you like to try it and I thought why I
don’t want to sing but then again I also
didn’t want to lose the $60 so I stood
up last time I sang there must have been
10 years old in a church choir I’ll
never forget this it was the song
summertime because it’s the only thing I
could remember
[Music]
whoa wait
well what’s happening here that feels
really really good this song is
beautiful and so are the lyrics my whole
body is tingling whoa I’ve not felt like
this in a very long time and the teacher
the teacher says I sound really good and
I feel safe here I want to come back I
want more I wanted to learn everything I
possibly could as fast as I could I
really had no choice music had taken me
and jazz in particular because jazz to
me is freedom it’s in the moment it’s
improvisational collaborative and there
are no mistakes in jazz after a few
months music started to fill my life and
my self-confidence started to come back
and I was standing tall and I decided I
was going to record an album mm-hmm
everything had to be done of course
underground from him because had he
found out he would have shut me down and
when it was finished I called it longing
because I was I was longing for love so
I had opened the door to the gilded cage
but I was still very afraid to walk
through it because I really didn’t know
what lay on the other side it was scary
but I had my new self-esteem and
confidence and I decided to just go for
it I moved out I filed for divorce and
just when I thought I was flying
completely on my own all these angels
appeared friends family neighbors
strangers musicians they all came to
support grace and me on our journey and
when we were family settled in our new
home and felt safe again and the dust
started to settle I decided I was ready
for my next leap of faith I wanted to
perform I’ve never sang in public before
ever I needed a venue
I could do so regularly so there were no
more jazz clubs not here in San Diego
and therefore I decided to create one I
collaborated with a winery
in Solana Beach Carruth cellars they
became my home base and every six to
eight weeks I would do a pop-up Jazz
Club and we called it jazz on cedras and
I would invite talent and musicians from
all over and I would sing with them and
it became a thing and people liked it
and they came and then more people came
and then word got out and before you
know it there was jazz in North County
again and my phone started to rain I’ll
never forget this one particular phone
call it was from the Del Mar racetrack
asking me to sing the national anthem on
opening day of Del Mar in front of
45,000 people I didn’t know the anthem
maybe the Polish one they gave me six
days to get it ready and I did and I did
it and then other calls came from the
symphony and so on
and I realized I was on a wonderful
journey didn’t know where was going but
it was heading in the right direction
and there were new stories to share and
maybe new songs and I decided it was
time to make another album I set the bar
for this one very high
I wanted original songs my songs the
best session players in Los Angeles and
the one and only Capitol Records in
Hollywood and we did it we recorded a
beautiful album and then the next few
months were spent in getting it ready
for release I was sitting in my bathroom
one morning putting makeup on and the
phone rang it was my plastic surgeon
plastic surgeon I had done a little
elective breast lift a few weeks prior
why was he calling me he was calling me
personally to tell me that in the tissue
he had taken out he had found
answer wait no no way too young not me
then it sunk in and I was shocked and
scared and sad and singing at that
funeral it took everything for me to
hold the tears back while I hung on to
the pulpit and the music had to go
silent for a while and then when they
told me I was in fact clear that they
had gotten everything miraculously in
that one surgery I came back to music
and we got ready to release the album
and what happened next was also nothing
short of a miracle there was a lot of
love that went into the project a lot of
amazing people worked on it and poured
their hearts into it so when vizor wings
was released and shut up straight to
number one on iTunes jazz and stayed
there for many days the following week I
got a call from from Billboard magazine
and they said we’re charting you and
they did on multiple charts I ended up
in the top 25 for all of jazz and I was
overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and I
continued to be as this journey
continues where is going we will see but
so far so good I’ve had nothing but
wonderful things happen such as the
expansion of jazz on Cedros more
national anthems wonderful press TV
appearances at our last jazz on cedras
in February I had a living jazz legend
in the house Barbra Morrison now
Barbara’s played with everybody and
anybody dizzy Ella you name it and the
last time she played San Diego she
sold-out Symphony Hall and here she was
in our neighborhood at our winery
surrounded by 200 of her closest dearest
new friends and neighbors and I looked
around that room that night and thought
to myself this is amazing
I was
so proud thinking look what we’ve
created we brought jazz where there was
no jazz before we started a conversation
and created a community two weeks after
the Barbara Morrison show I had my
routine mammogram and I knew something
was up because they wouldn’t let me go
home right away
three more mammograms and ultrasound and
a biopsy later I was diagnosed with
breast cancer yet again but this time it
was the Big Kahuna since then I’ve had
the surgery the five weeks of intense
daily radiation the cancer drained the
cancer fought the drugs the depression
the works but today I stand before you
eight weeks post radiation in full
gratitude to music and cancer free by
the way
I wrote the song find your wings for my
daughter as a reminder to her of the
lesson that took her mom so long to
learn believe in yourself
leave all fear and doubt behind and
before you know it you’ll be flying when
you feel like you don’t fit you’re not
understood one bit find your wings you
can rise above the fray sing what you
can’t seem to say find your wings
wait opposing worlds collide imagine the
other queen of tides move that moon back
into place if only for your own hearts
sake when you feel like you’re alone
look inside your heart it’s home find
your wings love surrounds you
everywhere and you’ll see no darkness
there finds your wings when the voice of
doubt creeps in’ slay the dragon in its
den move our ego into place if only if
only for your own heart sake [Applause]
next to me told me y’all these are
wondrous things and then he you touched
mine me looked into my eye so Dee I was
falling in love was hypnotizing me while
he led the dance music lights glamour
sold-out shows that’s my life right now
but it wasn’t always like this in fact
it wasn’t like this just five years ago
five years ago I was a stay-at-home mom
here in Solana Beach and then suddenly
life brought me to the proverbial ledge
where there was no going back my
marriage was over and all that lay in
front of me was the vast unknown so I
had to decide in the moment do I stay
here and cower in fear for the rest of
my life
or do I go for it I’d like to share with
you the story of how I became a jazz
recording artist and producer midway
through life and found my wings I was
born in communist Poland and I grew up
with a great deal of oppression back
then you couldn’t speak your mind you
couldn’t travel you couldn’t even dream
there was nothing to dream of my parents
wanted way more out of life and they
devised a plan to escape we packed up
our little tiny Fiat and took a ferry to
Sweeney but within a year we were told
we weren’t allowed to stay there and had
to seek asylum elsewhere ending up in
Canada I didn’t really come into my own
until much later in college and law
school when the ugly duckling finally
turned into a swan I was not only
speaking multiple languages but I was a
scholarship student and I opened up my
law practice in downtown Toronto and
then when the practice was starting to
take
he appeared prince charming all the way
from across the continent California and
he invited me to be with him forever
after and share those California sunsets
together we got married we started a
family had my daughter Grace I helped
him in his business and then I became a
stay-at-home mom and I built us this
gorgeous Dream House
I thought our dreams were coming true
and then suddenly a 13 year dream turned
into a nightmare he’d stand there
surrounded by his fleet of Ferraris and
tell me how I was nothing without him
he’d make fun of me and belittle me and
come home late at night so drunk that I
would keep the car packed just in case
and then his girlfriend emerged from the
shadows and she would stalk me and as
much as I was afraid of him I was much
more afraid of leaving my life of this
outward comfort and luxury and this
perverted sense of safety and security
my dream home became a gilded cage and I
now dreaded those California sunsets
because it meant another night sleeping
with the phone under my pillow and maybe
where do you go when the lights go out I
pour a drink and I’m numb and down can’t
find the key to the heart of this house
I lost the voice that can’t escape my
mouth grace has gone to sleep and I can
how to honor and obey turn to sin and
Shades of Grey crush the roses bite my
lip I lost the faith when you let her
innocence should stay that way
[Music]
but I wanted everything to appear normal
for my daughter who was seven at the
time graves had expressed an interest in
wanting to sing so I bought her some
singing lessons and at the fourth one
she folded her arms like so in the
lesson and said I’m done with this it’s
boring
the teacher looked at me and said would
you like to try it and I thought why I
don’t want to sing but then again I also
didn’t want to lose the $60 so I stood
up last time I sang there must have been
10 years old in a church choir I’ll
never forget this it was the song
summertime because it’s the only thing I
could remember
[Music]
whoa wait
well what’s happening here that feels
really really good this song is
beautiful and so are the lyrics my whole
body is tingling whoa I’ve not felt like
this in a very long time and the teacher
the teacher says I sound really good and
I feel safe here I want to come back I
want more I wanted to learn everything I
possibly could as fast as I could I
really had no choice music had taken me
and jazz in particular because jazz to
me is freedom it’s in the moment it’s
improvisational collaborative and there
are no mistakes in jazz after a few
months music started to fill my life and
my self-confidence started to come back
and I was standing tall and I decided I
was going to record an album mm-hmm
everything had to be done of course
underground from him because had he
found out he would have shut me down and
when it was finished I called it longing
because I was I was longing for love so
I had opened the door to the gilded cage
but I was still very afraid to walk
through it because I really didn’t know
what lay on the other side it was scary
but I had my new self-esteem and
confidence and I decided to just go for
it I moved out I filed for divorce and
just when I thought I was flying
completely on my own all these angels
appeared friends family neighbors
strangers musicians they all came to
support grace and me on our journey and
when we were family settled in our new
home and felt safe again and the dust
started to settle I decided I was ready
for my next leap of faith I wanted to
perform I’ve never sang in public before
ever I needed a venue
I could do so regularly so there were no
more jazz clubs not here in San Diego
and therefore I decided to create one I
collaborated with a winery
in Solana Beach Carruth cellars they
became my home base and every six to
eight weeks I would do a pop-up Jazz
Club and we called it jazz on cedras and
I would invite talent and musicians from
all over and I would sing with them and
it became a thing and people liked it
and they came and then more people came
and then word got out and before you
know it there was jazz in North County
again and my phone started to rain I’ll
never forget this one particular phone
call it was from the Del Mar racetrack
asking me to sing the national anthem on
opening day of Del Mar in front of
45,000 people I didn’t know the anthem
maybe the Polish one they gave me six
days to get it ready and I did and I did
it and then other calls came from the
symphony and so on
and I realized I was on a wonderful
journey didn’t know where was going but
it was heading in the right direction
and there were new stories to share and
maybe new songs and I decided it was
time to make another album I set the bar
for this one very high
I wanted original songs my songs the
best session players in Los Angeles and
the one and only Capitol Records in
Hollywood and we did it we recorded a
beautiful album and then the next few
months were spent in getting it ready
for release I was sitting in my bathroom
one morning putting makeup on and the
phone rang it was my plastic surgeon
plastic surgeon I had done a little
elective breast lift a few weeks prior
why was he calling me he was calling me
personally to tell me that in the tissue
he had taken out he had found
answer wait no no way too young not me
then it sunk in and I was shocked and
scared and sad and singing at that
funeral it took everything for me to
hold the tears back while I hung on to
the pulpit and the music had to go
silent for a while and then when they
told me I was in fact clear that they
had gotten everything miraculously in
that one surgery I came back to music
and we got ready to release the album
and what happened next was also nothing
short of a miracle there was a lot of
love that went into the project a lot of
amazing people worked on it and poured
their hearts into it so when vizor wings
was released and shut up straight to
number one on iTunes jazz and stayed
there for many days the following week I
got a call from from Billboard magazine
and they said we’re charting you and
they did on multiple charts I ended up
in the top 25 for all of jazz and I was
overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and I
continued to be as this journey
continues where is going we will see but
so far so good I’ve had nothing but
wonderful things happen such as the
expansion of jazz on Cedros more
national anthems wonderful press TV
appearances at our last jazz on cedras
in February I had a living jazz legend
in the house Barbra Morrison now
Barbara’s played with everybody and
anybody dizzy Ella you name it and the
last time she played San Diego she
sold-out Symphony Hall and here she was
in our neighborhood at our winery
surrounded by 200 of her closest dearest
new friends and neighbors and I looked
around that room that night and thought
to myself this is amazing
I was
so proud thinking look what we’ve
created we brought jazz where there was
no jazz before we started a conversation
and created a community two weeks after
the Barbara Morrison show I had my
routine mammogram and I knew something
was up because they wouldn’t let me go
home right away
three more mammograms and ultrasound and
a biopsy later I was diagnosed with
breast cancer yet again but this time it
was the Big Kahuna since then I’ve had
the surgery the five weeks of intense
daily radiation the cancer drained the
cancer fought the drugs the depression
the works but today I stand before you
eight weeks post radiation in full
gratitude to music and cancer free by
the way
I wrote the song find your wings for my
daughter as a reminder to her of the
lesson that took her mom so long to
learn believe in yourself
leave all fear and doubt behind and
before you know it you’ll be flying when
you feel like you don’t fit you’re not
understood one bit find your wings you
can rise above the fray sing what you
can’t seem to say find your wings
wait opposing worlds collide imagine the
other queen of tides move that moon back
into place if only for your own hearts
sake when you feel like you’re alone
look inside your heart it’s home find
your wings love surrounds you
everywhere and you’ll see no darkness
there finds your wings when the voice of
doubt creeps in’ slay the dragon in its
den move our ego into place if only if
only for your own heart sake [Applause]
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