for the last 25 years I’ve worked with
women all over the world women like
Gertrude from the Congo who was held as
a sex slave for a year and a half who
saw her daughter raped in front of her
own eyes who was so badly scarred that
it took months to heal her body she
found the courage within herself to heal
and to rebuild her life she’s now
speaking out against violence women like
Fatima from Rwanda who was raped and had
her unborn baby cut out of her womb she
is now helping and inspiring other women
in her community women who have
experienced unspeakable things who have
experienced real and profound fear who
have been raped and violated ignored and
mutilated how do they recover how do
they find their fears the fears that is
the power within all of us the very
essence of who we are that which moves
us deeply from these incredible women I
have learned how to nurture my fears my
power and do that in the face of fear
when I was 14 I moved with my family to
Venezuela and I remember landing in
Caracas and leaving the air-conditioned
Airport building and the heat hits you
in the face and in that same way the
poverty and inequality in that country
hit me profoundly and ignited a spark
within me that is now a blazing fire a
burning passion for equality this
passion for equality was fueled as we
were driving up to Caracas I saw the
shanty towns where thousands of people
live in
makeshift houses but also the wealth the
country-club
the mentions the swimming pools I could
not believe it the contrast was so
shocking
this disbelief continued as I became
more familiar with living in Venezuela I
realized how widespread the inequality
is and how it effects everyone but women
disproportionately seventy percent of
the poorest in the world are women
I remember Gladys a woman who worked for
my parents she had four children from
four different fathers none of whom
stayed she had a hard life and I
remember my urge of wanting to take her
arm and tell her you don’t have to be
used and abused in that way at the same
time this inequality based on your
gender just because you are born a woman
was also playing out in my own life I
remember sitting at the dining room
table
with my family and my father would say
to me Brita go and help your mom tidy
the table whilst he and my brother were
just sitting there I mean I was 14 and I
don’t know anything about feminism at
the time but I definitely knew that that
was not fair so there was a lot that I
was seeing and experiencing that was
fueling my passion for equality and I
knew I had to do something but what for
me it was about making sense of it first
understanding what was going on and then
seeing what I could do I mean I didn’t
realize that in the same way that I’m
telling you now right I mean I didn’t
have a plan I had this burning passion
but I also had a lot of fear I think I
had a lot of fear because I
instinctively knew that whatever I was
going to do was going to involve moving
away from the norm because I saw the
norm as creating the inequality moving
away from the norm also made sense
because I did not feel normal
I’ve been this tall since I was 13 I was
as passionate then as I am now I spoke
fast and excitedly
all in all I was too tall too loud too
difficult I didn’t fit in I could never
get trousers that were long enough and I
just felt I was too much so I decided to
study women’s studies which was then Anu
and as you can imagine often billeted
subject but in class I had more of a
sense of belonging than I have ever had
before and through my studies I
understood the extent of gender
inequality across all societies this
really inspired me the fears of the
women that I had studied inspired me and
I knew that I wanted that too I wanted
to follow my passion for equality this
led me to work for the not-for-profit
sector promoting women’s rights I
thought that this would be the best way
to change the world for women and it has
been that for me the first ten years
working with women in Africa Latin
America and Asia where life changing I
was having a positive impact
I was helping other women to find their
fears I remember early on traveling to
Ethiopia where I was working on a
project on female genital mutilation and
childhood enforced marriage and I met a
barrage a young 13 year old girl we were
standing in a derelict school building
in the outskirts of Addis Ababa and she
was telling me her story how her
genitals were cut when she was three and
how she bled and how painful it was and
how aged eleven she was forced to marry
a 40 year old man and how he raped her
on a regular basis and how she escaped
as I was listening to her I
such deep sadness and tears were
streaming down my face for her and for
all the young girls who have experienced
unspeakable things that no one ever
should have to and I had this the
darkness of the pain or so overwhelming
I had this urge to find a light and so I
said to her what are your dreams what
are you hoping for and for the first
time her face lit up and she said she
wanted to learn English she wanted to
learn English I could not believe it
that in the midst of this darkness there
was a light and I remember thinking to
myself this is what I am going to do I
am always going to try and find hope and
I’m gonna make it my business to invest
in that hope a year later my colleague
visited average and she was speaking
English and whilst my reality could not
be further removed from other rushes I
also know that there is so much that
connects us above all our hope that we
can change our lives that we can fulfill
our potential that we can find our fears
so whilst I was helping other women to
find their fears how was my fears doing
well not so great I was pregnant with my
first daughter I was working for women’s
rights organization and I wanted
flexible working and the answer was no
and I didn’t challenge it because I was
scared I was worried about rocking the
boat and so I kept my fears in check
until I was being bullied it was hurting
and undermining me I was being bullied
by another woman who was also a woman’s
rights advocate and again I was too
scared to speak up
I kept my fears in check and I probably
would not have done anything if I hadn’t
realized how this was affecting others
around me I was spreading the fear I
realized that everything I had done to
this point all the work I had done
believing in the fierceness of other
women was not enough I had to believe in
my own fears and do this without fear
and so I did because I remembered all
the women that have aspired me and I
knew that that’s what they had done they
had held onto their hope they believed
in themselves and they gave themselves
an opportunity and there were two things
that helped me to take this opportunity
firstly I really thought about how I
would feel if I didn’t speak up how I
would feel about being complicit in a
growing culture of fear really
visualizing the price for not speaking
up make my fear smaller and made in
action not an option secondly at that
time I was reading a book by Don Miguel
Ruiz called The Four Agreements you know
when you read the right book at the
right time this was it for me I mean one
of the agreements that he talks about is
called be impeccable with your word be
impeccable with your word he says that
the way you talk to yourself really
matters that was ground breaking for me
I stopped and I started to listen to
myself it was terrifying I was hearing
that I was blaming myself for the
situation that I was in and I also heard
that I was talking to myself in a way
that I would never talk to anyone else
on my worst enemy so I knew that I had
to change that voice and now I know that
you can change that was you can train
kindness to yourself like you train a
muscle
and it starts with that voice and that
worked for me for that moment I did not
feel that I was too loud too difficult
or too much I spoke up and the bullying
stopped when we free ourselves from
fears and we allow ourselves to be
fierce that determines the ripples of
our impact in the world I know it seems
so obvious now telling my story in this
way but it’s not when you’re in the
middle of this messy journey and you’re
angry and fearful and you wonder there’s
someone else who needs to be responsible
someone else who needs to fix this it’s
really hard to realize that there is no
one else but you you are going to have
to fix it that’s it and it has nothing
to do with your money your job title or
your status the power and responsibility
is within you and it has been there all
along
that is what Fatima Gertrude and Abba
rush have taught me that when you take
your life into your own hands
that the ripples the change that you
create is phenomenal and it ripples
across communities and countries and it
is not that you are changing the world
for others it is that you are inspiring
others to change their worlds in turn so
I always remember that wherever we have
hope there is the potential to turn
fears to fierce thank you
you
women all over the world women like
Gertrude from the Congo who was held as
a sex slave for a year and a half who
saw her daughter raped in front of her
own eyes who was so badly scarred that
it took months to heal her body she
found the courage within herself to heal
and to rebuild her life she’s now
speaking out against violence women like
Fatima from Rwanda who was raped and had
her unborn baby cut out of her womb she
is now helping and inspiring other women
in her community women who have
experienced unspeakable things who have
experienced real and profound fear who
have been raped and violated ignored and
mutilated how do they recover how do
they find their fears the fears that is
the power within all of us the very
essence of who we are that which moves
us deeply from these incredible women I
have learned how to nurture my fears my
power and do that in the face of fear
when I was 14 I moved with my family to
Venezuela and I remember landing in
Caracas and leaving the air-conditioned
Airport building and the heat hits you
in the face and in that same way the
poverty and inequality in that country
hit me profoundly and ignited a spark
within me that is now a blazing fire a
burning passion for equality this
passion for equality was fueled as we
were driving up to Caracas I saw the
shanty towns where thousands of people
live in
makeshift houses but also the wealth the
country-club
the mentions the swimming pools I could
not believe it the contrast was so
shocking
this disbelief continued as I became
more familiar with living in Venezuela I
realized how widespread the inequality
is and how it effects everyone but women
disproportionately seventy percent of
the poorest in the world are women
I remember Gladys a woman who worked for
my parents she had four children from
four different fathers none of whom
stayed she had a hard life and I
remember my urge of wanting to take her
arm and tell her you don’t have to be
used and abused in that way at the same
time this inequality based on your
gender just because you are born a woman
was also playing out in my own life I
remember sitting at the dining room
table
with my family and my father would say
to me Brita go and help your mom tidy
the table whilst he and my brother were
just sitting there I mean I was 14 and I
don’t know anything about feminism at
the time but I definitely knew that that
was not fair so there was a lot that I
was seeing and experiencing that was
fueling my passion for equality and I
knew I had to do something but what for
me it was about making sense of it first
understanding what was going on and then
seeing what I could do I mean I didn’t
realize that in the same way that I’m
telling you now right I mean I didn’t
have a plan I had this burning passion
but I also had a lot of fear I think I
had a lot of fear because I
instinctively knew that whatever I was
going to do was going to involve moving
away from the norm because I saw the
norm as creating the inequality moving
away from the norm also made sense
because I did not feel normal
I’ve been this tall since I was 13 I was
as passionate then as I am now I spoke
fast and excitedly
all in all I was too tall too loud too
difficult I didn’t fit in I could never
get trousers that were long enough and I
just felt I was too much so I decided to
study women’s studies which was then Anu
and as you can imagine often billeted
subject but in class I had more of a
sense of belonging than I have ever had
before and through my studies I
understood the extent of gender
inequality across all societies this
really inspired me the fears of the
women that I had studied inspired me and
I knew that I wanted that too I wanted
to follow my passion for equality this
led me to work for the not-for-profit
sector promoting women’s rights I
thought that this would be the best way
to change the world for women and it has
been that for me the first ten years
working with women in Africa Latin
America and Asia where life changing I
was having a positive impact
I was helping other women to find their
fears I remember early on traveling to
Ethiopia where I was working on a
project on female genital mutilation and
childhood enforced marriage and I met a
barrage a young 13 year old girl we were
standing in a derelict school building
in the outskirts of Addis Ababa and she
was telling me her story how her
genitals were cut when she was three and
how she bled and how painful it was and
how aged eleven she was forced to marry
a 40 year old man and how he raped her
on a regular basis and how she escaped
as I was listening to her I
such deep sadness and tears were
streaming down my face for her and for
all the young girls who have experienced
unspeakable things that no one ever
should have to and I had this the
darkness of the pain or so overwhelming
I had this urge to find a light and so I
said to her what are your dreams what
are you hoping for and for the first
time her face lit up and she said she
wanted to learn English she wanted to
learn English I could not believe it
that in the midst of this darkness there
was a light and I remember thinking to
myself this is what I am going to do I
am always going to try and find hope and
I’m gonna make it my business to invest
in that hope a year later my colleague
visited average and she was speaking
English and whilst my reality could not
be further removed from other rushes I
also know that there is so much that
connects us above all our hope that we
can change our lives that we can fulfill
our potential that we can find our fears
so whilst I was helping other women to
find their fears how was my fears doing
well not so great I was pregnant with my
first daughter I was working for women’s
rights organization and I wanted
flexible working and the answer was no
and I didn’t challenge it because I was
scared I was worried about rocking the
boat and so I kept my fears in check
until I was being bullied it was hurting
and undermining me I was being bullied
by another woman who was also a woman’s
rights advocate and again I was too
scared to speak up
I kept my fears in check and I probably
would not have done anything if I hadn’t
realized how this was affecting others
around me I was spreading the fear I
realized that everything I had done to
this point all the work I had done
believing in the fierceness of other
women was not enough I had to believe in
my own fears and do this without fear
and so I did because I remembered all
the women that have aspired me and I
knew that that’s what they had done they
had held onto their hope they believed
in themselves and they gave themselves
an opportunity and there were two things
that helped me to take this opportunity
firstly I really thought about how I
would feel if I didn’t speak up how I
would feel about being complicit in a
growing culture of fear really
visualizing the price for not speaking
up make my fear smaller and made in
action not an option secondly at that
time I was reading a book by Don Miguel
Ruiz called The Four Agreements you know
when you read the right book at the
right time this was it for me I mean one
of the agreements that he talks about is
called be impeccable with your word be
impeccable with your word he says that
the way you talk to yourself really
matters that was ground breaking for me
I stopped and I started to listen to
myself it was terrifying I was hearing
that I was blaming myself for the
situation that I was in and I also heard
that I was talking to myself in a way
that I would never talk to anyone else
on my worst enemy so I knew that I had
to change that voice and now I know that
you can change that was you can train
kindness to yourself like you train a
muscle
and it starts with that voice and that
worked for me for that moment I did not
feel that I was too loud too difficult
or too much I spoke up and the bullying
stopped when we free ourselves from
fears and we allow ourselves to be
fierce that determines the ripples of
our impact in the world I know it seems
so obvious now telling my story in this
way but it’s not when you’re in the
middle of this messy journey and you’re
angry and fearful and you wonder there’s
someone else who needs to be responsible
someone else who needs to fix this it’s
really hard to realize that there is no
one else but you you are going to have
to fix it that’s it and it has nothing
to do with your money your job title or
your status the power and responsibility
is within you and it has been there all
along
that is what Fatima Gertrude and Abba
rush have taught me that when you take
your life into your own hands
that the ripples the change that you
create is phenomenal and it ripples
across communities and countries and it
is not that you are changing the world
for others it is that you are inspiring
others to change their worlds in turn so
I always remember that wherever we have
hope there is the potential to turn
fears to fierce thank you
you
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