have interviewed interesting people from
all around the world and an interview
usually goes like this first the person
projects the image of you that they want
you to see or of themselves that they
want you to see and then as they loosen
up a little bit they start to speak from
the heart
and so as I’m asking my questions I’m
also listening for the things that are
important to that person it’s usually an
experience that has changed them or an
issue that affects them personally and
then I say these three magic words tell
me more in my work I look for stories
that are not often told that humanize
important divisive issues so often as we
throw around data points we forget that
there are real people and families
affected and that they have insight that
we lack this is a story about a Spokane
father and son Michael and Danny it is a
story about the challenges of fatherhood
and adoption and it’s also a story about
a gay man who faced discrimination even
as he fought to save his son’s life I
care about this work because when we
fear people who are different from us we
are really easy to manipulate we are
susceptible to being persuaded that
people who are others for whatever
reason different from us are bad and
dangerous and perhaps even not quite
human we have done all of this this is
us and it is happening right now
hey crimes have increased steadily for
the past three years and they have
jumped 20 percent already this year
Holocaust historian Timothy Snyder
to confront the issues of today
the moment you set an example he says
the spell of the status quo is broken
and others will follow this is the
example that I would like to set we can
build a more resilient democracy through
fearless conversation big messy
conversation that faces the issues of
our time head-on and leaves us with a
better understanding of one another and
of our world
fearless conversation takes three things
curiosity courage and vulnerability step
1 curiosity we are born curious but as
we grow older our beliefs become a part
of our identity and so while we remain
curious about many things we
instinctively throw up a defense when it
feels like our identity is threatened
but it’s important for us I’ve had so
many conversations that I wish I could
go back to and redo in slow motion
looking for that time to say tell me
more we need to be hearing from people
who have first-hand experience with the
issues that we are talking about if we
have the distance from an issue to be
able to view it from a purely
intellectual standpoint we don’t have
all the information and if we turn that
curiosity onto ourselves we find that we
can hold our views a little more loosely
and consider new information and new
ideas and we will be ok the truth if
it’s really true will not go anywhere
step to courage
fearless conversation takes guts being
willing to share our ideas and our
passion and especially our stories with
other people has immense power to grow
empathy and bridge ideological divides
think about a time when you
changed your mind about something big
like a religious or a political view
chances are that you knew the person who
changed your mind and that you trusted
them and respected them now think about
people who view you in that way each of
us has a network of friends and
acquaintances who are interested in what
we have to say and as people with such
powerful voices we have an obligation to
speak out about issues that matter and
stand up for people who are suffering
even more so if we hold a position of
power in the workplace or in our church
or elsewhere in our lives step 3
vulnerability taking on difficult issues
and opening up about our story is
terrifying especially if it means
risking conflict with people that we
care about and I’m not here to tell you
that it’s going to be okay we are
extremely politically divided as a
nation and as a world and it has taken a
toll on our relationships this survey
taken in June of this year shows how our
ideological gulf has grown over the past
few decades and the same survey found
that the vast majority of us do not have
friends across the political aisle or if
we do it’s only a few when we are
willing to take on fearless conversation
we become better connected and therefore
better informed about the issues that
we’re discussing and more resilient to
false information so why waste our time
arguing with anonymous internet trolls
or people who do not treat us well we
are no good to anybody if we are
exhausted and traumatized from engaging
with people who do not treat as well but
fearless conversation inherently does
involve taking risks
and this is me playing ultimate frisbee
I look like a super dork when I’m
playing ultimate frisbee but I do know
what I’m doing out there and the other
day the guy who was covering me stopped
me and he said you can’t do that that’s
against the rules and I was I
immediately felt like a little kid I was
super embarrassed my face turned red
because I just was so embarrassed that I
didn’t know a rule in a game that I
should know well right and that’s
exactly how I feel when I’m caught in my
ignorance in a conversation or get
something wrong I feel embarrassed my
face turns red and I often become
defensive and I think that kind of
compulsion to save face is what’s behind
a lot of our political shouting matches
that we see but actually the better we
get at learning about the issues that
we’re debating about the more we ask
questions the more we learn the better
we get at not being jerks and we
actually behave better as a result of
knowing more about the issues this takes
practice and I’m still not good at it I
have had conversations initiated
conversations I felt were really
important that just bombed and I’ve had
other conversations that have gone
really really well I’ve had people
challenge my views or shared their life
story with me and completely shifted my
perspective on an issue
other times I have had I’ve just said
something inadvertently offensive or
just ignorant sounding and been
patiently corrected by a friend but you
know what it’s not about me my ego will
recover when things go awry and because
I think these conversations are so
important to building a better world I
will continue to pursue them and I hope
that you will join me thank you
[Applause] you