[Applause]
okay so I’m supposed to be talking about
family etiquette and domestic violence I
will start by saying that I have a deep
love for family and as family as we know
is the bedrock and the foundation of
society when we get things right and the
family everything finds its place and
because these three topics are
interconnected I will see our starts
with family because that’s the basis of
everything that’s where we learn
etiquette that’s where if domestic
violence also occurs so I’ll start by
saying that the hand that rocks the
cradle rules the world because women
because of our physiological buildup and
the way we are created we tend to be
closer and bond more with the children
and so there’s a need for us to raise
strong women women who are strong in
character and also in Lenin that can
raise the future generation because the
children really the future of this world
not only our country so if we have women
who are strong women who are disciplined
women who are knowledgeable god-fearing
you can imagine that our children to
turn out right we do not have to leave
everything for the teacher
excuse me teachers in school because
there’s just so much they can do and
there’s just so much time the children
spend in school that they can learn as
much and a lot of things that are
happening in society is indicated of the
fact that you know we’ve really lost if
experience we have not really cooked as
we should have we are not on what we
should do and should have done so our
children are not turning out as well as
we would have expected if we talk about
etiquette you remember you will recall
some of us were older that in times past
we had codes we had rules that we
followed in the village setting and
cities wherever you find yourself you
will not see an elderly person coming
into a room
and keep sitting down when there’s just
maybe that chair that is available you
will stand up you will greet your elders
in fact it will be to pass by your elder
and not greet and even at that time when
we agreed we could see now the children
look you square in their eyes you’re
looking at them they’re looking at you
like who is going to do it to first you
know so it’s sad that we’re where we are
now in fact that is why Hillary Clinton
wrote this book that it takes a village
because at one time and maybe now still
in the rural areas hopefully I hope it
is still the same way everyone persist
excuse me child is everybody’s child
everybody joins and contributes in
raising the child so that if you’re not
punished by your own parents some other
parents will punish you for something
you didn’t before your parents come back
and they will report you for more
punishment so you know times have
changed yes with more modernized living
in society many cities now so it’s
different but I would like to see us go
back to those times when we you know did
more for our children so etiquette is
defined as the customary code of polite
behavior in society or among members of
a particular profession or group so it’s
not only in the family you find
etiquette not only in society also in
different professions like you say like
in the medicine you have the etiquette
of the medical profession just like we
have in the legal profession and in all
other kinds of profession and in society
at large so I want to sum it all by
saying you know that etiquette in my
mind can be defined as doing unto others
as you wish them to talk to you which is
the golden rule if we treat people the
way we would like to be treated that is
a very simplistic description you find
out that the world would be a happier
place people will be more confident
people will be you know more trusting
people will get along better because you
feel the pain of what you’re giving out
and you will realize that you wouldn’t
want it to come back to you so you won’t
do it to the next person what can we
really do without etiquette domestic
violence can be avoided
and of course people always say the best
thing to do in response to it is to
leave the environment but you know
there’s just so much that can happen
when you talk about domestic violence
you know in the criminal code Penal Code
there were provisions for offenses
that’s talk that deal with them and
violence but you see the violence
against persons prohibition act has now
extended it to not be only within the
home not only in the society but in
every different kinds of respects that’s
you know we have not even thought about
some of us now in River State here we
have a law that is against female
circumcision we also have a law that is
against harmful widowhood practices
these are also considered and if
violence against persons in fact I’m
glad that’s mister enemy olavo is here
of the House of Assembly maybe you would
take this back to the assembly and get
them you legislators to not domestically
what’s that word now to pass that law or
adopt the law if we can adopt that law
in Reverse so that they can be more
protection for every one of us and it
will be good to see that also happen in
other states too so that you know the
thought that came behind the essence of
the violence against percent Robuchon at
will be fulfilled or achieved so a
little introduction of this violence
against can be said to be that the
violence against persons excuse me
violence against persons prohibition ads
which is the web that was passed into
law in May 2015 they act was a result of
agitations of protection of people or
persons against the different forms of
violence and we know this violence like
we talk in domestic violence usually
between spouses but the other violent
situations that can come up you know
between siblings and even maybe people
from the extended family and it doesn’t
necessarily mean that the wife or the
woman is always the victim some men have
you know victims of violence too
because some men have whites who
actually beat them it does happen now
the violence against violence both are
the homefront and the larger society is
fast becoming its trend in recent days
Nigeria in fact my own understanding of
violence domestic violence is that
children who watch their parents
violating themselves you know the the
sea and they learn from what I do there
are victims themselves but in the end
they turn out to grow up to be violators
themselves so they become you know
violence even in their own marriages so
it’s a case of you know monkey see
monkey do and the Lenox you know it’s
just like a default position and you
know it just it becomes a part of them
because that’s what they are used to
that’s what they have been seen so we
have to be careful what we do in the
presence of our children and especially
how we how we talk to each other because
you know there are different kinds of
violence there’s verbal violence you
know and that one I would say is
psychological verbal abuse I meant to
say in psychological and it’s emotional
and that seems to be even the worst kind
of you know abuse you can give to
anybody because you know one it is
physical a lot of times you can heal you
may heal because I mean sometimes you
get the treatment and you you can heal
fast some people actually die from you
know domestic violence someone means
some lose a part of their body or just
have something that is destroyed that
can never be cut some back in their
bodies so this violence against persons
protection provision as expanded this
scope you know to even economic abuse
economic violence in the sense that a
man who has a wife and does not allow
her to work and she wishes to work it’s
not like she doesn’t want to work she
wants to like maybe have a career
growing it and then you prevent her from
doing it because you know you have all
the money you can actually look after
her what does she need to work for you
know it’s
there is something from the woman
because a woman who doesn’t express
herself doesn’t go out and do something
and it’s achieving you know it’s it
doesn’t allow you to have this
self-confidence and that the feeling of
self-worth that you also ordinarily have
in fact even covers up to violence now
called during political times I said
like poutine you know and I’m sure the
politicians would like this if it
happens to you you can actually sue and
then get compensation and somebody can
get punished so let me just read out
some of the areas spousal battery
forceful ejection from home first full
marriage first financial dependence or
economic abuse harmful widowhood
practices female circumcision or genital
mutilation harmful traditional practices
harmful substance attacks
we’re cases of acid baths and all the
kinds of chemicals that is con lover or
a rejected husband or wife will do you
know or use in attacking the spouse or
divorced spouse first isolation and
separation from family and friends
indecent exposure and violence by state
actors and other was imagine that you
have an issue and maybe you get rough
handled by the police or the soldier you
know it covers that also covers the
provisions of persons of their liberty
incensed and so many others rip is also
part of it too so like I was saying
women you know a lot falls on us I know
that may sound traditional but you know
the fact that the woman has a job or a
career is not a reason to not be
responsible you know where natural
Naturals
where the caregivers the homemakers and
a lot depends on us so we can most check
our responsibilities yes they meant to I
mean I was happy to hear
was it mr. Ross Oliver George said
something about his him his child and no
no it was the artist and the warning he
was giving them for wasting food that’s
training that’s still part of etiquette
that he’s teaching his children you know
we learn it’s more at home so home is
the best place where we can raise
children that are godly children who
respect themselves and respect each
other children who support each other
and you know at one time it was a good
thing to send the children to boarding
school because you feel like it does
allow them to learn communal living and
how to get along with other people that
are outside their families but is this
you know because of the way things have
been and the way education has been
sliding downwards you know it’s not it
you have to be very circumspect about
sending your children through to put in
schools you have to really check this
school and be sure you know one time
bullying was not allowed all these
things that happen you know that of
course goes against the rule of
etiquette the child rise at teaches it
gives you it tells us the rights of the
children it also tells us their own
responsibility so it’s two ways you know
that was you don’t seek to have rights
without responsibilities there are
responsibilities and I would like to see
if a point or a return of civics and
history to a school curriculum I think
it’s very important that we should learn
were coming from so that we can know
where we are going and we civics it
teaches us how to be good citizens it
will teach the children how to be
responsible citizens how to look after
government property with belief and
knowledge that this property belongs to
a government actually is their own so
now in domestic violence now we have a
plan here present administration Dante’s
excellency to build a women’s
development center and in that center
there will be a safe home for my trans
women is that that you know it has not
been taught about it before now you know
where where do these women go when they
are battered
if they have any incidents
and the abuses within the same home as
they are I’m looking forward to a time
where really we would not have any need
for women to leave homes because our
husbands have a better and you know I
need to stress this point here you
cannot beat somebody into submission you
can’t beat somebody into loving you you
have to love the person into submission
also in Reverse states we’re going to
have a family courts United Nations
Convention on the Rights of the Child
and the African conventional Convention
excuse me of the welfare the rights of
the child reports brought in together
and different parts were taken from it’s
too sweet Pappas’s
in Nigeria and that was not domesticated
in a child Rights Act which now has now
been adopted as the child rights law in
Reverse states but it’s sad to know that
this child rights law is not in every
state of Nigeria and you know it’s
especially in the northern part of the
country that you will find that possibly
because there is a stated age for
marriage there which is 18 years old and
maybe some people don’t agree with that
but you know I have a daughter who is
going to be 13 next February I look at
her and I wonder when I look at her like
what will the man see in this child you
know that would be exciting for him I
don’t know it makes me wonder I mean why
not wait for the child to mature and be
ready to look after herself she’s yet to
even understand herself how can she know
you know give care to another child and
this breeds you know child widows
because most times people who marry
these very young girls are you know much
much older than they are and of course
as nature goes the older will always be
this is the younger so when these men
die these little girls are not really
come out of there at all ascent years
and if they have you know it’s still a
struggle and that continues that cycle
of poverty you know because I mean what
does that child know she may know it
would have gone to school so now how can
she fend for this child especially if
she loses her husband and then of course
she turns poor because she cannot cope
and this other child may still go
through the same process and in the
child rights as it teaches such things
as you know respect for elders peaceful
communal living and you know everything
good as it used to be in the past that’s
still deals with etiquette so I um well
I say blessed really to be the job that
has been appointed as a family called
church and I know it’s going to get busy
so there’ll be a time thanks there’ll be
a time when we will need to have other
judges to still because one judge
country is on two levels the
magistrate’s court level as well as a
high court level and this is a way of
announcing that courts and to enlighten
us that really you can actually go there
because issues such as custody of
children and in fact the whole essence
of the child rights law is to know to
handle cases that would be in the best
interest of the child so the judge will
seat with Assessors and the judge comes
with a legal background the Assessors
come with the welfare background and
together they will look at a case and
then see what is best for the child so
by the grace of God we are going to have
better for our children but I always say
you know you have to know your rights
before you can actually enforce it if
you don’t know your rights if you’re
ignorant of what your right is you
cannot know how to enforce it so it is
important that we need to educate our
children by way of printed materials and
even going on the radio talking having
different television activities and even
going to schools is important and as
parents telling our children at home
what to expect what not to accept what
to speak up about because you know if
the children don’t know
not even realize that something wrong is
actually happening to them
to seek help so it’s important that we
should enlighten our children how not to
be touched you know how not to be spoken
to so that you know with that
understanding there we’ll be in a better
position to protect themselves because
the parents will not be there all the
time so the children need to know no
matter how small your child is it’s not
teaching them sex education is very
important let them know that the private
part is private it is private it’s not
for anybody they need to understand that
because if they don’t a lot of times you
know it will rip the definition of rape
also talks about you know getting
consent by means of fraud or
misrepresentation in the sense that you
deceive the person to understand that
act as something else than what it is so
that you know that qualifies to as rape
so we need to do more as parents for our
children and as fast domestic violence
is concerned we need to of course like I
said be more loving be you know I mean I
don’t think that’s there’s anybody that
kind of a managed I don’t think so
everybody can be understood and money
and there’s no need for violence because
you know when you do that you actually
robbed the victim of their self-worth
and self-esteem you sometimes make them
if they’re walking presence they can’t
go to court I mean walk because it’s
funny I said that loving a victim anyway
so I’m saying you know the person stays
at home to you and maybe has defended me
I have to like engage a doctor to take
care of them so monies are going out to
pay this doctor that could happen I’ve
avoided money’s not could have been put
to better use economically we suffer
when people who are abused stay at home
and don’t go to work you know so in
everything family is everything
and we all need to get back to the
basics we all need to go back to how
things used to be how it was working
and all need to encourage each other and
of course support each other in every
way we can thank you
[Applause]
okay so I’m supposed to be talking about
family etiquette and domestic violence I
will start by saying that I have a deep
love for family and as family as we know
is the bedrock and the foundation of
society when we get things right and the
family everything finds its place and
because these three topics are
interconnected I will see our starts
with family because that’s the basis of
everything that’s where we learn
etiquette that’s where if domestic
violence also occurs so I’ll start by
saying that the hand that rocks the
cradle rules the world because women
because of our physiological buildup and
the way we are created we tend to be
closer and bond more with the children
and so there’s a need for us to raise
strong women women who are strong in
character and also in Lenin that can
raise the future generation because the
children really the future of this world
not only our country so if we have women
who are strong women who are disciplined
women who are knowledgeable god-fearing
you can imagine that our children to
turn out right we do not have to leave
everything for the teacher
excuse me teachers in school because
there’s just so much they can do and
there’s just so much time the children
spend in school that they can learn as
much and a lot of things that are
happening in society is indicated of the
fact that you know we’ve really lost if
experience we have not really cooked as
we should have we are not on what we
should do and should have done so our
children are not turning out as well as
we would have expected if we talk about
etiquette you remember you will recall
some of us were older that in times past
we had codes we had rules that we
followed in the village setting and
cities wherever you find yourself you
will not see an elderly person coming
into a room
and keep sitting down when there’s just
maybe that chair that is available you
will stand up you will greet your elders
in fact it will be to pass by your elder
and not greet and even at that time when
we agreed we could see now the children
look you square in their eyes you’re
looking at them they’re looking at you
like who is going to do it to first you
know so it’s sad that we’re where we are
now in fact that is why Hillary Clinton
wrote this book that it takes a village
because at one time and maybe now still
in the rural areas hopefully I hope it
is still the same way everyone persist
excuse me child is everybody’s child
everybody joins and contributes in
raising the child so that if you’re not
punished by your own parents some other
parents will punish you for something
you didn’t before your parents come back
and they will report you for more
punishment so you know times have
changed yes with more modernized living
in society many cities now so it’s
different but I would like to see us go
back to those times when we you know did
more for our children so etiquette is
defined as the customary code of polite
behavior in society or among members of
a particular profession or group so it’s
not only in the family you find
etiquette not only in society also in
different professions like you say like
in the medicine you have the etiquette
of the medical profession just like we
have in the legal profession and in all
other kinds of profession and in society
at large so I want to sum it all by
saying you know that etiquette in my
mind can be defined as doing unto others
as you wish them to talk to you which is
the golden rule if we treat people the
way we would like to be treated that is
a very simplistic description you find
out that the world would be a happier
place people will be more confident
people will be you know more trusting
people will get along better because you
feel the pain of what you’re giving out
and you will realize that you wouldn’t
want it to come back to you so you won’t
do it to the next person what can we
really do without etiquette domestic
violence can be avoided
and of course people always say the best
thing to do in response to it is to
leave the environment but you know
there’s just so much that can happen
when you talk about domestic violence
you know in the criminal code Penal Code
there were provisions for offenses
that’s talk that deal with them and
violence but you see the violence
against persons prohibition act has now
extended it to not be only within the
home not only in the society but in
every different kinds of respects that’s
you know we have not even thought about
some of us now in River State here we
have a law that is against female
circumcision we also have a law that is
against harmful widowhood practices
these are also considered and if
violence against persons in fact I’m
glad that’s mister enemy olavo is here
of the House of Assembly maybe you would
take this back to the assembly and get
them you legislators to not domestically
what’s that word now to pass that law or
adopt the law if we can adopt that law
in Reverse so that they can be more
protection for every one of us and it
will be good to see that also happen in
other states too so that you know the
thought that came behind the essence of
the violence against percent Robuchon at
will be fulfilled or achieved so a
little introduction of this violence
against can be said to be that the
violence against persons excuse me
violence against persons prohibition ads
which is the web that was passed into
law in May 2015 they act was a result of
agitations of protection of people or
persons against the different forms of
violence and we know this violence like
we talk in domestic violence usually
between spouses but the other violent
situations that can come up you know
between siblings and even maybe people
from the extended family and it doesn’t
necessarily mean that the wife or the
woman is always the victim some men have
you know victims of violence too
because some men have whites who
actually beat them it does happen now
the violence against violence both are
the homefront and the larger society is
fast becoming its trend in recent days
Nigeria in fact my own understanding of
violence domestic violence is that
children who watch their parents
violating themselves you know the the
sea and they learn from what I do there
are victims themselves but in the end
they turn out to grow up to be violators
themselves so they become you know
violence even in their own marriages so
it’s a case of you know monkey see
monkey do and the Lenox you know it’s
just like a default position and you
know it just it becomes a part of them
because that’s what they are used to
that’s what they have been seen so we
have to be careful what we do in the
presence of our children and especially
how we how we talk to each other because
you know there are different kinds of
violence there’s verbal violence you
know and that one I would say is
psychological verbal abuse I meant to
say in psychological and it’s emotional
and that seems to be even the worst kind
of you know abuse you can give to
anybody because you know one it is
physical a lot of times you can heal you
may heal because I mean sometimes you
get the treatment and you you can heal
fast some people actually die from you
know domestic violence someone means
some lose a part of their body or just
have something that is destroyed that
can never be cut some back in their
bodies so this violence against persons
protection provision as expanded this
scope you know to even economic abuse
economic violence in the sense that a
man who has a wife and does not allow
her to work and she wishes to work it’s
not like she doesn’t want to work she
wants to like maybe have a career
growing it and then you prevent her from
doing it because you know you have all
the money you can actually look after
her what does she need to work for you
know it’s
there is something from the woman
because a woman who doesn’t express
herself doesn’t go out and do something
and it’s achieving you know it’s it
doesn’t allow you to have this
self-confidence and that the feeling of
self-worth that you also ordinarily have
in fact even covers up to violence now
called during political times I said
like poutine you know and I’m sure the
politicians would like this if it
happens to you you can actually sue and
then get compensation and somebody can
get punished so let me just read out
some of the areas spousal battery
forceful ejection from home first full
marriage first financial dependence or
economic abuse harmful widowhood
practices female circumcision or genital
mutilation harmful traditional practices
harmful substance attacks
we’re cases of acid baths and all the
kinds of chemicals that is con lover or
a rejected husband or wife will do you
know or use in attacking the spouse or
divorced spouse first isolation and
separation from family and friends
indecent exposure and violence by state
actors and other was imagine that you
have an issue and maybe you get rough
handled by the police or the soldier you
know it covers that also covers the
provisions of persons of their liberty
incensed and so many others rip is also
part of it too so like I was saying
women you know a lot falls on us I know
that may sound traditional but you know
the fact that the woman has a job or a
career is not a reason to not be
responsible you know where natural
Naturals
where the caregivers the homemakers and
a lot depends on us so we can most check
our responsibilities yes they meant to I
mean I was happy to hear
was it mr. Ross Oliver George said
something about his him his child and no
no it was the artist and the warning he
was giving them for wasting food that’s
training that’s still part of etiquette
that he’s teaching his children you know
we learn it’s more at home so home is
the best place where we can raise
children that are godly children who
respect themselves and respect each
other children who support each other
and you know at one time it was a good
thing to send the children to boarding
school because you feel like it does
allow them to learn communal living and
how to get along with other people that
are outside their families but is this
you know because of the way things have
been and the way education has been
sliding downwards you know it’s not it
you have to be very circumspect about
sending your children through to put in
schools you have to really check this
school and be sure you know one time
bullying was not allowed all these
things that happen you know that of
course goes against the rule of
etiquette the child rise at teaches it
gives you it tells us the rights of the
children it also tells us their own
responsibility so it’s two ways you know
that was you don’t seek to have rights
without responsibilities there are
responsibilities and I would like to see
if a point or a return of civics and
history to a school curriculum I think
it’s very important that we should learn
were coming from so that we can know
where we are going and we civics it
teaches us how to be good citizens it
will teach the children how to be
responsible citizens how to look after
government property with belief and
knowledge that this property belongs to
a government actually is their own so
now in domestic violence now we have a
plan here present administration Dante’s
excellency to build a women’s
development center and in that center
there will be a safe home for my trans
women is that that you know it has not
been taught about it before now you know
where where do these women go when they
are battered
if they have any incidents
and the abuses within the same home as
they are I’m looking forward to a time
where really we would not have any need
for women to leave homes because our
husbands have a better and you know I
need to stress this point here you
cannot beat somebody into submission you
can’t beat somebody into loving you you
have to love the person into submission
also in Reverse states we’re going to
have a family courts United Nations
Convention on the Rights of the Child
and the African conventional Convention
excuse me of the welfare the rights of
the child reports brought in together
and different parts were taken from it’s
too sweet Pappas’s
in Nigeria and that was not domesticated
in a child Rights Act which now has now
been adopted as the child rights law in
Reverse states but it’s sad to know that
this child rights law is not in every
state of Nigeria and you know it’s
especially in the northern part of the
country that you will find that possibly
because there is a stated age for
marriage there which is 18 years old and
maybe some people don’t agree with that
but you know I have a daughter who is
going to be 13 next February I look at
her and I wonder when I look at her like
what will the man see in this child you
know that would be exciting for him I
don’t know it makes me wonder I mean why
not wait for the child to mature and be
ready to look after herself she’s yet to
even understand herself how can she know
you know give care to another child and
this breeds you know child widows
because most times people who marry
these very young girls are you know much
much older than they are and of course
as nature goes the older will always be
this is the younger so when these men
die these little girls are not really
come out of there at all ascent years
and if they have you know it’s still a
struggle and that continues that cycle
of poverty you know because I mean what
does that child know she may know it
would have gone to school so now how can
she fend for this child especially if
she loses her husband and then of course
she turns poor because she cannot cope
and this other child may still go
through the same process and in the
child rights as it teaches such things
as you know respect for elders peaceful
communal living and you know everything
good as it used to be in the past that’s
still deals with etiquette so I um well
I say blessed really to be the job that
has been appointed as a family called
church and I know it’s going to get busy
so there’ll be a time thanks there’ll be
a time when we will need to have other
judges to still because one judge
country is on two levels the
magistrate’s court level as well as a
high court level and this is a way of
announcing that courts and to enlighten
us that really you can actually go there
because issues such as custody of
children and in fact the whole essence
of the child rights law is to know to
handle cases that would be in the best
interest of the child so the judge will
seat with Assessors and the judge comes
with a legal background the Assessors
come with the welfare background and
together they will look at a case and
then see what is best for the child so
by the grace of God we are going to have
better for our children but I always say
you know you have to know your rights
before you can actually enforce it if
you don’t know your rights if you’re
ignorant of what your right is you
cannot know how to enforce it so it is
important that we need to educate our
children by way of printed materials and
even going on the radio talking having
different television activities and even
going to schools is important and as
parents telling our children at home
what to expect what not to accept what
to speak up about because you know if
the children don’t know
not even realize that something wrong is
actually happening to them
to seek help so it’s important that we
should enlighten our children how not to
be touched you know how not to be spoken
to so that you know with that
understanding there we’ll be in a better
position to protect themselves because
the parents will not be there all the
time so the children need to know no
matter how small your child is it’s not
teaching them sex education is very
important let them know that the private
part is private it is private it’s not
for anybody they need to understand that
because if they don’t a lot of times you
know it will rip the definition of rape
also talks about you know getting
consent by means of fraud or
misrepresentation in the sense that you
deceive the person to understand that
act as something else than what it is so
that you know that qualifies to as rape
so we need to do more as parents for our
children and as fast domestic violence
is concerned we need to of course like I
said be more loving be you know I mean I
don’t think that’s there’s anybody that
kind of a managed I don’t think so
everybody can be understood and money
and there’s no need for violence because
you know when you do that you actually
robbed the victim of their self-worth
and self-esteem you sometimes make them
if they’re walking presence they can’t
go to court I mean walk because it’s
funny I said that loving a victim anyway
so I’m saying you know the person stays
at home to you and maybe has defended me
I have to like engage a doctor to take
care of them so monies are going out to
pay this doctor that could happen I’ve
avoided money’s not could have been put
to better use economically we suffer
when people who are abused stay at home
and don’t go to work you know so in
everything family is everything
and we all need to get back to the
basics we all need to go back to how
things used to be how it was working
and all need to encourage each other and
of course support each other in every
way we can thank you
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: