I work in the world as an outdoor
educator and a wilderness guide I run an
organization called back to earth with
my best friend from Berkeley hi and we
take young people on transformative
journeys into some of the most beautiful
most remote parts of the Sierra Nevada
mountains often on our first night
around the fire I’ll ask a couple of
core questions who are you and what are
you here for so much why we do the
wilderness work is that when we go out
into the unfamiliar terrain these
questions have somewhere new to land
that on the one hand the the wilderness
is mysterious and devoid of those
familiar comforts of home and at the
same time offers us this remarkable
feeling of safety and of belonging but
it’s just our first night and we haven’t
really gotten that far and so these
questions we’re hearing them for the
first time and in in my years of doing
this work I have tracked the responses
and the patterns and that forms the
basis of what I want to talk to you
about today so on the one hand some kids
show up and they have a hard time
articulating even a basic answer to this
question I mean we’re talking about
bright and capable teenagers and
sometimes these questions who are you
what are you here for it strikes them as
really challenging to answer it’s like
they haven’t thought much about it and
the question itself seems strange like
well it’s so obvious though of course it
is anything but obvious and then on the
other hand I meet lots of young people
who have anxiety and worry about not
having a really clear answer to this
question like at 16 or 17 they should by
now know what they’re about have a plan
executing the plan have it all locked
down and all figured out so I just spent
an hour on the phone last week with one
of my guys he is a freshman in college
he’s a really great athlete he’s
incredibly social he does really well in
school and yet here he is a month into
his freshman year and he is feeling
really troubled by what he’s
experiencing as a lack of clarity about
his purpose for his life and he went out
with us in the backcountry and he he
came back feeling like he knew and then
he got back into his life and it started
to fade and I want to say I really
admire him for being so young and caring
so much and engaging with this question
of his purpose but I want him to be able
to enjoy that process rather than feel
burdened by it so broadly that’s what
I’m diagnosing could say we’re tracking
in the culture at large on the one hand
young people who are just sort of
drifting through from one thing to the
next and then on the other hand young
people who are feeling a lot of anxiety
about their choices and worries that you
know I got to do the thing that’s gonna
lead to the thing that’s gonna lead to
the next thing so that it all works out
perfectly
etc so then what are we to do with this
we live in a culture that believes that
a certain kind of achievement is what’s
going to offer us safety and we can look
back a generation or two and see even
more rigid models of what achievement
and success look like and and we look at
the vastness of our choices and we can
imagine that we’ve gotten really far
from this achievement based model
success leading to safety but we haven’t
most of us remain deeply tethered to it
and our parents especially bless their
hearts they want so badly for us to
achieve because they want to know that
we’re gonna be safe and be able to take
care of ourselves in the world and so it
starts younger and younger I don’t know
if any of you have had that experience
but if you’re a competitive athlete or
if you’re applying to high school the
pressure grows I certainly remember it
myself when I was your age this feeling
like like like you have to make really
good choices right now or it’s gonna all
blow up and and there’s so much riding
on any given choice and what you’re
gonna do from one day to the next and I
really want to honor and celebrate that
feeling that yeah it matters it really
does but here’s the rub we we want to
split this feeling that it matters that
our choices matter that that our sense
of purpose matters from being really
anxious and worried that somehow we’re
gonna mess up or do it wrong and in the
process make ourselves really unhappy
what I suggest is first to stop
splitting everything up into things that
matter and the things that don’t as in
well this thing that I do that other
people see or recognize that matters
this thing that I do in private when no
one is watching that doesn’t or this
this thing that I do that might hurt or
help other people well that matters but
over here these things that I do that
might hurt or help me those don’t were
the things that certain people notice or
validate our parents our coaches and
admissions officer those matter but the
things that other people might notice or
feel touched by a stranger our peers a
younger sibling
those don’t matter so much that’s the
first piece it all matters so now the
question is how does it matter we all
know that every word that we speak sends
a sound wave out into the world
out into this room the the sound wave
that is reaching you right now and if
you can’t hear me on the other side of
the room you might conclude that that
sound wave has vanished no longer exists
but it’s not true sound wave just
because it has dipped below our
perceptive radar we can’t hear anymore
it’s still bouncing around somewhere and
then it’s meeting up with some other
sound wave and they’re bouncing around
together and they’re going somewhere
else that we don’t know anything about
and now imagine that the entire world
this whole dynamic vibrating universe
that we are living in is comprised of
the waves and particles and ripples that
are being sent out by all of the people
all of us in this room and all of the
people all around us all of the time and
not just the people but we are a very
powerful species and our words and our
actions send a very powerful rippling
effect out into the cosmic web that
binds us all together so this is how we
start to develop a new kind of answer to
the question who are you what are you
doing here we get to become really
interested and curious about the kinds
of ripples that we put out and want to
put out into the world that’s ultimately
what we get to know about ourselves what
kind of ripples do I like to make we get
to become incredible observers of
ourselves so when I help my mother do
the dishes you know what kind of ripple
does that send
how does that feel to me or to her or to
our entire household do I like that do I
like how that feels
to me does that feel like the me that I
want to become or what about when we say
something kind of cutting or mean or
sarcastic how does that feel or when we
tell a little white lie that probably
nobody’s ever going to find out about it
really it wouldn’t even matter if they
did how does that feel or if we just say
I’m bored how does that feel and I want
to be really clear this is not a
question of morality of doing the right
thing even though you want to do
something else this is about learning to
listen to the deepest part of ourselves
the part that actually really wants it
to be good for us and for all the other
people around us and for the plants and
the animals – so that’s my invitation to
you today try it pay attention to your
ripples let’s not pretend that some
mater and others don’t they all matter
so make good ones find out what that
brings to your life find out how it
who are you what are you doing here
thank you
[Applause] [Music]
educator and a wilderness guide I run an
organization called back to earth with
my best friend from Berkeley hi and we
take young people on transformative
journeys into some of the most beautiful
most remote parts of the Sierra Nevada
mountains often on our first night
around the fire I’ll ask a couple of
core questions who are you and what are
you here for so much why we do the
wilderness work is that when we go out
into the unfamiliar terrain these
questions have somewhere new to land
that on the one hand the the wilderness
is mysterious and devoid of those
familiar comforts of home and at the
same time offers us this remarkable
feeling of safety and of belonging but
it’s just our first night and we haven’t
really gotten that far and so these
questions we’re hearing them for the
first time and in in my years of doing
this work I have tracked the responses
and the patterns and that forms the
basis of what I want to talk to you
about today so on the one hand some kids
show up and they have a hard time
articulating even a basic answer to this
question I mean we’re talking about
bright and capable teenagers and
sometimes these questions who are you
what are you here for it strikes them as
really challenging to answer it’s like
they haven’t thought much about it and
the question itself seems strange like
well it’s so obvious though of course it
is anything but obvious and then on the
other hand I meet lots of young people
who have anxiety and worry about not
having a really clear answer to this
question like at 16 or 17 they should by
now know what they’re about have a plan
executing the plan have it all locked
down and all figured out so I just spent
an hour on the phone last week with one
of my guys he is a freshman in college
he’s a really great athlete he’s
incredibly social he does really well in
school and yet here he is a month into
his freshman year and he is feeling
really troubled by what he’s
experiencing as a lack of clarity about
his purpose for his life and he went out
with us in the backcountry and he he
came back feeling like he knew and then
he got back into his life and it started
to fade and I want to say I really
admire him for being so young and caring
so much and engaging with this question
of his purpose but I want him to be able
to enjoy that process rather than feel
burdened by it so broadly that’s what
I’m diagnosing could say we’re tracking
in the culture at large on the one hand
young people who are just sort of
drifting through from one thing to the
next and then on the other hand young
people who are feeling a lot of anxiety
about their choices and worries that you
know I got to do the thing that’s gonna
lead to the thing that’s gonna lead to
the next thing so that it all works out
perfectly
etc so then what are we to do with this
we live in a culture that believes that
a certain kind of achievement is what’s
going to offer us safety and we can look
back a generation or two and see even
more rigid models of what achievement
and success look like and and we look at
the vastness of our choices and we can
imagine that we’ve gotten really far
from this achievement based model
success leading to safety but we haven’t
most of us remain deeply tethered to it
and our parents especially bless their
hearts they want so badly for us to
achieve because they want to know that
we’re gonna be safe and be able to take
care of ourselves in the world and so it
starts younger and younger I don’t know
if any of you have had that experience
but if you’re a competitive athlete or
if you’re applying to high school the
pressure grows I certainly remember it
myself when I was your age this feeling
like like like you have to make really
good choices right now or it’s gonna all
blow up and and there’s so much riding
on any given choice and what you’re
gonna do from one day to the next and I
really want to honor and celebrate that
feeling that yeah it matters it really
does but here’s the rub we we want to
split this feeling that it matters that
our choices matter that that our sense
of purpose matters from being really
anxious and worried that somehow we’re
gonna mess up or do it wrong and in the
process make ourselves really unhappy
what I suggest is first to stop
splitting everything up into things that
matter and the things that don’t as in
well this thing that I do that other
people see or recognize that matters
this thing that I do in private when no
one is watching that doesn’t or this
this thing that I do that might hurt or
help other people well that matters but
over here these things that I do that
might hurt or help me those don’t were
the things that certain people notice or
validate our parents our coaches and
admissions officer those matter but the
things that other people might notice or
feel touched by a stranger our peers a
younger sibling
those don’t matter so much that’s the
first piece it all matters so now the
question is how does it matter we all
know that every word that we speak sends
a sound wave out into the world
out into this room the the sound wave
that is reaching you right now and if
you can’t hear me on the other side of
the room you might conclude that that
sound wave has vanished no longer exists
but it’s not true sound wave just
because it has dipped below our
perceptive radar we can’t hear anymore
it’s still bouncing around somewhere and
then it’s meeting up with some other
sound wave and they’re bouncing around
together and they’re going somewhere
else that we don’t know anything about
and now imagine that the entire world
this whole dynamic vibrating universe
that we are living in is comprised of
the waves and particles and ripples that
are being sent out by all of the people
all of us in this room and all of the
people all around us all of the time and
not just the people but we are a very
powerful species and our words and our
actions send a very powerful rippling
effect out into the cosmic web that
binds us all together so this is how we
start to develop a new kind of answer to
the question who are you what are you
doing here we get to become really
interested and curious about the kinds
of ripples that we put out and want to
put out into the world that’s ultimately
what we get to know about ourselves what
kind of ripples do I like to make we get
to become incredible observers of
ourselves so when I help my mother do
the dishes you know what kind of ripple
does that send
how does that feel to me or to her or to
our entire household do I like that do I
like how that feels
to me does that feel like the me that I
want to become or what about when we say
something kind of cutting or mean or
sarcastic how does that feel or when we
tell a little white lie that probably
nobody’s ever going to find out about it
really it wouldn’t even matter if they
did how does that feel or if we just say
I’m bored how does that feel and I want
to be really clear this is not a
question of morality of doing the right
thing even though you want to do
something else this is about learning to
listen to the deepest part of ourselves
the part that actually really wants it
to be good for us and for all the other
people around us and for the plants and
the animals – so that’s my invitation to
you today try it pay attention to your
ripples let’s not pretend that some
mater and others don’t they all matter
so make good ones find out what that
brings to your life find out how it
who are you what are you doing here
thank you
[Applause] [Music]
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