hi guys how’s everyone doing Wow okay
how’s everyone doing okay okay I was
gonna say you guys are being dishonest
but there was kind of some honesty there
I mean honestly who’s had some really
crappy days this week all right
yay for the crappy average days this
week who’s had an amazing week okay so
see we can be honest with each other am
I allowed to venture out of this red
circle excellent so so we are being
honest like how many of you have come
across this interaction where you go and
you say hi to someone and they say hi
I’m good how are you you know I mean all
right I’m digressing clearly I’ve never
done a TED talk is the mic in the right
place
excellent so I’d like to start with a
quote by dr. Seuss today you are you
that is truer than true there’s no one
alive who is you er than you today you
are you that is truer than true
there’s no sorry I’m just being myself
all right so being the missed me I am a
tangential thinker with my hands shaking
and stuff a multi potential I’d a
procrastinator extraordinaire
I’m a creative person and I sometime
sometimes disappear into my own world
and I don’t hear what someone’s saying
and I have to apologize for it
and so these me isms don’t always sit
well with people which brings me to a
question what is this obsession with
fitting in and where does it come from
so I think it can you guys hear me
without the mic okay okay sorry someone
just went
oh I have to resign myself to the carpet
again okay sorry
so yeah what is this obsession with
fitting in and where does it come from
perhaps from the moment were born you
know you you look around and you see
your parents acting a certain way you
see your siblings acting a certain way
do you think ah that’s how you live life
that’s how you navigate it and you try
to emulate them and voila you are
praised for what is perceived as
mimicking positive behavior as we grow
older some of us start to rebel against
our early life role models but then
those are soon replaced by the need for
validation from peers from self defined
role models and then that’s again you’re
continuing to be influenced by these
external rudders sorry as a child the
only thing on my mind was exploration
and fun all right I would wait till 4
p.m. every day because primetime because
the adults were asleep and create a
mattress Mountain down the staircase and
I couldn’t for the life of me understand
why it had to be removed at all isn’t
sliding down on your bum the best mode
of transport so or going out exploring
in the backyard or the neighborhood my
sister and I yes not very safe we would
carry knives with us and we would go and
we would take clippings of a my a my
robot voicing sorry we would take
clippings of plants and flowers and all
of that because back then the apartments
didn’t exist behind the ruction villas
it was all open land with vegetation and
doogie’s here and there and it was such
an adventure I remember spending so much
time like that I went on to make friends
with kids in the neighbourhood and found
more places to explore we would we would
make the garages our hideouts we would
go to the Raksha market and eat those
Gandhi Valley fries those are the
tastiest right we would beat up boys and
we would like you know paint far and
wide the scapes of our tireless
imaginations
now boys may have it tough but growing
up as a girl in Pakistan or anywhere
really you start to notice these
niggling threats from the corners used
to notice that somebody makes you feel
uncomfortable an older boy or a man or
perhaps a must-do who tries to lure you
into his place of work or asks you to
touch him inappropriately or worse tries
to touch you I know I’m getting a little
graphic here but not enough people talk
about this and how it destroys that
innocence for you I remember feeling so
much freedom and then around the age of
12 something integral changed I went to
sleep one night and I dreamt that I was
cycling to my friend’s house on Kaiba
Nemo hafez which is walking distance
from my house and I was apprehended by
men and I remember waking up and
thinking life’s never gonna be the same
again I’m never gonna be able to go out
alone and feel safe and to date even
though I have a driver’s license I can
drive I’m not generally a fearful person
I can’t go long distances on my own my
sister on the other hand I mean she came
out of similar experiences being
determined to be independent she drives
everywhere herself so different people
turn out differently but yeah that fear
really seeped under my skin and it
really makes its way down at your core
and changes how you perceive things so
with all these safety concerns and the
way society piles on its expectations
and all the associated pressure it’s
hard to go your own way without feeling
like you’ve done something wrong I never
really fitted in perhaps somewhat owing
to the fact that my father’s arrest tree
and my mother’s Catholic wear
anglo-indians living in Pakistan and I
first language is English so I learnt or
do in school which was also a challenge
because I was made fun of for saying
things like buddy golly instead of
bodyguard II thankfully thanks to Coke
Studio and singing in different
languages I’ve become a lot better with
that but I’ve always been a little
strange weird a little weird never fit
into a specific clique and I made a lot
of friends in school but
I would always see all these groups of
people who just gel together and could
cling to each other for dear life and
I’ve lost my point yeah so they would
cling to each other for dear life and I
would always be on the outskirts of the
the fringes of the social circle or
doing my own thing or flitting from
group to group and I remembered used to
leave me with some insecurities about
the kind of person I was and being a
misfit I was that kid in kindergarten
who complained to the principal about
the cruel ayah washing ants down the
sink from my lunchbox I was that kid
running home from a neighbor’s house
crying because they had called me Polly
then wouldn’t let me sit on the bed I
was the kid in class five who said miss
is it is it man and woman because woman
is a man with a womb the whole class
died laughing
I mean imagine how my education would
have turned out if they’d said that’s a
good question to ask all right so I was
also that uncool eleven-year-old
consider convincing my friends to return
stolen goods to a shop and I was that
child arguing with the teacher because I
thought she was being unfair or taking
up class time arguing that animals had
souls so I was seen as lazy sometimes
disruptive never really living up to my
full potential I would wait until the
last minute to do everything to study
and I could never seem to understand how
to be cool or normal but as I grew older
I grew to really appreciate not fitting
in I I was like because if I had fit in
I wouldn’t be the person I am today and
you know what I get along with myself
pretty well all right different people
come out differently from this societal
mill if you will some people get molded
by society and it’s expectations to the
point where they completely lose
themselves or who they could be
and become what everyone else wants them
to be isn’t that a very very tiresome
existence don’t you think
I mean you’ve constantly trying to make
other people happy and
you don’t really actually figure out
what makes you happy some people are
fortunate enough to come through all of
this with greater conviction about who
they are how they feel about life how
they want to live it and that’s
something worth nurturing in my opinion
being the ultimate you because there’s
no other way for you to more fully
contribute to society and to your own
happiness and change then to be the
ultimate you so coming into the work
environment and the media industry
artists Fame face the same struggle I
think between being their ultimate
artistic selves and achieving true
artistic expression
versus being the pressure to be
commercially successful in order to be
recognized now not many things have as
much potential as the need to be the
pressure to be commercially successful
to squash creativity out of you it
really does and again you catering to
the needs of society what people will
think how they will receive it and again
that is taking away from your personal
expression I’m really sorry about all
these cards but yes we all have norms
and ways to coexist as a society and
part of that process is finding
commonality is adhering to a certain set
of societal rules but it’s a tightrope
to walk a delicate balance like I’m not
gonna walk out I’m not gonna walk out
wearing shorts and a tank top in
Pakistan but at the same time I’m not
going to kowtow to how somebody tells me
to dress or if someone says go put it
apart out of your head so that’s you
know sort of an example of striking that
balance it’s easy to live in black and
white but it’s really difficult to
navigate staying in the gray area and
step too far to the left you risk
alienating society step too far to the
right and you risk losing yourself which
is dangerous because when conformity
becomes so inherent and locked in then
you lose individuality and creativity
and suddenly you have a whole society of
people who think exactly the same way
and cannot creatively problem-solve and
I’m talking in extremes here but I’m
trying to
the gravity of it all right it’s only
that weirdo that person who dances to
their own tune is actually going to have
a solution at the end of the day to that
problem
it means less lateral thinking less
creativity and you’ll lose that’s losing
out in my opinion on the things that are
the most important to actually bring
about change comes from within it’s
important to cultivate your own
individuality forge your own path and to
think differently to influence the world
with your colors I’ve truly grown to
cherish seeing the world in my own
unique way and I’ve been glad on many
occasions that I’ve followed my gut I
remember during my a levels I decided to
engage with musical theater and everyone
was encouraging and supportive but at
the same time they felt that okay it’s
going to take away from your studies you
have to balance all of these things and
I went ahead anyway I went against my
counselors advice and maybe my grades
suffered marginally but at the end of
the day while I value what I learned
there it’s what I learned from musical
theater and taking those risks that
stays relevant and is is useful to me to
date so it was one of the best decisions
of my life and I did backing vocals for
a Coke Studio for seven years and a lot
of people were on my back about you know
go it go your own way go solo why you
still doing backing vocals why you still
in the background but what they didn’t
understand is that it’s this beautiful
world of its own and from it you know I
love being there and from it it was I
learned so much it was one of the
biggest training grounds for me it is
defined my work ethic given me the
chance to work with and learn from many
many talented individuals artistic
individuals and to understand more about
myself my work style and it’s given me
the freedom to execute it exercise
creativity and over this time I realized
that my weaknesses actually existed to
fortify my strengths if that makes sense
so yes I’m a procrastinator and a
dreamer and I did
Sapir into my own world but when I’m
motivated by something and I take on a
challenge I work hard and understanding
myself I know I need to take breaks I
need to chill and recharge and that’s
who I am and that’s how I work best and
if I’d succumb to the pressure of how
other people wanted me to do things then
perhaps I would be much less successful
not to say that I’ve done everything I
want to do I mean there’s a lot of
things there’s plenty of things that I
still have to do but it’s my timeline
and I’m okay with it
and it’s you know it’s my life and I’m
living it I’m living my journey the way
I want to live it so they’re always
going to be factors that try to suppress
you and eliminate chip away at who you
are but it’s not about it’s not about
eliminating all of these factors it’s
about learning how to navigate within
them just remember that who you are is
always evolving don’t stagnate the same
way that you would
I don’t know grow with a person in a
relationship the same way sorry the same
way you would have a successful
relationship with another human being
the same way you need to grow with
yourself and you need to cultivate your
own individuality to be your own brand
of weird dare to be different
think differently and influence paint
graffiti the world with your colors
thank you [Applause]
how’s everyone doing okay okay I was
gonna say you guys are being dishonest
but there was kind of some honesty there
I mean honestly who’s had some really
crappy days this week all right
yay for the crappy average days this
week who’s had an amazing week okay so
see we can be honest with each other am
I allowed to venture out of this red
circle excellent so so we are being
honest like how many of you have come
across this interaction where you go and
you say hi to someone and they say hi
I’m good how are you you know I mean all
right I’m digressing clearly I’ve never
done a TED talk is the mic in the right
place
excellent so I’d like to start with a
quote by dr. Seuss today you are you
that is truer than true there’s no one
alive who is you er than you today you
are you that is truer than true
there’s no sorry I’m just being myself
all right so being the missed me I am a
tangential thinker with my hands shaking
and stuff a multi potential I’d a
procrastinator extraordinaire
I’m a creative person and I sometime
sometimes disappear into my own world
and I don’t hear what someone’s saying
and I have to apologize for it
and so these me isms don’t always sit
well with people which brings me to a
question what is this obsession with
fitting in and where does it come from
so I think it can you guys hear me
without the mic okay okay sorry someone
just went
oh I have to resign myself to the carpet
again okay sorry
so yeah what is this obsession with
fitting in and where does it come from
perhaps from the moment were born you
know you you look around and you see
your parents acting a certain way you
see your siblings acting a certain way
do you think ah that’s how you live life
that’s how you navigate it and you try
to emulate them and voila you are
praised for what is perceived as
mimicking positive behavior as we grow
older some of us start to rebel against
our early life role models but then
those are soon replaced by the need for
validation from peers from self defined
role models and then that’s again you’re
continuing to be influenced by these
external rudders sorry as a child the
only thing on my mind was exploration
and fun all right I would wait till 4
p.m. every day because primetime because
the adults were asleep and create a
mattress Mountain down the staircase and
I couldn’t for the life of me understand
why it had to be removed at all isn’t
sliding down on your bum the best mode
of transport so or going out exploring
in the backyard or the neighborhood my
sister and I yes not very safe we would
carry knives with us and we would go and
we would take clippings of a my a my
robot voicing sorry we would take
clippings of plants and flowers and all
of that because back then the apartments
didn’t exist behind the ruction villas
it was all open land with vegetation and
doogie’s here and there and it was such
an adventure I remember spending so much
time like that I went on to make friends
with kids in the neighbourhood and found
more places to explore we would we would
make the garages our hideouts we would
go to the Raksha market and eat those
Gandhi Valley fries those are the
tastiest right we would beat up boys and
we would like you know paint far and
wide the scapes of our tireless
imaginations
now boys may have it tough but growing
up as a girl in Pakistan or anywhere
really you start to notice these
niggling threats from the corners used
to notice that somebody makes you feel
uncomfortable an older boy or a man or
perhaps a must-do who tries to lure you
into his place of work or asks you to
touch him inappropriately or worse tries
to touch you I know I’m getting a little
graphic here but not enough people talk
about this and how it destroys that
innocence for you I remember feeling so
much freedom and then around the age of
12 something integral changed I went to
sleep one night and I dreamt that I was
cycling to my friend’s house on Kaiba
Nemo hafez which is walking distance
from my house and I was apprehended by
men and I remember waking up and
thinking life’s never gonna be the same
again I’m never gonna be able to go out
alone and feel safe and to date even
though I have a driver’s license I can
drive I’m not generally a fearful person
I can’t go long distances on my own my
sister on the other hand I mean she came
out of similar experiences being
determined to be independent she drives
everywhere herself so different people
turn out differently but yeah that fear
really seeped under my skin and it
really makes its way down at your core
and changes how you perceive things so
with all these safety concerns and the
way society piles on its expectations
and all the associated pressure it’s
hard to go your own way without feeling
like you’ve done something wrong I never
really fitted in perhaps somewhat owing
to the fact that my father’s arrest tree
and my mother’s Catholic wear
anglo-indians living in Pakistan and I
first language is English so I learnt or
do in school which was also a challenge
because I was made fun of for saying
things like buddy golly instead of
bodyguard II thankfully thanks to Coke
Studio and singing in different
languages I’ve become a lot better with
that but I’ve always been a little
strange weird a little weird never fit
into a specific clique and I made a lot
of friends in school but
I would always see all these groups of
people who just gel together and could
cling to each other for dear life and
I’ve lost my point yeah so they would
cling to each other for dear life and I
would always be on the outskirts of the
the fringes of the social circle or
doing my own thing or flitting from
group to group and I remembered used to
leave me with some insecurities about
the kind of person I was and being a
misfit I was that kid in kindergarten
who complained to the principal about
the cruel ayah washing ants down the
sink from my lunchbox I was that kid
running home from a neighbor’s house
crying because they had called me Polly
then wouldn’t let me sit on the bed I
was the kid in class five who said miss
is it is it man and woman because woman
is a man with a womb the whole class
died laughing
I mean imagine how my education would
have turned out if they’d said that’s a
good question to ask all right so I was
also that uncool eleven-year-old
consider convincing my friends to return
stolen goods to a shop and I was that
child arguing with the teacher because I
thought she was being unfair or taking
up class time arguing that animals had
souls so I was seen as lazy sometimes
disruptive never really living up to my
full potential I would wait until the
last minute to do everything to study
and I could never seem to understand how
to be cool or normal but as I grew older
I grew to really appreciate not fitting
in I I was like because if I had fit in
I wouldn’t be the person I am today and
you know what I get along with myself
pretty well all right different people
come out differently from this societal
mill if you will some people get molded
by society and it’s expectations to the
point where they completely lose
themselves or who they could be
and become what everyone else wants them
to be isn’t that a very very tiresome
existence don’t you think
I mean you’ve constantly trying to make
other people happy and
you don’t really actually figure out
what makes you happy some people are
fortunate enough to come through all of
this with greater conviction about who
they are how they feel about life how
they want to live it and that’s
something worth nurturing in my opinion
being the ultimate you because there’s
no other way for you to more fully
contribute to society and to your own
happiness and change then to be the
ultimate you so coming into the work
environment and the media industry
artists Fame face the same struggle I
think between being their ultimate
artistic selves and achieving true
artistic expression
versus being the pressure to be
commercially successful in order to be
recognized now not many things have as
much potential as the need to be the
pressure to be commercially successful
to squash creativity out of you it
really does and again you catering to
the needs of society what people will
think how they will receive it and again
that is taking away from your personal
expression I’m really sorry about all
these cards but yes we all have norms
and ways to coexist as a society and
part of that process is finding
commonality is adhering to a certain set
of societal rules but it’s a tightrope
to walk a delicate balance like I’m not
gonna walk out I’m not gonna walk out
wearing shorts and a tank top in
Pakistan but at the same time I’m not
going to kowtow to how somebody tells me
to dress or if someone says go put it
apart out of your head so that’s you
know sort of an example of striking that
balance it’s easy to live in black and
white but it’s really difficult to
navigate staying in the gray area and
step too far to the left you risk
alienating society step too far to the
right and you risk losing yourself which
is dangerous because when conformity
becomes so inherent and locked in then
you lose individuality and creativity
and suddenly you have a whole society of
people who think exactly the same way
and cannot creatively problem-solve and
I’m talking in extremes here but I’m
trying to
the gravity of it all right it’s only
that weirdo that person who dances to
their own tune is actually going to have
a solution at the end of the day to that
problem
it means less lateral thinking less
creativity and you’ll lose that’s losing
out in my opinion on the things that are
the most important to actually bring
about change comes from within it’s
important to cultivate your own
individuality forge your own path and to
think differently to influence the world
with your colors I’ve truly grown to
cherish seeing the world in my own
unique way and I’ve been glad on many
occasions that I’ve followed my gut I
remember during my a levels I decided to
engage with musical theater and everyone
was encouraging and supportive but at
the same time they felt that okay it’s
going to take away from your studies you
have to balance all of these things and
I went ahead anyway I went against my
counselors advice and maybe my grades
suffered marginally but at the end of
the day while I value what I learned
there it’s what I learned from musical
theater and taking those risks that
stays relevant and is is useful to me to
date so it was one of the best decisions
of my life and I did backing vocals for
a Coke Studio for seven years and a lot
of people were on my back about you know
go it go your own way go solo why you
still doing backing vocals why you still
in the background but what they didn’t
understand is that it’s this beautiful
world of its own and from it you know I
love being there and from it it was I
learned so much it was one of the
biggest training grounds for me it is
defined my work ethic given me the
chance to work with and learn from many
many talented individuals artistic
individuals and to understand more about
myself my work style and it’s given me
the freedom to execute it exercise
creativity and over this time I realized
that my weaknesses actually existed to
fortify my strengths if that makes sense
so yes I’m a procrastinator and a
dreamer and I did
Sapir into my own world but when I’m
motivated by something and I take on a
challenge I work hard and understanding
myself I know I need to take breaks I
need to chill and recharge and that’s
who I am and that’s how I work best and
if I’d succumb to the pressure of how
other people wanted me to do things then
perhaps I would be much less successful
not to say that I’ve done everything I
want to do I mean there’s a lot of
things there’s plenty of things that I
still have to do but it’s my timeline
and I’m okay with it
and it’s you know it’s my life and I’m
living it I’m living my journey the way
I want to live it so they’re always
going to be factors that try to suppress
you and eliminate chip away at who you
are but it’s not about it’s not about
eliminating all of these factors it’s
about learning how to navigate within
them just remember that who you are is
always evolving don’t stagnate the same
way that you would
I don’t know grow with a person in a
relationship the same way sorry the same
way you would have a successful
relationship with another human being
the same way you need to grow with
yourself and you need to cultivate your
own individuality to be your own brand
of weird dare to be different
think differently and influence paint
graffiti the world with your colors
thank you [Applause]
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