are as mainstream as any other appliance
we have in our homes we depend on them
just as we depend on our dishwasher our
microwave ovens and our washing machines
each year we become more and more
dependent on these devices and these
devices have enhanced our lives in many
ways
the many advances it has given us for me
I have no sense of direction so the GPS
is really a wonderful advancement in my
life for you maybe you get to work at
home because you can bring your devices
at home and you get to spend more time
with your family some people enjoy
connecting with their family and friends
all over the place there are many many
positives to technology however there
are many pitfalls and negatives to
technology and the time is now to really
evaluate technologies place in our life
before we lose the things that we value
most human emotional connection before
technology we would gather around a
table and we would converse and share
stories and share memories and maybe
even argue but we were connecting
emotionally today we go to a restaurant
or even in our home and these devices
are apparent we see an entire table of
families or friends gathered around
looking down at their devices there is a
time and a place for technology but it
isn’t everywhere human connection is
important we’re here to support each
other we’re here because we all are part
of something bigger and when we
disconnect and allow our devices to
continue to do this at a rate we are
losing something very valuable when we
think about positive reform it is
possible I’m here to tell you that it is
quite possible as an educator and a
parent I have spent the last four years
educating students from second grade all
the way through college and talk to them
about
their social media use about technology
in the life in their lives whether it’s
the positive and the negatives we need
to address the positives and our
children desperately need our help
we are the first generation of parents
raising children in the technological
era we will prepare them for what was
ahead not because we didn’t care we
didn’t know technology has been in our
life for 20-plus years now we now know
we now know that our devices can’t be
everywhere we now know that there is a
time and a place for it we need to start
with guidelines and strategies each time
I go to a school and speak to students
there is a line of students waiting to
talk to me begging me for information
what do I do if someone sends me a
picture that’s inappropriate if I’m on
snapchat and my mother says no what do I
do they need our help the time is now
for positive reform and we need to start
with the screen itself the screen is an
emotional disconnect part of life is
getting our feelings hurt that is a
reality when we were younger people
would say mean things to us and we might
would say them back but the problem is
we as human beings use body language to
guide us our children don’t have that if
someone said something mean to me or I
said something mean to someone and when
I was younger I saw a tilt of a head a
shrug of a shoulder and I got a knot in
my stomach I had a natural consequence
to what I was doing that my words had
power that gut that intuition was
teaching me something it doesn’t feel
good to hurt someone the problem is the
screen went up and our children’s
empathetic skills went way down it isn’t
a generation of children who need to
strengthen their empathetic skills
because everything we’ve taught them
offline be kind be respectful think
about what you’re saying before you act
all of those things for some reason they
are not transferring once they get
behind
that keyboard this is where we need to
start we need to teach them when they
give it we give them a device you see
this screen this is an emotional
disconnect there are real people on the
other side of that screen who have very
big contact lists who have many friends
and followers so imagine something
publicly embarrassing said about you and
everyone in this new room knew about it
because you’re 200 friends post it
you’re 300 friends posted it this is
what our children are dealing with and
now they’re going into their school
knowing their whole entire school knows
something publicly embarrassing about
them I’m a grown woman with a halfway
decent self-esteem that would be hard
for me these are kids trying to find
their way technology is making it very
hard for them it’s like a minefield we
need to teach them about the emotional
disconnect we need to teach them to
think every time you put something out
there you need to say how would this
make me feel that’s going to strengthen
their empathetic skills we need to teach
them that it’s not okay that you post
whatever you want without any regard we
need to teach them that it’s not okay to
take a picture of video of someone
without their permission and post it we
also need to teach them about anonymous
sites kids go down and play xbox their
friends aren’t available and they play
with anyone complete strangers in our
day we always got the note that there
was someone in our neighborhood I don’t
know why it was always a white van but
it was always a white van now that’s not
the problem they’re in our homes on our
computers it is dangerous our children
I’m talking from second grade all the
way up think it is normal and
appropriate to talk to strangers online
we all read the newspaper children have
been murdered children have been
sexually abused many things have
happened because they think it’s normal
to engage in conversations with people
they don’t know it’s not okay and we
need to get that really really strong in
their heads that’s a social norm so not
only do we need to give them guidelines
and strategies and
rulz we also need to give them tools and
the tools we give them are you you might
be hearing a lot about this word
mindfulness I am 100% behind this
mindfulness movement again we socialized
in our streets and face-to-face and by
doing that we learned many many
wonderful coping skills wonderful we
learn resilience we new learned how to
stick up for ourselves we learned that
our feelings got hurt and we bounced
back our children did not grow up this
way our children grew up very structured
so they don’t have the coping skills we
have and we need to give them to them so
imagine a time when you use your
computer all the time you’re playing
with your friends and something’s
buzzing in your pocket it’s constant
distraction it’s constant multitasking
as an educator I learned that
multitasking was not good no where did I
learn it was good give kids a lot of
things it will help them pay attention
does it work what I learned was the
number one predictor of success is
someone’s ability to focus and follow
through and our children are distracted
constantly even when they have friends
at their house at their house they’re
sitting right next to each other with
their devices so we need what
mindfulness is too overly give you an
oversimplification of what mindfulness
is it’s the ability to be in the present
moment fully with your mind and all of
your senses so now you’re all listening
to me you’re engaged you’re mindfully
listening to what I’m saying
if your mind’s wandering and you sing
right after this have to go to CVS have
to make that doctor appointment my kids
my kids game is at this time your mind
is wandering
you’re not mindfully engaged well we can
train you to do that we can give you
that skill so our children aren’t the
table of kids with their devices so our
children go to parties and enjoy the
event for what it is we’ve all gone to
parties I’ve gone to graduation parties
with teens we’re a three to four hour
party
no one is engaging with
their selfie selfie selfie post a pillow
a video it and let me post it wait I
don’t like that let me do it again
three hours go by that’s an anti mindful
behavior I want my children to be there
and engage and guess what the party is
not about you the party is about someone
else and learning to be happy for
someone else and celebrating someone
else’s milestones is a good thing so our
children are learning to be narcissistic
voyeuristic that multitasking is good
that overvaluing their peers feedback to
such an unhealthy level because of that
like button that they make decisions
based on everyone else’s approval now
that’s normal for a team but not to this
level not this level that they do
everything for a like it’s peer pressure
in their pocket we can do better we have
to give them the tools and mindfulness
is a wonderful I started my mindfulness
practice about four years ago and I can
tell you it is fulfilling life when you
learn to be present engaged in here and
now it’s fulfilling and our children I’m
afraid are being fulfilled with
artificial things they look at people’s
post and they compare their lives to
someone’s fabulous day
no one’s posting all the bad things no
one’s saying oh my parents might get
divorced or I just failed my geometry
test or they’re all posting the really
great things and really putting a full
sense of themselves up there that’s not
healthy socially and emotionally this is
getting what in the way of our
children’s development and we need to
act now we know what it’s good for it’s
great that you can look up your research
paper at no problem it’s not okay that
people walk down the street like this
and everybody should part away like it’s
the Red Sea this is just a news story
that someone was walking into an
elevator on their phone and there was a
sign they were repairing the elevator
and they walked in it was only two feet
and they were fine but
this is what’s happening and we all
laugh because like oh that’s funny
that’s funny I know the other side I
have good relationships I connect with
people I know how to do that because of
my life experience
what kind of marriages are they going to
have what kind of friendships are they
going to have when you can’t connect
emotionally with each other we have to
find its place
I’m not saying technology’s bad but we
really need to give them the skills they
they need to build a healthier way of
living and find its place the technology
companies have a place in this as well
we have Apple Google Facebook snapchat
Instagram all of them they’re all giving
our devices wouldn’t it be nice if we
walked into an Apple Store and the first
question they asked us was oh how old is
the person you’re buying this device for
oh they’re 12 oh we offer these courses
for the parents to learn how to set the
settings and blocks
that’s age-appropriate and we also offer
a course for the children to beware of
the pitfalls and use it with good intent
that that would be great they have a
responsibility we all have a
responsibility in making some positive
reform parents schools and the tech
companies we all can do this if we just
any little time you see someone doing it
in an inappropriate way make awareness
the other day I was just grocery
shopping and I was packing my my food
and the teeny I’m getting s he was like
19 or 20 he was ringing the register and
all of a sudden there was so much food
and I’m like oh my gosh it’s going so
fast and I’m looking and he is scrolling
through social media well I’m doing his
job
that we can do better so I of course
politely said I’m sorry but you know
this is your job you really shouldn’t be
on your phone while you’re working
that’s a poor work ethic these are
things that are going to be affected if
we don’t take a look it’s important and
we want the best for our children we
have to teach them what applies offline
up
eyes online be kind we all have a
responsibility and I ask each of you to
please take a look at what you’re
modeling
take a look at how you can find a better
balance and be part of the solution of
the misuse of social media by giving
guidelines and strategies by giving them
tools and being an advocate for your
children because schools are trying to
figure this out too
some schools I go to it’s bring your own
technology that’s there that’s what
their policy is some schools give them
iPads or school iPads find out be active
be engaged and fun okay my kid download
games because that’s what happened with
my own child I didn’t know the only way
they didn’t but I knew this is because
they had my Apple ID so they could they
could download it but these are the
conversations we have we can’t put our
hands up and say well I don’t know how
to work technology well I don’t know how
to work believe me I am NOT computer
savvy that’s the joke of all of this but
I have to give my children guidelines
and strategies I do have to care about a
society of what we’re promoting and what
we’re what the outcome of this is going
to be because what I’m talking about
today in a very short amount of time is
just scratching the surface of what
technology is bringing if we don’t bring
awareness and mindfully think okay where
is it good where is it not so I ask each
of you to please be part of the solution and help however you can thank