so I want to start with a little self
introduction because I don’t think a lot
of you know me my name is Isabella tan
I’m 19 years old I graduated batch 2015
and the I in Sabella stands for amazing
get it I amazing I know that’s really
corny but I’m sure that many of us here
have done many many many self
introductions before and you know
whenever we are told to say something
about ourselves our minds immediately
scramble to think of something different
something unique something crazy we all
want to say something that is
identifiably distinct but you know just
when you decide on something uniquely
crazy to say we always stop short of
actually saying it there is that
hesitation and in that hesitation we
usually end up saying something mildly
interesting maybe a little bit awkward
or sometimes even just boring we all
want to say something different but just
not too different and that’s what I’m
here to talk about today I’m here to
talk about being different but first I
want to introduce you all to my favorite
pen I have it here with me it’s just a
regular pen I bought this from Muji it’s
not the pen I can tell you that it’s
just a fan and yet it’s my favorite pen
why well it’s actually because it hides
a secret the secret is it’s not just the
pen but it’s a combination of a pen and
a pencil now we all know what I needed a
pen for I’m in high school but no class
except math required the use of a pencil
and although I did a lot of math
now did not make this my favorite pen so
what does the pencil for well the secret
is I love drawing not just love but I
truly love drawing I was a serial dude
layer if that’s even a word and this pen
helped me multitask between note-taking
and drawing and spell
I mean what’s more suspicious than
holding a bright yellow manga pencil in
Chinese class right and I did everything
and stuff no sketch pads no erasers
nothing of the soil this this pen helped
me hide my secret love for drawing but
those who knew me in high school and
know that I was never one for hiding or
secrets I was the kind of person who
always did what I wanted if I did like
something then I probably wouldn’t do it
if I did like you then you would see it
on my face
that’s if I didn’t tell it to your face
I was a terrible person yet and yet I
needed this pin to everyone
I was just me to everyone I was Sibella
tan but salutatorian oblation scholar
math genius hater of provence portsmouth
queen of throwing shade i and master of
being me and yet I needed this pen and I
love drawing you want to know what I do
with my drawings after I shred them into
oblivion I always drew on a separate
page of my notebook so that after class
I could tear it out so the my past
teachers if you notice that my notebooks
were thin then that’s probably because
he drew a lot in your class and I drew
in every class I’m telling you now I
drew it every class so why did I feel
the need to hide something like this
something that was a big part of me and
I thought about it for a while I thought
about it when I wasn’t
at school I thought about it when I was
writing the speech and I thought about
it every single time I used this pen and
through that thinking I came up with an
answer why does anyone feel the need to
hide why did I feel the need to hide
well firstly it’s because I felt that
what I was doing was wrong
think about it this way how many you
know people who draw professional
artists aside how many people do you
personally know who draw how many of you
have parents grandparents uncles aunts
cousins teachers friends who draw not a
lot I can guess and that in itself sends
a very big message they’re adults and
we’re just kids they must know better
and I’m not just talking adults but
society and a majority of the population
here if they don’t do it then it must be
wrong and that’s what I always thought
and that’s what we all think but let me
tell you a story
flashback to Grade three math class my
teacher had just asked us a question and
the choices were three plus nine or nine
plus three now I don’t know how those
two were different but at that time they
were I need a correct answer to be nine
plus three and when my teacher asked
those who thought three plus nine the
wrong answer to raise their hands my
classmate my seatmate he immediately
raised his hand with no hesitation and
when I saw his hand shoot up I started
doubting myself I mean it could be a
trick question math is always tricky so
at the spur of moment I raise my head
too and I was sitting at the very front
of the class so everyone saw me and at
that time I was a little infamous for
being good at maths so when everybody
saw me raise their hand we all started
raising the hand one by one and it
snowballed to such a degree that out of
40 people in the class guess how many
people raised their hands 39:39 people
raise their hands friend answer that was
obviously wrong and that one girl who
got the right answer
she got candy from the teacher and to a
bunch of 10 year olds that’s just
painful so being the confrontational
person that I was I confronted my
classmate after class how could you guys
be so stupid
the answer was obviously wrong and yet
they all decided to follow me what I’m
sorry but I was wrong too
and I will never forget her answer
because she told me Isabella we know
we’re stupid
that’s why we decided to follow you it’s
because you’re smart and don’t ever call
yourself stupid you just made a mistake
hey you know it never ceases to amaze me
sometimes ten year olds can be so smart
I was their standard I was the standard
and I was wrong our standards can be
wrong people can be wrong society can be
wrong even the most infallible can make
mistakes and even if they aren’t wrong
even if they’re right it doesn’t mean
that were wrong being different doesn’t
mean you’re wrong being different just
means that you’re different and
sometimes if being different is what it
takes to be right you just have to be
different now I won’t linger on that too
much
I’m gonna go to reason number two why
did I feel the need to hide well it’s
because I felt that I was alone it’s not
that I was a social pariah or anything I
did have friends but it’s just that I
could tell that they didn’t feel the
same way about it
as I did the same way about drawing as I
did it’s like you know when you read
this really good book it’s just so great
but you have to go and find someone to
talk to about it
and somehow you just can’t seem to find
anyone who’s read the same book it’s
like being the only person in the world
who watches Game of Thrones it’s just
sad and lonely and frustrating and after
a while you just stop telling people you
stop telling people because it’s sad
that something you like is treated with
mild interest and I don’t blame them
because for them it was just
think madly interesting and for the
longest time I felt truly alone
that was until grade five in grade five
I was seated in the very corner of the
classroom next to the two people who
would become my best friends they’re my
best friends
they loved drawing I loved drawing it
was an instant connection and I didn’t
have to shred my drawings anymore I
trusted them to keep it for me and the
best part was I could draw and I could
talk about going as much as I wanted as
long as I had them I wasn’t alone and I
knew what it felt like to be alone
so come graduation I told myself but I
never wanted to feel that way again I
never never never wanted to feel that
way again so I took a risk I applied to
UB College of Fine Arts and it was a big
risk only a handful of my batch mates
were going to UB and I could end up
lonelier than ever and you know I never
thought that I would find friends like
the one I had in st. Jude but again I
was wrong it was an entire college of
people who were interested in art I had
black mates I could talk to I had
professors I could talk to I had new
friends I could talk to the world of
drawing was just so much bigger than the
three of us in that small corner of the
classroom the world is so much bigger
than our families their world is so much
bigger than the people we know there are
there’s so much bigger outside st. Jude
Catholic school the world is so much
bigger than we think of this so yes
being lonely being different can be
lonely sometimes but you will never
truly be alone because somewhere out
there there are people just like you and
sometimes faith will bring it together
like a random sleeping arrangement but
sometimes you have to go out of your way
to find these people
so find these people because trust me
they make all the difference in the
world now I want to go to the last and
final
why did I feel the need to hide well
it’s because it’s not easy being
different it’s not easy you may be right
by being different but if people still
think you’re wrong then it doesn’t make
a difference you may have found a friend
or two but you still have the rest of
the world to go up against no matter how
many reasons I give you no matter how
many times people tell you that it’s
okay just be yourself
being afraid it’s just so freakin hard
people will be hard on you people will
hate you and people will hurt you it
hurts when people call you weird
it hurts some people say it’s just a
hobby hurts when people say it’s just a
face it hurts when you know you’ve
disappointed your family and your
friends and you can’t do anything about
it it hurts when society accuses you of
wasting a privileged life on something
they have been just unimportant it hurts
when people laugh at you for being
amazing and sometimes it hurts so much
that it’s better to just stop just stop
just stick to being plain old amazing
well I’m sure that many of us here are
hurting now but to those who are hurting
let me tell you this don’t stop don’t
give up don’t ever give up being
different it’s hard but you know what’s
hard hiding hiding behind a flimsy cheap
ass pin and that’s what I did the whole
time is sick dude and you know what I
don’t even use this pen anymore now that
I’m in college my pencil case may be
full of junk like for some reason a
popsicle stick with sandpaper on it and
my bag may be so loaded with all the
sketch pads I have to lug around but to
me it doesn’t feel one bit heavier
what I carry around isn’t junk it’s the
burden of freedom and it’s a burden I’m
only too happy to carry for the rest of
my life I’m happy everyone has this
burden on their shoulders but what
matters is not how you carry it but if
you choose to carry it so don’t give up
never give up and you know tell those
people tell those people who hurt you or
hate you or look at you with those eyes
tell them this don’t hate me
no one hate me because I’m weird crazy
or irrational don’t hate me because you
think I’m wrong don’t hate me because
you think I’m all alone don’t hate me
because I love my hobby and I love what
I do
don’t hate me because I’ve had to make
my own decisions decisions that aren’t
yours to make and decisions that are
very different from the ones you’ve had
to make don’t hate me because I’m not
like you don’t hate me because I can’t
be you don’t hate me because I’m not you
and I will never never be you because
I’m me I’m just me
and being me is all I ever can and will
do don’t hate me for being me I know you
may not understand me I know you may not
agree with me I know you may not even
like me but you can try you can try just
a little bit try just a little bit
harder try harder than you’ve ever tried
before try because the world could do
with a lot less heat
you
introduction because I don’t think a lot
of you know me my name is Isabella tan
I’m 19 years old I graduated batch 2015
and the I in Sabella stands for amazing
get it I amazing I know that’s really
corny but I’m sure that many of us here
have done many many many self
introductions before and you know
whenever we are told to say something
about ourselves our minds immediately
scramble to think of something different
something unique something crazy we all
want to say something that is
identifiably distinct but you know just
when you decide on something uniquely
crazy to say we always stop short of
actually saying it there is that
hesitation and in that hesitation we
usually end up saying something mildly
interesting maybe a little bit awkward
or sometimes even just boring we all
want to say something different but just
not too different and that’s what I’m
here to talk about today I’m here to
talk about being different but first I
want to introduce you all to my favorite
pen I have it here with me it’s just a
regular pen I bought this from Muji it’s
not the pen I can tell you that it’s
just a fan and yet it’s my favorite pen
why well it’s actually because it hides
a secret the secret is it’s not just the
pen but it’s a combination of a pen and
a pencil now we all know what I needed a
pen for I’m in high school but no class
except math required the use of a pencil
and although I did a lot of math
now did not make this my favorite pen so
what does the pencil for well the secret
is I love drawing not just love but I
truly love drawing I was a serial dude
layer if that’s even a word and this pen
helped me multitask between note-taking
and drawing and spell
I mean what’s more suspicious than
holding a bright yellow manga pencil in
Chinese class right and I did everything
and stuff no sketch pads no erasers
nothing of the soil this this pen helped
me hide my secret love for drawing but
those who knew me in high school and
know that I was never one for hiding or
secrets I was the kind of person who
always did what I wanted if I did like
something then I probably wouldn’t do it
if I did like you then you would see it
on my face
that’s if I didn’t tell it to your face
I was a terrible person yet and yet I
needed this pin to everyone
I was just me to everyone I was Sibella
tan but salutatorian oblation scholar
math genius hater of provence portsmouth
queen of throwing shade i and master of
being me and yet I needed this pen and I
love drawing you want to know what I do
with my drawings after I shred them into
oblivion I always drew on a separate
page of my notebook so that after class
I could tear it out so the my past
teachers if you notice that my notebooks
were thin then that’s probably because
he drew a lot in your class and I drew
in every class I’m telling you now I
drew it every class so why did I feel
the need to hide something like this
something that was a big part of me and
I thought about it for a while I thought
about it when I wasn’t
at school I thought about it when I was
writing the speech and I thought about
it every single time I used this pen and
through that thinking I came up with an
answer why does anyone feel the need to
hide why did I feel the need to hide
well firstly it’s because I felt that
what I was doing was wrong
think about it this way how many you
know people who draw professional
artists aside how many people do you
personally know who draw how many of you
have parents grandparents uncles aunts
cousins teachers friends who draw not a
lot I can guess and that in itself sends
a very big message they’re adults and
we’re just kids they must know better
and I’m not just talking adults but
society and a majority of the population
here if they don’t do it then it must be
wrong and that’s what I always thought
and that’s what we all think but let me
tell you a story
flashback to Grade three math class my
teacher had just asked us a question and
the choices were three plus nine or nine
plus three now I don’t know how those
two were different but at that time they
were I need a correct answer to be nine
plus three and when my teacher asked
those who thought three plus nine the
wrong answer to raise their hands my
classmate my seatmate he immediately
raised his hand with no hesitation and
when I saw his hand shoot up I started
doubting myself I mean it could be a
trick question math is always tricky so
at the spur of moment I raise my head
too and I was sitting at the very front
of the class so everyone saw me and at
that time I was a little infamous for
being good at maths so when everybody
saw me raise their hand we all started
raising the hand one by one and it
snowballed to such a degree that out of
40 people in the class guess how many
people raised their hands 39:39 people
raise their hands friend answer that was
obviously wrong and that one girl who
got the right answer
she got candy from the teacher and to a
bunch of 10 year olds that’s just
painful so being the confrontational
person that I was I confronted my
classmate after class how could you guys
be so stupid
the answer was obviously wrong and yet
they all decided to follow me what I’m
sorry but I was wrong too
and I will never forget her answer
because she told me Isabella we know
we’re stupid
that’s why we decided to follow you it’s
because you’re smart and don’t ever call
yourself stupid you just made a mistake
hey you know it never ceases to amaze me
sometimes ten year olds can be so smart
I was their standard I was the standard
and I was wrong our standards can be
wrong people can be wrong society can be
wrong even the most infallible can make
mistakes and even if they aren’t wrong
even if they’re right it doesn’t mean
that were wrong being different doesn’t
mean you’re wrong being different just
means that you’re different and
sometimes if being different is what it
takes to be right you just have to be
different now I won’t linger on that too
much
I’m gonna go to reason number two why
did I feel the need to hide well it’s
because I felt that I was alone it’s not
that I was a social pariah or anything I
did have friends but it’s just that I
could tell that they didn’t feel the
same way about it
as I did the same way about drawing as I
did it’s like you know when you read
this really good book it’s just so great
but you have to go and find someone to
talk to about it
and somehow you just can’t seem to find
anyone who’s read the same book it’s
like being the only person in the world
who watches Game of Thrones it’s just
sad and lonely and frustrating and after
a while you just stop telling people you
stop telling people because it’s sad
that something you like is treated with
mild interest and I don’t blame them
because for them it was just
think madly interesting and for the
longest time I felt truly alone
that was until grade five in grade five
I was seated in the very corner of the
classroom next to the two people who
would become my best friends they’re my
best friends
they loved drawing I loved drawing it
was an instant connection and I didn’t
have to shred my drawings anymore I
trusted them to keep it for me and the
best part was I could draw and I could
talk about going as much as I wanted as
long as I had them I wasn’t alone and I
knew what it felt like to be alone
so come graduation I told myself but I
never wanted to feel that way again I
never never never wanted to feel that
way again so I took a risk I applied to
UB College of Fine Arts and it was a big
risk only a handful of my batch mates
were going to UB and I could end up
lonelier than ever and you know I never
thought that I would find friends like
the one I had in st. Jude but again I
was wrong it was an entire college of
people who were interested in art I had
black mates I could talk to I had
professors I could talk to I had new
friends I could talk to the world of
drawing was just so much bigger than the
three of us in that small corner of the
classroom the world is so much bigger
than our families their world is so much
bigger than the people we know there are
there’s so much bigger outside st. Jude
Catholic school the world is so much
bigger than we think of this so yes
being lonely being different can be
lonely sometimes but you will never
truly be alone because somewhere out
there there are people just like you and
sometimes faith will bring it together
like a random sleeping arrangement but
sometimes you have to go out of your way
to find these people
so find these people because trust me
they make all the difference in the
world now I want to go to the last and
final
why did I feel the need to hide well
it’s because it’s not easy being
different it’s not easy you may be right
by being different but if people still
think you’re wrong then it doesn’t make
a difference you may have found a friend
or two but you still have the rest of
the world to go up against no matter how
many reasons I give you no matter how
many times people tell you that it’s
okay just be yourself
being afraid it’s just so freakin hard
people will be hard on you people will
hate you and people will hurt you it
hurts when people call you weird
it hurts some people say it’s just a
hobby hurts when people say it’s just a
face it hurts when you know you’ve
disappointed your family and your
friends and you can’t do anything about
it it hurts when society accuses you of
wasting a privileged life on something
they have been just unimportant it hurts
when people laugh at you for being
amazing and sometimes it hurts so much
that it’s better to just stop just stop
just stick to being plain old amazing
well I’m sure that many of us here are
hurting now but to those who are hurting
let me tell you this don’t stop don’t
give up don’t ever give up being
different it’s hard but you know what’s
hard hiding hiding behind a flimsy cheap
ass pin and that’s what I did the whole
time is sick dude and you know what I
don’t even use this pen anymore now that
I’m in college my pencil case may be
full of junk like for some reason a
popsicle stick with sandpaper on it and
my bag may be so loaded with all the
sketch pads I have to lug around but to
me it doesn’t feel one bit heavier
what I carry around isn’t junk it’s the
burden of freedom and it’s a burden I’m
only too happy to carry for the rest of
my life I’m happy everyone has this
burden on their shoulders but what
matters is not how you carry it but if
you choose to carry it so don’t give up
never give up and you know tell those
people tell those people who hurt you or
hate you or look at you with those eyes
tell them this don’t hate me
no one hate me because I’m weird crazy
or irrational don’t hate me because you
think I’m wrong don’t hate me because
you think I’m all alone don’t hate me
because I love my hobby and I love what
I do
don’t hate me because I’ve had to make
my own decisions decisions that aren’t
yours to make and decisions that are
very different from the ones you’ve had
to make don’t hate me because I’m not
like you don’t hate me because I can’t
be you don’t hate me because I’m not you
and I will never never be you because
I’m me I’m just me
and being me is all I ever can and will
do don’t hate me for being me I know you
may not understand me I know you may not
agree with me I know you may not even
like me but you can try you can try just
a little bit try just a little bit
harder try harder than you’ve ever tried
before try because the world could do
with a lot less heat
you
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