a couple weeks ago I had the ability to
go into a candlelight vigil where Utah
Peace House representative read names
off of the list 19 names were read off
of this list who were aged from 3 to 70
people of both sexes people of all races
people are gay and straight they were
educated and people who are not before
rich people who are poor and though
there may be high rates of domestic
violence in certain demographics
domestic violence is an issue pressing
on all of us but firstly what is
domestic violence it’s not exactly a
short definition though the National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence
defines it as quote the willful
intimidation physical and sexual abuse
as a pattern of power and control end
quote domestic violence is not just
physical and sexual it is physical
sexual emotional and mental abuse and
yes it is a pattern of power and control
it is the abuser imposing rule over the
victim it’s incredibly important to know
this definition when we start to
actualize the people who are affected
over 10 million men and women are
affected by domestic violence each year
and although our initial instinct may be
to put them in bar graphs and charts and
such we must actualize these people
individually because they all have
mental physical and emotional
capabilities just like you and me every
single one of them faces the impacts of
domestic violence which just in the
physical realm has been linked to an
increase in hypertension cancer and
other cardiovascular diseases so not
only our victims been abused by their
abuser but they are also subjected to
massive medical bills and massive
stresses which just add up and they
don’t just stop with the body the mental
effects are astronomical domestic
violence has been linked to an increase
in PTSD addictive behaviors and suicidal
behaviors I’ve seen this not only on the
National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence website but also in my own
domestic sphere because I’ve seen my
brother not only with hand marks around
his neck
but abuse substances free
I’ve seen my sister not only with
bruises on her body
talk about taking her own life and I’ve
seen my father not only with members too
harsh to share talk about how his wife
was worse than war he’s maybe the kid in
the back of the class is weird for a
reason maybe he doesn’t do his homework
because he’s hanging out with his
friends because he’s scared of spending
another 30 seconds around his parents
maybe he insists on going to a
parent-teacher conference night alone
because he doesn’t want his parent to
flash out maybe he doesn’t socialize in
class biz he’s scared that someone will
close his mouth maybe he doesn’t
participate and talks about virginity
with the other immaturity Springs
because he didn’t get to choose where he
lost his but be sure as hell his parents
did maybe he’s mad at the world because
his parents chose not to be around him
maybe he carries himself like his
friends more than his parents because
his parents didn’t do the parenting
because when you’re orphaned your
parents didn’t choose to leave you but
when they beat you be sure as hell they
chose that it doesn’t just stop with
parents when you’re shown that people
your own age
and the same capacity of hatred you
start to forget they have the same
capacity for love as well when your
brother is mimicking your parents so it
like that you can’t tell a difference in
the beatings that’s a perfect example if
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
when all four of your kids want to kill
themselves there’s a correlation but the
causation is just further up the
familial road so how the hell do we fix
this people are affected and infected in
a numerous amount of ways so what do we
do we’ve thrown money at the problem you
haven’t seen much difference we have
coalition’s and government actions so
something should be happening right not
exactly we’ve moved this into the realm
of a social issue we have stopped
working in tandem with the government to
try to minimize domestic violence we
have created a society where this is
allowed I agree with James Madison in
Federalist paper 10 when he says the
only way to get rid of interest groups
is to remove the causes and control the
effects the same can be said about
domestic violence though I agree for
both removing the causes always break
down this familia
cycle of abuse we currently subside in
this normalization of abuse we subside
in these harmful behaviors we subside
and laugh at jokes about victims we make
fun of them as if it’s okay so what we
must do is stop normalizing this
behavior when you flip on your TV and
you see Family Guy an 18 year running
show based off of cutaway jokes and harm
and you see Peter Griffin trying to kill
his kids in a new way
that’s normalization when you switch
over to Simpsons a 28 year old running
show with only the abuse part and you
allow that to the subside and abuse when
you flip on your radio and listen to the
love the way you lie performed in 2010
by rihanna and eminem hitting the top 10
charts in the US that’s the
normalization that i’m talking about and
it’s john it’s not just media I
understand that I’m sure you do as well
it’s all of us we don’t speak up and we
hear jokes being made we listen to these
songs we’ve watched these TV shows as if
they’re the best thing ever and sure we
can have great TV shows that don’t allow
for abuse and we can have great songs
that don’t normalize that behavior we
have to start doing that we can’t just
say that’s the next generations problem
next we can begin to control the effects
we can work in tandem with the
government the Violence Against Women
Act of 1994 diverted 1.6 billion dollars
towards the conviction of abusers though
often abuser moves from state to state
they won’t be prosecuted by the police
only prosecuted by courts me and they
need to be brought before them that’s
the police’s job you see the issue I
know that system too well because that’s
what my mother did she fled Utah and now
she’s walking around freely next we can
begin to listen to victims I understand
that might seem like a go happy lucky
solution or something like that but it’s
not just simply a a measly thing
listening to a victim can incredibly
help
the healing process though we must take
into account three major strategies when
we do so one actualize their age that
may sound weird but just treat the
person like the age they are if use an
incredibly soft voice trying to be as
comforting as possible with just your
voice they may come across as like this
four year old they may come across as
someone who does not understand that
people speak at a neutral tone you start
then they start to forget that they are
people as well and that can incredibly
slow the healing process secondly if
you’re going to hug them or hold their
hand and try to comfort them that way
ask first the victim was just subjected
to abuse without their consent so asking
for their consent can do a lot in the
healing process and lastly realize the
healing process isn’t instant it’s not
like they go to therapy and they’re
better therapy is needed to combat the
mental effects but therapy is can is
continuous the healing process is a
day-by-day assurance it never really
ends something else we can do to control
the effects you start to report domestic
violence more the National Coalition
Against Domestic Violence theorizes that
only 1% of cases of domestic violence
are actually reported this is incredibly
important to go ahead and actualize if
we don’t then we realize that victims of
domestic violence may be victimized
multiple times or multiple people may be
of being abused though those cases
aren’t being reported and those abusers
aren’t facing justice my hypothesis when
white people are hiding their stories
because we’ve cultivated a society where
it’s not okay to talk about that
we’re considered a soft wimp you talk
about your experiences or your defined
by your experiences not by your moral
character we’ve created a society where
that it’s not okay so as people we must
go ahead and move our society to a side
a society of acceptance where we do not
define people home about what has
happened to them but about who they are
and lastly before I leave you I want to
reference some of those stories I told
you about
I’m a 74 year old grandmother has not
seen her grandson in years because I am
scared of him I’m a middle-aged father
who stays in a motel because I’m scared
of what my wife will do to me I’m the
girlfriend who got thrown into a ditch
and shot by my boyfriend I’m the son of
an immigrant family who transitioned
their childhood onto me I am a victim of
domestic violence and I’m not going
anywhere
[Applause]
go into a candlelight vigil where Utah
Peace House representative read names
off of the list 19 names were read off
of this list who were aged from 3 to 70
people of both sexes people of all races
people are gay and straight they were
educated and people who are not before
rich people who are poor and though
there may be high rates of domestic
violence in certain demographics
domestic violence is an issue pressing
on all of us but firstly what is
domestic violence it’s not exactly a
short definition though the National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence
defines it as quote the willful
intimidation physical and sexual abuse
as a pattern of power and control end
quote domestic violence is not just
physical and sexual it is physical
sexual emotional and mental abuse and
yes it is a pattern of power and control
it is the abuser imposing rule over the
victim it’s incredibly important to know
this definition when we start to
actualize the people who are affected
over 10 million men and women are
affected by domestic violence each year
and although our initial instinct may be
to put them in bar graphs and charts and
such we must actualize these people
individually because they all have
mental physical and emotional
capabilities just like you and me every
single one of them faces the impacts of
domestic violence which just in the
physical realm has been linked to an
increase in hypertension cancer and
other cardiovascular diseases so not
only our victims been abused by their
abuser but they are also subjected to
massive medical bills and massive
stresses which just add up and they
don’t just stop with the body the mental
effects are astronomical domestic
violence has been linked to an increase
in PTSD addictive behaviors and suicidal
behaviors I’ve seen this not only on the
National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence website but also in my own
domestic sphere because I’ve seen my
brother not only with hand marks around
his neck
but abuse substances free
I’ve seen my sister not only with
bruises on her body
talk about taking her own life and I’ve
seen my father not only with members too
harsh to share talk about how his wife
was worse than war he’s maybe the kid in
the back of the class is weird for a
reason maybe he doesn’t do his homework
because he’s hanging out with his
friends because he’s scared of spending
another 30 seconds around his parents
maybe he insists on going to a
parent-teacher conference night alone
because he doesn’t want his parent to
flash out maybe he doesn’t socialize in
class biz he’s scared that someone will
close his mouth maybe he doesn’t
participate and talks about virginity
with the other immaturity Springs
because he didn’t get to choose where he
lost his but be sure as hell his parents
did maybe he’s mad at the world because
his parents chose not to be around him
maybe he carries himself like his
friends more than his parents because
his parents didn’t do the parenting
because when you’re orphaned your
parents didn’t choose to leave you but
when they beat you be sure as hell they
chose that it doesn’t just stop with
parents when you’re shown that people
your own age
and the same capacity of hatred you
start to forget they have the same
capacity for love as well when your
brother is mimicking your parents so it
like that you can’t tell a difference in
the beatings that’s a perfect example if
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
when all four of your kids want to kill
themselves there’s a correlation but the
causation is just further up the
familial road so how the hell do we fix
this people are affected and infected in
a numerous amount of ways so what do we
do we’ve thrown money at the problem you
haven’t seen much difference we have
coalition’s and government actions so
something should be happening right not
exactly we’ve moved this into the realm
of a social issue we have stopped
working in tandem with the government to
try to minimize domestic violence we
have created a society where this is
allowed I agree with James Madison in
Federalist paper 10 when he says the
only way to get rid of interest groups
is to remove the causes and control the
effects the same can be said about
domestic violence though I agree for
both removing the causes always break
down this familia
cycle of abuse we currently subside in
this normalization of abuse we subside
in these harmful behaviors we subside
and laugh at jokes about victims we make
fun of them as if it’s okay so what we
must do is stop normalizing this
behavior when you flip on your TV and
you see Family Guy an 18 year running
show based off of cutaway jokes and harm
and you see Peter Griffin trying to kill
his kids in a new way
that’s normalization when you switch
over to Simpsons a 28 year old running
show with only the abuse part and you
allow that to the subside and abuse when
you flip on your radio and listen to the
love the way you lie performed in 2010
by rihanna and eminem hitting the top 10
charts in the US that’s the
normalization that i’m talking about and
it’s john it’s not just media I
understand that I’m sure you do as well
it’s all of us we don’t speak up and we
hear jokes being made we listen to these
songs we’ve watched these TV shows as if
they’re the best thing ever and sure we
can have great TV shows that don’t allow
for abuse and we can have great songs
that don’t normalize that behavior we
have to start doing that we can’t just
say that’s the next generations problem
next we can begin to control the effects
we can work in tandem with the
government the Violence Against Women
Act of 1994 diverted 1.6 billion dollars
towards the conviction of abusers though
often abuser moves from state to state
they won’t be prosecuted by the police
only prosecuted by courts me and they
need to be brought before them that’s
the police’s job you see the issue I
know that system too well because that’s
what my mother did she fled Utah and now
she’s walking around freely next we can
begin to listen to victims I understand
that might seem like a go happy lucky
solution or something like that but it’s
not just simply a a measly thing
listening to a victim can incredibly
help
the healing process though we must take
into account three major strategies when
we do so one actualize their age that
may sound weird but just treat the
person like the age they are if use an
incredibly soft voice trying to be as
comforting as possible with just your
voice they may come across as like this
four year old they may come across as
someone who does not understand that
people speak at a neutral tone you start
then they start to forget that they are
people as well and that can incredibly
slow the healing process secondly if
you’re going to hug them or hold their
hand and try to comfort them that way
ask first the victim was just subjected
to abuse without their consent so asking
for their consent can do a lot in the
healing process and lastly realize the
healing process isn’t instant it’s not
like they go to therapy and they’re
better therapy is needed to combat the
mental effects but therapy is can is
continuous the healing process is a
day-by-day assurance it never really
ends something else we can do to control
the effects you start to report domestic
violence more the National Coalition
Against Domestic Violence theorizes that
only 1% of cases of domestic violence
are actually reported this is incredibly
important to go ahead and actualize if
we don’t then we realize that victims of
domestic violence may be victimized
multiple times or multiple people may be
of being abused though those cases
aren’t being reported and those abusers
aren’t facing justice my hypothesis when
white people are hiding their stories
because we’ve cultivated a society where
it’s not okay to talk about that
we’re considered a soft wimp you talk
about your experiences or your defined
by your experiences not by your moral
character we’ve created a society where
that it’s not okay so as people we must
go ahead and move our society to a side
a society of acceptance where we do not
define people home about what has
happened to them but about who they are
and lastly before I leave you I want to
reference some of those stories I told
you about
I’m a 74 year old grandmother has not
seen her grandson in years because I am
scared of him I’m a middle-aged father
who stays in a motel because I’m scared
of what my wife will do to me I’m the
girlfriend who got thrown into a ditch
and shot by my boyfriend I’m the son of
an immigrant family who transitioned
their childhood onto me I am a victim of
domestic violence and I’m not going
anywhere
[Applause]
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