[Music]
let me start by asking you the following
question who are you
yes and I mean I know that you’re aware
of your name but what do you tell people
when you meet them you tell them your
resume you tell them something personal
what do you share in my work I
experienced that three out of four
people don’t have a clue of who they are
and I can almost see you thinking right
I’m not one of those three well maybe
you know me through sports a judoka a
fighting machine
totally not being myself or maybe you
know me through expedition always home
running around in a bikini
totally not being myself or maybe some
of you know me through my work i guide
people living my passion being myself my
goal is that in the end of this talk you
know what kind of questions you need to
ask yourself to become closer to your
true self but first I want to take you
on my journey how did I become that
fighting machine how did I lose the real
me well I grew up in then Helder does
anybody know what kind of town an elder
is except it’s the end of the world
right yes well then he’ll there is a
small Navy town where there’s lots of
wind and a boat to catch I grew up with
a father being a Navy officer my father
was away most of the time in the first
ten years of my life and when my father
was at home he didn’t do well with
emotions so what happened when I was a
little girl and I started to cry he
always looked at me and he was like what
are you doing why are you crying how
does that help you plus the solution for
the problem I was having at that time
and as a child you would do anything for
love and you want to make your parents
happy so what did I do as the little
girl I looked up to my father and I was
like okay I’m gonna be perfect I’m gonna
be strong that’s what I started doing in
every aspect of my life in school but
also in the sport that I practiced which
was judo and what started off as
playfully learning how to do judo soon
became a quest in being the best it was
all about winning and losing well not so
much the losing part because I really
hated losing and when I lost I got
really grumpy at age 16 I qualified for
the World Championships in the junior
division and I remember it all too well
before I left to Portugal my parents
said to me well just enjoy the ride and
have fun fun fun I’m not there to have
fun I’m there to collect gold and so I
did and when I came home I told my
mother this is what I want to do when I
grow up I want to be the best in the
world in judo at age 19 I qualified for
my first Olympic Games in Sydney didn’t
get a medal over there which to me was
like a complete failure but hey I worked
harder and harder and four years later
Olympic Games in Athens I made it to the
final I was ahead and there were two
minutes left on the clock
then there was a stop in the fight I
walked back to my place my heart was
pounding and I thought in a split second
if I keep this up I could write history
I could be Olympic champion and the
moment I walked up to my Japanese
opponent she threw me for a pawn bomb
there I was I lost and my world
collapsed I didn’t want to think about
it
I just kept on working harder and harder
and the year after I became world
champion
world champion was yeah but was I happy
no I wasn’t happy I was relieved that I
finally lived up to my own expectations
or at least a little bit at age 28
I got stuck if you looked at me on the
outside I had the perfect life I mean
had only Big Meadow
I was world champion I had a handsome
boyfriend we had a big house
I had a bachelor degree and sweet family
and friends and I was unhappy but what
do you do as a perfectionist I would
never tell anyone I mean it would be a
complete failure so I walked around
ashamed and I kept on working my ass off
to be perfect at age 30 my family and
friends decided to throw me a party it
was a dress-up party I look like a
princess with a tiara and the limousine
took me to the party I was there and the
moment I walked in I saw all my friends
and family they were chatting they were
having fun some of them were dancing and
I just had the feeling that I walked
into my worst nightmare I immediately
started drinking and as an athlete my
alcohol tolerance was like zero yeah so
I got drunk really really fast
and what do they say about drunk people
yes they start telling the truth right
yes so I did my boyfriend took me to
some kind of suite with champagne I
walked in I didn’t even see it and at
one point he looked at me and he said
what’s going on I don’t recognize you
anymore and what did I do when somebody
questioned me I always started fighting
that’s what I knew so we argued and we
quarreled and then his words hit
he said now I have the feeling you don’t
love me anymore that was the moment that
I couldn’t say anything I just started
to cry I looked at him and I said I
don’t know I don’t feel it and I don’t
feel it with you I don’t feel it in
every aspect of my life
the next day I told my sister she got
really angry and she said to me if
you’re still not happy and you have all
these things it’s time that you take a
good look in the mirror this is not the
rest of the world it’s you people it was
the day that I found out that I wasn’t
perfect in fact I wasn’t myself at all
but who was I I really didn’t know the
only thing I knew is there needed to be
a change so I did what i found most
difficult to do I asked somebody to help
me
[Applause]
I found a person who didn’t know me my
world and was able to guide me the funny
thing is I had the first meeting with my
life coach and I just told him my story
and I looked at him and I said give me
some solutions like give me the Stephen
Kofi book the seven rules a goal to
achieve and then tell ah I would be
happy but it was completely different
there were no shortcuts the day I found
out that becoming yourself is a life
process and that there is no goal to
achieve just to live through your
process it made me cry it was a slow and
at times really hard process becoming
aware of my behavior what I was doing
all the time which made me aware of my
patterns and you must know you develop
your behavior and your patterns in the
first 10 years of your life so you form
yourself in the family you grow up
remember I told you about Den Helder and
about my father so you can imagine that
I developed behavior and patterns to
stop crying
and having emotions and it’s quite a
journey to take a deep look inside
yourself I found things about myself
that I really didn’t like but they’re
also part of me I know that everyone has
things they don’t like about themselves
but the key to success is to accept that
there are certain things you can’t
change and the most important is don’t
resist it don’t find it or ignore it the
only thing it wants is attention and
it’s that feeling that is telling you
something so what did I discover well I
discovered that I’m a sweet sensitive
really soft woman yes
and that I’m perfect the way that I am
with all my imperfections and it’s an
open door but there is a huge difference
in saying that you are okay with your
imperfections or really feel that you
are okay with it and because I know
better now Who I am it’s easier to make
decisions and stay true to myself if you
know who you are you don’t have to live
up to somebody’s expectations or your
vision of their expectations and what I
already said life discovering yourself
is a life process so you will keep on
discovering things you don’t know about
yourself two years later I was at my
parents house I was in the kitchen I was
crying because I was sad my father
walked into the kitchen what are you
doing why are you crying and I looked at
him with it yeah I’m crying because I’m
sad how does that help you and then I
said or he said something that made me
really proud he said you know I’m not
good at this stuff
and I looked at him and I said dad it’s
okay you don’t have to do anything with
it these are my emotions I’m sad and I
think I’m allowed to cry with my parents
and then he said okay okay just stay
here I will get your mom he walked away
and I laughed yes well so if people ask
me what I’m most proud of it’s not the
medals it’s that I became aware of Who I
am and I invite you to take a deep look
at yourself
look in the mirror feel what you’re
feeling because your feeling is telling
you something and do you take yourself
seriously ask yourself questions what is
my story Who am I and what do I want ask
these questions over over and over again
thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
let me start by asking you the following
question who are you
yes and I mean I know that you’re aware
of your name but what do you tell people
when you meet them you tell them your
resume you tell them something personal
what do you share in my work I
experienced that three out of four
people don’t have a clue of who they are
and I can almost see you thinking right
I’m not one of those three well maybe
you know me through sports a judoka a
fighting machine
totally not being myself or maybe you
know me through expedition always home
running around in a bikini
totally not being myself or maybe some
of you know me through my work i guide
people living my passion being myself my
goal is that in the end of this talk you
know what kind of questions you need to
ask yourself to become closer to your
true self but first I want to take you
on my journey how did I become that
fighting machine how did I lose the real
me well I grew up in then Helder does
anybody know what kind of town an elder
is except it’s the end of the world
right yes well then he’ll there is a
small Navy town where there’s lots of
wind and a boat to catch I grew up with
a father being a Navy officer my father
was away most of the time in the first
ten years of my life and when my father
was at home he didn’t do well with
emotions so what happened when I was a
little girl and I started to cry he
always looked at me and he was like what
are you doing why are you crying how
does that help you plus the solution for
the problem I was having at that time
and as a child you would do anything for
love and you want to make your parents
happy so what did I do as the little
girl I looked up to my father and I was
like okay I’m gonna be perfect I’m gonna
be strong that’s what I started doing in
every aspect of my life in school but
also in the sport that I practiced which
was judo and what started off as
playfully learning how to do judo soon
became a quest in being the best it was
all about winning and losing well not so
much the losing part because I really
hated losing and when I lost I got
really grumpy at age 16 I qualified for
the World Championships in the junior
division and I remember it all too well
before I left to Portugal my parents
said to me well just enjoy the ride and
have fun fun fun I’m not there to have
fun I’m there to collect gold and so I
did and when I came home I told my
mother this is what I want to do when I
grow up I want to be the best in the
world in judo at age 19 I qualified for
my first Olympic Games in Sydney didn’t
get a medal over there which to me was
like a complete failure but hey I worked
harder and harder and four years later
Olympic Games in Athens I made it to the
final I was ahead and there were two
minutes left on the clock
then there was a stop in the fight I
walked back to my place my heart was
pounding and I thought in a split second
if I keep this up I could write history
I could be Olympic champion and the
moment I walked up to my Japanese
opponent she threw me for a pawn bomb
there I was I lost and my world
collapsed I didn’t want to think about
it
I just kept on working harder and harder
and the year after I became world
champion
world champion was yeah but was I happy
no I wasn’t happy I was relieved that I
finally lived up to my own expectations
or at least a little bit at age 28
I got stuck if you looked at me on the
outside I had the perfect life I mean
had only Big Meadow
I was world champion I had a handsome
boyfriend we had a big house
I had a bachelor degree and sweet family
and friends and I was unhappy but what
do you do as a perfectionist I would
never tell anyone I mean it would be a
complete failure so I walked around
ashamed and I kept on working my ass off
to be perfect at age 30 my family and
friends decided to throw me a party it
was a dress-up party I look like a
princess with a tiara and the limousine
took me to the party I was there and the
moment I walked in I saw all my friends
and family they were chatting they were
having fun some of them were dancing and
I just had the feeling that I walked
into my worst nightmare I immediately
started drinking and as an athlete my
alcohol tolerance was like zero yeah so
I got drunk really really fast
and what do they say about drunk people
yes they start telling the truth right
yes so I did my boyfriend took me to
some kind of suite with champagne I
walked in I didn’t even see it and at
one point he looked at me and he said
what’s going on I don’t recognize you
anymore and what did I do when somebody
questioned me I always started fighting
that’s what I knew so we argued and we
quarreled and then his words hit
he said now I have the feeling you don’t
love me anymore that was the moment that
I couldn’t say anything I just started
to cry I looked at him and I said I
don’t know I don’t feel it and I don’t
feel it with you I don’t feel it in
every aspect of my life
the next day I told my sister she got
really angry and she said to me if
you’re still not happy and you have all
these things it’s time that you take a
good look in the mirror this is not the
rest of the world it’s you people it was
the day that I found out that I wasn’t
perfect in fact I wasn’t myself at all
but who was I I really didn’t know the
only thing I knew is there needed to be
a change so I did what i found most
difficult to do I asked somebody to help
me
[Applause]
I found a person who didn’t know me my
world and was able to guide me the funny
thing is I had the first meeting with my
life coach and I just told him my story
and I looked at him and I said give me
some solutions like give me the Stephen
Kofi book the seven rules a goal to
achieve and then tell ah I would be
happy but it was completely different
there were no shortcuts the day I found
out that becoming yourself is a life
process and that there is no goal to
achieve just to live through your
process it made me cry it was a slow and
at times really hard process becoming
aware of my behavior what I was doing
all the time which made me aware of my
patterns and you must know you develop
your behavior and your patterns in the
first 10 years of your life so you form
yourself in the family you grow up
remember I told you about Den Helder and
about my father so you can imagine that
I developed behavior and patterns to
stop crying
and having emotions and it’s quite a
journey to take a deep look inside
yourself I found things about myself
that I really didn’t like but they’re
also part of me I know that everyone has
things they don’t like about themselves
but the key to success is to accept that
there are certain things you can’t
change and the most important is don’t
resist it don’t find it or ignore it the
only thing it wants is attention and
it’s that feeling that is telling you
something so what did I discover well I
discovered that I’m a sweet sensitive
really soft woman yes
and that I’m perfect the way that I am
with all my imperfections and it’s an
open door but there is a huge difference
in saying that you are okay with your
imperfections or really feel that you
are okay with it and because I know
better now Who I am it’s easier to make
decisions and stay true to myself if you
know who you are you don’t have to live
up to somebody’s expectations or your
vision of their expectations and what I
already said life discovering yourself
is a life process so you will keep on
discovering things you don’t know about
yourself two years later I was at my
parents house I was in the kitchen I was
crying because I was sad my father
walked into the kitchen what are you
doing why are you crying and I looked at
him with it yeah I’m crying because I’m
sad how does that help you and then I
said or he said something that made me
really proud he said you know I’m not
good at this stuff
and I looked at him and I said dad it’s
okay you don’t have to do anything with
it these are my emotions I’m sad and I
think I’m allowed to cry with my parents
and then he said okay okay just stay
here I will get your mom he walked away
and I laughed yes well so if people ask
me what I’m most proud of it’s not the
medals it’s that I became aware of Who I
am and I invite you to take a deep look
at yourself
look in the mirror feel what you’re
feeling because your feeling is telling
you something and do you take yourself
seriously ask yourself questions what is
my story Who am I and what do I want ask
these questions over over and over again
thank you
[Applause]
you
[Applause]
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