I met up with a friend recently who was
feeling somewhat stressed tired and
despondent I’m three days behind on my
life she told me what does that mean I
asked her I need three more days she
said three clear days to catch up with
myself but the problem is I can’t find
those three days I know that feeling I
told her no no no you don’t understand
she said at the start of the year I was
already three days behind on my life now
fast forward 10 months I’m still three
days behind on my life I’ve had 287 days
to find these three days and I haven’t
been able to I really know that feeling
I told her no no no she said you really
don’t understand
I’ve always been three days behind in my
life it’s not just this year it was last
year and the year before that and all
through my 40s and all through my 30s
and as I was listening to my friend I
had this epiphany like a whopping
epiphany like a proper bonafide a
Epiphany one of those epiphanies that I
don’t normally have and this is what I
said to her maybe you were born three
maybe she said but it’s not much of a
solution is it Robert no I said so I was
my mother and father’s firstborn child
and my mother’s labor was the shortest
in history at that hospital for which
she has thanked me many times over the
years and it’s just a theory but I think
I was born with fast genes right from
the beginning I had this desperate urge
to get going
maximum haste full speed ahead
a racing mind chasing something just out
there in front of me so as I continued
to talk with my friend I introduced her
to the topic of destination addiction
destination addiction is a term I coined
a few years back to describe a
compulsive behavior fueled by an
erroneous belief that happiness is
somewhere else over there at the next
stop in your life and here’s what I’ve
learned about that until you give up the
idea that happiness is somewhere else
you’ll never really be happy where you
are now you know when you’re suffering
from destination addiction because you
tell yourself and everybody else that
you’re getting there how’s it going your
friends ask
I’m getting there you tell them well
done they say they don’t ask you which
there or where there is they just tell
you you’re doing very very well and that
seems to be the way of things with
destination addiction so you’re always
looking for happiness over there
success is at the end of the rainbow
enlightenment is in the next meditation
and heaven is in the Hereafter and as a
result we are psychologically absent
because we’re not here
we’re always preoccupied with getting
through the day rather than actually
being in the day and we’re constantly
striving but we’re never arriving and
most of all we never get to tell our
friends I’ve got there with destination
addiction
you’re always fast-forwarding you live
your life fast but are you living it
well sociologists would tell us that we
have speeded up our lives we’re doing
everything faster than ever before we’re
living in a manic society in which the
pursuit of happiness has speeded up and
yet the faster we chase happiness the
longer the chase seems to be we’re doing
business at the speed of thought so to
speak and yet we have no time to stop
and think about what our real work is
and what our true purpose is we’re so
busy chasing success that we rarely have
enough time to enjoy our lives and we’re
looking for love in all the wrong places
in the manic Society we’re a little bit
like the white rabbit the white rabbit
that’s late very late for an important
fete a date with destiny the philosopher
Rolo Mae said it is an ironic habit of
human beings to run faster when they’re
lost with destination addiction you’re
living in the not now ever since the
beginning of time the philosophers the
sages the priests the ministers the
mystics the poets
have all told us that now is our best
chance for happiness they have all
encouraged us to seize this day to
embrace this moment and to be here now
and for the most part we completely and
utterly agree with them
we really do plan to live in the now
very soon we really are going to live in
the now once we’ve got there the thing
is we’re just waiting for a better now
you see we can’t help but feel that our
now isn’t quite as interesting as
Eckhart Tolle’s now or that our now
isn’t quite as spiritual as the Dalai
Lama’s now or that our now isn’t as
exciting as Lady Gaga’s now so we’re
waiting just a little bit to see if
there might be a better now that might
come along with destination addiction we
turn now into a stepping stone to get to
somewhere else
every now becomes a passing moment and
if we’re not careful now our life’s
going to pass us by with destination
addiction we’re always running on empty
we’re always in sacrifice we’re always
really trading in here for there this
for that now for what’s next and we are
absolutely focused in on that next to
the point what that even when we go on a
holiday we’re thinking about the next
holiday everything’s about what’s coming
next in our career path it’s about the
next promotion or it’s the next job or
it’s about the next milestone the next
achievement the next book the next album
whatever it is it’s always something
next the next zipcode perhaps and we’re
so focused on this next that all the
while as I say our life is passing us by
and we promised ourselves that
next year is going to be different but
it isn’t because destination addiction
really is an addiction and all the while
we’re like this rolling stone that can’t
find its satisfaction we are if you like
missing out on the joy of slow
there’s no slow no the time just be able
to take that time truly to enjoy the
life as it’s actually happening and as a
result it’s all Chronos and not Kairos
there’s no eternal moment for us to
enjoy and we’re running out of time it’s
also non-stop it’s also repetitive and
compulsive and yet we must stop why
because if we don’t stop we’re never
going to get there there are two types
of stopping there’s voluntary stopping
and involuntary stopping a good example
of voluntary stopping is what Siddhartha
did Siddhartha had been chasing
enlightenment for many many years he had
walked the path of austerity of
sacrifice and of suffering and of
searching and after a while he just
stopped he stopped under the Bodhi tree
in BO gaya on a place that became known
as the immovable spot and here having
given up the chase
having let go of the search he found the
enlightenment that he was looking for
that’s a really enlightened way to do it
that’s a voluntary stop an involuntary
stop that’s something else that’s
usually down to a life event that’s
something often to do with some sort of
a health episode maybe like a broke
toe or a migraine or maybe even a slip
disc a slip disc was what happened to me
a few years back
it started as like a light pain just
here in the base of my spine but of
course they didn’t stop I just kept
going and that light pain then turned
into an ache and eventually something
like a bee sting but I still didn’t stop
and I still didn’t make an appointment
with the doctor I just kept going until
I came to an absolute halt my back
jammed and I literally wasn’t able to
move and actually for the next three
months or so
I wasn’t evil even able to walk up the
stairs in my own home so I really
couldn’t go anywhere and I really
couldn’t do anything after about three
months I was issued with a walking stick
which was a great thing and over the
next few weeks I learned to walk again
and I think I also learned to live again
it was in that time that I asked a
friend to design for me my watch and
this watch looks like any other sort of
a watch really except if you saw it more
closely and you see instead of it saying
1 2 3 4 5 6 all the way around to 12 it
just says now now now now now now now
now all the way around to now and right
there in the middle it says happiness in
those six months or so I found my three
days the three days that I thought I was
always behind on in my life – and I
found them right there like the prodigal
son I think we all have to return to now
if we really are going to live a life
that we truly love we have to be willing
to give now and
the chance a successful life can only
ever be the one we’re living now we can
have all of the great dreams and the
beautiful futures and everything like
that waiting there for us in our mind
but this is it this is where it’s
happening so a happy life also can only
ever be the one that we’re living now
our job I believe is to be able to give
now another chance and to see that
somehow now is an invitation to give up
the search for happiness one of the
spiritual practices that really saved my
life I think was that I started to ask
myself how I could cultivate a more
lovely relationship with now and I would
ask myself that question over and over
again how could I make how could I have
a more lovely relationship with now
today how could I somehow give now even
more of a chance and I found as I gave
now more of a chance it did become more
interesting it did become more spiritual
and it also became a lot more exciting
along the way so it turns out I think
that the real destination of our life
isn’t about getting there it’s about
being here and as for the future I think
we’ll enjoy it fully because we decided
to be here first and to be here now
thank you very much
[Applause] [Music]
feeling somewhat stressed tired and
despondent I’m three days behind on my
life she told me what does that mean I
asked her I need three more days she
said three clear days to catch up with
myself but the problem is I can’t find
those three days I know that feeling I
told her no no no you don’t understand
she said at the start of the year I was
already three days behind on my life now
fast forward 10 months I’m still three
days behind on my life I’ve had 287 days
to find these three days and I haven’t
been able to I really know that feeling
I told her no no no she said you really
don’t understand
I’ve always been three days behind in my
life it’s not just this year it was last
year and the year before that and all
through my 40s and all through my 30s
and as I was listening to my friend I
had this epiphany like a whopping
epiphany like a proper bonafide a
Epiphany one of those epiphanies that I
don’t normally have and this is what I
said to her maybe you were born three
maybe she said but it’s not much of a
solution is it Robert no I said so I was
my mother and father’s firstborn child
and my mother’s labor was the shortest
in history at that hospital for which
she has thanked me many times over the
years and it’s just a theory but I think
I was born with fast genes right from
the beginning I had this desperate urge
to get going
maximum haste full speed ahead
a racing mind chasing something just out
there in front of me so as I continued
to talk with my friend I introduced her
to the topic of destination addiction
destination addiction is a term I coined
a few years back to describe a
compulsive behavior fueled by an
erroneous belief that happiness is
somewhere else over there at the next
stop in your life and here’s what I’ve
learned about that until you give up the
idea that happiness is somewhere else
you’ll never really be happy where you
are now you know when you’re suffering
from destination addiction because you
tell yourself and everybody else that
you’re getting there how’s it going your
friends ask
I’m getting there you tell them well
done they say they don’t ask you which
there or where there is they just tell
you you’re doing very very well and that
seems to be the way of things with
destination addiction so you’re always
looking for happiness over there
success is at the end of the rainbow
enlightenment is in the next meditation
and heaven is in the Hereafter and as a
result we are psychologically absent
because we’re not here
we’re always preoccupied with getting
through the day rather than actually
being in the day and we’re constantly
striving but we’re never arriving and
most of all we never get to tell our
friends I’ve got there with destination
addiction
you’re always fast-forwarding you live
your life fast but are you living it
well sociologists would tell us that we
have speeded up our lives we’re doing
everything faster than ever before we’re
living in a manic society in which the
pursuit of happiness has speeded up and
yet the faster we chase happiness the
longer the chase seems to be we’re doing
business at the speed of thought so to
speak and yet we have no time to stop
and think about what our real work is
and what our true purpose is we’re so
busy chasing success that we rarely have
enough time to enjoy our lives and we’re
looking for love in all the wrong places
in the manic Society we’re a little bit
like the white rabbit the white rabbit
that’s late very late for an important
fete a date with destiny the philosopher
Rolo Mae said it is an ironic habit of
human beings to run faster when they’re
lost with destination addiction you’re
living in the not now ever since the
beginning of time the philosophers the
sages the priests the ministers the
mystics the poets
have all told us that now is our best
chance for happiness they have all
encouraged us to seize this day to
embrace this moment and to be here now
and for the most part we completely and
utterly agree with them
we really do plan to live in the now
very soon we really are going to live in
the now once we’ve got there the thing
is we’re just waiting for a better now
you see we can’t help but feel that our
now isn’t quite as interesting as
Eckhart Tolle’s now or that our now
isn’t quite as spiritual as the Dalai
Lama’s now or that our now isn’t as
exciting as Lady Gaga’s now so we’re
waiting just a little bit to see if
there might be a better now that might
come along with destination addiction we
turn now into a stepping stone to get to
somewhere else
every now becomes a passing moment and
if we’re not careful now our life’s
going to pass us by with destination
addiction we’re always running on empty
we’re always in sacrifice we’re always
really trading in here for there this
for that now for what’s next and we are
absolutely focused in on that next to
the point what that even when we go on a
holiday we’re thinking about the next
holiday everything’s about what’s coming
next in our career path it’s about the
next promotion or it’s the next job or
it’s about the next milestone the next
achievement the next book the next album
whatever it is it’s always something
next the next zipcode perhaps and we’re
so focused on this next that all the
while as I say our life is passing us by
and we promised ourselves that
next year is going to be different but
it isn’t because destination addiction
really is an addiction and all the while
we’re like this rolling stone that can’t
find its satisfaction we are if you like
missing out on the joy of slow
there’s no slow no the time just be able
to take that time truly to enjoy the
life as it’s actually happening and as a
result it’s all Chronos and not Kairos
there’s no eternal moment for us to
enjoy and we’re running out of time it’s
also non-stop it’s also repetitive and
compulsive and yet we must stop why
because if we don’t stop we’re never
going to get there there are two types
of stopping there’s voluntary stopping
and involuntary stopping a good example
of voluntary stopping is what Siddhartha
did Siddhartha had been chasing
enlightenment for many many years he had
walked the path of austerity of
sacrifice and of suffering and of
searching and after a while he just
stopped he stopped under the Bodhi tree
in BO gaya on a place that became known
as the immovable spot and here having
given up the chase
having let go of the search he found the
enlightenment that he was looking for
that’s a really enlightened way to do it
that’s a voluntary stop an involuntary
stop that’s something else that’s
usually down to a life event that’s
something often to do with some sort of
a health episode maybe like a broke
toe or a migraine or maybe even a slip
disc a slip disc was what happened to me
a few years back
it started as like a light pain just
here in the base of my spine but of
course they didn’t stop I just kept
going and that light pain then turned
into an ache and eventually something
like a bee sting but I still didn’t stop
and I still didn’t make an appointment
with the doctor I just kept going until
I came to an absolute halt my back
jammed and I literally wasn’t able to
move and actually for the next three
months or so
I wasn’t evil even able to walk up the
stairs in my own home so I really
couldn’t go anywhere and I really
couldn’t do anything after about three
months I was issued with a walking stick
which was a great thing and over the
next few weeks I learned to walk again
and I think I also learned to live again
it was in that time that I asked a
friend to design for me my watch and
this watch looks like any other sort of
a watch really except if you saw it more
closely and you see instead of it saying
1 2 3 4 5 6 all the way around to 12 it
just says now now now now now now now
now all the way around to now and right
there in the middle it says happiness in
those six months or so I found my three
days the three days that I thought I was
always behind on in my life – and I
found them right there like the prodigal
son I think we all have to return to now
if we really are going to live a life
that we truly love we have to be willing
to give now and
the chance a successful life can only
ever be the one we’re living now we can
have all of the great dreams and the
beautiful futures and everything like
that waiting there for us in our mind
but this is it this is where it’s
happening so a happy life also can only
ever be the one that we’re living now
our job I believe is to be able to give
now another chance and to see that
somehow now is an invitation to give up
the search for happiness one of the
spiritual practices that really saved my
life I think was that I started to ask
myself how I could cultivate a more
lovely relationship with now and I would
ask myself that question over and over
again how could I make how could I have
a more lovely relationship with now
today how could I somehow give now even
more of a chance and I found as I gave
now more of a chance it did become more
interesting it did become more spiritual
and it also became a lot more exciting
along the way so it turns out I think
that the real destination of our life
isn’t about getting there it’s about
being here and as for the future I think
we’ll enjoy it fully because we decided
to be here first and to be here now
thank you very much
[Applause] [Music]
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