I am afraid insecure it’s big I’m not
enough I’m too black it’s loud I’m too
proud I’m to me now these are things
that I’ve said about myself over the
course of my life and I’d be lying to
you if I said they didn’t seat back in
every now and again but I’m very
conscious about the words that I say
about myself and the things that I think
about myself so all this got me to
thinking the very first time our
feelings got hurt it was because someone
said something to us but it was okay
because someone was like sticks and
stones may break your bones but words
will never hurt you to be honest I’ll
take the sticks and stones those wounds
heal a lot easier word wounds on the
other hand can take a lifetime to heal
and I’d venture to say that most of us
in this room have lived our lives trying
to heal from things that people have
said to us I also figured out something
else we do one of two things in life we
either spin our lives confirming what
people have said about us or define them
take me for example I haven’t spent my
whole life defining what people have
said about me I refuse to be a statistic
when I think about myself I say Who am I
I’m a product of a single-parent home by
the way my mother’s a superhero but
there are things that come along with
that mid to low income family grew up in
the projects for a portion of my life
there are some statistics that come
along with being a young black woman
from that type of background so I’ve
decided that that’s was not going to be
my story then I had some other thoughts
as well because I didn’t have to define
well then Who am I for myself I’ve
always been taught that the power of
life and death
from right here the simple thing to
create and destroy comes out of your
mouth so what am i creating what am i
destroying what am i doing to create new
things in myself or what am i destroying
by the words that I’m saying I think
about that a lot because I work with
students wonderful humans they are but
they come to me with lots of things
about how they feel about themselves
based on what other people have said
about them so I always talk to them
about know let’s think this way so I
pour a lot into them I tell them they
can be great I tell them they can change
the world because they can they’re the
way that I change the world
I think about a student who I had once I
worked at a previous institution and the
makeup of the institution was more
stimulated 70% of the population was
male 30% of the population female that
means something for those young women at
that institution because people think
things about them based on the fact that
they are women in this place since the
message is about what you’re capable of
and what you’re not so she comes into my
office and you could tell she’s not
having a good day and I was like what’s
going on well to give you a little
background she decided that she didn’t
want to be an engineer now this was a
big deal at this particular institution
she’s like no I’m gonna be a business
major I’m gonna be the person who sells
the things the internet and engineers do
that’s gonna be me like great do you
have fun but that day she had an
incident with a student in her class a
male student who had questioned her
about her major and then her abilities
they’re like oh so you took the easy way
out really hurt her something terrible
so she continues to talk and I finally
say the next time someone says that to
you you look them dead in the face and
you say that’s why you’re gonna work for
me one day she goes laughs and I can’t
say that I said yes you can if someone
has the audacity to tell you who you
will be you have the right to tell them
what they’ll do for
one day she goes she halfway believes me
but I was like it’s okay and we went on
in conversation she comes back a few
weeks later cuz we’ve had lots of
conversations about her being very
confident who she was and the choices
that she was making she comes back a few
weeks later high-energy very unusual for
her to give you a picture of her she’s
about five two young Indian woman more
reserved more reserved than me anyway
and she goes oh my goodness I was like
oh my goodness are you okay
she said so I was in my class hand on
hip all these things I was in my class
and again
this boy said something else about me
being a major in business and she kept
going online and she said you know what
I did finally I stopped and said that’s
why you’re gonna work for me one day I
said did you say it just like that
she said well yeah I said like just like
that and she goes yes that’s what she
told me say and and she continues to go
on in that moment I had to chuckle cuz
it was like watching myself talk to
myself
I was like oh okay this could be
interesting but it was alright but in
that moment I saw my student find her
voice for her to stand very confident in
who she had decided to be and was okay
with expressing met with the world and
that for me was beautiful so I think
about a lot of those things and I think
about the role models I’ve had in my
life that have helped me to do other
things and as a young black woman
sometimes you don’t see a lot of people
who look like you in the spaces that
you’re in so I take that to heart and I
tend to mentor young black women it’s a
passion someone helped me and I stand on
those shoulders of giants and so I
always pay that forward so I think about
that in some of my other interactions
with students some students come to me
one in particular she was thinking about
studying abroad
she’d never been out of the country she
never had been out of the state of
Florida young black woman I was like you
should do it it’s great it changes your
perspective you meet new people you
could possibly think about learning
another language she was like yeah but
no and so I shared my experience with
her and she was like hmm okay
goes on by her business I tend to get a
lot of students who come back to me to
tell me about their life experiences and
things that have happened to them and I
loved it she of course happens to be one
of them she comes back to me and she
goes I get it now I said you get what we
just started this conversation she was
like remember when you used to say like
be great go change the world all of
these things I was like yeah be great go
change the world what I’m confused she
was like well now I get it like I
understand what you mean and I was like
what exactly does that mean
and she goes well I figured out that
it’s okay to be afraid and to still try
stuff like I can’t stop me and I was
like okay what else did we learn she was
like and like I met all these amazing
people and it was great and I went
here and I went here and I did this and
could you imagine that I jumped off I
said I don’t want to know what she
jumped off of it’s really ok looks like
when did we come to this new realization
and she goes oh when I was on a train to
Prague I said okay she had taken the
chance to study abroad something she
never thought that she would do and I
was like that is awesome that’s amazing
she was like well I know that I can do
it and I think it’d be whatever I want
to be and that’s awesome and I was like
great I’ve been trying to tell you this
for the last three years this is
beautiful
but for me having her see someone like
herself who had taken a chance and done
something different and been okay was
saying I’m afraid what’s gonna be okay
actually might learn something about
myself I may become a different person
after this experience was beautiful for
me what I learned in that is that when I
became comfortable in who I was and who
I am and who I choose for the world to
see it gave other people permission to
do the same but life isn’t that easy
right we make different life choices and
in the midst of the choices that we make
sometimes life happens to us that makes
us rethink who we are for me that
experience was my hair yes I know it’s
fabulous but seven years ago I made a
decision to cut all of my hair off in
the black community that’s something
real major to cut off all your hair just
wanna let you know and so it came from a
conversation with my goddaughters mother
about my goddaughter who was having
conversations about who she was she had
told her I’m not black and I said she
told you what she’s not black what is
happening part of it is because she
watches Disney and she sees her Disney
Princesses and she sees herself the way
what she sees on television so she
didn’t see
a little black princess or a little
black princess so she didn’t believe it
I said okay so we need to have a talk
but how do you convey to a four year old
how to appreciate her blackness and so
her mother and I had a conversation
because that began with a conversation
with myself in the mirror when did I
become comfortable with my blackness who
I was and who I am
what is part of that identity for me my
hair was a part of it and I chopped it
off now with that chopping off my hair
came lots of things lots of comments
lots of people well why would you do
that because it’s my hair
but even from people who I loved who
weren’t really sure about this was
because they were trained to think
certain things as well I’ve never really
thought that that experience would be
valuable to someone else until a student
walked into my office getting ready for
an interview she comes in she was like
and this was an interview she had been
waiting for and I was like this is great
we got the interview let’s go she’s like
I’m ready I know what I’m wearing which
is actually the most important thing and
I’m ready I’ve done the mock interview
and ready to go awesome great she’s like
I have one thing and I was like what’s
your one thing she’s like what am I
gonna do with my hair now why is this
important this is a young black woman
who also has natural hair big beautiful
fro but she was also in a point in her
life where she was trying to figure out
what all this meant who was she in the
body that she was in and I said what do
you mean you what you’re gonna do with
your hair put some moisturizer in a you
don’t keep it moving she goes it’s not
that simple and I was like and why isn’t
it she was like because having my hair
like this this is not professional you
can’t do this in a professional setting
I said really
I said well am i professional is my hair
appropriate for this professional
setting and she goes so I ask again is
my hair professional is it okay in this
professional setting she goes well I
I said how about you think about this do
you want to work for a place that will
not accept you in the package that
you’re coming in she goes I didn’t
really think about that I said that
might be something we want to talk about
and I share those things with you
because again I had to recalculate again
my im’s but I figured out that again
once I got comfortable somebody else was
able to shine too and so I think about
that as I move through my life and I
always I’m asking myself Who am I so I
say to you
Who am I well I’m the person who loves
onion rings but I don’t like onions I
eat fried green tomatoes but I
faithfully take them off of my sandwich
instead of just asking for them not to
be there I’m quirky I’m sassy I’m a nerd
what I also found out is that my AIIMS
have helped me impact my students in a
way and my challenge to you is to figure
out once you stand in the truth of who
you are and figure out your AIIMS who
can you impact so that you can say
things like I’m great I’m fabulous I’m
fierce and above all I’m brilliant but
one thing that I am is grateful to have
shared this space and energy with you
[Applause]
you
enough I’m too black it’s loud I’m too
proud I’m to me now these are things
that I’ve said about myself over the
course of my life and I’d be lying to
you if I said they didn’t seat back in
every now and again but I’m very
conscious about the words that I say
about myself and the things that I think
about myself so all this got me to
thinking the very first time our
feelings got hurt it was because someone
said something to us but it was okay
because someone was like sticks and
stones may break your bones but words
will never hurt you to be honest I’ll
take the sticks and stones those wounds
heal a lot easier word wounds on the
other hand can take a lifetime to heal
and I’d venture to say that most of us
in this room have lived our lives trying
to heal from things that people have
said to us I also figured out something
else we do one of two things in life we
either spin our lives confirming what
people have said about us or define them
take me for example I haven’t spent my
whole life defining what people have
said about me I refuse to be a statistic
when I think about myself I say Who am I
I’m a product of a single-parent home by
the way my mother’s a superhero but
there are things that come along with
that mid to low income family grew up in
the projects for a portion of my life
there are some statistics that come
along with being a young black woman
from that type of background so I’ve
decided that that’s was not going to be
my story then I had some other thoughts
as well because I didn’t have to define
well then Who am I for myself I’ve
always been taught that the power of
life and death
from right here the simple thing to
create and destroy comes out of your
mouth so what am i creating what am i
destroying what am i doing to create new
things in myself or what am i destroying
by the words that I’m saying I think
about that a lot because I work with
students wonderful humans they are but
they come to me with lots of things
about how they feel about themselves
based on what other people have said
about them so I always talk to them
about know let’s think this way so I
pour a lot into them I tell them they
can be great I tell them they can change
the world because they can they’re the
way that I change the world
I think about a student who I had once I
worked at a previous institution and the
makeup of the institution was more
stimulated 70% of the population was
male 30% of the population female that
means something for those young women at
that institution because people think
things about them based on the fact that
they are women in this place since the
message is about what you’re capable of
and what you’re not so she comes into my
office and you could tell she’s not
having a good day and I was like what’s
going on well to give you a little
background she decided that she didn’t
want to be an engineer now this was a
big deal at this particular institution
she’s like no I’m gonna be a business
major I’m gonna be the person who sells
the things the internet and engineers do
that’s gonna be me like great do you
have fun but that day she had an
incident with a student in her class a
male student who had questioned her
about her major and then her abilities
they’re like oh so you took the easy way
out really hurt her something terrible
so she continues to talk and I finally
say the next time someone says that to
you you look them dead in the face and
you say that’s why you’re gonna work for
me one day she goes laughs and I can’t
say that I said yes you can if someone
has the audacity to tell you who you
will be you have the right to tell them
what they’ll do for
one day she goes she halfway believes me
but I was like it’s okay and we went on
in conversation she comes back a few
weeks later cuz we’ve had lots of
conversations about her being very
confident who she was and the choices
that she was making she comes back a few
weeks later high-energy very unusual for
her to give you a picture of her she’s
about five two young Indian woman more
reserved more reserved than me anyway
and she goes oh my goodness I was like
oh my goodness are you okay
she said so I was in my class hand on
hip all these things I was in my class
and again
this boy said something else about me
being a major in business and she kept
going online and she said you know what
I did finally I stopped and said that’s
why you’re gonna work for me one day I
said did you say it just like that
she said well yeah I said like just like
that and she goes yes that’s what she
told me say and and she continues to go
on in that moment I had to chuckle cuz
it was like watching myself talk to
myself
I was like oh okay this could be
interesting but it was alright but in
that moment I saw my student find her
voice for her to stand very confident in
who she had decided to be and was okay
with expressing met with the world and
that for me was beautiful so I think
about a lot of those things and I think
about the role models I’ve had in my
life that have helped me to do other
things and as a young black woman
sometimes you don’t see a lot of people
who look like you in the spaces that
you’re in so I take that to heart and I
tend to mentor young black women it’s a
passion someone helped me and I stand on
those shoulders of giants and so I
always pay that forward so I think about
that in some of my other interactions
with students some students come to me
one in particular she was thinking about
studying abroad
she’d never been out of the country she
never had been out of the state of
Florida young black woman I was like you
should do it it’s great it changes your
perspective you meet new people you
could possibly think about learning
another language she was like yeah but
no and so I shared my experience with
her and she was like hmm okay
goes on by her business I tend to get a
lot of students who come back to me to
tell me about their life experiences and
things that have happened to them and I
loved it she of course happens to be one
of them she comes back to me and she
goes I get it now I said you get what we
just started this conversation she was
like remember when you used to say like
be great go change the world all of
these things I was like yeah be great go
change the world what I’m confused she
was like well now I get it like I
understand what you mean and I was like
what exactly does that mean
and she goes well I figured out that
it’s okay to be afraid and to still try
stuff like I can’t stop me and I was
like okay what else did we learn she was
like and like I met all these amazing
people and it was great and I went
here and I went here and I did this and
could you imagine that I jumped off I
said I don’t want to know what she
jumped off of it’s really ok looks like
when did we come to this new realization
and she goes oh when I was on a train to
Prague I said okay she had taken the
chance to study abroad something she
never thought that she would do and I
was like that is awesome that’s amazing
she was like well I know that I can do
it and I think it’d be whatever I want
to be and that’s awesome and I was like
great I’ve been trying to tell you this
for the last three years this is
beautiful
but for me having her see someone like
herself who had taken a chance and done
something different and been okay was
saying I’m afraid what’s gonna be okay
actually might learn something about
myself I may become a different person
after this experience was beautiful for
me what I learned in that is that when I
became comfortable in who I was and who
I am and who I choose for the world to
see it gave other people permission to
do the same but life isn’t that easy
right we make different life choices and
in the midst of the choices that we make
sometimes life happens to us that makes
us rethink who we are for me that
experience was my hair yes I know it’s
fabulous but seven years ago I made a
decision to cut all of my hair off in
the black community that’s something
real major to cut off all your hair just
wanna let you know and so it came from a
conversation with my goddaughters mother
about my goddaughter who was having
conversations about who she was she had
told her I’m not black and I said she
told you what she’s not black what is
happening part of it is because she
watches Disney and she sees her Disney
Princesses and she sees herself the way
what she sees on television so she
didn’t see
a little black princess or a little
black princess so she didn’t believe it
I said okay so we need to have a talk
but how do you convey to a four year old
how to appreciate her blackness and so
her mother and I had a conversation
because that began with a conversation
with myself in the mirror when did I
become comfortable with my blackness who
I was and who I am
what is part of that identity for me my
hair was a part of it and I chopped it
off now with that chopping off my hair
came lots of things lots of comments
lots of people well why would you do
that because it’s my hair
but even from people who I loved who
weren’t really sure about this was
because they were trained to think
certain things as well I’ve never really
thought that that experience would be
valuable to someone else until a student
walked into my office getting ready for
an interview she comes in she was like
and this was an interview she had been
waiting for and I was like this is great
we got the interview let’s go she’s like
I’m ready I know what I’m wearing which
is actually the most important thing and
I’m ready I’ve done the mock interview
and ready to go awesome great she’s like
I have one thing and I was like what’s
your one thing she’s like what am I
gonna do with my hair now why is this
important this is a young black woman
who also has natural hair big beautiful
fro but she was also in a point in her
life where she was trying to figure out
what all this meant who was she in the
body that she was in and I said what do
you mean you what you’re gonna do with
your hair put some moisturizer in a you
don’t keep it moving she goes it’s not
that simple and I was like and why isn’t
it she was like because having my hair
like this this is not professional you
can’t do this in a professional setting
I said really
I said well am i professional is my hair
appropriate for this professional
setting and she goes so I ask again is
my hair professional is it okay in this
professional setting she goes well I
I said how about you think about this do
you want to work for a place that will
not accept you in the package that
you’re coming in she goes I didn’t
really think about that I said that
might be something we want to talk about
and I share those things with you
because again I had to recalculate again
my im’s but I figured out that again
once I got comfortable somebody else was
able to shine too and so I think about
that as I move through my life and I
always I’m asking myself Who am I so I
say to you
Who am I well I’m the person who loves
onion rings but I don’t like onions I
eat fried green tomatoes but I
faithfully take them off of my sandwich
instead of just asking for them not to
be there I’m quirky I’m sassy I’m a nerd
what I also found out is that my AIIMS
have helped me impact my students in a
way and my challenge to you is to figure
out once you stand in the truth of who
you are and figure out your AIIMS who
can you impact so that you can say
things like I’m great I’m fabulous I’m
fierce and above all I’m brilliant but
one thing that I am is grateful to have
shared this space and energy with you
[Applause]
you
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