if you had one huge secret who would you
tell your mom your dad your brother your
sister your best friend your boyfriend
or girlfriend or husband or wife what if
that secret was something you weren’t
really quite sure about or something you
couldn’t really admit to yourself let
alone any of these people it’s not the
easiest question to answer when I found
myself in this unclear situation I
turned to the one place in a millennial
I knew had all the answers the Internet
growing up I felt just like any other
kid I played sports I went to school and
life was great but as I got older into
middle school in high school things
started to feel a bit different it was
at that point in time for all my friends
became boy-crazy right before my eyes
believe me I tried way too hard to play
along but it was terrible I was terrible
and it just didn’t feel right
by now I’m sure many of you can put the
pieces together and figure out that I am
Batman in the flesh if only telling you
that I was gay got the same reaction
that I wouldn’t have to be up here but
yes I am gay and too many people that’s
a big deal if you told 13-year old me
that I was gay I would have absolutely
denied it because there’s no way that I
was gay not a chance
even if after a few years went by and I
still couldn’t find myself anywhere near
attracted to a man I wouldn’t admit that
I was gay I didn’t understand it I
didn’t look like the lesbians we see on
TV
how could I be gay I just wanted to be
like everybody else and for the longest
time I thought it was a problem with me
I wasn’t capable of love in my eyes
because I couldn’t love a man like any
of my friends did at this point I’m
gonna delve into the world of the
Internet and how I used to define myself
and I’ll do my best to keep us all on
the same page as we move forward I spent
a lot of my free time as a young
teenager watching YouTube videos of all
sorts and I was always a huge fan of the
youtuber Tyler Oakley not necessarily
because he identifies as gay but I just
thought he was hilarious so I was
watching his draw my life video which
for those of you that don’t know it’s a
video and
a person illustrates key points in their
life on a physical whiteboard I thought
this was a really cool concept so I
watched a few others and for anyone
that’s ever watched one or two YouTube
videos you know it could often turn into
five or ten or a couple hours worth of
videos from the suggestion bar well one
of these videos had a Q&A and the
suggestion bar and I decided to watch it
it was of these two girls Shannon and
Cammie I found out in the video that
they were actually a couple a lot of
LGBTQ related questions came up and I
started to realize that a lot of what
they were saying I could relate to after
this I was hooked and I watched almost
every video up on their channels
including both of their coming-out
stories they both had completely
different experiences but I can relate
to them both so much
Shannon lived in went to college in the
south and struggled to come out to her
sorority but she used YouTube and tumblr
to bridge the gap and reach out to
others for advice Cammie
like me felt completely different
growing up that hid behind boyfriends
and other friends until she saw south of
nowhere a TV series with a prominent
lesbian couple that thankfully failed to
fulfill the lesbian stereotypes we see
all over the media today I didn’t know
either of these people or any of their
followers but I knew that we had all
felt the same way at some point in our
journey and now so many of them are out
and happy and I wanted that to be me so
once I internally accepted who I was I
turned back to the media in the online
community for information believe me I
didn’t need to be gay to understand
society’s views at the lgbtq+ community
but I wanted to know what being out was
really like and how others handled it I
came out when I was 17 I was nowhere
near ready to do it but I was feeling a
lot of pressure from my friends you know
they all had the inclination that I was
gay and honestly some of them knew that
I was gay before I did but they didn’t
all understand why it was so hard for me
to come out to my family or how my
family didn’t already realize it when I
came out to my mom I was sitting on the
counter in my kitchen and I decided you
know what I’m just gonna say it
but I don’t think I’ve had a harder time
getting five words out of my mouth
mom I think I’m gay the response that I
got was definitely not ideal and I was
left questioning whether I made the
right decision but having those people
online that knew what I was going
through and had been there themselves
really helped me prove to myself that I
did make the right choice and it was
like a huge weight was lifted off my
shoulders I’m 19 now so I’ve been out
for a little over two years and in those
two years I’ve learned two things I will
never actually be completely out and
people will surprise you last year I
went to college a couple hours away
where no one really knew me guys would
try to flirt with me and I had to come
out took a lot of the people that I met
it should be simple people ask all the
time hey do you have a boyfriend no I
know how hard is it to say no I have a
girlfriend it sounds so simple but not
once have I turned that question around
because to me it’s like jumping off a
cliff you have no control of what
happens after you say it are they going
to be cool with it
are they gonna make this way more
awkward than it has to be are they gonna
say something rude who knows I could
tell myself and all of you that the next
time it happens I’ll turn this question
around but jumping off a cliff isn’t as
terrifying when you’re not standing at
the edge similar to that at the
beginning of this summer I met all the
people that I’d be working through my
internship with and again it happens all
the time especially in this world of
social media you meet new people you
become friends you follow them on
Instagram Twitter snapchat Facebook
except my social media is full of
pictures of me and my girlfriend so when
do I tell you do I tell you before when
we barely know each other do I wait and
hope you can figure out on your own and
know that I am in fact dating a woman at
what point will I stop worrying if your
opinions are going to impact our
friendship I will probably never have
the answer to any of these questions
but as I said before people will
surprise you I knew what to expect based
off of what other people had posted
online I knew that before I came out I
could walk around in public and no one
would think anything of it but walking
around with my girlfriend leads to
stares from every possible angle I knew
that before I came out I could change in
a locker room without somebody thinking
I’m staring at them because it’s almost
assumed that lesbians are madly in love
with every woman that they come across
right I didn’t think so either but
nonetheless Awkward sisters races arise
for us all but I had heard it all before
the Internet is really just a series of
connections and I think it’s interesting
how these connections can provide
something valuable to everyone many
people think the younger generation is
so indulged in their phones and social
media and honestly some are but when
it’s used in the right way it can bring
people together I wouldn’t have been
able to be myself if I hadn’t found
others out there who felt like me and
it’s simple enough for anyone to do we
live in this world of snapchat filters
hashtags public snapchat stories and
live video posts on countless social
network sites anyone can find a group of
people that they relate to if they take
the time to look fan accounts exist for
almost anything these days and at the
simple click of a follow button a whole
new community can be at your fingertips
I know it can be a bit different at
first but I encourage everyone to try it
we’ve even found an easier way of
identifying people around you that enjoy
going to similar things there are very
few large public events that take place
these days without a hashtag or a filter
appearing on some type of social media
and you can search these and find anyone
around you hashtag black lives matter
hashtag yes all women hashtag ALS
icebucketchallenge hashtag love wins
sound familiar all of these social
movements skyrocketed
when these hashtags came to be and it
becomes millions of people coming
together to share their stories spread
information and form one community that
will stand for what these relate to now
that is something every
should strive to be a part of when it
comes down to it it’s really history in
the making the other issue here really
comes down to representation earlier I
mentioned south of nowhere and that show
was four years the only source of femme
lesbians in the media for those of you
that don’t know a femme is by definition
a lesbian whose appearance and behaviors
are traditionally feminine I got caught
up in the trap of thinking lesbians had
to look a certain way had to dressed
more masculine had to have short hair
because that’s how they were trait or
trade in the media before me we’ve made
progress but still almost every song TV
show the music video is the ordinary
middle-class straight couple and as a
kid that grew up exposed to only these
straight couples in the media I know
that it paints such a clear picture in a
kid’s head of what love has to be and
trying to break that leaves you feeling
so different or wrong the media is a
huge part of everyone’s lives and it has
the power to make a statement about
anything people believe what they see on
TV we look up to these athletes and
actors and reporters that we see every
day and I’m pretty sure we can all admit
to getting a little bit too attached to
our favorite TV character because we can
relate or empathize or at least agree
with the reason they were put on the
show the more diversity there is in the
media the more it can be used to educate
people and prove to everyone that great
people come in all shapes and sizes now
granted the media is not the answer to
all of our problems but when it is used
in the right way it can mean the world
to people everyone should be able to
have that safe space where they can be
themselves and don’t sell the internet
short of being able to provide that
space everyone should be able to find
somebody out there that’s like them in
this day and age no one should be afraid
to be who they are and no one should
feel like no one understands what
they’re going through or how they feel
because there are millions of people out
there that are willing to help so I will
conclude with this
to anyone that has a platform speak your
voice loud and clear for anyone that
doesn’t necessarily have a voice to the
parents and future parents of my
generation teach your kids the
importance of equality whether it be
race gender religion or sexual
orientation work together towards a
future where everyone can be happy free
and treated with equal respect I don’t
want a future where being gay is a
secret I want a future where it’s not a
secret to be me thank you
tell your mom your dad your brother your
sister your best friend your boyfriend
or girlfriend or husband or wife what if
that secret was something you weren’t
really quite sure about or something you
couldn’t really admit to yourself let
alone any of these people it’s not the
easiest question to answer when I found
myself in this unclear situation I
turned to the one place in a millennial
I knew had all the answers the Internet
growing up I felt just like any other
kid I played sports I went to school and
life was great but as I got older into
middle school in high school things
started to feel a bit different it was
at that point in time for all my friends
became boy-crazy right before my eyes
believe me I tried way too hard to play
along but it was terrible I was terrible
and it just didn’t feel right
by now I’m sure many of you can put the
pieces together and figure out that I am
Batman in the flesh if only telling you
that I was gay got the same reaction
that I wouldn’t have to be up here but
yes I am gay and too many people that’s
a big deal if you told 13-year old me
that I was gay I would have absolutely
denied it because there’s no way that I
was gay not a chance
even if after a few years went by and I
still couldn’t find myself anywhere near
attracted to a man I wouldn’t admit that
I was gay I didn’t understand it I
didn’t look like the lesbians we see on
TV
how could I be gay I just wanted to be
like everybody else and for the longest
time I thought it was a problem with me
I wasn’t capable of love in my eyes
because I couldn’t love a man like any
of my friends did at this point I’m
gonna delve into the world of the
Internet and how I used to define myself
and I’ll do my best to keep us all on
the same page as we move forward I spent
a lot of my free time as a young
teenager watching YouTube videos of all
sorts and I was always a huge fan of the
youtuber Tyler Oakley not necessarily
because he identifies as gay but I just
thought he was hilarious so I was
watching his draw my life video which
for those of you that don’t know it’s a
video and
a person illustrates key points in their
life on a physical whiteboard I thought
this was a really cool concept so I
watched a few others and for anyone
that’s ever watched one or two YouTube
videos you know it could often turn into
five or ten or a couple hours worth of
videos from the suggestion bar well one
of these videos had a Q&A and the
suggestion bar and I decided to watch it
it was of these two girls Shannon and
Cammie I found out in the video that
they were actually a couple a lot of
LGBTQ related questions came up and I
started to realize that a lot of what
they were saying I could relate to after
this I was hooked and I watched almost
every video up on their channels
including both of their coming-out
stories they both had completely
different experiences but I can relate
to them both so much
Shannon lived in went to college in the
south and struggled to come out to her
sorority but she used YouTube and tumblr
to bridge the gap and reach out to
others for advice Cammie
like me felt completely different
growing up that hid behind boyfriends
and other friends until she saw south of
nowhere a TV series with a prominent
lesbian couple that thankfully failed to
fulfill the lesbian stereotypes we see
all over the media today I didn’t know
either of these people or any of their
followers but I knew that we had all
felt the same way at some point in our
journey and now so many of them are out
and happy and I wanted that to be me so
once I internally accepted who I was I
turned back to the media in the online
community for information believe me I
didn’t need to be gay to understand
society’s views at the lgbtq+ community
but I wanted to know what being out was
really like and how others handled it I
came out when I was 17 I was nowhere
near ready to do it but I was feeling a
lot of pressure from my friends you know
they all had the inclination that I was
gay and honestly some of them knew that
I was gay before I did but they didn’t
all understand why it was so hard for me
to come out to my family or how my
family didn’t already realize it when I
came out to my mom I was sitting on the
counter in my kitchen and I decided you
know what I’m just gonna say it
but I don’t think I’ve had a harder time
getting five words out of my mouth
mom I think I’m gay the response that I
got was definitely not ideal and I was
left questioning whether I made the
right decision but having those people
online that knew what I was going
through and had been there themselves
really helped me prove to myself that I
did make the right choice and it was
like a huge weight was lifted off my
shoulders I’m 19 now so I’ve been out
for a little over two years and in those
two years I’ve learned two things I will
never actually be completely out and
people will surprise you last year I
went to college a couple hours away
where no one really knew me guys would
try to flirt with me and I had to come
out took a lot of the people that I met
it should be simple people ask all the
time hey do you have a boyfriend no I
know how hard is it to say no I have a
girlfriend it sounds so simple but not
once have I turned that question around
because to me it’s like jumping off a
cliff you have no control of what
happens after you say it are they going
to be cool with it
are they gonna make this way more
awkward than it has to be are they gonna
say something rude who knows I could
tell myself and all of you that the next
time it happens I’ll turn this question
around but jumping off a cliff isn’t as
terrifying when you’re not standing at
the edge similar to that at the
beginning of this summer I met all the
people that I’d be working through my
internship with and again it happens all
the time especially in this world of
social media you meet new people you
become friends you follow them on
Instagram Twitter snapchat Facebook
except my social media is full of
pictures of me and my girlfriend so when
do I tell you do I tell you before when
we barely know each other do I wait and
hope you can figure out on your own and
know that I am in fact dating a woman at
what point will I stop worrying if your
opinions are going to impact our
friendship I will probably never have
the answer to any of these questions
but as I said before people will
surprise you I knew what to expect based
off of what other people had posted
online I knew that before I came out I
could walk around in public and no one
would think anything of it but walking
around with my girlfriend leads to
stares from every possible angle I knew
that before I came out I could change in
a locker room without somebody thinking
I’m staring at them because it’s almost
assumed that lesbians are madly in love
with every woman that they come across
right I didn’t think so either but
nonetheless Awkward sisters races arise
for us all but I had heard it all before
the Internet is really just a series of
connections and I think it’s interesting
how these connections can provide
something valuable to everyone many
people think the younger generation is
so indulged in their phones and social
media and honestly some are but when
it’s used in the right way it can bring
people together I wouldn’t have been
able to be myself if I hadn’t found
others out there who felt like me and
it’s simple enough for anyone to do we
live in this world of snapchat filters
hashtags public snapchat stories and
live video posts on countless social
network sites anyone can find a group of
people that they relate to if they take
the time to look fan accounts exist for
almost anything these days and at the
simple click of a follow button a whole
new community can be at your fingertips
I know it can be a bit different at
first but I encourage everyone to try it
we’ve even found an easier way of
identifying people around you that enjoy
going to similar things there are very
few large public events that take place
these days without a hashtag or a filter
appearing on some type of social media
and you can search these and find anyone
around you hashtag black lives matter
hashtag yes all women hashtag ALS
icebucketchallenge hashtag love wins
sound familiar all of these social
movements skyrocketed
when these hashtags came to be and it
becomes millions of people coming
together to share their stories spread
information and form one community that
will stand for what these relate to now
that is something every
should strive to be a part of when it
comes down to it it’s really history in
the making the other issue here really
comes down to representation earlier I
mentioned south of nowhere and that show
was four years the only source of femme
lesbians in the media for those of you
that don’t know a femme is by definition
a lesbian whose appearance and behaviors
are traditionally feminine I got caught
up in the trap of thinking lesbians had
to look a certain way had to dressed
more masculine had to have short hair
because that’s how they were trait or
trade in the media before me we’ve made
progress but still almost every song TV
show the music video is the ordinary
middle-class straight couple and as a
kid that grew up exposed to only these
straight couples in the media I know
that it paints such a clear picture in a
kid’s head of what love has to be and
trying to break that leaves you feeling
so different or wrong the media is a
huge part of everyone’s lives and it has
the power to make a statement about
anything people believe what they see on
TV we look up to these athletes and
actors and reporters that we see every
day and I’m pretty sure we can all admit
to getting a little bit too attached to
our favorite TV character because we can
relate or empathize or at least agree
with the reason they were put on the
show the more diversity there is in the
media the more it can be used to educate
people and prove to everyone that great
people come in all shapes and sizes now
granted the media is not the answer to
all of our problems but when it is used
in the right way it can mean the world
to people everyone should be able to
have that safe space where they can be
themselves and don’t sell the internet
short of being able to provide that
space everyone should be able to find
somebody out there that’s like them in
this day and age no one should be afraid
to be who they are and no one should
feel like no one understands what
they’re going through or how they feel
because there are millions of people out
there that are willing to help so I will
conclude with this
to anyone that has a platform speak your
voice loud and clear for anyone that
doesn’t necessarily have a voice to the
parents and future parents of my
generation teach your kids the
importance of equality whether it be
race gender religion or sexual
orientation work together towards a
future where everyone can be happy free
and treated with equal respect I don’t
want a future where being gay is a
secret I want a future where it’s not a
secret to be me thank you
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