when I was five years old I was obsessed
with rocks every day at recess I would
go out to the playground and adopt at
least one new rock into my collection
and every day my backpack grew heavier
and heavier one day after I came home
from school my mom tried to lift my bag
with one hand and immediately dropped it
with a thud that’s when she gave me this
absolutely incredulous look I feel like
she was really hoping there wasn’t a
dead body in there at the very least
that thought probably crossed her mind
anyway she unzipped the front pocket and
my entire rock horde spilled out I think
that was the moment my mom realized she
had a scientist on her hands sixteen
years later here we are
I’m a neuroscience major at Duke I no
longer fill my backpack with rocks but
as a scientist you’re still interesting
to me there’s one type of rock that’s
particularly fascinating the geode
sometimes when rocks are being formed at
high temperatures or under immense
pressures something unexpected happens
the rock takes in minerals from its
surroundings and slowly but surely they
grow into crystals you’d never be able
to identify a Gio just by looking at it
because from the outside it just looks
like an ordinary rock but when you crack
a geode open that’s when you’re able to
see the crystals within I found that
human beings are kind of the same
sometimes while we’re going through life
and trying to figure our selves out
something unexpected disrupts our
formation process and then after that
we’re never the same from the outside we
appear unremarkable it’s only when you
come closer and get to know us that
you’re able to see the
stills inside I learned that two summers
ago when I traveled to Cusco Peru with
the Duke engage program there I was
assigned to work at el hogar de Juana de
ASSA a home for sexual assault survivors
it was one of only two places in the
area so the girls who live there came
from all over the country some from the
Peruvian rainforest some from the urban
jungle of Lima and some from small rural
villages hidden in the hills they ranged
from 13 to 18 years old but they all
shared one reality someone else made a
choice and their lives changed forever
at first I didn’t know what to do
I didn’t know how to speak how to act or
how to cope with the horrifyingly real
situation in front of me so I took a
step back before I spoke or acted I
observed and listened one girl yeni
watched her life take a sickening turn
at the age of 13 that was the year her
family went bankrupt and her parents to
fuel their need for alcohol sold her to
a man just down the street for nearly a
year she remained a prisoner in his
house subjected to all kinds of
unimaginable horrors and within a few
months she felt pregnant with a child
while still a child herself but one day
yeni saw an opportunity to escape while
her captor was out of the house she
snuck a phone call to a neighbor who
called the police explained what was
happening and ultimately freed her but
even after being rescued
Jonnie couldn’t go back to her old life
too much had changed the local court put
her in the care of a group of
compassionate Catholic nuns who had just
opened a home for girls like her and oh
god Juana they ASSA there yeni had her
baby and began trying to move forward
with her life see she wasn’t a victim
she was a survivor she told me that she
wanted to be a lawyer when she grew up
so that she could advocate on behalf of
those who couldn’t speak for themselves
she’d created a rock-hard shell to
protect herself but within that there
were crystals I could tell you 10 other
stories just like yetis I could tell you
how Maria’s mother disowned her after
she was violated I could tell you how
eleven-year-old Carlo picked out her
baby’s name from a movie that she saw
but I’m not here to tell you these
stories today that’s not because they’re
not important on the contrary it’s
incredibly important to listen to
survivors and to believe them but in
light of the circumstances given that
these horrible events have already
disrupted these girls lives the question
I want to focus on today is what next
how do we empower survivors to move
forward to transcend their past traumas
and pave brighter futures there are two
steps the first is to give them agency
to make them feel capable of creating
change in their own lives
back at the Oh God we had one rule we
never refer to the girls as victims we
always call them survivors words hold
power if you call someone a victim
you’re telling them that what surrounds
them and what happens to them
defines who they are their statistic a
sad story a mere product of their
experiences but if you call someone a
survivor you’re empowering them you’re
telling them that they have the power to
shape their experiences and not just the
other way around
something terrible happened to them but
they control how they respond they can
start to heal themselves and forge their
way forward and this linguistic
empowerment isn’t just a matter of
labels we can empower
they’re people by the way that we talk
to them listen to them show interest
take their concerns seriously sympathize
empathize and above all believe them the
second step is to give survivors the
opportunities to improve their own
quality of life and for that you need to
study the situation and tailor your
solution according to each person’s
needs the directors at the Oh God told
me that they were having trouble
financing the girls education basic
necessities and medical expenses because
the young mothers were minors they
didn’t qualify for government provided
health care nor did they have any family
to help them so in response I negotiated
with three local private clinics for
discounts and exoneration on medical
expenses and to fund their basic
necessities in their education I created
two websites one in English one in
Spanish with an online fundraising
system to expedite and globalize the
donation process using those donations
the girls have since launched their also
own small business which they operate
out of their home they make and sell
handmade bracelets and potato donuts
for a chance at a better life after I
came back to the United States I started
researching sexual assault from a
neuroscientific perspective I reached
out to researchers and clinicians who
are exploring ways to help sexual
assault survivors transcend their past
traumas the process of moving forward is
generally not quick and it’s certainly
not easy sexual assault and other
traumatic events leave deep social
psychological and emotional scars sexual
assault predisposes survivors to an
increased risk of mood disorders
substance abuse and difficulty
maintaining familial relationships to
name a few
that’s because the experience of being
sexually assaulted fundamentally shake
survivors faith in their present and
future relationships especially if the
assaulter was someone they were close to
so how do we help survivors heal
psychologically and reintegrate into
society dr. Susan Roth a neuroscientist
and Duke professor emeritus treated
sexual assault survivors at the Duke
psychology clinic and researched coping
mechanisms for nearly four decades she
told me that for treatment to be
successful the therapist first has to
build trust and establish an environment
in which the survivor feels comfortable
sharing intimate details that means
first and foremost the therapist has to
be receptive they must try to understand
how the survivors construct their world
and their experiences without imposing
their own personal views on their prayed
patients group therapy can help build
that sort of environment because social
context and solidarity make it easier
for survivors to make sense out of what
happened to them to let down their guard
just a little crack open their shells
and let their crystals show there’s a
third aspect to this issue
justise sexual assault survivors are
consistently doubted shamed and
dismissed and this happens in the media
this happens in court this happens
wherever and whenever that kind of
oppression is enabled but I don’t have
to tell you that you’ve seen the hashtag
me too trending on social media you’ve
watched Hollywood’s premier stars
dressed in all black for the Golden
Globes and you’ve heard the allegations
leveled against powerful people what you
don’t know is that cases of sexual
misconduct are routinely thrown out
before they’re ever tried behind closed
doors
an NPR article for last November
revealed that 94 to 97 percent of sexual
harassment allegations never make it to
court
Deborah Road the director of Stanford
University’s Center on the legal
profession explains that many judges
lack an understanding of how sexual
assault affects survivors on an
emotional psychological and professional
level and as a result they refuse to
listen they reject the cases and deny
survivors the right to pursue justice we
need more judges who are willing to
listen to survivors to believe them
empathize with them and give them a
voice in court judges like rosemary
Akulina who presided over the sentencing
hearing a former US Olympic team dr.
Larry Nasser it was accused of molesting
over 150 female athletes judge a Polina
allowed all 150 survivors to come
forward and directly address their
assaulter in court and in doing so she
empowered them she gave them a public
platform to voice their experiences she
gave them permission to crack open their
rock-hard shells just a little and show
the world the crystals inside but none
of that matters if no one listens
listening being receptive trying to
understand these are all conscious
choices that we make too often all we
want to do is talk I know hard to
believe given that I’ve just spent 10
minutes up here talking your ears off
but my experience is in Peru and my
research following that taught me to be
a better listener so if you remember
nothing else of what I’ve said here
today remember this you are an agent of
change
so choose to listen choose to empathize
choose to look beyond someone’s
rock-hard exterior and choose to
appreciate the crystals they have to
offer thank you [Applause]
with rocks every day at recess I would
go out to the playground and adopt at
least one new rock into my collection
and every day my backpack grew heavier
and heavier one day after I came home
from school my mom tried to lift my bag
with one hand and immediately dropped it
with a thud that’s when she gave me this
absolutely incredulous look I feel like
she was really hoping there wasn’t a
dead body in there at the very least
that thought probably crossed her mind
anyway she unzipped the front pocket and
my entire rock horde spilled out I think
that was the moment my mom realized she
had a scientist on her hands sixteen
years later here we are
I’m a neuroscience major at Duke I no
longer fill my backpack with rocks but
as a scientist you’re still interesting
to me there’s one type of rock that’s
particularly fascinating the geode
sometimes when rocks are being formed at
high temperatures or under immense
pressures something unexpected happens
the rock takes in minerals from its
surroundings and slowly but surely they
grow into crystals you’d never be able
to identify a Gio just by looking at it
because from the outside it just looks
like an ordinary rock but when you crack
a geode open that’s when you’re able to
see the crystals within I found that
human beings are kind of the same
sometimes while we’re going through life
and trying to figure our selves out
something unexpected disrupts our
formation process and then after that
we’re never the same from the outside we
appear unremarkable it’s only when you
come closer and get to know us that
you’re able to see the
stills inside I learned that two summers
ago when I traveled to Cusco Peru with
the Duke engage program there I was
assigned to work at el hogar de Juana de
ASSA a home for sexual assault survivors
it was one of only two places in the
area so the girls who live there came
from all over the country some from the
Peruvian rainforest some from the urban
jungle of Lima and some from small rural
villages hidden in the hills they ranged
from 13 to 18 years old but they all
shared one reality someone else made a
choice and their lives changed forever
at first I didn’t know what to do
I didn’t know how to speak how to act or
how to cope with the horrifyingly real
situation in front of me so I took a
step back before I spoke or acted I
observed and listened one girl yeni
watched her life take a sickening turn
at the age of 13 that was the year her
family went bankrupt and her parents to
fuel their need for alcohol sold her to
a man just down the street for nearly a
year she remained a prisoner in his
house subjected to all kinds of
unimaginable horrors and within a few
months she felt pregnant with a child
while still a child herself but one day
yeni saw an opportunity to escape while
her captor was out of the house she
snuck a phone call to a neighbor who
called the police explained what was
happening and ultimately freed her but
even after being rescued
Jonnie couldn’t go back to her old life
too much had changed the local court put
her in the care of a group of
compassionate Catholic nuns who had just
opened a home for girls like her and oh
god Juana they ASSA there yeni had her
baby and began trying to move forward
with her life see she wasn’t a victim
she was a survivor she told me that she
wanted to be a lawyer when she grew up
so that she could advocate on behalf of
those who couldn’t speak for themselves
she’d created a rock-hard shell to
protect herself but within that there
were crystals I could tell you 10 other
stories just like yetis I could tell you
how Maria’s mother disowned her after
she was violated I could tell you how
eleven-year-old Carlo picked out her
baby’s name from a movie that she saw
but I’m not here to tell you these
stories today that’s not because they’re
not important on the contrary it’s
incredibly important to listen to
survivors and to believe them but in
light of the circumstances given that
these horrible events have already
disrupted these girls lives the question
I want to focus on today is what next
how do we empower survivors to move
forward to transcend their past traumas
and pave brighter futures there are two
steps the first is to give them agency
to make them feel capable of creating
change in their own lives
back at the Oh God we had one rule we
never refer to the girls as victims we
always call them survivors words hold
power if you call someone a victim
you’re telling them that what surrounds
them and what happens to them
defines who they are their statistic a
sad story a mere product of their
experiences but if you call someone a
survivor you’re empowering them you’re
telling them that they have the power to
shape their experiences and not just the
other way around
something terrible happened to them but
they control how they respond they can
start to heal themselves and forge their
way forward and this linguistic
empowerment isn’t just a matter of
labels we can empower
they’re people by the way that we talk
to them listen to them show interest
take their concerns seriously sympathize
empathize and above all believe them the
second step is to give survivors the
opportunities to improve their own
quality of life and for that you need to
study the situation and tailor your
solution according to each person’s
needs the directors at the Oh God told
me that they were having trouble
financing the girls education basic
necessities and medical expenses because
the young mothers were minors they
didn’t qualify for government provided
health care nor did they have any family
to help them so in response I negotiated
with three local private clinics for
discounts and exoneration on medical
expenses and to fund their basic
necessities in their education I created
two websites one in English one in
Spanish with an online fundraising
system to expedite and globalize the
donation process using those donations
the girls have since launched their also
own small business which they operate
out of their home they make and sell
handmade bracelets and potato donuts
for a chance at a better life after I
came back to the United States I started
researching sexual assault from a
neuroscientific perspective I reached
out to researchers and clinicians who
are exploring ways to help sexual
assault survivors transcend their past
traumas the process of moving forward is
generally not quick and it’s certainly
not easy sexual assault and other
traumatic events leave deep social
psychological and emotional scars sexual
assault predisposes survivors to an
increased risk of mood disorders
substance abuse and difficulty
maintaining familial relationships to
name a few
that’s because the experience of being
sexually assaulted fundamentally shake
survivors faith in their present and
future relationships especially if the
assaulter was someone they were close to
so how do we help survivors heal
psychologically and reintegrate into
society dr. Susan Roth a neuroscientist
and Duke professor emeritus treated
sexual assault survivors at the Duke
psychology clinic and researched coping
mechanisms for nearly four decades she
told me that for treatment to be
successful the therapist first has to
build trust and establish an environment
in which the survivor feels comfortable
sharing intimate details that means
first and foremost the therapist has to
be receptive they must try to understand
how the survivors construct their world
and their experiences without imposing
their own personal views on their prayed
patients group therapy can help build
that sort of environment because social
context and solidarity make it easier
for survivors to make sense out of what
happened to them to let down their guard
just a little crack open their shells
and let their crystals show there’s a
third aspect to this issue
justise sexual assault survivors are
consistently doubted shamed and
dismissed and this happens in the media
this happens in court this happens
wherever and whenever that kind of
oppression is enabled but I don’t have
to tell you that you’ve seen the hashtag
me too trending on social media you’ve
watched Hollywood’s premier stars
dressed in all black for the Golden
Globes and you’ve heard the allegations
leveled against powerful people what you
don’t know is that cases of sexual
misconduct are routinely thrown out
before they’re ever tried behind closed
doors
an NPR article for last November
revealed that 94 to 97 percent of sexual
harassment allegations never make it to
court
Deborah Road the director of Stanford
University’s Center on the legal
profession explains that many judges
lack an understanding of how sexual
assault affects survivors on an
emotional psychological and professional
level and as a result they refuse to
listen they reject the cases and deny
survivors the right to pursue justice we
need more judges who are willing to
listen to survivors to believe them
empathize with them and give them a
voice in court judges like rosemary
Akulina who presided over the sentencing
hearing a former US Olympic team dr.
Larry Nasser it was accused of molesting
over 150 female athletes judge a Polina
allowed all 150 survivors to come
forward and directly address their
assaulter in court and in doing so she
empowered them she gave them a public
platform to voice their experiences she
gave them permission to crack open their
rock-hard shells just a little and show
the world the crystals inside but none
of that matters if no one listens
listening being receptive trying to
understand these are all conscious
choices that we make too often all we
want to do is talk I know hard to
believe given that I’ve just spent 10
minutes up here talking your ears off
but my experience is in Peru and my
research following that taught me to be
a better listener so if you remember
nothing else of what I’ve said here
today remember this you are an agent of
change
so choose to listen choose to empathize
choose to look beyond someone’s
rock-hard exterior and choose to
appreciate the crystals they have to
offer thank you [Applause]
Please follow and like us: