hello everybody I’m Alfie I do
impressions they’re fantastic
so fantastic they’re the greatest
impressions of all time that’s right
Barack Obama Barack Obama is much
shorter more clips more stats maleic
where no change less is more I think
you’ll agree I was doing impressions
more recently I’ve worked on the BBC as
a radio host and presenter and
journalist before that I was a stand-up
comedian did that for about 20 years
before that I was a Harrods toy
demonstrator and in that bag is the toy
I used to demonstrate it and if you’re
good but only if you’re good I’ll show
you the toy it’s really good and before
I was a toy demonstrator I was a monk
and before I was a monk I trained to be
a priest
and before I was a trainee priest I was
a boy who did impressions there you go
so it’s a bit of a we had sought a
journey and as a boy I dreamed of doing
all of those things I dreamed of being
on the radio fantasized about us used to
listen to radio and me mum all the times
up what would be great have your own
radio show well that didn’t happen to
lads like me where I was from it’s a
dream of being on the telly doing
impressions that doesn’t happen to lads
like me where I’m from and I want to be
a comedian because made me dad loved
comedy but that didn’t happen the lads
like me where I was from and very often
we settle for the ordinary don’t we
instead of the extraordinary which is
mad isn’t it if you want to do something
go and do it it’s your life it’s your
story you’re in charge of the script
don’t let anybody else write your story
make it as fascinating as interesting as
you can and it’s hard
a lot of people like to pigeonhole us
and suppress our dreams and keep them
dreams in little box door open that
that’s just your dreams and very often
our being stuck in the middle lane of
life and when you’re on the border where
there’s not more annoying than the
middle lane driver and that’s been me
many times has at in Oh cautious
overcautious stoner tickity risks oh how
annoying is the middle end driver den
annoying move to the side think don’t
move overtake what you don’t because so
many people might judge you what if I do
overtake and somebody thinks bother me
and yet endlessly there are
opportunities zoom and past moments
where we could pull out and do something
more interesting
we’re always scared those people the
negative near says the skeptics the
cynics the sarcastic and we give them so
much attention instead of thinking about
the positive people in our life the
teacher the coach the mom the dad
the person who punches your arm and says
you can do it and if you haven’t got
somebody like that in your life first of
all I’d be amazed but secondly if you
haven’t I’ll do it for you now because I
really believe anyone can change lens
because if I can do it simple add from a
simple place like where I was from
I really believe anyone can change lens
let me tell you about some of my lens
changes when I was 7 me teacher did
something probably your teachers did
about the same age and said draw in your
book what you’d like to be when you grow
up
and everybody drew the usual astronauts
cowboy policeman nurse that kind of
thing and I drew in I was seven I drew a
Catholic priest I know weird
very weird my dad was Catholic he didn’t
go to church my mom wasn’t Catholic and
I drew myself with a dog collar on and a
pipe I didn’t know ecigs were gonna be
here and and I drew myself and Mrs W oh
that’s interesting isn’t it a mr. Smith
one of my great inspirations so do you
really want to do that and I said yes
sir and he kept asking me every year do
you still want to do that and I didn’t I
don’t know why but I kept wanting to do
it and it’s a bit like the Billy Elliot
story now because my dad was a coal
miner and off I went to Hogwarts for a
little trainee priests instead of
wizards and the night before I went me
dad cried all night he couldn’t come to
terms with it he didn’t know how to talk
about it and all he said was son if you
want to come on pack your bags and come
home we’ll come and get you
we didn’t have a car but he’s met Kenny
Ali well did so that was all right so
Anya I knew it was possible and that was
me dad giving me permission to do what I
wanted I knew he wasn’t keen on it but
he said you go and do it soon enough I
went and it was incredible father byron
the drama teacher inspired me so I could
do my little bit of show business all
the while and act in plays and do bits
of comedy here and there an unbelievable
experience after experience while I was
trying to be a priest
I can’t believe when I look back it’s
like an out-of-body experience on all
the things I did I went into schools as
a chaplain I went into hospitals a
hospice I worked out for a time I did a
two-year stretch in prison got out with
good behavior as a chaplain incredible
and everywhere I went
there were great stories everyone had an
amazing story whether they were living
it whether they hadn’t decided to write
it the potential was their stories have
collected them all me life and that’s
helped propel me on to keep changing
lengthen and as a trainee priest I was
about to be ordained and this was a
massive shift for me
I’ve done it for ten years and I’d
observe this religious order who were in
the same seminary and they used to go
out and do this outreach work for poor
people in poorer areas I was so
impressed with them I thought actually I
like what they’re do so I had to go to
the bishop who supported me and paired
for me training and everything I’d asked
him permission to leave and he wasn’t
pleased and I went and I had a for me
mom and tell me mom that I was joining
an order that she hadn’t heard of it
might as well have been the Moonies for
all she knew but I was telling her I was
joining the Silesians of Don Bosco a
missionary order and off I went with
them I did that for five years and they
said what do you want to do you you look
like you love drama you’ve always liked
this act and thing why don’t you go to
London and do a drama degree and you can
teach him one of our schools so off I
went to teach in London or so I thought
and we did a module in stand-up comedy
and it changed my life again I felt
nothing like it the first stand-up gig
racked with nerves I walk up nervous on
the loo all day and I did that gig and
honestly I remember ami friends saying
wow that was great we’re all going to a
party now I said I I can’t
I’ve just got to be on my own I walked
home about five miles off laughted all
the way and I went to see father John in
the order he was head of the order and I
said I’ve just had an amazing experience
I’ve done stand-up comedy and I think
it’s what I’ve always wanted to do and
he said you’ve made your mind up haven’t
yet and that’s all I’ve done for 15
years how to form your mom again I said
you know what I’ve decided to leave and
she said well she’d become Catholic by
this time she changed lens just because
she wanted a piece of my action so my
mom says but what you gonna do that’s
all you’ve ever done 15 years of your
life you haven’t got a piece of paper
I’m gonna certificate a qualification
what you’re gonna do
I said it’s all right mom I’m gonna do
stand-up
well she wasn’t laughing and off I went
to do the club’s very long journey again
lots and lots of gigs for free lots and
lots of dreams again impossible dreams
I’ll never play the Comedy Store just
play pubs and that’ll be enough for me
and a little playing the Comedy Store
I’ll never be in a sitcom I ended up in
two sitcoms I ended up as a TV warm-up
man for University Challenge I in I know
I can’t believe all these things are
being ticked off one after another it
was like somebody was making up my wish
list and then I got a call from the BBC
mister Robson said would you like to do
ashore at BBC Newcastle well I scratched
me and I thought this is unbelievable as
a kid I used to cassette me on look them
up on Google through the blow your mind
I used to use a cassette to record me on
radio shows but I never thought I’d ever
have a radio show that did not no lads
like where I was from and I ended up
with my own radio show after year mister
Robson said John do the breakfast show I
can’t with retro show because that’s
serious and you have to interview
cabinet ministers and you’ve got to do
serious stuff and I don’t really do he
said we’ll give it a try we’ll put you
with the best journalists there is and
she’s great I think she’s here today and
that again blew my mind
give me another terrific experience and
I thought well that’s it it’s complete I
can’t change Linds any more times and
then on there’s a sort of sideline I’ve
been doing impressions on YouTube with a
pal of mine your lad loves doing
impressions so can we do some
impressions together you do some I do
some will mix and match so we put some
on YouTube and we got a call by the way
I near sear at the BBC where we were
recording them so what you doing tonight
with all them wigs and huts and
everything so we’re doing some
impressions for YouTube you said what at
your age I think that’s over this is –
he’s a nice fella and I don’t think you
meant any harm
and we put them on YouTube and not long
after we got a call from talent show
called Britain’s Got Talent
and they said
can you come on Britain’s Got Talent do
some impressions the trouble is it’s in
a week no auditions you’re straight in
front of the live judges 10 million
people watching you I thought all you
can get buzzed off that’ll be on YouTube
forever I said no I mean wife said yes
I’m a boss at the BBC said you do want
us so off we went a London in the
dominion theatre for judges there Simon
Cowell on that loss and we did three
minutes of impressions and we got four
yeses from the judges we I don’t we got
standing ovations and we couldn’t
believe it and that clips on YouTube
nearly three million hits again it’s got
to stop there can’t cheat and then I
look back enough and I on there’s a
10-year phenomenon going on here so in
me 20s I tried to be a priest near the
Montreux finola in me 30s I was a
comedian in me 40s I did the radio and
the impressions what can I do me fifties
and I was horsing some events and some
some of me Orton and bits I thought I’ll
do with cartoons I’ve always drawn a bit
and doodled and stuff never brilliant so
I was drawn and stuff and I put some up
on some slides and a fella said hey I
think you’ve got a book in you
mr. Thompson he’s got a gallery in
Newcastle he said nice I’d like some of
your pictures for me gallery I said well
I’ve got no he said well draw some can’t
can’t sell fit I’m not good enough to
draw them he said what company gallery
and I’ve a lot and I had a look I
thought I can’t draw this good anywhere
he gave me a wall and he encouraged me
and he told me I had to do it and I kept
on trying and I kept on working out it
and I’ve got a wall at his gallery and I
got a wall another gallery and he first
boots out this month and it’s all
cartoon and then I’ve got another one
that’s off to the publishers and it’s
like I’ve been living the dream here’s
the catch all of that is possible now an
awesome you’ll be sitting there thinking
it’s alright for you you’re confident
you’re full of beans you’ve got talent I
don’t agree with that I think nearly
everything I’ve done just demanded so
much
hard work and I would say that is just
the story yeah if you want to live your
dream you’ve got to work harder than
anything and you think how hard you do
do doing a job you don’t like it is that
possible you know how many people just
Hey
sitting in a life of frustrated tension
but think about the pension why not do
you want to do this this this proves a
point here that you being so good I’m
gonna show you me toy so I’m walking
through Harrods and and I’m thinking oh
I could demonstrate that toy I could
demonstrate that toy and I get to the
very end and this guy he’s there with
this and it is the super stunt of plan
three in a pack the old fly back red
yellow and blue they all come back me
you I’ve still got it you still want it
who’s the daddy now oh yes here we go
and the first dear I did this I got the
job and all we were being peered will
get no basic pay you got paid 30 pence a
packet and the first day I sold one
packet and went over the pub and bought
a glass of coke and I’ve spent more and
leave us a cork than they earned so I
went home I didn’t have any talent at
this so I went home in a practiced and a
practiced all night and the next year I
sold a few more by the end of that month
because I was practicing every night so
hard I could do this hopefully so give
us a give us a little drumroll friends
here we are that’s it rattle your thighs
a chair in front they would look at the
tension now it’s great isn’t it you know
we’re hey how about that there whoa hey
ah thank you ladies and gentlemen just
to finish with if you haven’t got
someone in your life who gives you
permission to follow your dreams to
follow your heart to follow your passion
I’m sure you’ve got like I had and mr.
Smith a father Baron Oh Jill at the BBC
a mr. Robson a mr. Thomson if you
haven’t got someone like that come and
find me because I will tell you you can
achieve anything you want because if
it’s
lud like me can do it anybody can thank
you very much thank you [Applause]
impressions they’re fantastic
so fantastic they’re the greatest
impressions of all time that’s right
Barack Obama Barack Obama is much
shorter more clips more stats maleic
where no change less is more I think
you’ll agree I was doing impressions
more recently I’ve worked on the BBC as
a radio host and presenter and
journalist before that I was a stand-up
comedian did that for about 20 years
before that I was a Harrods toy
demonstrator and in that bag is the toy
I used to demonstrate it and if you’re
good but only if you’re good I’ll show
you the toy it’s really good and before
I was a toy demonstrator I was a monk
and before I was a monk I trained to be
a priest
and before I was a trainee priest I was
a boy who did impressions there you go
so it’s a bit of a we had sought a
journey and as a boy I dreamed of doing
all of those things I dreamed of being
on the radio fantasized about us used to
listen to radio and me mum all the times
up what would be great have your own
radio show well that didn’t happen to
lads like me where I was from it’s a
dream of being on the telly doing
impressions that doesn’t happen to lads
like me where I’m from and I want to be
a comedian because made me dad loved
comedy but that didn’t happen the lads
like me where I was from and very often
we settle for the ordinary don’t we
instead of the extraordinary which is
mad isn’t it if you want to do something
go and do it it’s your life it’s your
story you’re in charge of the script
don’t let anybody else write your story
make it as fascinating as interesting as
you can and it’s hard
a lot of people like to pigeonhole us
and suppress our dreams and keep them
dreams in little box door open that
that’s just your dreams and very often
our being stuck in the middle lane of
life and when you’re on the border where
there’s not more annoying than the
middle lane driver and that’s been me
many times has at in Oh cautious
overcautious stoner tickity risks oh how
annoying is the middle end driver den
annoying move to the side think don’t
move overtake what you don’t because so
many people might judge you what if I do
overtake and somebody thinks bother me
and yet endlessly there are
opportunities zoom and past moments
where we could pull out and do something
more interesting
we’re always scared those people the
negative near says the skeptics the
cynics the sarcastic and we give them so
much attention instead of thinking about
the positive people in our life the
teacher the coach the mom the dad
the person who punches your arm and says
you can do it and if you haven’t got
somebody like that in your life first of
all I’d be amazed but secondly if you
haven’t I’ll do it for you now because I
really believe anyone can change lens
because if I can do it simple add from a
simple place like where I was from
I really believe anyone can change lens
let me tell you about some of my lens
changes when I was 7 me teacher did
something probably your teachers did
about the same age and said draw in your
book what you’d like to be when you grow
up
and everybody drew the usual astronauts
cowboy policeman nurse that kind of
thing and I drew in I was seven I drew a
Catholic priest I know weird
very weird my dad was Catholic he didn’t
go to church my mom wasn’t Catholic and
I drew myself with a dog collar on and a
pipe I didn’t know ecigs were gonna be
here and and I drew myself and Mrs W oh
that’s interesting isn’t it a mr. Smith
one of my great inspirations so do you
really want to do that and I said yes
sir and he kept asking me every year do
you still want to do that and I didn’t I
don’t know why but I kept wanting to do
it and it’s a bit like the Billy Elliot
story now because my dad was a coal
miner and off I went to Hogwarts for a
little trainee priests instead of
wizards and the night before I went me
dad cried all night he couldn’t come to
terms with it he didn’t know how to talk
about it and all he said was son if you
want to come on pack your bags and come
home we’ll come and get you
we didn’t have a car but he’s met Kenny
Ali well did so that was all right so
Anya I knew it was possible and that was
me dad giving me permission to do what I
wanted I knew he wasn’t keen on it but
he said you go and do it soon enough I
went and it was incredible father byron
the drama teacher inspired me so I could
do my little bit of show business all
the while and act in plays and do bits
of comedy here and there an unbelievable
experience after experience while I was
trying to be a priest
I can’t believe when I look back it’s
like an out-of-body experience on all
the things I did I went into schools as
a chaplain I went into hospitals a
hospice I worked out for a time I did a
two-year stretch in prison got out with
good behavior as a chaplain incredible
and everywhere I went
there were great stories everyone had an
amazing story whether they were living
it whether they hadn’t decided to write
it the potential was their stories have
collected them all me life and that’s
helped propel me on to keep changing
lengthen and as a trainee priest I was
about to be ordained and this was a
massive shift for me
I’ve done it for ten years and I’d
observe this religious order who were in
the same seminary and they used to go
out and do this outreach work for poor
people in poorer areas I was so
impressed with them I thought actually I
like what they’re do so I had to go to
the bishop who supported me and paired
for me training and everything I’d asked
him permission to leave and he wasn’t
pleased and I went and I had a for me
mom and tell me mom that I was joining
an order that she hadn’t heard of it
might as well have been the Moonies for
all she knew but I was telling her I was
joining the Silesians of Don Bosco a
missionary order and off I went with
them I did that for five years and they
said what do you want to do you you look
like you love drama you’ve always liked
this act and thing why don’t you go to
London and do a drama degree and you can
teach him one of our schools so off I
went to teach in London or so I thought
and we did a module in stand-up comedy
and it changed my life again I felt
nothing like it the first stand-up gig
racked with nerves I walk up nervous on
the loo all day and I did that gig and
honestly I remember ami friends saying
wow that was great we’re all going to a
party now I said I I can’t
I’ve just got to be on my own I walked
home about five miles off laughted all
the way and I went to see father John in
the order he was head of the order and I
said I’ve just had an amazing experience
I’ve done stand-up comedy and I think
it’s what I’ve always wanted to do and
he said you’ve made your mind up haven’t
yet and that’s all I’ve done for 15
years how to form your mom again I said
you know what I’ve decided to leave and
she said well she’d become Catholic by
this time she changed lens just because
she wanted a piece of my action so my
mom says but what you gonna do that’s
all you’ve ever done 15 years of your
life you haven’t got a piece of paper
I’m gonna certificate a qualification
what you’re gonna do
I said it’s all right mom I’m gonna do
stand-up
well she wasn’t laughing and off I went
to do the club’s very long journey again
lots and lots of gigs for free lots and
lots of dreams again impossible dreams
I’ll never play the Comedy Store just
play pubs and that’ll be enough for me
and a little playing the Comedy Store
I’ll never be in a sitcom I ended up in
two sitcoms I ended up as a TV warm-up
man for University Challenge I in I know
I can’t believe all these things are
being ticked off one after another it
was like somebody was making up my wish
list and then I got a call from the BBC
mister Robson said would you like to do
ashore at BBC Newcastle well I scratched
me and I thought this is unbelievable as
a kid I used to cassette me on look them
up on Google through the blow your mind
I used to use a cassette to record me on
radio shows but I never thought I’d ever
have a radio show that did not no lads
like where I was from and I ended up
with my own radio show after year mister
Robson said John do the breakfast show I
can’t with retro show because that’s
serious and you have to interview
cabinet ministers and you’ve got to do
serious stuff and I don’t really do he
said we’ll give it a try we’ll put you
with the best journalists there is and
she’s great I think she’s here today and
that again blew my mind
give me another terrific experience and
I thought well that’s it it’s complete I
can’t change Linds any more times and
then on there’s a sort of sideline I’ve
been doing impressions on YouTube with a
pal of mine your lad loves doing
impressions so can we do some
impressions together you do some I do
some will mix and match so we put some
on YouTube and we got a call by the way
I near sear at the BBC where we were
recording them so what you doing tonight
with all them wigs and huts and
everything so we’re doing some
impressions for YouTube you said what at
your age I think that’s over this is –
he’s a nice fella and I don’t think you
meant any harm
and we put them on YouTube and not long
after we got a call from talent show
called Britain’s Got Talent
and they said
can you come on Britain’s Got Talent do
some impressions the trouble is it’s in
a week no auditions you’re straight in
front of the live judges 10 million
people watching you I thought all you
can get buzzed off that’ll be on YouTube
forever I said no I mean wife said yes
I’m a boss at the BBC said you do want
us so off we went a London in the
dominion theatre for judges there Simon
Cowell on that loss and we did three
minutes of impressions and we got four
yeses from the judges we I don’t we got
standing ovations and we couldn’t
believe it and that clips on YouTube
nearly three million hits again it’s got
to stop there can’t cheat and then I
look back enough and I on there’s a
10-year phenomenon going on here so in
me 20s I tried to be a priest near the
Montreux finola in me 30s I was a
comedian in me 40s I did the radio and
the impressions what can I do me fifties
and I was horsing some events and some
some of me Orton and bits I thought I’ll
do with cartoons I’ve always drawn a bit
and doodled and stuff never brilliant so
I was drawn and stuff and I put some up
on some slides and a fella said hey I
think you’ve got a book in you
mr. Thompson he’s got a gallery in
Newcastle he said nice I’d like some of
your pictures for me gallery I said well
I’ve got no he said well draw some can’t
can’t sell fit I’m not good enough to
draw them he said what company gallery
and I’ve a lot and I had a look I
thought I can’t draw this good anywhere
he gave me a wall and he encouraged me
and he told me I had to do it and I kept
on trying and I kept on working out it
and I’ve got a wall at his gallery and I
got a wall another gallery and he first
boots out this month and it’s all
cartoon and then I’ve got another one
that’s off to the publishers and it’s
like I’ve been living the dream here’s
the catch all of that is possible now an
awesome you’ll be sitting there thinking
it’s alright for you you’re confident
you’re full of beans you’ve got talent I
don’t agree with that I think nearly
everything I’ve done just demanded so
much
hard work and I would say that is just
the story yeah if you want to live your
dream you’ve got to work harder than
anything and you think how hard you do
do doing a job you don’t like it is that
possible you know how many people just
Hey
sitting in a life of frustrated tension
but think about the pension why not do
you want to do this this this proves a
point here that you being so good I’m
gonna show you me toy so I’m walking
through Harrods and and I’m thinking oh
I could demonstrate that toy I could
demonstrate that toy and I get to the
very end and this guy he’s there with
this and it is the super stunt of plan
three in a pack the old fly back red
yellow and blue they all come back me
you I’ve still got it you still want it
who’s the daddy now oh yes here we go
and the first dear I did this I got the
job and all we were being peered will
get no basic pay you got paid 30 pence a
packet and the first day I sold one
packet and went over the pub and bought
a glass of coke and I’ve spent more and
leave us a cork than they earned so I
went home I didn’t have any talent at
this so I went home in a practiced and a
practiced all night and the next year I
sold a few more by the end of that month
because I was practicing every night so
hard I could do this hopefully so give
us a give us a little drumroll friends
here we are that’s it rattle your thighs
a chair in front they would look at the
tension now it’s great isn’t it you know
we’re hey how about that there whoa hey
ah thank you ladies and gentlemen just
to finish with if you haven’t got
someone in your life who gives you
permission to follow your dreams to
follow your heart to follow your passion
I’m sure you’ve got like I had and mr.
Smith a father Baron Oh Jill at the BBC
a mr. Robson a mr. Thomson if you
haven’t got someone like that come and
find me because I will tell you you can
achieve anything you want because if
it’s
lud like me can do it anybody can thank
you very much thank you [Applause]
Please follow and like us: