I walk into my dining room in my school
uniform carrying the backpack and I see
around 50 strangers in my house eating
and laughing together
my mother is bringing one dish after the
other and my father is having the time
of his life serving them food well who
are these people what are they doing in
my house
I’m surprised confused and overwhelmed
to see a ton of strangers in my house
our house was on this narrow street in a
small nod Rijn city of Pakistan called
the shower where I was born and where I
spent the first few years of my life as
soon as the clock would struck 10:00 at
night
dozens of stray dogs would gather
outside our main gate hungry dirty and
creepy the next day I would again see a
ton of strangers in my house this was my
life every single day unusual and
strange I started questioning the
circumstances of my household as early
as I started talking and thinking
whenever I would go to my friend’s house
to play I would realize how different my
household operates while everyone else
is talking about taking the next trip to
theme park and buying Mickey Mouse
t-shirts why are we talking about saving
children from famine and Sudan why is
the fridge always empty at night why
does our dinner table conversations
always revolve around world famous
historic peacemakers that being said the
kind of education I was receiving at
school was also very different than my
upbringing at home and to be honest that
little three-year-old me was very
confused at last a time came when those
strangers and dogs started to bring
comfort instead of confusion
it was after much later in life that I
realized that my house is not just a
home for my family in fact it’s an open
sanctuary for every hyung
human being and animal what makes it
interesting is that my parents were not
the kind of rich philanthropists who
were offering a part of themselves by
from their comfort zone they were
themselves in fact dealing with the kind
of difficulties that are hard for human
mind to even comprehend years later I
realized and recognized that there are
way too many stories and memories in my
life that needs to be preserved and
shared so I picked up a pen and started
writing a book while that book is still
a work in progress
I have several chapters of my life
written down and compiled my aim was to
explore that what altruism truly is and
what is this instinct that devotes us to
the well-being of other people in such a
way that some of us are even ready to
put other people needs comfort and
safety before our own my father held an
executive position in Pakistan News
Bureau as a senior journalist he recalls
that his college days were so bad that
he didn’t have shoes to wear he would
take the patches of leather and sear
them he couldn’t afford books so he
would ask his seniors to lend him the
book the night before an exam
he had this burning passion of
journalism and bringing justice to those
who don’t have a voice of their own
somehow by earning scholarships he made
his way up to the University got his
master’s in journalism and joined
workforce as a fearless journalist he
was among the few very highly
specialized group of journalists who
were appointed to cover worldwide Wars
and terrorism he led a team of strong
journalists when planning for news
coverage assignments he would help
assign the safest places in the world to
his teammates and volunteered to take
the most dangerous physically
challenging and life-threatening
assignments for himself he would often
justify this by saying that his purpose
in life is to bring justice to those who
can’t stand up for themselves and this
cannot be done from the comfort of your
house he would starve four nights in
your burning Sun and thirst for days go
off communication for weeks dodge the
bullets
and stay in office four nights in a row
to make sure that no piece of
information is cut from the facts he
quickly grabbed attention from CNN BBC
and several other Western media
platforms that offered him lucrative
offers he would often politely decline
those offers by telling them that for
now there’s way too much work that needs
to be done in Pakistan a beautiful
country of peaceful people that is being
slowly tarnished by fragments of
terrorism that is not even its homegrown
product his stories of being of being
involved with the tribal communities to
solve the problem of human trafficking
and honor killing is a story for another
day he was also among the chosen very
few highly specialized group of
journalists who were appointed by the
government of Pakistan to accompany the
dignitaries of the country like Air
Chief Marshal Chief of Army ministers
and at times even presidents and prime
ministers he accompanied the 8th
President of Pakistan during his tours
to Middle East who later lauded him as
one of the most competent journalists
Pakistan has ever produced he would go
all around the world and meet elite
journalists from all around the world
and honestly brought home the kind of
knowledge and world information that
could not be found in books and I’m so
thankful for him to raise for raising me
a person who was open and very exposed
to firsthand raw world information my
mother a very bold outspoken and
intimidating journalist herself came to
my dad’s attention due to her rising
reputation of boldness within the local
group of journalists my dad used to
recall that it was almost impossible to
see a daunting and fiercely strong 25
year old living and studying in one of
the most patriarchal communities in the
deep tribal zone of Pakistan in the time
when even the idea of women leaving her
house was not well conceived by some
families let alone be educated in modern
world media and be the voice of change
both in politics and women rights she
endured extreme backlash
psychological harassment and trauma for
her efforts to break patriarchy
throughout her life in and outside of
career in her bold and transparent
reports where she would openly call out
corruption and demand justice would
attract major newspapers across her
country she was threatened multiple
times when she demanded justice for the
underprivileged women subjected to
domestic violence
I still remember one day my dad leaning
against the wall wearing his travel
blazer of a bag at his feet his six feet
four inches almost reaching the ceiling
hey Sapna he said peaceful smile on his
face come give me a hug
I was about four years old and I happily
leaned into him as did my mother
they were both taller than me but I did
hear him whisper something I might not
come back this time when he left I asked
my mom what he meant
she said he goes to vores and saves
people Sapna it’s very dangerous out
there she said that in her very loving
but strong way I was young but not naive
I was loved and felt safe but I was
always very aware of the kind of
difficulties and the life that my
parents endure to bring a difference in
the lives of other people I was very
confused that what is this love greater
than the love of someone’s own daughter
and wife that he when death does not
scare him well he did come back but in
an ambulance pale and weak with an
injured eye and a failed kidney due to
unavailability of water he survived on
the droplets of petal water for about a
month from that day on his health
started to deteriorate fast but we
finally found his kidney donor it was a
journey of eight years after the day of
kidney transplant that completely
transformed my life and taught me some
of the most valuable lessons about
resilience altruism and in general life
my mother who was a very loyal and
loving partner to my father spent every
minute of eight years with him left
house at sunrise in the morning to be
with him at the hospital and returned in
the middle of nights during all those
years when she could not be with me at
10:00 and attend me properly she brought
me a 20-pound world encyclopedia and
requested me to learn about two things
global inequality and justice my
homework had clearly begun I studied
hard travelled a little bit came across
several nonprofit organizations
eventually co-founded one of my own
realizing that my father does not have a
lot of time left my parents would walk
down the street and look for people who
needed resources from the little wealth
they acquired they helped build houses
for the people of slum communities sent
children to school became basic provider
for the families in need and paid for
the patients awaiting clearance in the
operating room I should tell that when
my father would get back from work he
would just change in from his
professional fancy attire into a very
low-key outfit and just run outside
without having dinner and sit in the
nearby slum communities to just talk to
people and listen to their problems
he was so ambitious always seen with his
documents devising an economic plan an
education plan for those families and
kids well when it was confirmed that my
father will not survive and my parents
were very devoted to spend every penny
they have earned for the well-being of
community and neighborhood they started
to live a very fulfilled life until one
fine day when I was told that my best
friend is no more losing a father is a
trauma that I don’t wish on any
twelve-year-old from that day on I
started to miserably fail my classes
failed my sixth grade stopped speaking
to everybody and began a very serious
research on altruism well as serious as
the twelve-year-old could do
soon after my dad’s death my
guardianship was claimed by someone by
bribing the judges
and producing fake documents to prove
that my mother is not my real mother and
that I should be given to my claim
guardian in hopes of whatever in hopes
of acquiring whatever my dad has left me
my mother once again picked up the books
this time the books of law fought
relentlessly in the court for years and
fought for me and brought me home while
all that was happening and she was
standing up for herself and fighting for
me she realized that just like me there
must be other women and girls out there
who are fighting for their basic right
to life and belonging so she sought out
several nonprofit organizations and met
with 16 women who were caught up in fake
allegations were proven innocent but
were too poor to afford the bill so she
sold her wedding jewelry her very last
asset to free those women and allowing
all of us to enjoy the freedom together
she encountered with women trafficking
now I must tell you as a single women
raising a teenage daughter in one of the
most patriarchal set up encountering
with women trafficking was one of the
most dangerous and life-threatening
there of my life that my mother died
straight into by putting her own life to
risk she was able to free two women from
the trafficking mafia the moments of
those days still give me chills while
this all craziness was happening I and
she was dealing with so much raising me
dealing with my high school drama
Teenage Drama and working three jobs I
asked my mom how do you do all this and
why do you do what you do she told me
that to answer that Sapna you have to
ask yourself a couple questions you
first have to ask what is your purpose
in life and when you have that answer
down you have to ask yourself are you
interested in it or are you committed to
doing it
she said if you’re interested you will
do when it’s convenient for you to do
but if you’re committed you will do
whatever it takes you to do that eight
years
flash forward due to negligence of
doctor and wrong medication my mother’s
abdomin got poisoned and the doctors
gave us a final 48 hour verdict
my mother’s life support was supposed to
be switched off
I was soloed in this deep white of grief
it was an emptiness that constricted my
ability to think or to even breathe it
was an emptiness that filled my heart
and lungs and made every breath a
challenge I didn’t even want to live
myself anymore during all those dark
thoughts I started to think about my
parents who thrived in the face of
adversity and got up from their beds
every morning to bring the difference in
the lives of other people I remember my
parents told me that to have true
success in life you need a goal far
bigger than your own self they also told
me that serving humanity gives them the
supernatural energy to get through the
darkest days of their lives so I did
what they used to do while my mother was
living the last few hours of her life
and I was choking of grief I woke up
from my bed and ran to the nearby book
store I bought dozens of random cards
and sticky notes wrote beautiful
messages for strangers and started
placing them on the windshield of random
cars I emptied my emergency saving fund
and suddenly I thought I recall those
days when my parents would empty the
fridge every night to feed people
my parents empty fridge was their way of
keep going knowing that they have to
wake up every morning to feed to fill
the fridge to feed the strangers and the
dogs gave my parents the resilience the
passion and the commitment to keep going
and be resilient so I also did the same
I am did my fridge and to get through
those for the a deadly hours of my life
I did all I could do within my capacity
to bring a difference in the lives of
other people and let me tell you what
happened while my mother was still dying
and I was still grieving my neural
chemistry suddenly changed all of a
sudden I wanted to live and that feeling
of fear was replaced by that of hope and
courage I have observed two things in my
journey to writing this book number one
my parents
who are very highly who were highly
successful had great educational degrees
and experience in working and premium
newspapers were more known in the
community because of their altruism than
of their credentials number two they
were considered more successful by their
peers as compared to those with even
higher educational credentials and even
premium experiences of the world this
brought me to my basic question that
what is it that truly determines our
success due to my first-hand experience
of living this kind of life that I’ve
just shared with you and being raised by
altruist and resilient parents I have
concluded that of all human traits
possibly present in a human it is not
your education your experience or your
credentials or your talent that
determines how far and how high you will
go in life now there’s no arguing that
these traits certainly help you climb
the ladder but in actuality it is your
resilience that determines how far
and/or high you will go in life it is
your grit and a muscle to wake up every
morning even in the toughest times of
your life now here you may pause and ask
me that what is this that makes us
resilient in my book I have introduced
this mystery as buoyancy therapy which
is an ability to float on water even in
storms imagine yourself a pebble whose
ideas and thoughts are so dense so
self-centered so closely linked and
bound that when you are thrown in the
current of life you’ll lose your
buoyancy and are destined to sink this
is not the case with the big ship that
courses these waters it stays afloat
because it’s capable of holding
everybody together when there’s a storm
everybody fights and makes it to the
shore safely my definition of success
was the funeral of my father that was
attended by more than a thousand people
out of which hundreds of them were just
strangers who never knew him other than
just a man who used to bring them water
or my definition of success is my dying
mother when she was on her deathbed I
would receive hundreds of calls from all
around the country people who I didn’t
know would just tell me how important it
is for her to live it is no wonder that
through my story you all got to know my
parents the way I got to know them but
my goal for you is to not fall in love
with a fragment of their existence but
to call yourself to begin to take an
action to make your fragment of
existence a reason for someone else to
exist so that your fragment can fight
all the storms of life and cultivate a
community and legacy that lives beyond
your existence so next time when you
absolutely cannot get up from your beds
in the morning wake up for someone else
[Applause]
you
uniform carrying the backpack and I see
around 50 strangers in my house eating
and laughing together
my mother is bringing one dish after the
other and my father is having the time
of his life serving them food well who
are these people what are they doing in
my house
I’m surprised confused and overwhelmed
to see a ton of strangers in my house
our house was on this narrow street in a
small nod Rijn city of Pakistan called
the shower where I was born and where I
spent the first few years of my life as
soon as the clock would struck 10:00 at
night
dozens of stray dogs would gather
outside our main gate hungry dirty and
creepy the next day I would again see a
ton of strangers in my house this was my
life every single day unusual and
strange I started questioning the
circumstances of my household as early
as I started talking and thinking
whenever I would go to my friend’s house
to play I would realize how different my
household operates while everyone else
is talking about taking the next trip to
theme park and buying Mickey Mouse
t-shirts why are we talking about saving
children from famine and Sudan why is
the fridge always empty at night why
does our dinner table conversations
always revolve around world famous
historic peacemakers that being said the
kind of education I was receiving at
school was also very different than my
upbringing at home and to be honest that
little three-year-old me was very
confused at last a time came when those
strangers and dogs started to bring
comfort instead of confusion
it was after much later in life that I
realized that my house is not just a
home for my family in fact it’s an open
sanctuary for every hyung
human being and animal what makes it
interesting is that my parents were not
the kind of rich philanthropists who
were offering a part of themselves by
from their comfort zone they were
themselves in fact dealing with the kind
of difficulties that are hard for human
mind to even comprehend years later I
realized and recognized that there are
way too many stories and memories in my
life that needs to be preserved and
shared so I picked up a pen and started
writing a book while that book is still
a work in progress
I have several chapters of my life
written down and compiled my aim was to
explore that what altruism truly is and
what is this instinct that devotes us to
the well-being of other people in such a
way that some of us are even ready to
put other people needs comfort and
safety before our own my father held an
executive position in Pakistan News
Bureau as a senior journalist he recalls
that his college days were so bad that
he didn’t have shoes to wear he would
take the patches of leather and sear
them he couldn’t afford books so he
would ask his seniors to lend him the
book the night before an exam
he had this burning passion of
journalism and bringing justice to those
who don’t have a voice of their own
somehow by earning scholarships he made
his way up to the University got his
master’s in journalism and joined
workforce as a fearless journalist he
was among the few very highly
specialized group of journalists who
were appointed to cover worldwide Wars
and terrorism he led a team of strong
journalists when planning for news
coverage assignments he would help
assign the safest places in the world to
his teammates and volunteered to take
the most dangerous physically
challenging and life-threatening
assignments for himself he would often
justify this by saying that his purpose
in life is to bring justice to those who
can’t stand up for themselves and this
cannot be done from the comfort of your
house he would starve four nights in
your burning Sun and thirst for days go
off communication for weeks dodge the
bullets
and stay in office four nights in a row
to make sure that no piece of
information is cut from the facts he
quickly grabbed attention from CNN BBC
and several other Western media
platforms that offered him lucrative
offers he would often politely decline
those offers by telling them that for
now there’s way too much work that needs
to be done in Pakistan a beautiful
country of peaceful people that is being
slowly tarnished by fragments of
terrorism that is not even its homegrown
product his stories of being of being
involved with the tribal communities to
solve the problem of human trafficking
and honor killing is a story for another
day he was also among the chosen very
few highly specialized group of
journalists who were appointed by the
government of Pakistan to accompany the
dignitaries of the country like Air
Chief Marshal Chief of Army ministers
and at times even presidents and prime
ministers he accompanied the 8th
President of Pakistan during his tours
to Middle East who later lauded him as
one of the most competent journalists
Pakistan has ever produced he would go
all around the world and meet elite
journalists from all around the world
and honestly brought home the kind of
knowledge and world information that
could not be found in books and I’m so
thankful for him to raise for raising me
a person who was open and very exposed
to firsthand raw world information my
mother a very bold outspoken and
intimidating journalist herself came to
my dad’s attention due to her rising
reputation of boldness within the local
group of journalists my dad used to
recall that it was almost impossible to
see a daunting and fiercely strong 25
year old living and studying in one of
the most patriarchal communities in the
deep tribal zone of Pakistan in the time
when even the idea of women leaving her
house was not well conceived by some
families let alone be educated in modern
world media and be the voice of change
both in politics and women rights she
endured extreme backlash
psychological harassment and trauma for
her efforts to break patriarchy
throughout her life in and outside of
career in her bold and transparent
reports where she would openly call out
corruption and demand justice would
attract major newspapers across her
country she was threatened multiple
times when she demanded justice for the
underprivileged women subjected to
domestic violence
I still remember one day my dad leaning
against the wall wearing his travel
blazer of a bag at his feet his six feet
four inches almost reaching the ceiling
hey Sapna he said peaceful smile on his
face come give me a hug
I was about four years old and I happily
leaned into him as did my mother
they were both taller than me but I did
hear him whisper something I might not
come back this time when he left I asked
my mom what he meant
she said he goes to vores and saves
people Sapna it’s very dangerous out
there she said that in her very loving
but strong way I was young but not naive
I was loved and felt safe but I was
always very aware of the kind of
difficulties and the life that my
parents endure to bring a difference in
the lives of other people I was very
confused that what is this love greater
than the love of someone’s own daughter
and wife that he when death does not
scare him well he did come back but in
an ambulance pale and weak with an
injured eye and a failed kidney due to
unavailability of water he survived on
the droplets of petal water for about a
month from that day on his health
started to deteriorate fast but we
finally found his kidney donor it was a
journey of eight years after the day of
kidney transplant that completely
transformed my life and taught me some
of the most valuable lessons about
resilience altruism and in general life
my mother who was a very loyal and
loving partner to my father spent every
minute of eight years with him left
house at sunrise in the morning to be
with him at the hospital and returned in
the middle of nights during all those
years when she could not be with me at
10:00 and attend me properly she brought
me a 20-pound world encyclopedia and
requested me to learn about two things
global inequality and justice my
homework had clearly begun I studied
hard travelled a little bit came across
several nonprofit organizations
eventually co-founded one of my own
realizing that my father does not have a
lot of time left my parents would walk
down the street and look for people who
needed resources from the little wealth
they acquired they helped build houses
for the people of slum communities sent
children to school became basic provider
for the families in need and paid for
the patients awaiting clearance in the
operating room I should tell that when
my father would get back from work he
would just change in from his
professional fancy attire into a very
low-key outfit and just run outside
without having dinner and sit in the
nearby slum communities to just talk to
people and listen to their problems
he was so ambitious always seen with his
documents devising an economic plan an
education plan for those families and
kids well when it was confirmed that my
father will not survive and my parents
were very devoted to spend every penny
they have earned for the well-being of
community and neighborhood they started
to live a very fulfilled life until one
fine day when I was told that my best
friend is no more losing a father is a
trauma that I don’t wish on any
twelve-year-old from that day on I
started to miserably fail my classes
failed my sixth grade stopped speaking
to everybody and began a very serious
research on altruism well as serious as
the twelve-year-old could do
soon after my dad’s death my
guardianship was claimed by someone by
bribing the judges
and producing fake documents to prove
that my mother is not my real mother and
that I should be given to my claim
guardian in hopes of whatever in hopes
of acquiring whatever my dad has left me
my mother once again picked up the books
this time the books of law fought
relentlessly in the court for years and
fought for me and brought me home while
all that was happening and she was
standing up for herself and fighting for
me she realized that just like me there
must be other women and girls out there
who are fighting for their basic right
to life and belonging so she sought out
several nonprofit organizations and met
with 16 women who were caught up in fake
allegations were proven innocent but
were too poor to afford the bill so she
sold her wedding jewelry her very last
asset to free those women and allowing
all of us to enjoy the freedom together
she encountered with women trafficking
now I must tell you as a single women
raising a teenage daughter in one of the
most patriarchal set up encountering
with women trafficking was one of the
most dangerous and life-threatening
there of my life that my mother died
straight into by putting her own life to
risk she was able to free two women from
the trafficking mafia the moments of
those days still give me chills while
this all craziness was happening I and
she was dealing with so much raising me
dealing with my high school drama
Teenage Drama and working three jobs I
asked my mom how do you do all this and
why do you do what you do she told me
that to answer that Sapna you have to
ask yourself a couple questions you
first have to ask what is your purpose
in life and when you have that answer
down you have to ask yourself are you
interested in it or are you committed to
doing it
she said if you’re interested you will
do when it’s convenient for you to do
but if you’re committed you will do
whatever it takes you to do that eight
years
flash forward due to negligence of
doctor and wrong medication my mother’s
abdomin got poisoned and the doctors
gave us a final 48 hour verdict
my mother’s life support was supposed to
be switched off
I was soloed in this deep white of grief
it was an emptiness that constricted my
ability to think or to even breathe it
was an emptiness that filled my heart
and lungs and made every breath a
challenge I didn’t even want to live
myself anymore during all those dark
thoughts I started to think about my
parents who thrived in the face of
adversity and got up from their beds
every morning to bring the difference in
the lives of other people I remember my
parents told me that to have true
success in life you need a goal far
bigger than your own self they also told
me that serving humanity gives them the
supernatural energy to get through the
darkest days of their lives so I did
what they used to do while my mother was
living the last few hours of her life
and I was choking of grief I woke up
from my bed and ran to the nearby book
store I bought dozens of random cards
and sticky notes wrote beautiful
messages for strangers and started
placing them on the windshield of random
cars I emptied my emergency saving fund
and suddenly I thought I recall those
days when my parents would empty the
fridge every night to feed people
my parents empty fridge was their way of
keep going knowing that they have to
wake up every morning to feed to fill
the fridge to feed the strangers and the
dogs gave my parents the resilience the
passion and the commitment to keep going
and be resilient so I also did the same
I am did my fridge and to get through
those for the a deadly hours of my life
I did all I could do within my capacity
to bring a difference in the lives of
other people and let me tell you what
happened while my mother was still dying
and I was still grieving my neural
chemistry suddenly changed all of a
sudden I wanted to live and that feeling
of fear was replaced by that of hope and
courage I have observed two things in my
journey to writing this book number one
my parents
who are very highly who were highly
successful had great educational degrees
and experience in working and premium
newspapers were more known in the
community because of their altruism than
of their credentials number two they
were considered more successful by their
peers as compared to those with even
higher educational credentials and even
premium experiences of the world this
brought me to my basic question that
what is it that truly determines our
success due to my first-hand experience
of living this kind of life that I’ve
just shared with you and being raised by
altruist and resilient parents I have
concluded that of all human traits
possibly present in a human it is not
your education your experience or your
credentials or your talent that
determines how far and how high you will
go in life now there’s no arguing that
these traits certainly help you climb
the ladder but in actuality it is your
resilience that determines how far
and/or high you will go in life it is
your grit and a muscle to wake up every
morning even in the toughest times of
your life now here you may pause and ask
me that what is this that makes us
resilient in my book I have introduced
this mystery as buoyancy therapy which
is an ability to float on water even in
storms imagine yourself a pebble whose
ideas and thoughts are so dense so
self-centered so closely linked and
bound that when you are thrown in the
current of life you’ll lose your
buoyancy and are destined to sink this
is not the case with the big ship that
courses these waters it stays afloat
because it’s capable of holding
everybody together when there’s a storm
everybody fights and makes it to the
shore safely my definition of success
was the funeral of my father that was
attended by more than a thousand people
out of which hundreds of them were just
strangers who never knew him other than
just a man who used to bring them water
or my definition of success is my dying
mother when she was on her deathbed I
would receive hundreds of calls from all
around the country people who I didn’t
know would just tell me how important it
is for her to live it is no wonder that
through my story you all got to know my
parents the way I got to know them but
my goal for you is to not fall in love
with a fragment of their existence but
to call yourself to begin to take an
action to make your fragment of
existence a reason for someone else to
exist so that your fragment can fight
all the storms of life and cultivate a
community and legacy that lives beyond
your existence so next time when you
absolutely cannot get up from your beds
in the morning wake up for someone else
[Applause]
you
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