so there was actually a training
yesterday how not to trip over this
carpet okay good evening ladies and
gentlemen the reason I stand here today
is that I read a published by about
myself that actually read along the
lines of subenergy works at New York
University in Abu Dhabi as an instructor
with the social science department with
over seven years hands-on industry
experience she incorporates her
practical experience into the theory to
bridge the gap between academia and the
real world as a graduate from the United
Arab Emirates University she was awarded
the Prime Minister’s academic excellence
award and was also part of the New York
University’s Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed
College Program
she is a recent graduate from the School
of Professional Studies at NYU New York
now Wow when I read this I was like
quite some success out there but what
you see here is the success what you
don’t see is the journey behind that
success nowhere on this bio did it ever
say that some energy comes from a
household where it is not norm for women
to hold jobs this bio didn’t tell you
that she had to fight all odds to be
able to pursue her higher education
nowhere on this bio did he tell you that
she had been through two long years of
walking out of a difficult relationship
and obviously this bio doesn’t tell you
that she’s the mother and the father to
a three-year-old the reason I stand here
today is so that we can talk about
certain topics that are considered taboo
in the society I want to share my
experience and journey with you so that
you relish the power of believing in
yourself not everyone will understand
your journey and that is completely ok
because you here to live your life not
make the world understand it everyone
has struggles and just because
somebody has a smile on their face it
doesn’t necessarily mean that things are
perfect but here’s my secret smiling
when all hell breaks loose you’ve got to
have three things you’ve got to have
something to do someone to love and
something to look forward to but the
keys to have all three at all times
even though they can be evolving many
women I know in the eastern world I
expected to dress in a certain way talk
to only certain people in the society
behave in a certain manner and most
importantly play only certain roles
whether you’re an Arab were your
ancestors buried newborn baby girls or
whether you’re a South Asian where the
society accepted burning the widows of a
man it is without a doubt that we’ve
come really far along but if we examine
this gender equation today even in this
day and age it remains unbalanced now I
understand that men have struggles and
one example I particularly really like
is that I was at a friend’s house after
our grade four finals and she was
telling me she hadn’t done really well
on one of her exams
her father Eve dropped on her
conversation and said don’t worry
somewhere out in this world is a man
studying really hard to make sure he can
earn the bread for your house so you see
men and women are both part of the
struggle but things are a lot harder for
women most women I know rely very much
on their families due to the nature of
their society however I’ve observed that
the society has a much bigger seed than
the say of their families which is why
very often that these people who they
consider as friends family who they
think they love and trust build unset
hindrances in the name of culture and if
you stand to break up even one of these
hindrances any action that you take is
stigmatized now it would have made sense
if this stigma didn’t have a gender
filter however the stigma is somehow
always associated way more to the woman
than her male counterpart let me give
you an example the frame changes
completely when you were to view a
versus a woman in the context of not
being married by a certain age having
difficulties in a relationship or even
being a single parent but ever wonder
where did we go wrong as women most of
us are in positions where we’re 2-1
durable abuse is not just physical
it is also emotional and psychological
let me walk you through this so when I
talk about psychological abuse for a
majority of us it starts on really early
on in life when we’re treated as
second-class citizens where we’re raised
as inferiors I’ll give you an example
so I Wallen to here at a private high
school where I serve as a career
counselor one day I was working on a
college application with a student who I
knew was very proficient in getting her
point across and it would have made an
excellent candidate for a top tower
university however she was only applying
to a local college just good enough to
get her a graduation certificate I tried
to persuade her to step out of her
comfort zone and apply somewhere where
she would be able to pursue her talent
as her career but what she said to me in
return
damn I’ll share it with you she said I
don’t want to apply somewhere where I
know that I can hold a prestigious job
later on in life because that would
limit my chances of settling down if I’m
viewed as too successful
that would be taken as a threat by the
opposite gender that blew me away that
at such a young age she had realized
that there is a limit to which a woman’s
success is acceptable in our society
women often give up their dreams of
pursuing higher education becoming
independent or successful just so that
they can fit in fit into a society that
sets these presidents of culture based
on the name of this religion or
practices of our ancestors but did you
know that the woman who our prophet
chose to marry as his first wife was the
most successful businesswoman of her
time her caravans would equal the
caravans of all of the tribe put
together her success was
viewed as a thread even back in that
time and with regards to education
there’s actually a saying by the Prophet
that says education is mandatory on
every man Muslim man and woman man and
woman however how we treat her in this
society is completely different there’s
a thing that goes along the line that if
you teach a man you’ve not a person if
you teach a child you’ve taught a family
but if you teach a woman you’ve actually
taught an entire nation
she just imagine the power that the
woman has in this society
however when researchers that when
resources are scarce very often we see
that a male family member is given far
more preferred treatment in terms of his
upbringing and well-being keeping in
mind that he will eventually serve as
the breadwinner in the society but look
around you
not all breadwinners that you see at
your workplace are men moving on so it’s
interesting that when you turn a certain
age in this society the pressure of
settling down with a life partner only
grows by the minute most of us are
students so you probably experience this
in the coming years and so what happens
is that often at times this pressure is
not actually from the family but like I
said it’s the pressure of the society
and this is what I classify as emotional
abuse let me give you an example I have
this fellow colleague male in his late
20s still single
his parents were visiting him for a
holiday were three of them were out
exploring the city and they ran into his
European boss out of genuine curiosity
the boss asks parrot the boss asked his
parents so when is Raj getting married
and whatever happened to Raj is a
conversation for another day but I’ll
tell you that you know what’s even
graver is that the stigma associated of
finding a life partner in the society
even has a gender filter again the
stigma is again associated far more to
the female than her male partner male
counterpart most spirits in our society
are accepting of their sons attending co
education institutions or have female
friends and study groups but if their
daughters were to be in similar
use god forbid we don’t talk about it
and so i teach economics here and that
demand supply law is just kicked out the
window okay lastly and sadly for a few
of us there’s also the element of
emotional abuse where some of us think
it’s okay because we’ve seen it all
around us
in the name of pride honor and dignity
our society accepts such inhumane
behavior now there’s this term honour
killing that actually disturbs me very
much and let me give you the dictionary
definition it says that honor killing is
the killing of a relative usually a girl
or a female who is perceived to have
brought dishonor to the society usually
for reasons such as refusing to enter an
arranged marriage being in a
relationship that is disapproved by
their family becoming a wick term of
rape or even dressing in ways deemed
inappropriate by the community but wait
a minute do we ever wonder who sets the
parameters of this term dishonor and
this is what I mean by the fact that
were in positions that are too wonderful
okay so now in the midst of all this
crisis what is it that we can do there
is a world that we need to create for
ourselves where we come first because no
matter how educated the the world
becomes you cannot change to society’s
values you cannot change the society’s
culture and most importantly you cannot
change people’s mindsets however what
you can change is how we perceive the
world how we react to this social
injustice and how we make our decisions
it only gets better when you get better
the change has to come from within you
love yourself know your worth because if
you’re not happy you cannot make anybody
else happy never be ashamed of a scar
because it is only a reflection of
whatever tried and hurt you you were way
stronger than that I tried very hard for
28 years of my life okay well not 28
live the childhood years so maybe like
25 years of my life to fit into the
society’s definition
of being a good daughter of being a good
sister of being a good wife and of being
a good mother
I had big aspirations I had big plans
and I had big dreams however I kept
failing and I eventually realized that I
was feeling because I was unable to
differentiate between a compromise and a
sacrifice now there’s a fine line
between a compromise and a sacrifice a
compromise is when you give up something
happy willingly knowing that it was your
right to have it you do it full
heartedly versus a sacrifice is when you
give up something just so that you can
keep the ball rolling you do it with
holding resentments later on because you
knew you give up a right that was yours
trust me when you can differentiate
between a sacrifice and a compromise
your world becomes a much happier place
when I look back now I realize I
sacrificed so much for people who I
thought I loved I sacrificed my
aspirations of pursuing higher education
of becoming independent I sacrificed my
individuality my hobbies and at very
rare instances I saw that a compromise
was being made my days only became bluer
I had crossed the line from
determination to desperation in order to
make a failed relationship work abuse of
every form had kicked in by that time
and this is where it all collapsed every
kind of negotiation and communication
was tried out i sat myself down and
analyzed my life from a distance I asked
myself is it worth it
am i happy and will I be part of a
culture that I do not accept for myself
or for generations that will follow not
very surprisingly the answer to all of
those questions was a no this is what I
collected myself put my life back
together and thought that I would make
my life a happier place for me and those
who will eventually going to be around
me
I found meaning in my life in the middle
of all this chaos I found something to
do to pursue my higher education I found
someone to love an adorable little
daughter
and I found something to look forward to
to be a catalyst of change and
positivity to those who will eventually
be in my circle of influence often there
comes a point in life where you feel
isolated choked and lost because you’ve
been exposed to so much physical or
emotional trauma you can stick a smile
on your face and pretend everything’s
okay but deep down inside you know
nothing’s okay at all and this is where
we don’t know what to do especially
ladies in this room this is where you
pull your Batman cloak out it’s style
this is where you put that whale on not
necessarily on your face but wheel
yourself from the thoughts and stigmas
of the society collect yourself find a
reason to move on embrace a passion that
you want sacrificed I can guarantee you
that finding a reason to quit will be
far easier than finding a reason to move
on we see the success but we don’t see
the journey now keep track of time
working full-time from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00
p.m. with the daily commute three hours
having synchronous classes from 2 a.m.
to 5 a.m. and raising a two-year-old
with a very strong social support system
I know that finding my reason kept me
it takes me less than a minute to say
this but living through this seemed like
a lifetime
I knew that my decision of being a
single parent and divorcee the society
would corner me but this is where I kept
my whale on and made decisions where
compromise conquered sacrifice I stand
here to be that catalyst of change to
share my experience so that I may
inspire you so that I may inspire you to
be part of that culture that you accept
for yourself and for those who are
around you and for those generations
that will follow ladies and gentlemen
this was my story which was not easy for
me to live or narrate but if I can do it
so can you [Applause]
yesterday how not to trip over this
carpet okay good evening ladies and
gentlemen the reason I stand here today
is that I read a published by about
myself that actually read along the
lines of subenergy works at New York
University in Abu Dhabi as an instructor
with the social science department with
over seven years hands-on industry
experience she incorporates her
practical experience into the theory to
bridge the gap between academia and the
real world as a graduate from the United
Arab Emirates University she was awarded
the Prime Minister’s academic excellence
award and was also part of the New York
University’s Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed
College Program
she is a recent graduate from the School
of Professional Studies at NYU New York
now Wow when I read this I was like
quite some success out there but what
you see here is the success what you
don’t see is the journey behind that
success nowhere on this bio did it ever
say that some energy comes from a
household where it is not norm for women
to hold jobs this bio didn’t tell you
that she had to fight all odds to be
able to pursue her higher education
nowhere on this bio did he tell you that
she had been through two long years of
walking out of a difficult relationship
and obviously this bio doesn’t tell you
that she’s the mother and the father to
a three-year-old the reason I stand here
today is so that we can talk about
certain topics that are considered taboo
in the society I want to share my
experience and journey with you so that
you relish the power of believing in
yourself not everyone will understand
your journey and that is completely ok
because you here to live your life not
make the world understand it everyone
has struggles and just because
somebody has a smile on their face it
doesn’t necessarily mean that things are
perfect but here’s my secret smiling
when all hell breaks loose you’ve got to
have three things you’ve got to have
something to do someone to love and
something to look forward to but the
keys to have all three at all times
even though they can be evolving many
women I know in the eastern world I
expected to dress in a certain way talk
to only certain people in the society
behave in a certain manner and most
importantly play only certain roles
whether you’re an Arab were your
ancestors buried newborn baby girls or
whether you’re a South Asian where the
society accepted burning the widows of a
man it is without a doubt that we’ve
come really far along but if we examine
this gender equation today even in this
day and age it remains unbalanced now I
understand that men have struggles and
one example I particularly really like
is that I was at a friend’s house after
our grade four finals and she was
telling me she hadn’t done really well
on one of her exams
her father Eve dropped on her
conversation and said don’t worry
somewhere out in this world is a man
studying really hard to make sure he can
earn the bread for your house so you see
men and women are both part of the
struggle but things are a lot harder for
women most women I know rely very much
on their families due to the nature of
their society however I’ve observed that
the society has a much bigger seed than
the say of their families which is why
very often that these people who they
consider as friends family who they
think they love and trust build unset
hindrances in the name of culture and if
you stand to break up even one of these
hindrances any action that you take is
stigmatized now it would have made sense
if this stigma didn’t have a gender
filter however the stigma is somehow
always associated way more to the woman
than her male counterpart let me give
you an example the frame changes
completely when you were to view a
versus a woman in the context of not
being married by a certain age having
difficulties in a relationship or even
being a single parent but ever wonder
where did we go wrong as women most of
us are in positions where we’re 2-1
durable abuse is not just physical
it is also emotional and psychological
let me walk you through this so when I
talk about psychological abuse for a
majority of us it starts on really early
on in life when we’re treated as
second-class citizens where we’re raised
as inferiors I’ll give you an example
so I Wallen to here at a private high
school where I serve as a career
counselor one day I was working on a
college application with a student who I
knew was very proficient in getting her
point across and it would have made an
excellent candidate for a top tower
university however she was only applying
to a local college just good enough to
get her a graduation certificate I tried
to persuade her to step out of her
comfort zone and apply somewhere where
she would be able to pursue her talent
as her career but what she said to me in
return
damn I’ll share it with you she said I
don’t want to apply somewhere where I
know that I can hold a prestigious job
later on in life because that would
limit my chances of settling down if I’m
viewed as too successful
that would be taken as a threat by the
opposite gender that blew me away that
at such a young age she had realized
that there is a limit to which a woman’s
success is acceptable in our society
women often give up their dreams of
pursuing higher education becoming
independent or successful just so that
they can fit in fit into a society that
sets these presidents of culture based
on the name of this religion or
practices of our ancestors but did you
know that the woman who our prophet
chose to marry as his first wife was the
most successful businesswoman of her
time her caravans would equal the
caravans of all of the tribe put
together her success was
viewed as a thread even back in that
time and with regards to education
there’s actually a saying by the Prophet
that says education is mandatory on
every man Muslim man and woman man and
woman however how we treat her in this
society is completely different there’s
a thing that goes along the line that if
you teach a man you’ve not a person if
you teach a child you’ve taught a family
but if you teach a woman you’ve actually
taught an entire nation
she just imagine the power that the
woman has in this society
however when researchers that when
resources are scarce very often we see
that a male family member is given far
more preferred treatment in terms of his
upbringing and well-being keeping in
mind that he will eventually serve as
the breadwinner in the society but look
around you
not all breadwinners that you see at
your workplace are men moving on so it’s
interesting that when you turn a certain
age in this society the pressure of
settling down with a life partner only
grows by the minute most of us are
students so you probably experience this
in the coming years and so what happens
is that often at times this pressure is
not actually from the family but like I
said it’s the pressure of the society
and this is what I classify as emotional
abuse let me give you an example I have
this fellow colleague male in his late
20s still single
his parents were visiting him for a
holiday were three of them were out
exploring the city and they ran into his
European boss out of genuine curiosity
the boss asks parrot the boss asked his
parents so when is Raj getting married
and whatever happened to Raj is a
conversation for another day but I’ll
tell you that you know what’s even
graver is that the stigma associated of
finding a life partner in the society
even has a gender filter again the
stigma is again associated far more to
the female than her male partner male
counterpart most spirits in our society
are accepting of their sons attending co
education institutions or have female
friends and study groups but if their
daughters were to be in similar
use god forbid we don’t talk about it
and so i teach economics here and that
demand supply law is just kicked out the
window okay lastly and sadly for a few
of us there’s also the element of
emotional abuse where some of us think
it’s okay because we’ve seen it all
around us
in the name of pride honor and dignity
our society accepts such inhumane
behavior now there’s this term honour
killing that actually disturbs me very
much and let me give you the dictionary
definition it says that honor killing is
the killing of a relative usually a girl
or a female who is perceived to have
brought dishonor to the society usually
for reasons such as refusing to enter an
arranged marriage being in a
relationship that is disapproved by
their family becoming a wick term of
rape or even dressing in ways deemed
inappropriate by the community but wait
a minute do we ever wonder who sets the
parameters of this term dishonor and
this is what I mean by the fact that
were in positions that are too wonderful
okay so now in the midst of all this
crisis what is it that we can do there
is a world that we need to create for
ourselves where we come first because no
matter how educated the the world
becomes you cannot change to society’s
values you cannot change the society’s
culture and most importantly you cannot
change people’s mindsets however what
you can change is how we perceive the
world how we react to this social
injustice and how we make our decisions
it only gets better when you get better
the change has to come from within you
love yourself know your worth because if
you’re not happy you cannot make anybody
else happy never be ashamed of a scar
because it is only a reflection of
whatever tried and hurt you you were way
stronger than that I tried very hard for
28 years of my life okay well not 28
live the childhood years so maybe like
25 years of my life to fit into the
society’s definition
of being a good daughter of being a good
sister of being a good wife and of being
a good mother
I had big aspirations I had big plans
and I had big dreams however I kept
failing and I eventually realized that I
was feeling because I was unable to
differentiate between a compromise and a
sacrifice now there’s a fine line
between a compromise and a sacrifice a
compromise is when you give up something
happy willingly knowing that it was your
right to have it you do it full
heartedly versus a sacrifice is when you
give up something just so that you can
keep the ball rolling you do it with
holding resentments later on because you
knew you give up a right that was yours
trust me when you can differentiate
between a sacrifice and a compromise
your world becomes a much happier place
when I look back now I realize I
sacrificed so much for people who I
thought I loved I sacrificed my
aspirations of pursuing higher education
of becoming independent I sacrificed my
individuality my hobbies and at very
rare instances I saw that a compromise
was being made my days only became bluer
I had crossed the line from
determination to desperation in order to
make a failed relationship work abuse of
every form had kicked in by that time
and this is where it all collapsed every
kind of negotiation and communication
was tried out i sat myself down and
analyzed my life from a distance I asked
myself is it worth it
am i happy and will I be part of a
culture that I do not accept for myself
or for generations that will follow not
very surprisingly the answer to all of
those questions was a no this is what I
collected myself put my life back
together and thought that I would make
my life a happier place for me and those
who will eventually going to be around
me
I found meaning in my life in the middle
of all this chaos I found something to
do to pursue my higher education I found
someone to love an adorable little
daughter
and I found something to look forward to
to be a catalyst of change and
positivity to those who will eventually
be in my circle of influence often there
comes a point in life where you feel
isolated choked and lost because you’ve
been exposed to so much physical or
emotional trauma you can stick a smile
on your face and pretend everything’s
okay but deep down inside you know
nothing’s okay at all and this is where
we don’t know what to do especially
ladies in this room this is where you
pull your Batman cloak out it’s style
this is where you put that whale on not
necessarily on your face but wheel
yourself from the thoughts and stigmas
of the society collect yourself find a
reason to move on embrace a passion that
you want sacrificed I can guarantee you
that finding a reason to quit will be
far easier than finding a reason to move
on we see the success but we don’t see
the journey now keep track of time
working full-time from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00
p.m. with the daily commute three hours
having synchronous classes from 2 a.m.
to 5 a.m. and raising a two-year-old
with a very strong social support system
I know that finding my reason kept me
it takes me less than a minute to say
this but living through this seemed like
a lifetime
I knew that my decision of being a
single parent and divorcee the society
would corner me but this is where I kept
my whale on and made decisions where
compromise conquered sacrifice I stand
here to be that catalyst of change to
share my experience so that I may
inspire you so that I may inspire you to
be part of that culture that you accept
for yourself and for those who are
around you and for those generations
that will follow ladies and gentlemen
this was my story which was not easy for
me to live or narrate but if I can do it
so can you [Applause]
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