[Applause]
when I was three years old I remember
playing a game of chase with my older
brother we were running around the house
just like kids do and my brother decided
to take the game to the next level he
decided to take his shirt off he’s like
this will make it that much more fun so
he took his shirt off in about ten
seconds after he did I was like that
looks like so much fun I’m gonna do the
same thing so I took my shirt off as
well and we continued playing a game of
chase about maybe five ten minutes after
that one of my parents came into the
room and they looked around and they saw
what was going on and they seemed
confused they turned towards me scolded
me to some extent and told me to put my
shirt back on instantly I was like oh
okay I didn’t realize I had done
something wrong
then I waited for that my parents to
tell my brother the same thing and they
did it and my brother just lost interest
at this point in the game of chase
because we had got in trouble I had got
in trouble and he went off and did his
own thing and I remember standing there
as a three-year-old with my hands balled
up into fifths pulsing with anger
thinking well this isn’t fair that was
the first time I buried a little bit of
fight though
I remember being six years old and I had
a conversation with my aunt in a car
and she was telling me about all the
potential suitors that I could one day
choose from I was six years old and she
was telling me about the arranged
marriage I was going to have one day I
was like great I have all these options
to choose from
while those options eventually became
restrictions but I lived by it and
Pfizer continued to bury herself when I
was 15 years old I got
engaged to one of those suitors and I
did Saul willingly because that is all I
ever knew from the age of six I was told
that my worth was tied to a marriage I
was told my work was tied to another
human being and so for a whole year I
was happily engaged to this individual
and then reality set in and what I
should mention is that another thing
that happened to FISA when she was six
years old is she started the first grade
as most six-year-olds do and when FISA
was in first grade her first grade
teacher mrs. contrato told her she
pulled her to the side actually in the
classroom and told her one day I just
want you to know how smart and
intelligent you are and you will one day
amount to something as great as an
attorney and doctor or something even
better so I saw this as the curveball of
my life the curveball that no one
expected because my parents once again
values my marriage more than they valued
my education and so as I was engaged I
soon realized that I was going to have
to choose two paths in my life I
realized I was going to have to choose a
path where I get married and I start
having kids right away as soon as I
graduate from high school or I fight
like hell and I get out of this
engagement well ten years later no ring
on my finger
[Applause]
so I thought I fought like hell and I
share this because it was a time in my
life where I was listening to one thing
and one thing only and that was my heart
it was a time in my life when I felt
everyone was against me
my parents my siblings my friends well
at that point my friends didn’t really
know what was going on I don’t know how
many high schoolers go tell their
Caucasian friends hey by the way I’m
getting engaged but I shared these
stories because this is what helped me
first understand that I never got the
chance to be me that I grew up with so
many societal expectations placed onto
me but I share it mostly because every
single one of you in here also has those
same expectations placed on you they may
look different they may not be as
Extreme as mine but you have them too
how many of you wake up every single
morning and go to work from 9:00 to 5:00
come home make your TV dinner turn on
Netflix and repeat go ahead how many of
you do that I like to think sadly that a
lot of us are robots we we don’t get to
really understand ourselves we are told
that you have to work this way until
you’re 65 I used to work at Huntsman
Cancer Hospital and a lot of my clients
there they didn’t start living until
retirement they were told to be robotic
but then by that time you’re 65 that’s
when all the illnesses hit and when do
you actually get to really live when do
you actually get to see who’s really
under here I want to share two other
stories real quick they’re not mine
theirs
friends that I have recently met I was
sitting with a friends one night he
wants to go to school to become a social
worker he is african-american from
Brooklyn and he looks like a
stereotypical black man like we would
stereotype some would make me say that
he looks like he belongs in a gang and
we were talking and he told me what he
wanted to do and i frightened up I said
you don’t understand how many
individuals you’re going to be able to
help in your community and as we were
talking as we were talking he all of a
sudden changed the way he was talking
with me he changed his tone and he
changed his accent and I said hey what
are you doing and he said well I want to
South I want to be taken seriously and
if I want to be taken seriously I can’t
talk like this and he has to do that
every single day he has to mute his
personality he has to change who he is
another friend a transgender woman she
heard me give a talk once about my
mental health
I battled with depression for about 10
years I used to cut and the reason I
used to cut is because when you go
through so much emotional pain as what
my situation when I was engaged
sometimes you feel like you’re starting
to make the pain up in your head and
when that happens you want to feel real
pain because the emotional pain can’t
actually be true so this transgender
woman I was talking to she started
crying and she told me I just want you
to know that when I decided to take on
my true identity and be who I really am
it was the happiest I had ever been but
the journey that took me there was so
painful that most people don’t want to
go through it so I’m in a really pivotal
point in my life right now
25 years old I live on my own which is
taboo in my culture I am not married I’m
not engaged I don’t have a boyfriend
which is also not really good why aren’t
you married
all the Pakistani auntie’s see me and
they come up to me and they say BEC now
why aren’t you married yet what’s wrong
you know that there’s something wrong
with me you know society tells us a
really big lie they tell us that in
order to be happy we have to find that
happiness in someone else yet I don’t
have anything that’s etat Society says I
should have I barely have a career
that’s going for me but what if I lose
that in 10 years what if I’m no longer a
mental health therapist then I want then
who is Pfizer going to be because right
now if Isis just a mental health
therapist but that’s what society says
and that’s completely incorrect because
I’m going to tell you who FISA is by
this compassionate wisest loving FISA
cares so much about everyone around her
and yet everyone wants to put her into a
box and I tell you this because the
journey that has taken me to get here
has been extremely painful it has been
lonely it has been isolating and it
feels like no one understands the pain
that it takes to get here and again why
do I share this with you what does this
have to do with anything to be your
authentic self because at the end of the
day each and every single one of us are
going to walk out of here living up to
someone’s expectations except for our
own
so you’ve got your mom’s expectations
your dad’s your siblings your employers
when do you actually get to listen to
yourself and just be you have you ever
looked inside I have and it’s amazing
because what’s in there is love and it’s
light and it’s that love that every
single one of us try to find within
someone else but did you know that you
are enough did you know you are worth it
did you know that happiness you are
trying to find is right here has anyone
ever told you that as anyone ever told
you that you’re looking in all the wrong
places as anyone ever told you that your
compassion is not complete until it
includes yourself what do you do when a
friend comes to you and they’re and
they’re torn up and they’re going
through a situation you want to be there
for them but do you ever do that for
yourself
no you don’t because it’s too hard to be
nice to yourself it’s too hard for some
reason you’re a failure
for some reason you’re not living up to
it for some reason you’re always
disappointing someone the other lie that
we live is that we always expect things
from other individuals and we’re tie our
lives to outcomes we expect our wives to
be that we expect our dads to be there
we expect our children to take care of
us when we grow older that’s a lie how
many of them were actually there you
come into this life alone and you leave
this life alone if you can learn to be
your own best friend it’ll save you a
lot of heartache and I’m not telling you
to you know go quit your jobs tomorrow
oh and you know go tell all your friends
to screw off that’s not what I’m saying
they’re there for you but sometimes you
just need to be there for yourself it’s
the hardest thing to do but when you do
it it gets so much easier when you live
your life through the pain that you have
experienced when you roll around it you
know how elephants roll around in mud
yeah you should roll around in your pain
and I know it’s hard it’s really really
hard but through the pain come something
so wonderful through the pain comes the
path that you get to choose and not who
someone else gets to choose from you for
you so I’m going to give a Lion King
reference now because I’m sure you’ve
all seen the Lion King I was watching
The Lion King with two of my friends
recently and there’s a part in Lion King
where you know Nala comes and finds
Simba after you know scar scared them
away and everything and when she finds
him she challenges him and asked him why
why aren’t you why are you running away
from who you are
why won’t you look at who you are what
what is going on and he’s in so much
pain and everyone knows that right so
then what happens then he meets Rafiki
and he meets Rafiki and Rafiki hits him
on the head with this little stick and
he says What did he say he says you know
basically the past is in the past
validate your past because every single
one of us here have some sort of trauma
every single one of us we all walk
around with trauma but yet we act like
we’re fine
we cover our trauma up to the point
where you just wear a mask every day
when you go to work because another lie
society tells you
is that you need to pick yourself up by
your bootstraps sure you do but you
don’t have to hide anything and that’s
why I wanted to come share my story with
all of you guys to hopefully give you
the courage and strength to do the same
because eventually Rafiki leads Simba to
that pond and he tells him to look and
you know the first time he does it he’s
like now it’s just my reflection what’s
there you know but then the second time
he does it he sees something much deeper
he sees parts of his dad he sees that he
is meant to be a king and he goes back
home and he accepts that role so you are
all kings and queens aren’t you
suffering and you allow your suffering
to control you because what happens is
yes something bad probably happened to
each and every single one of us but
eventually we become so attached to that
suffering that we learn to live by it
because it’s easier to suffer than to
actually find happiness don’t you think
so
so how many of you are ready to actually
look inside how many of you are ready to
take the journey to find yourself
because I’ll tell you my clients the
ones I see for therapy they will all in
ten seconds tell me ten things they hate
about themselves but when I ask them ten
things they like about themselves they
quiver with fear
I’m just asking them ten things they
like about themselves and they can’t do
it I’m like how could you possibly be so
hard on yourself you know we live in
scary times where we’re divided where we
think that we’re so misunderstood and
who are those bad guys out there trying
to come in but at the end of the day
when you learn to accept and love
yourself you have a you will have a much
easier time learning and accepting all
of those around you thank you
[Applause]
when I was three years old I remember
playing a game of chase with my older
brother we were running around the house
just like kids do and my brother decided
to take the game to the next level he
decided to take his shirt off he’s like
this will make it that much more fun so
he took his shirt off in about ten
seconds after he did I was like that
looks like so much fun I’m gonna do the
same thing so I took my shirt off as
well and we continued playing a game of
chase about maybe five ten minutes after
that one of my parents came into the
room and they looked around and they saw
what was going on and they seemed
confused they turned towards me scolded
me to some extent and told me to put my
shirt back on instantly I was like oh
okay I didn’t realize I had done
something wrong
then I waited for that my parents to
tell my brother the same thing and they
did it and my brother just lost interest
at this point in the game of chase
because we had got in trouble I had got
in trouble and he went off and did his
own thing and I remember standing there
as a three-year-old with my hands balled
up into fifths pulsing with anger
thinking well this isn’t fair that was
the first time I buried a little bit of
fight though
I remember being six years old and I had
a conversation with my aunt in a car
and she was telling me about all the
potential suitors that I could one day
choose from I was six years old and she
was telling me about the arranged
marriage I was going to have one day I
was like great I have all these options
to choose from
while those options eventually became
restrictions but I lived by it and
Pfizer continued to bury herself when I
was 15 years old I got
engaged to one of those suitors and I
did Saul willingly because that is all I
ever knew from the age of six I was told
that my worth was tied to a marriage I
was told my work was tied to another
human being and so for a whole year I
was happily engaged to this individual
and then reality set in and what I
should mention is that another thing
that happened to FISA when she was six
years old is she started the first grade
as most six-year-olds do and when FISA
was in first grade her first grade
teacher mrs. contrato told her she
pulled her to the side actually in the
classroom and told her one day I just
want you to know how smart and
intelligent you are and you will one day
amount to something as great as an
attorney and doctor or something even
better so I saw this as the curveball of
my life the curveball that no one
expected because my parents once again
values my marriage more than they valued
my education and so as I was engaged I
soon realized that I was going to have
to choose two paths in my life I
realized I was going to have to choose a
path where I get married and I start
having kids right away as soon as I
graduate from high school or I fight
like hell and I get out of this
engagement well ten years later no ring
on my finger
[Applause]
so I thought I fought like hell and I
share this because it was a time in my
life where I was listening to one thing
and one thing only and that was my heart
it was a time in my life when I felt
everyone was against me
my parents my siblings my friends well
at that point my friends didn’t really
know what was going on I don’t know how
many high schoolers go tell their
Caucasian friends hey by the way I’m
getting engaged but I shared these
stories because this is what helped me
first understand that I never got the
chance to be me that I grew up with so
many societal expectations placed onto
me but I share it mostly because every
single one of you in here also has those
same expectations placed on you they may
look different they may not be as
Extreme as mine but you have them too
how many of you wake up every single
morning and go to work from 9:00 to 5:00
come home make your TV dinner turn on
Netflix and repeat go ahead how many of
you do that I like to think sadly that a
lot of us are robots we we don’t get to
really understand ourselves we are told
that you have to work this way until
you’re 65 I used to work at Huntsman
Cancer Hospital and a lot of my clients
there they didn’t start living until
retirement they were told to be robotic
but then by that time you’re 65 that’s
when all the illnesses hit and when do
you actually get to really live when do
you actually get to see who’s really
under here I want to share two other
stories real quick they’re not mine
theirs
friends that I have recently met I was
sitting with a friends one night he
wants to go to school to become a social
worker he is african-american from
Brooklyn and he looks like a
stereotypical black man like we would
stereotype some would make me say that
he looks like he belongs in a gang and
we were talking and he told me what he
wanted to do and i frightened up I said
you don’t understand how many
individuals you’re going to be able to
help in your community and as we were
talking as we were talking he all of a
sudden changed the way he was talking
with me he changed his tone and he
changed his accent and I said hey what
are you doing and he said well I want to
South I want to be taken seriously and
if I want to be taken seriously I can’t
talk like this and he has to do that
every single day he has to mute his
personality he has to change who he is
another friend a transgender woman she
heard me give a talk once about my
mental health
I battled with depression for about 10
years I used to cut and the reason I
used to cut is because when you go
through so much emotional pain as what
my situation when I was engaged
sometimes you feel like you’re starting
to make the pain up in your head and
when that happens you want to feel real
pain because the emotional pain can’t
actually be true so this transgender
woman I was talking to she started
crying and she told me I just want you
to know that when I decided to take on
my true identity and be who I really am
it was the happiest I had ever been but
the journey that took me there was so
painful that most people don’t want to
go through it so I’m in a really pivotal
point in my life right now
25 years old I live on my own which is
taboo in my culture I am not married I’m
not engaged I don’t have a boyfriend
which is also not really good why aren’t
you married
all the Pakistani auntie’s see me and
they come up to me and they say BEC now
why aren’t you married yet what’s wrong
you know that there’s something wrong
with me you know society tells us a
really big lie they tell us that in
order to be happy we have to find that
happiness in someone else yet I don’t
have anything that’s etat Society says I
should have I barely have a career
that’s going for me but what if I lose
that in 10 years what if I’m no longer a
mental health therapist then I want then
who is Pfizer going to be because right
now if Isis just a mental health
therapist but that’s what society says
and that’s completely incorrect because
I’m going to tell you who FISA is by
this compassionate wisest loving FISA
cares so much about everyone around her
and yet everyone wants to put her into a
box and I tell you this because the
journey that has taken me to get here
has been extremely painful it has been
lonely it has been isolating and it
feels like no one understands the pain
that it takes to get here and again why
do I share this with you what does this
have to do with anything to be your
authentic self because at the end of the
day each and every single one of us are
going to walk out of here living up to
someone’s expectations except for our
own
so you’ve got your mom’s expectations
your dad’s your siblings your employers
when do you actually get to listen to
yourself and just be you have you ever
looked inside I have and it’s amazing
because what’s in there is love and it’s
light and it’s that love that every
single one of us try to find within
someone else but did you know that you
are enough did you know you are worth it
did you know that happiness you are
trying to find is right here has anyone
ever told you that as anyone ever told
you that you’re looking in all the wrong
places as anyone ever told you that your
compassion is not complete until it
includes yourself what do you do when a
friend comes to you and they’re and
they’re torn up and they’re going
through a situation you want to be there
for them but do you ever do that for
yourself
no you don’t because it’s too hard to be
nice to yourself it’s too hard for some
reason you’re a failure
for some reason you’re not living up to
it for some reason you’re always
disappointing someone the other lie that
we live is that we always expect things
from other individuals and we’re tie our
lives to outcomes we expect our wives to
be that we expect our dads to be there
we expect our children to take care of
us when we grow older that’s a lie how
many of them were actually there you
come into this life alone and you leave
this life alone if you can learn to be
your own best friend it’ll save you a
lot of heartache and I’m not telling you
to you know go quit your jobs tomorrow
oh and you know go tell all your friends
to screw off that’s not what I’m saying
they’re there for you but sometimes you
just need to be there for yourself it’s
the hardest thing to do but when you do
it it gets so much easier when you live
your life through the pain that you have
experienced when you roll around it you
know how elephants roll around in mud
yeah you should roll around in your pain
and I know it’s hard it’s really really
hard but through the pain come something
so wonderful through the pain comes the
path that you get to choose and not who
someone else gets to choose from you for
you so I’m going to give a Lion King
reference now because I’m sure you’ve
all seen the Lion King I was watching
The Lion King with two of my friends
recently and there’s a part in Lion King
where you know Nala comes and finds
Simba after you know scar scared them
away and everything and when she finds
him she challenges him and asked him why
why aren’t you why are you running away
from who you are
why won’t you look at who you are what
what is going on and he’s in so much
pain and everyone knows that right so
then what happens then he meets Rafiki
and he meets Rafiki and Rafiki hits him
on the head with this little stick and
he says What did he say he says you know
basically the past is in the past
validate your past because every single
one of us here have some sort of trauma
every single one of us we all walk
around with trauma but yet we act like
we’re fine
we cover our trauma up to the point
where you just wear a mask every day
when you go to work because another lie
society tells you
is that you need to pick yourself up by
your bootstraps sure you do but you
don’t have to hide anything and that’s
why I wanted to come share my story with
all of you guys to hopefully give you
the courage and strength to do the same
because eventually Rafiki leads Simba to
that pond and he tells him to look and
you know the first time he does it he’s
like now it’s just my reflection what’s
there you know but then the second time
he does it he sees something much deeper
he sees parts of his dad he sees that he
is meant to be a king and he goes back
home and he accepts that role so you are
all kings and queens aren’t you
suffering and you allow your suffering
to control you because what happens is
yes something bad probably happened to
each and every single one of us but
eventually we become so attached to that
suffering that we learn to live by it
because it’s easier to suffer than to
actually find happiness don’t you think
so
so how many of you are ready to actually
look inside how many of you are ready to
take the journey to find yourself
because I’ll tell you my clients the
ones I see for therapy they will all in
ten seconds tell me ten things they hate
about themselves but when I ask them ten
things they like about themselves they
quiver with fear
I’m just asking them ten things they
like about themselves and they can’t do
it I’m like how could you possibly be so
hard on yourself you know we live in
scary times where we’re divided where we
think that we’re so misunderstood and
who are those bad guys out there trying
to come in but at the end of the day
when you learn to accept and love
yourself you have a you will have a much
easier time learning and accepting all
of those around you thank you
[Applause]
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