you have to beat a team lift at 6:00
a.m. but you’re accidently one minute
late because you slept through your
alarm your heart’s pounding from
sprinting to the gym but nobody cares
that it’s because you were up until 2:00
a.m. studying for an exam that you still
don’t feel prepared for you can feel the
tension between you and your teammates
who now to run sprints tomorrow at 6
a.m. because you were one minute late
you start the lift and your mind’s just
not in the right place but it doesn’t
matter you have to lift and as soon as
it’s over you scarf down breakfast on
your way to 8:00 a.m. class and you get
there and your hair’s still wet because
you didn’t have time to dry it the
professor looks you and says where’s the
homework assignment but you forgot it
how could you forget it you are supposed
to be on top of everything so you sit
there and you worry about what else you
might have forgot and then noon you get
a 30 minute break but it’s not really a
break because you use it to quickly make
up an assignment you missed for last
week’s game and soon it’s 12:10 and to
you forty minutes does not feel like
enough time to get on the court and be
ready even though it actually is see you
head over and it one practice is
starting and you have to forget
everything that happened in your day
because it practice you have to perform
you can’t not perform there’s someone
better than you someone competing with
you and someone in high school who just
committed to be you so forget the zero
on your assignment
forget the test you’re not prepared for
forget the friends you haven’t seen in
weeks forget the argument you’ve been in
with your parent play well pass well
perform and when it’s finally over you
find yourself staring in the locker room
mirror trying not to cry and you ask
yourself is this how I’m supposed to
feel my name is Victoria Garrick and I
play volleyball here at USC I’ve been
playing sports my whole life but never
quite like this now in high school I
didn’t understand mental illness and
usually when people say mental illness
you know people tense up because talking
about it is uncomfortable you might
think oh I’ve heard this before or this
doesn’t affect me those are common
thoughts to have I know because I used
to think the same things
I thought you know depression means you
have serious family issues or you know
you’re born with anxiety I just didn’t
get it because it’s hard to understand
something you can’t see or touch so when
I got to college and began my career as
a division 1 athlete I never thought I
would struggle with these issues now I
can’t be the only athlete here and we
definitely probably have some soul
cyclers some neighborhood joggers so if
you’ve ever you know had an injury torn
a ligament sprained an ankle I just want
you to raise your hand all right awesome
that’s like most of the room it’s pretty
common now I want you to raise your hand
if you’ve ever had depression or anxiety
you can put your hands down did you feel
almost that tension or like that
awkwardness we just created together did
you maybe judge someone who raised their
hand or were you afraid to raise your
own hands because of what people might
think one in four people suffer from a
mental health issue which is 25% of this
room right now what we just experienced
together was a room full of people
stigmatizing mental health dr. Jeffrey
Jeffrey Lieberman defined stigma as
dishonor or disgrace he says it’s like
the Scarlet a that Hester Prynne is
forced to wear or the mark on Cain in
the Bible it’s this label that outcasts
you from everyone else we stigmatize
mental health in this same way and
that’s a societal issue that needs to
change
and while anyone can experience a mental
health issue today I’m going to talk
about mental health specifically in
athletes because I have faced anxiety
and depression through my experiences as
an athlete so let me tell you a little
bit about me when I first got to the USC
volleyball team I was overjoyed let me
preface this by saying I was not a top
recruit okay I was not called by ton to
Division one schools but USC was my
dream scenario and I wanted it so bad
and I knew I was good enough despite
what anyone else told me so I emailed
these coaches every day I called them
every week I went in for extra reps in
high school I sent them videos I called
again until they were like okay
you can walk on just like stop
contacting us so eventually I got my
spot but still these USC coaches did not
think I would play one point but I had
this fire this zest for competition and
I didn’t care that I didn’t have the
accolades that the other girls did so I
kept working hard against all odds my
freshman season I started and played in
every single pac-12 match and we won the
championship that’s me on the left right
there and what happened was there was
this girl who wasn’t supposed to do
anything who now has a role on what at
the time was the number one team in the
nation mentally I started on this high
right because I was living my dream but
all of a sudden I began to feel
differently I became anxious more
anxious than I’d ever felt before
I have five alarms to make sure I was
never late but I never even used the
five alarms because I woke up at 7:15
anyways due to my anxiety over being
late and I worried about my athletic
performance constantly on game days I
worried what if I don’t play well
tonight what if the coaches benched me
what if my passing sucks what if I
didn’t study the Scout enough there were
times I would feel this knot in my
stomach and my skin start to crawl and
my hands start to shake and I as well
with tears because I was so afraid to
play and make a mistake because at an
elite level mistakes are costly and on
top of it I had school and exams and
family in a social life and I couldn’t
handle everything coming at me so fast
and just piling up at one time I want to
take a second though to show you guys
how this happened to me because to be
ironic it is easier to understand
something when you can see it so we’re
gonna look at a typical week in my life
I’m gonna disclaimer this wasn’t
intended to be funny but as I wrote my
talk I realized how much of a joke my
schedule is so I had some fun with it so
if you like to make light of a tragic
situation like me you’re going to enjoy
this if not bear with me I have 16 units
of class lets out a nice fat 5 our
practice block
then I have required tutoring maybe time
to eat because I’m a human who does that
sometimes
also I need office hours probably with a
professor who thinks his class is the
only thing I have to do in my life then
I have an exam which I probably only
know 20% of so I’m gonna block out time
to study in a really master that 20% on
top of all my other homework and oops
maybe I have 6 a.m. running because my
teammates going through the same stuff I
am and she was late one day but don’t
forget games on Friday and Sunday out of
state so now I’m missing these days of
class for travel secretly I’m kind of
excited I’m missing class but the
logical part of me is like what am I
going to find to him the time to make up
that work because pregame warmup starts
not one not two not three but a whopping
four hours before the game so if you
thought I’d have time to make it up I
actually don’t and then it all restarts
when I hop off my plane bright and early
to do it all again and in the little
time I have left um I like to cry and
misery I wish I was kidding but if you
look at the schedule in all seriousness
you can see how this can overpower
anyone it could overpower one of you all
of a sudden I was thinking about what I
have to do next what I can’t be late for
what I can’t miss what could go wrong
and it just kind of drove me off the
wall and because I didn’t have think I
could have any of these illnesses
because I was an athlete I battled
depression for half a year without even
knowing I was when I first became really
unhappy it was in August and I didn’t
know how to describe it every morning I
woke up I immediately despised the day
um I didn’t have the energy I didn’t
want to go anywhere I didn’t want to see
anyone or do anything at practice I just
went through the motions I woke up I
went to the practice block for five
hours and I went to sleep and I did that
again and again and again I was just
depleted completely and utterly drained
and do you know how much energy it takes
day in and day out to not even succeed
but just get by as a student-athlete
it’s exhausting and I told myself you
can’t feel this way Victoria you have
nothing to feel sad about you’re
starting you have a great family you
have good friends and I was confused
because I was known to always be the
most energetic the most bubbly and
talkative and always happy
so I said put on this face and just fake
it but after a while I couldn’t fake it
I began to see a psychologist once a
weekend that was weird
being honest you know the first time I
walked into the waiting room I was like
oh my god I’m one of those people now
like I have a therapist you know you
imagine like there goes that voice
stigmatizing mental health like
therapies for weirdos I thought I’d like
walk in and there’d be like this big
yellow couch and like this box of
tissues and they’d say like tell me your
darkest secrets but like it’s not like
that it was actually very helpful so
after a while of seeing her she
suggested I try medicine antidepressants
and I was immediately like what it’s
like when you’ve been dating someone for
a while and they say I want you to meet
my parents and you’re like this is too
serious now
so naturally I refused the meds but of
course my depression depression worsened
I realized it wasn’t something I could
just eat a tub of ice cream over cry and
be fine the next day the neuro chemicals
in my brain we’re literally not
producing the way they once were
and my serotonin levels were no longer
high enough to keep my mood where it
once was what I used to not be able to
describe I could formulate into words
I had this dark cloud over my head
and it followed me everywhere it was
there when I woke up it was there when I
went to sleep it was there in practice
every day passing balls and you know how
hard that is when you have to be good at
your craft every single day and all you
want to do is lay into a ball and just
cry I remember times during water breaks
I would run to the bathroom and just saw
because for five seconds I wanted my day
to stop I never got to a point of
self-harm fortunately and
I never put myself in actual danger but
I can remember a few times that I was
biking and I thought you know if this
car accidentally hit me that would stop
my week that would give me the break I
so badly need I want to show you some
pictures that I posted during this time
in my life what do we think of these
just look at them
Here I am with my friends at the party
there we are looking cute and
Christmassy over the right we’re
celebrating I look happy right because
no one posts what they don’t want you to
see this photo on the left I was at that
party for probably 20 minutes before I
was so overwhelmed with all the people
around me that I snuck out the back and
went home alone I know my friend of the
picture texted me and said hey where you
go I lied so I ran into someone the
photo in the middle we took like 50
pictures that night to find one that I
deemed pretty enough to post on my
Instagram completely staged and the one
on the right I spent that night crying I
was trying so hard to portray this life
that I so badly felt I needed to have
and this is a problem with so many
people my age not just because of
depression but because our culture has
created this belief that we need to be
achieving all the time in order to be
happy
right look what internship she got look
what trip he went on it doesn’t stop
this constant scrolling of people who
look like they’re doing so so well that
you sit back and say to yourself well
what am i doing what do I look like why
don’t I look like her it’s this flawed
notion that says you need to be
achieving to be happy and be valued if
I’m on the USC volleyball team I’ll be
valued if I get this job I’ll be happy
at this point you’re probably thinking
why don’t you quit I’m not on
scholarship I could just quit why don’t
I just stop doing that I don’t quit
because volleyball is Who I am it’s not
a hobby or something I do on the side
it’s my life like most athletes and what
that means
is I have to learn how to manage my
lifestyle because I have two more years
left and you better bet I want to win a
championship I have major depressive
disorder single episode with anxious
features I see my therapist now I take
medicine I practice positive thinking I
try to be authentic on social media into
people but the biggest thing that stood
with me is I sat back and assessed at
all and I thought why why did it take me
so long to acknowledge and accept my
illness and I realized the culture that
we live in is athletes does not make it
easy for us to honor this if you think
about it the culture of athletics
preaches where there’s a will there’s a
way
the best don’t rest unless you puke
faint or die keep going mental illness
is associated with weakness to appear
weak is the last thing an athlete wants
and we’re always hearing about the grind
right it’s about the grind even if
you’re not an athlete I mean you’ve
heard about the grind to me it means
when you just feel like you can’t do
something but you do it when your thighs
are burning and you’re sweating bullets
you run one more sprint when it’s the
fifth set and you just feel like you
can’t do it anymore but you go dig ten
more balls like that’s the grind but
being a part of this culture makes it so
hard for athletes to differentiate
between what is hard work and what is
pushing yourself too far what happens
when this push through your workout
becomes a push through a conversation a
push through a day and all of a sudden a
push through your life I know what the
grind is I’ve started on this team for
two years competing with girls who were
supposed to blow me out of the gym and
that’s why it was so hard for me to
honor what I was going through I was in
practice thinking I don’t want to be
here today I just want to go home and
rest
and I said Victoria the gold er left
she’s here she’s working hard she must
want more than you you don’t deserve to
be here if you’re not going to work hard
I told myself I was weak for wanting a
break and this is so true across all
athletes because the stigma makes it so
hard for us to come forward
did you know that Serena Williams and
Terry Bradshaw have had depression
Serena Williams she’s a legend okay she
spent the world’s number-one female
tennis player seven different times and
even someone like her can struggle with
these issues but that’s just stuff
people aren’t realizing let’s look at
concussions for example in 1933 the
n-c-double-a Medical handbook said
concussions shouldn’t be regarded too
lightly in 1952 the New England Journal
of Medicine said players who’ve suffered
multiple concussions should stop playing
football not until 70 years later in
2009 did the NFL even acknowledge
publicly that concussions can have long
lasting effects on players so we’re
looking at something here where 20 years
ago nobody cared nobody cared about
concussions you think yeah banging your
head together probably not safe no
players we’re told tough it out if your
head hurts the way we’re treating mental
illness today is so similar to the way
we treated concussions 20 years ago
oh this athletes feeling depressed sleep
it off
oh that athletes having an anxiety
attack tell them to calm down we need to
make a change societally to make people
care this much about mental health
because I’ll tell you this right now a
physical injury is treated more serious
in a psychological injury and that needs
to change I could easily get the day off
for a physical injury right because I’m
limping you can see my ankle swelling
but for an athlete to say I’ve been
feeling depressed this week or I had
insomnia Oh insomnia because of my
anxiety you’re just looked down upon and
at this level no one wants to miss
practice I mean that sets me behind the
competition behind on my team but when
the trainer can see you’re injured they
make you sit out because they can see
your physical health is at stake but
when no one can see your mental health
it’s just up to you to decide and
someone like me who hates not being
there my team will tell you this I hate
not being there when they’re sprinting
without me and I’m injured it kills me
so for me to walk up to them and say I
have a completely uninjured
and you can’t see it but I’m not well
and I need to rest today is so hard to
do and with everything I’ve been through
I’ve only done that once I’m here today
for a greater population
a silent population of athletes who
thinks will be viewed as lesser doesn’t
have the courage to come forward or
doesn’t know that they can be a strong
competitive elite athlete and have a
mental health issue in 2015 the
n-c-double-a conducted a survey they
found that out of 2,100 athletes 30%
reported they were intractably
overwhelmed on depression and anxiety
they said they’ve seen a general
increase this is two years old this
should be recorded every season if not
every year and they do not even give us
numbers on depression and anxiety and
this is the most recent survey the
n-c-double-a has done it infuriates me
that’s something so serious is being so
clearly disregarded I did my own survey
to show you guys that this is an
epidemic I surveyed 100 men and women
from Division one schools like Stanford
Oregon Washington UCLA you name it and
this is what I found when asked if
they’d ever experienced in terms of
depression or anxiety 69 percent said
yes the statistic I gave you in the
beginning was 25 when asked if they
think the amount of time they need to
spend on their sport is too much more
than half said yes almost at 90% and the
next one honestly
devastated me when the results came in
and it kept me up for a few days I asked
them have you ever felt you experienced
anxiety depression or an eating disorder
but we’re too afraid to tell anyone more
than half
that means those athletes today are
somewhere and no one knows that they’re
struggling and about 80% agree with me
that this topic is neglected throughout
society my university gives me free
medicine and free therapy and for that I
am so grateful but so many other
athletes like me don’t get that
opportunity because this issue is
underrated and they don’t have the funds
due to the extreme time demands and the
and the pressure that we athletes feel
we need to make we need to just be very
aware of how athletes are feeling across
the country and consistently be
evaluating them and athletes need to be
aware of their mental health so that
they can learn how to manage this
lifestyle I love my team they are
special girls and I love the sport of
volleyball that’s why I can’t let it go
but as I continue my next two years I
hope that I hear this conversation get
louder
I hope mental health stops being
stigmatized for all people and I hope
that one day a person like me can get on
this stage ask a question about mental
health and no one will think twice about
raising their hand thank you
[Applause]
a.m. but you’re accidently one minute
late because you slept through your
alarm your heart’s pounding from
sprinting to the gym but nobody cares
that it’s because you were up until 2:00
a.m. studying for an exam that you still
don’t feel prepared for you can feel the
tension between you and your teammates
who now to run sprints tomorrow at 6
a.m. because you were one minute late
you start the lift and your mind’s just
not in the right place but it doesn’t
matter you have to lift and as soon as
it’s over you scarf down breakfast on
your way to 8:00 a.m. class and you get
there and your hair’s still wet because
you didn’t have time to dry it the
professor looks you and says where’s the
homework assignment but you forgot it
how could you forget it you are supposed
to be on top of everything so you sit
there and you worry about what else you
might have forgot and then noon you get
a 30 minute break but it’s not really a
break because you use it to quickly make
up an assignment you missed for last
week’s game and soon it’s 12:10 and to
you forty minutes does not feel like
enough time to get on the court and be
ready even though it actually is see you
head over and it one practice is
starting and you have to forget
everything that happened in your day
because it practice you have to perform
you can’t not perform there’s someone
better than you someone competing with
you and someone in high school who just
committed to be you so forget the zero
on your assignment
forget the test you’re not prepared for
forget the friends you haven’t seen in
weeks forget the argument you’ve been in
with your parent play well pass well
perform and when it’s finally over you
find yourself staring in the locker room
mirror trying not to cry and you ask
yourself is this how I’m supposed to
feel my name is Victoria Garrick and I
play volleyball here at USC I’ve been
playing sports my whole life but never
quite like this now in high school I
didn’t understand mental illness and
usually when people say mental illness
you know people tense up because talking
about it is uncomfortable you might
think oh I’ve heard this before or this
doesn’t affect me those are common
thoughts to have I know because I used
to think the same things
I thought you know depression means you
have serious family issues or you know
you’re born with anxiety I just didn’t
get it because it’s hard to understand
something you can’t see or touch so when
I got to college and began my career as
a division 1 athlete I never thought I
would struggle with these issues now I
can’t be the only athlete here and we
definitely probably have some soul
cyclers some neighborhood joggers so if
you’ve ever you know had an injury torn
a ligament sprained an ankle I just want
you to raise your hand all right awesome
that’s like most of the room it’s pretty
common now I want you to raise your hand
if you’ve ever had depression or anxiety
you can put your hands down did you feel
almost that tension or like that
awkwardness we just created together did
you maybe judge someone who raised their
hand or were you afraid to raise your
own hands because of what people might
think one in four people suffer from a
mental health issue which is 25% of this
room right now what we just experienced
together was a room full of people
stigmatizing mental health dr. Jeffrey
Jeffrey Lieberman defined stigma as
dishonor or disgrace he says it’s like
the Scarlet a that Hester Prynne is
forced to wear or the mark on Cain in
the Bible it’s this label that outcasts
you from everyone else we stigmatize
mental health in this same way and
that’s a societal issue that needs to
change
and while anyone can experience a mental
health issue today I’m going to talk
about mental health specifically in
athletes because I have faced anxiety
and depression through my experiences as
an athlete so let me tell you a little
bit about me when I first got to the USC
volleyball team I was overjoyed let me
preface this by saying I was not a top
recruit okay I was not called by ton to
Division one schools but USC was my
dream scenario and I wanted it so bad
and I knew I was good enough despite
what anyone else told me so I emailed
these coaches every day I called them
every week I went in for extra reps in
high school I sent them videos I called
again until they were like okay
you can walk on just like stop
contacting us so eventually I got my
spot but still these USC coaches did not
think I would play one point but I had
this fire this zest for competition and
I didn’t care that I didn’t have the
accolades that the other girls did so I
kept working hard against all odds my
freshman season I started and played in
every single pac-12 match and we won the
championship that’s me on the left right
there and what happened was there was
this girl who wasn’t supposed to do
anything who now has a role on what at
the time was the number one team in the
nation mentally I started on this high
right because I was living my dream but
all of a sudden I began to feel
differently I became anxious more
anxious than I’d ever felt before
I have five alarms to make sure I was
never late but I never even used the
five alarms because I woke up at 7:15
anyways due to my anxiety over being
late and I worried about my athletic
performance constantly on game days I
worried what if I don’t play well
tonight what if the coaches benched me
what if my passing sucks what if I
didn’t study the Scout enough there were
times I would feel this knot in my
stomach and my skin start to crawl and
my hands start to shake and I as well
with tears because I was so afraid to
play and make a mistake because at an
elite level mistakes are costly and on
top of it I had school and exams and
family in a social life and I couldn’t
handle everything coming at me so fast
and just piling up at one time I want to
take a second though to show you guys
how this happened to me because to be
ironic it is easier to understand
something when you can see it so we’re
gonna look at a typical week in my life
I’m gonna disclaimer this wasn’t
intended to be funny but as I wrote my
talk I realized how much of a joke my
schedule is so I had some fun with it so
if you like to make light of a tragic
situation like me you’re going to enjoy
this if not bear with me I have 16 units
of class lets out a nice fat 5 our
practice block
then I have required tutoring maybe time
to eat because I’m a human who does that
sometimes
also I need office hours probably with a
professor who thinks his class is the
only thing I have to do in my life then
I have an exam which I probably only
know 20% of so I’m gonna block out time
to study in a really master that 20% on
top of all my other homework and oops
maybe I have 6 a.m. running because my
teammates going through the same stuff I
am and she was late one day but don’t
forget games on Friday and Sunday out of
state so now I’m missing these days of
class for travel secretly I’m kind of
excited I’m missing class but the
logical part of me is like what am I
going to find to him the time to make up
that work because pregame warmup starts
not one not two not three but a whopping
four hours before the game so if you
thought I’d have time to make it up I
actually don’t and then it all restarts
when I hop off my plane bright and early
to do it all again and in the little
time I have left um I like to cry and
misery I wish I was kidding but if you
look at the schedule in all seriousness
you can see how this can overpower
anyone it could overpower one of you all
of a sudden I was thinking about what I
have to do next what I can’t be late for
what I can’t miss what could go wrong
and it just kind of drove me off the
wall and because I didn’t have think I
could have any of these illnesses
because I was an athlete I battled
depression for half a year without even
knowing I was when I first became really
unhappy it was in August and I didn’t
know how to describe it every morning I
woke up I immediately despised the day
um I didn’t have the energy I didn’t
want to go anywhere I didn’t want to see
anyone or do anything at practice I just
went through the motions I woke up I
went to the practice block for five
hours and I went to sleep and I did that
again and again and again I was just
depleted completely and utterly drained
and do you know how much energy it takes
day in and day out to not even succeed
but just get by as a student-athlete
it’s exhausting and I told myself you
can’t feel this way Victoria you have
nothing to feel sad about you’re
starting you have a great family you
have good friends and I was confused
because I was known to always be the
most energetic the most bubbly and
talkative and always happy
so I said put on this face and just fake
it but after a while I couldn’t fake it
I began to see a psychologist once a
weekend that was weird
being honest you know the first time I
walked into the waiting room I was like
oh my god I’m one of those people now
like I have a therapist you know you
imagine like there goes that voice
stigmatizing mental health like
therapies for weirdos I thought I’d like
walk in and there’d be like this big
yellow couch and like this box of
tissues and they’d say like tell me your
darkest secrets but like it’s not like
that it was actually very helpful so
after a while of seeing her she
suggested I try medicine antidepressants
and I was immediately like what it’s
like when you’ve been dating someone for
a while and they say I want you to meet
my parents and you’re like this is too
serious now
so naturally I refused the meds but of
course my depression depression worsened
I realized it wasn’t something I could
just eat a tub of ice cream over cry and
be fine the next day the neuro chemicals
in my brain we’re literally not
producing the way they once were
and my serotonin levels were no longer
high enough to keep my mood where it
once was what I used to not be able to
describe I could formulate into words
I had this dark cloud over my head
and it followed me everywhere it was
there when I woke up it was there when I
went to sleep it was there in practice
every day passing balls and you know how
hard that is when you have to be good at
your craft every single day and all you
want to do is lay into a ball and just
cry I remember times during water breaks
I would run to the bathroom and just saw
because for five seconds I wanted my day
to stop I never got to a point of
self-harm fortunately and
I never put myself in actual danger but
I can remember a few times that I was
biking and I thought you know if this
car accidentally hit me that would stop
my week that would give me the break I
so badly need I want to show you some
pictures that I posted during this time
in my life what do we think of these
just look at them
Here I am with my friends at the party
there we are looking cute and
Christmassy over the right we’re
celebrating I look happy right because
no one posts what they don’t want you to
see this photo on the left I was at that
party for probably 20 minutes before I
was so overwhelmed with all the people
around me that I snuck out the back and
went home alone I know my friend of the
picture texted me and said hey where you
go I lied so I ran into someone the
photo in the middle we took like 50
pictures that night to find one that I
deemed pretty enough to post on my
Instagram completely staged and the one
on the right I spent that night crying I
was trying so hard to portray this life
that I so badly felt I needed to have
and this is a problem with so many
people my age not just because of
depression but because our culture has
created this belief that we need to be
achieving all the time in order to be
happy
right look what internship she got look
what trip he went on it doesn’t stop
this constant scrolling of people who
look like they’re doing so so well that
you sit back and say to yourself well
what am i doing what do I look like why
don’t I look like her it’s this flawed
notion that says you need to be
achieving to be happy and be valued if
I’m on the USC volleyball team I’ll be
valued if I get this job I’ll be happy
at this point you’re probably thinking
why don’t you quit I’m not on
scholarship I could just quit why don’t
I just stop doing that I don’t quit
because volleyball is Who I am it’s not
a hobby or something I do on the side
it’s my life like most athletes and what
that means
is I have to learn how to manage my
lifestyle because I have two more years
left and you better bet I want to win a
championship I have major depressive
disorder single episode with anxious
features I see my therapist now I take
medicine I practice positive thinking I
try to be authentic on social media into
people but the biggest thing that stood
with me is I sat back and assessed at
all and I thought why why did it take me
so long to acknowledge and accept my
illness and I realized the culture that
we live in is athletes does not make it
easy for us to honor this if you think
about it the culture of athletics
preaches where there’s a will there’s a
way
the best don’t rest unless you puke
faint or die keep going mental illness
is associated with weakness to appear
weak is the last thing an athlete wants
and we’re always hearing about the grind
right it’s about the grind even if
you’re not an athlete I mean you’ve
heard about the grind to me it means
when you just feel like you can’t do
something but you do it when your thighs
are burning and you’re sweating bullets
you run one more sprint when it’s the
fifth set and you just feel like you
can’t do it anymore but you go dig ten
more balls like that’s the grind but
being a part of this culture makes it so
hard for athletes to differentiate
between what is hard work and what is
pushing yourself too far what happens
when this push through your workout
becomes a push through a conversation a
push through a day and all of a sudden a
push through your life I know what the
grind is I’ve started on this team for
two years competing with girls who were
supposed to blow me out of the gym and
that’s why it was so hard for me to
honor what I was going through I was in
practice thinking I don’t want to be
here today I just want to go home and
rest
and I said Victoria the gold er left
she’s here she’s working hard she must
want more than you you don’t deserve to
be here if you’re not going to work hard
I told myself I was weak for wanting a
break and this is so true across all
athletes because the stigma makes it so
hard for us to come forward
did you know that Serena Williams and
Terry Bradshaw have had depression
Serena Williams she’s a legend okay she
spent the world’s number-one female
tennis player seven different times and
even someone like her can struggle with
these issues but that’s just stuff
people aren’t realizing let’s look at
concussions for example in 1933 the
n-c-double-a Medical handbook said
concussions shouldn’t be regarded too
lightly in 1952 the New England Journal
of Medicine said players who’ve suffered
multiple concussions should stop playing
football not until 70 years later in
2009 did the NFL even acknowledge
publicly that concussions can have long
lasting effects on players so we’re
looking at something here where 20 years
ago nobody cared nobody cared about
concussions you think yeah banging your
head together probably not safe no
players we’re told tough it out if your
head hurts the way we’re treating mental
illness today is so similar to the way
we treated concussions 20 years ago
oh this athletes feeling depressed sleep
it off
oh that athletes having an anxiety
attack tell them to calm down we need to
make a change societally to make people
care this much about mental health
because I’ll tell you this right now a
physical injury is treated more serious
in a psychological injury and that needs
to change I could easily get the day off
for a physical injury right because I’m
limping you can see my ankle swelling
but for an athlete to say I’ve been
feeling depressed this week or I had
insomnia Oh insomnia because of my
anxiety you’re just looked down upon and
at this level no one wants to miss
practice I mean that sets me behind the
competition behind on my team but when
the trainer can see you’re injured they
make you sit out because they can see
your physical health is at stake but
when no one can see your mental health
it’s just up to you to decide and
someone like me who hates not being
there my team will tell you this I hate
not being there when they’re sprinting
without me and I’m injured it kills me
so for me to walk up to them and say I
have a completely uninjured
and you can’t see it but I’m not well
and I need to rest today is so hard to
do and with everything I’ve been through
I’ve only done that once I’m here today
for a greater population
a silent population of athletes who
thinks will be viewed as lesser doesn’t
have the courage to come forward or
doesn’t know that they can be a strong
competitive elite athlete and have a
mental health issue in 2015 the
n-c-double-a conducted a survey they
found that out of 2,100 athletes 30%
reported they were intractably
overwhelmed on depression and anxiety
they said they’ve seen a general
increase this is two years old this
should be recorded every season if not
every year and they do not even give us
numbers on depression and anxiety and
this is the most recent survey the
n-c-double-a has done it infuriates me
that’s something so serious is being so
clearly disregarded I did my own survey
to show you guys that this is an
epidemic I surveyed 100 men and women
from Division one schools like Stanford
Oregon Washington UCLA you name it and
this is what I found when asked if
they’d ever experienced in terms of
depression or anxiety 69 percent said
yes the statistic I gave you in the
beginning was 25 when asked if they
think the amount of time they need to
spend on their sport is too much more
than half said yes almost at 90% and the
next one honestly
devastated me when the results came in
and it kept me up for a few days I asked
them have you ever felt you experienced
anxiety depression or an eating disorder
but we’re too afraid to tell anyone more
than half
that means those athletes today are
somewhere and no one knows that they’re
struggling and about 80% agree with me
that this topic is neglected throughout
society my university gives me free
medicine and free therapy and for that I
am so grateful but so many other
athletes like me don’t get that
opportunity because this issue is
underrated and they don’t have the funds
due to the extreme time demands and the
and the pressure that we athletes feel
we need to make we need to just be very
aware of how athletes are feeling across
the country and consistently be
evaluating them and athletes need to be
aware of their mental health so that
they can learn how to manage this
lifestyle I love my team they are
special girls and I love the sport of
volleyball that’s why I can’t let it go
but as I continue my next two years I
hope that I hear this conversation get
louder
I hope mental health stops being
stigmatized for all people and I hope
that one day a person like me can get on
this stage ask a question about mental
health and no one will think twice about
raising their hand thank you
[Applause]
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