my name is Sarah and I’m here to talk to
all of you about art today I am an
artist and more recently I became an art
educator so when I was I think when I
came into our education a lot of people
ways asked me hmm why art and I like to
say well the earth without art it’s just
a and so that’s what I always say to
everyone that’s why I firmly believe in
when I thought about how I should
introduce myself to all of you today I
was thinking hard about it and I thought
well I could talk about accolades
because I’m insecure and I just want to
sound cool but I thought you’ll be might
be better if I actually come from more
personal approach to share my journey
with you and how I feel towards art this
is a picture of myself when I was
younger I was a very peculiar child I
loved dressing myself I have a
particular color that I love which is
red of course and I like to match mine
cooked in a certain way but really my
first encounter with art was through an
illustration I don’t know if any of you
here know Emily the Strange she is a
strange kid and I was really drawn
towards how shapes forms and just simple
lines are being used to convey so much
emotion at that time I feel it wasn’t
that amazing as an artwork
it wasn’t groundbreaking or anything but
it related to me and for a child at that
time when I struggled speaking I just
ruggle communicating my feelings this I
felt allowed me an outlet and so I
continued to pursue at in school and I
soon came out to my parents I came out I
came out to my parents and I said mom
and dad I want to do art and I want to
take it not as a hobby but as a career
I’m gonna be an artist not a teacher of
an artist and not a designer and my dad
told me I remembered he said to me in
Hokkien ha he’s ooh-ee
which is in hockey and if you know
cannot earn money when you
and money through at and back then my
grandma’s will said why do you want to
do you know and my mom just said well
it’s okay just let her do that maybe
we’ll marry her off to a rich man and I
felt really sad because I felt very
indignant about it I I actually believed
I could make it well you know so it was
a really trying period I remember insect
for because when I was secondary 3 I had
to make the choice for subject
combination but then you can only choose
art or meth
so you either go into the math class or
you go to an art class if you go to an
art class you’re in the C class just
like the lower end and it’s like the
naughty class and so I at that point of
time there was a lot of uncertainty I
decided to go ahead with it
take it secretly without my parents
knowing but there came a time anyway
that I had to let them know and they
have to come to accept it so those five
years I think they were about five to
eight years it was really difficult
because the vision and the future here
was really blurry and I didn’t know what
I was doing as a student you can’t and
money from art and at that point I think
when I was in JC my dad decided to cut
off all financial financial help
so my college fees I had to pay for
myself and my allowance like day-to-day
Mises books I had to find a way to make
it work but I think on hindsight that
that is the best thing my dad has ever
done for me
David bales at that point I was reading
about my remedy David mentioned in his
book on and fear he talked about how
uncertainty is actually very important
and when you embrace and when you
embrace it it actually really helps I
think this is not just for create this
but it’s for people in general so then I
decided ok so now I wanna do an
uncertain I’m gonna embrace it yes and I
thought what’s next so I did what any
student then would do we can go OK back
then nervous Yahoo not Google so I went
on yahoo and I said I typed in how to be
a great artist and
it was pictures off because so that was
then go and then there was like some
like FAQ website and then there was some
not related websites and then I saw some
pictures of beautiful structures and I
thought to myself wow you know but then
I haven’t really been overseas and I
thought wow maybe maybe that’s the way
to go I gotta get out of Singapore you
know like might be a cool artist in like
New York or in London and so I decided
that what is gonna be the end point for
me was to have my works in these museums
because the curators they are great not
because it is you know prestigious or
anything but back then because I was
really naive I thought that this was
what’s gonna secure my future this is
that’s gonna make me who I want to be so
I did what any normal person would do I
fixate on one thing and then I told
myself I’m going to work towards that so
in case some of you don’t know this is
Tate Modern it’s a contemporary Museum
in London and I don’t want to think of
myself as being psychotic but I can be
sometimes so that is a picture of my
artwork on the structure and it says
retrospective by Sarah Chu so if you
come to my studio actually which my
students do sometimes they laugh at me
because I would like have this mood
bought where I would paste all my goals
and dreams
I believe in then you know you need to
visualize it so I had this on the wall
okay this is the way this is the way I’m
gonna work really hot and so I decided
I’m gonna I’m gonna create a five year
plan because I overheard my teachers
talking about it I didn’t know why it
was and so I created three columns one
personal one I practiced and the other
one finance very organized so personal
dye my hair brown and go to school wear
slippers to school without getting
caught get a tattoo and then in art the
art column it was of course on my dreams
we’re on a goal and of course next to it
was finances and I realized that that’s
gonna take a lot of money if I want to
go to university overseas so I realized
then and there
I had to get a job to see if money this
is not in Singapore but I thought it’s a
pretty structure so I decided to get a
job in FMB because that’s the only place
where they would hire young people like
younger people and I worked at
McDonald’s I’ve worked there if some of
you allow us to go to Far East blazer
there’s future State you know the
fashion brand there I’ve worked at that
shop I worked as a manicurist I worked
in Chinatown pouring tea so I save quite
a bit of money and I think by then I was
in passed Junior College pass after
after and to you
I mean before NTU and I got enough a
sufficient amount of money to to start
making walls and all these time I think
that the beauty about FMV industry is
you you get to observe people you
understand my service is about you see
how people interact with one another and
for me someone who didn’t like to talk
about much then I would just keep
watching I do my work and get my money
and I just watch people and that really
I think fed and let into my practice
things were getting more and more
difficult because I don’t come back home
so often I’m working my dad saw how I
was so insistent on doing art and that
meet him I think a little bit more angry
he was like no why is she not giving up
yet so he refused to talk to me for I
would say for good three to five years
we didn’t talk to one another at all
we avoided each other and I think at
some point while making my own pieces
and reflecting I felt that it was time
to confront this it’s time I have to to
do something about it so I thought if I
can’t talk to him I’m gonna make him
look at me and so I said dad I need to a
project he’s like what project that’s it
I just need a picture of you very fast
one like 10 minutes he say mmm
so he just I sent him there and I said
just be still right I’m just gonna do
stuff just do your thing and then he’s
like okay so I took out my paintbrush
and I told him what to wear and I said
the painting on to his feet
and it of course lasted more than 10
minutes it was about 20 minutes I gave
him a glass of wine so he was okay after
that he we didn’t look at each other I
don’t think our eyes actually really
connected but there were moments where
there was a connection and I felt like I
got him back and he I felt also that he
knew I was bad his daughter was bad and
it was a short 20 minute picture but it
really played a part in mending our
relationship and that’s when I saw the
beauty of what that can do it’s funny
because my my collectors who who get
this about any heavier near wall in your
life oh wow very this is very
interesting the concept you know like
the color and social alienation and I’m
like yes but actually behind that it’s a
more personal story I thought and I
realize how this is working really well
this is really working very well this
whole kind of process focus and process
driven art making
I thought that if because at that time I
felt things were so difficult at home
it’s time I push it how about
introducing someone else so I decided to
do a portrait of my parents they have
always been it’s always been kind of
awkward at home we come from a very
traditional family so I always see the
kind of tension but I don’t know how to
tell them that you know guys don’t worry
you don’t have to pretend you know it’s
okay we all know it’s a bit tough for
you guys so I decided that I would just
have them be in my artwork so again I
was given an assignment to photograph my
parents in school and I thought okay I
am NOT going to photograph the pretty
you know a pretty lit spic Chur make her
look so gorgeous and all they’re like
okay the hand on the shoulder oh no no
need I’m just gonna present it as it is
so I photographed my dad when he was at
home and my mom and she’s at home
because they are highly ever around at
the same time anyway and I composite to
it and I think it was like a seven years
into my practice before I make this
piece and so after I created this piece
I realized that it is I do remember 3:00
a.m. I
in the land and I told myself this is
the direction I want to go like art can
change people it can change the way we
think about things it has impacted me
helped me find myself but at the same
time now I’m seeing how it can reach out
to others so I realized a doesn’t solve
problems it doesn’t at all but it
definitely makes us very aware of
situations or issues I would say I
decided okay never say die so I got some
money left right in my bank account
because school fees not that expensive
then anyway I decided that I need to
take this further if I want people to be
a part of it I want to immerse someone
inside I need to make it like bigger you
know a Singaporean style well big I’ll
go home yeah so I decided go big I
wanted it to be immersive I decided that
it would be ideal if it is a 320 degree
projection with seven family members all
my family members I’m gonna involve my
grandma I want to involve my uncle I
want to involve my young niece and I
would just record them so they’ll be
it’s actually a video piece and it’s
shown at the Singapore Museum now so
they’re actually kind of doing routines
they are engaging in daily routines very
mundane routines i drinking tea looking
at a Musical Box sewing my grandmother’s
sewing and at the sixtieth second
everybody stops what they’re doing and
they just look at one another it’s just
silence so that moment is where people
come together when they let go of the
distractions in everyday life I remember
it was really hard to make because
financially it cost me back then I was
$12,000 well worked out in a budget and
as for a uni student who is not drawing
any money and then like not getting
anything it was difficult to cough up
the amount of money but I think what
taught me was also perseverance and
sticking to what you believe in you
follow your gut so I did that and I was
really lucky and fortunate because this
work actually allowed me to actually got
me
a scholarship so it got me a scholarship
and a photo prize don’t ask me why photo
price it’s like a video but it was the
icon photo price and and and and and so
not only the I we cooperate all the
costs I was able to have large sum of
money to then pursue my education
overseas I think it was a total about
scholarship was like 20k and then the
the the scholarship was to any key and
and the price was 30 K or something so I
thought okay this is this is my chance I
need to go I need to go into V soon so I
said KK
because remember my first museum on my
wall was Tate Modern right in London so
now I’m like no choice I have to go to
London because that’s where the museum
is so then I was still a little bit okay
so I tend to be very fixed at home I
want to do so I was fixing that 108 so I
just decided key I’m gonna go to UCL
like Slade School of Art so I went for
the interview I got a shot Lister and I
flew over for for a second round of
interview finally got in and I remember
immediately after my degree I went to do
my masters in London so going the slate
was challenging and trying because
everything is so different
imagine I’m like a new very like I don’t
even really venture out because I’m
spending all my time doing well doing
art work my friends all call me a nerd
then they just cannot believe that I’m
good I’m actually finally going to
London and when I got there I was so
mind-blowing is I keep talking about
alienation right and isolation in my
walks but there I’m seeing it I don’t
have to stage it I don’t have to direct
people I don’t have to say hey come mom
look a bit sad look like you can’t
connect I don’t have to say there you
know but when I was there I am I just
opened and drew my blinds I saw this app
I’m Amanda opposite my my place I saw
everybody just doing their own thing and
I’m gonna moan the streets I saw you
know we’re not beggars on the floor
people walking by I was hypersensitive
to my environment because I was in some
place to be different so I started
making more works okay and it took off
you know I’m finally there I’m finally
there
I got a London representation I went to
France I had a representation in Paris I
had representation
China I was flying so often that I
hardly had time to do my Master’s
properly because I was going everywhere
I was trying to be all and everywhere at
one time I started creating works across
countries my installations became bigger
much larger more immersive I was able to
support that and I realized as I was
making and creating and showing and
going for openings at some point I felt
like all the colour was being dreamed I
never actually really talked about this
until today because I don’t know if I am
ready to talk about it then but I think
I am now my mom always told me this and
I always brush it off because I was like
you don’t support me at IKEA at Renison
but but she makes sense she said to me
the higher you climb anger the harder
you fall so you better not climb so high
how you ever getting married but when I
was in London the second year I felt
this I really felt this because I I was
showing everywhere but but I realized
that some nights at the end of the
openings I don’t know how many of you
here and the creative scene or creative
sector when you’re around a lot of
people and in your mingo and then at
night you’re alone at home everybody is
gone it’s like the crashing waves
retreating right for comma cerulean blue
and everything is just quiet and I felt
empty I felt very very empty I think it
might also be because I didn’t I lost my
identity I was an artist then I allowed
me to find myself I allowed me to convey
my feelings I allow me to speak to
people but that was it I was just Sarah
the artists so if I was not the actors
then how I’m nobody
that was how I felt and I think this
also happens because I think when you
fall right like an iceberg when you fall
right you need to have layers to cushion
you know so for example if I’m an artist
right and I fall I cannot just be an
artist because if that’s it I don’t have
the support of family friends or any
other thing I don’t have I don’t find
meaning in anything else I’m dead you
know there’s nothing else and I realized
that was it so I had to find something
else because I cannot just do that this
is not enough doing art on my own it’s
not enough for me at that point and I
think that was about five years four
years ago when I decided to become an
educator I realized that I enjoy talking
to students I enjoy it when I’m able to
help students see certain things I
remember my first student that I
encountered was in Sinking secondary
school this is boy of course I’m not
gonna name his name but he’s like hey
Joe
he likes to call me Joe which I really
don’t like he does call me teacher and
he’s the most rebellious boy in my class
but anyway long story short what
happened was at end of the whole
semester with him he came he he came
from this he grew from this boy who
couldn’t draw who refused to draw
refused to pick up a pencil to a boy who
got an A – for his I I don’t think it’s
me I don’t but I think it is –
conversations we were having
conversations I wasn’t his directing
children conversations and I felt like I
helped someone and for me that it’s so
important because it’s no longer it
anymore it is how I can then take that
art and plant a see in someone and have
that someone bring it further so right
now I’m teaching at nine young girls
high school he’s the following slides
are actually images from my students and
reflections from my students so I
realized that teaching in schools
interacting with students allowed me to
talk to them about more current issues
they talked to me about how their
concern about originality the same is
true I very scared because now nothing’s
original anymore you know and we have
dialogues we have sessions we could
teach one another as well and I actually
find that that has sustained my practice
because at times where I feel so burned
out they’re the ones who inspire me
because I look through their sketchbooks
I look at their reflections I see the
passion in them we talk about chance
intentions we also talk about embracing
failure I think in many schools nowadays
many students or rather youth there’s
this fear of failure because there’s so
much expectation you need to do so many
things it’s like it’s almost like a
one-way street you know you can’t decide
you can’t fail and they feel that and so
I realized that it’s very different from
when I was a student and I think this is
interesting being able to have a
conversation about that we talk about
things that a little bit more intimate
about sentiment and sin and and
sentimentality so they start writing
poems we start talking about what it is
to do performance art and some one
student even told me mister I can’t draw
but I can write will you fail me said no
of course not writing a poem and then
yeah so she she I didn’t I didn’t but we
were able to talk about things like that
on a very real kind of level personal
level a few of them also learned and
that means a lot to me and so when they
discover that actually art practice it’s
not just it’s not so romantic when you
sit there by the window and then you
paint and you smile and you gaze out
into the sunlight with the ray of light
you know catching your hair it is not
it’s a lot of hard work and rigor you
know you don’t see as I’m glam on the
floor stretching our canvas then I’ll
shut her they’re very weird you know we
only see the romantic side and so when I
start to hear my students tell me what
actually are very difficult actually
then yeah when we do fashion if I know I
was so beautiful but they were like oh
where do you see we have to like we had
to squeeze in a bathtub to get a post
say yeah I know and so I think on a
final note for me and for for for me at
least I don’t think I am at the end of
of I don’t have fun and say yeah I don’t
think I know definitely like what I’m
going to do forever I don’t think this
is the last time I’m going to fall I
think
will fall and crash again but I think
that through art we are able to build
upon our identities continuously
establish connections and relationships
with people and of course it kind of
instills a empathy and all of us and I
think that’s why for me I truly believe
in I because I think I after money it
needs to boundless abilities and it
allows us to defy many many kinds of
limitations so I want to thank all of
you for your kind attention so thank you
so much for joining me [Applause]
all of you about art today I am an
artist and more recently I became an art
educator so when I was I think when I
came into our education a lot of people
ways asked me hmm why art and I like to
say well the earth without art it’s just
a and so that’s what I always say to
everyone that’s why I firmly believe in
when I thought about how I should
introduce myself to all of you today I
was thinking hard about it and I thought
well I could talk about accolades
because I’m insecure and I just want to
sound cool but I thought you’ll be might
be better if I actually come from more
personal approach to share my journey
with you and how I feel towards art this
is a picture of myself when I was
younger I was a very peculiar child I
loved dressing myself I have a
particular color that I love which is
red of course and I like to match mine
cooked in a certain way but really my
first encounter with art was through an
illustration I don’t know if any of you
here know Emily the Strange she is a
strange kid and I was really drawn
towards how shapes forms and just simple
lines are being used to convey so much
emotion at that time I feel it wasn’t
that amazing as an artwork
it wasn’t groundbreaking or anything but
it related to me and for a child at that
time when I struggled speaking I just
ruggle communicating my feelings this I
felt allowed me an outlet and so I
continued to pursue at in school and I
soon came out to my parents I came out I
came out to my parents and I said mom
and dad I want to do art and I want to
take it not as a hobby but as a career
I’m gonna be an artist not a teacher of
an artist and not a designer and my dad
told me I remembered he said to me in
Hokkien ha he’s ooh-ee
which is in hockey and if you know
cannot earn money when you
and money through at and back then my
grandma’s will said why do you want to
do you know and my mom just said well
it’s okay just let her do that maybe
we’ll marry her off to a rich man and I
felt really sad because I felt very
indignant about it I I actually believed
I could make it well you know so it was
a really trying period I remember insect
for because when I was secondary 3 I had
to make the choice for subject
combination but then you can only choose
art or meth
so you either go into the math class or
you go to an art class if you go to an
art class you’re in the C class just
like the lower end and it’s like the
naughty class and so I at that point of
time there was a lot of uncertainty I
decided to go ahead with it
take it secretly without my parents
knowing but there came a time anyway
that I had to let them know and they
have to come to accept it so those five
years I think they were about five to
eight years it was really difficult
because the vision and the future here
was really blurry and I didn’t know what
I was doing as a student you can’t and
money from art and at that point I think
when I was in JC my dad decided to cut
off all financial financial help
so my college fees I had to pay for
myself and my allowance like day-to-day
Mises books I had to find a way to make
it work but I think on hindsight that
that is the best thing my dad has ever
done for me
David bales at that point I was reading
about my remedy David mentioned in his
book on and fear he talked about how
uncertainty is actually very important
and when you embrace and when you
embrace it it actually really helps I
think this is not just for create this
but it’s for people in general so then I
decided ok so now I wanna do an
uncertain I’m gonna embrace it yes and I
thought what’s next so I did what any
student then would do we can go OK back
then nervous Yahoo not Google so I went
on yahoo and I said I typed in how to be
a great artist and
it was pictures off because so that was
then go and then there was like some
like FAQ website and then there was some
not related websites and then I saw some
pictures of beautiful structures and I
thought to myself wow you know but then
I haven’t really been overseas and I
thought wow maybe maybe that’s the way
to go I gotta get out of Singapore you
know like might be a cool artist in like
New York or in London and so I decided
that what is gonna be the end point for
me was to have my works in these museums
because the curators they are great not
because it is you know prestigious or
anything but back then because I was
really naive I thought that this was
what’s gonna secure my future this is
that’s gonna make me who I want to be so
I did what any normal person would do I
fixate on one thing and then I told
myself I’m going to work towards that so
in case some of you don’t know this is
Tate Modern it’s a contemporary Museum
in London and I don’t want to think of
myself as being psychotic but I can be
sometimes so that is a picture of my
artwork on the structure and it says
retrospective by Sarah Chu so if you
come to my studio actually which my
students do sometimes they laugh at me
because I would like have this mood
bought where I would paste all my goals
and dreams
I believe in then you know you need to
visualize it so I had this on the wall
okay this is the way this is the way I’m
gonna work really hot and so I decided
I’m gonna I’m gonna create a five year
plan because I overheard my teachers
talking about it I didn’t know why it
was and so I created three columns one
personal one I practiced and the other
one finance very organized so personal
dye my hair brown and go to school wear
slippers to school without getting
caught get a tattoo and then in art the
art column it was of course on my dreams
we’re on a goal and of course next to it
was finances and I realized that that’s
gonna take a lot of money if I want to
go to university overseas so I realized
then and there
I had to get a job to see if money this
is not in Singapore but I thought it’s a
pretty structure so I decided to get a
job in FMB because that’s the only place
where they would hire young people like
younger people and I worked at
McDonald’s I’ve worked there if some of
you allow us to go to Far East blazer
there’s future State you know the
fashion brand there I’ve worked at that
shop I worked as a manicurist I worked
in Chinatown pouring tea so I save quite
a bit of money and I think by then I was
in passed Junior College pass after
after and to you
I mean before NTU and I got enough a
sufficient amount of money to to start
making walls and all these time I think
that the beauty about FMV industry is
you you get to observe people you
understand my service is about you see
how people interact with one another and
for me someone who didn’t like to talk
about much then I would just keep
watching I do my work and get my money
and I just watch people and that really
I think fed and let into my practice
things were getting more and more
difficult because I don’t come back home
so often I’m working my dad saw how I
was so insistent on doing art and that
meet him I think a little bit more angry
he was like no why is she not giving up
yet so he refused to talk to me for I
would say for good three to five years
we didn’t talk to one another at all
we avoided each other and I think at
some point while making my own pieces
and reflecting I felt that it was time
to confront this it’s time I have to to
do something about it so I thought if I
can’t talk to him I’m gonna make him
look at me and so I said dad I need to a
project he’s like what project that’s it
I just need a picture of you very fast
one like 10 minutes he say mmm
so he just I sent him there and I said
just be still right I’m just gonna do
stuff just do your thing and then he’s
like okay so I took out my paintbrush
and I told him what to wear and I said
the painting on to his feet
and it of course lasted more than 10
minutes it was about 20 minutes I gave
him a glass of wine so he was okay after
that he we didn’t look at each other I
don’t think our eyes actually really
connected but there were moments where
there was a connection and I felt like I
got him back and he I felt also that he
knew I was bad his daughter was bad and
it was a short 20 minute picture but it
really played a part in mending our
relationship and that’s when I saw the
beauty of what that can do it’s funny
because my my collectors who who get
this about any heavier near wall in your
life oh wow very this is very
interesting the concept you know like
the color and social alienation and I’m
like yes but actually behind that it’s a
more personal story I thought and I
realize how this is working really well
this is really working very well this
whole kind of process focus and process
driven art making
I thought that if because at that time I
felt things were so difficult at home
it’s time I push it how about
introducing someone else so I decided to
do a portrait of my parents they have
always been it’s always been kind of
awkward at home we come from a very
traditional family so I always see the
kind of tension but I don’t know how to
tell them that you know guys don’t worry
you don’t have to pretend you know it’s
okay we all know it’s a bit tough for
you guys so I decided that I would just
have them be in my artwork so again I
was given an assignment to photograph my
parents in school and I thought okay I
am NOT going to photograph the pretty
you know a pretty lit spic Chur make her
look so gorgeous and all they’re like
okay the hand on the shoulder oh no no
need I’m just gonna present it as it is
so I photographed my dad when he was at
home and my mom and she’s at home
because they are highly ever around at
the same time anyway and I composite to
it and I think it was like a seven years
into my practice before I make this
piece and so after I created this piece
I realized that it is I do remember 3:00
a.m. I
in the land and I told myself this is
the direction I want to go like art can
change people it can change the way we
think about things it has impacted me
helped me find myself but at the same
time now I’m seeing how it can reach out
to others so I realized a doesn’t solve
problems it doesn’t at all but it
definitely makes us very aware of
situations or issues I would say I
decided okay never say die so I got some
money left right in my bank account
because school fees not that expensive
then anyway I decided that I need to
take this further if I want people to be
a part of it I want to immerse someone
inside I need to make it like bigger you
know a Singaporean style well big I’ll
go home yeah so I decided go big I
wanted it to be immersive I decided that
it would be ideal if it is a 320 degree
projection with seven family members all
my family members I’m gonna involve my
grandma I want to involve my uncle I
want to involve my young niece and I
would just record them so they’ll be
it’s actually a video piece and it’s
shown at the Singapore Museum now so
they’re actually kind of doing routines
they are engaging in daily routines very
mundane routines i drinking tea looking
at a Musical Box sewing my grandmother’s
sewing and at the sixtieth second
everybody stops what they’re doing and
they just look at one another it’s just
silence so that moment is where people
come together when they let go of the
distractions in everyday life I remember
it was really hard to make because
financially it cost me back then I was
$12,000 well worked out in a budget and
as for a uni student who is not drawing
any money and then like not getting
anything it was difficult to cough up
the amount of money but I think what
taught me was also perseverance and
sticking to what you believe in you
follow your gut so I did that and I was
really lucky and fortunate because this
work actually allowed me to actually got
me
a scholarship so it got me a scholarship
and a photo prize don’t ask me why photo
price it’s like a video but it was the
icon photo price and and and and and so
not only the I we cooperate all the
costs I was able to have large sum of
money to then pursue my education
overseas I think it was a total about
scholarship was like 20k and then the
the the scholarship was to any key and
and the price was 30 K or something so I
thought okay this is this is my chance I
need to go I need to go into V soon so I
said KK
because remember my first museum on my
wall was Tate Modern right in London so
now I’m like no choice I have to go to
London because that’s where the museum
is so then I was still a little bit okay
so I tend to be very fixed at home I
want to do so I was fixing that 108 so I
just decided key I’m gonna go to UCL
like Slade School of Art so I went for
the interview I got a shot Lister and I
flew over for for a second round of
interview finally got in and I remember
immediately after my degree I went to do
my masters in London so going the slate
was challenging and trying because
everything is so different
imagine I’m like a new very like I don’t
even really venture out because I’m
spending all my time doing well doing
art work my friends all call me a nerd
then they just cannot believe that I’m
good I’m actually finally going to
London and when I got there I was so
mind-blowing is I keep talking about
alienation right and isolation in my
walks but there I’m seeing it I don’t
have to stage it I don’t have to direct
people I don’t have to say hey come mom
look a bit sad look like you can’t
connect I don’t have to say there you
know but when I was there I am I just
opened and drew my blinds I saw this app
I’m Amanda opposite my my place I saw
everybody just doing their own thing and
I’m gonna moan the streets I saw you
know we’re not beggars on the floor
people walking by I was hypersensitive
to my environment because I was in some
place to be different so I started
making more works okay and it took off
you know I’m finally there I’m finally
there
I got a London representation I went to
France I had a representation in Paris I
had representation
China I was flying so often that I
hardly had time to do my Master’s
properly because I was going everywhere
I was trying to be all and everywhere at
one time I started creating works across
countries my installations became bigger
much larger more immersive I was able to
support that and I realized as I was
making and creating and showing and
going for openings at some point I felt
like all the colour was being dreamed I
never actually really talked about this
until today because I don’t know if I am
ready to talk about it then but I think
I am now my mom always told me this and
I always brush it off because I was like
you don’t support me at IKEA at Renison
but but she makes sense she said to me
the higher you climb anger the harder
you fall so you better not climb so high
how you ever getting married but when I
was in London the second year I felt
this I really felt this because I I was
showing everywhere but but I realized
that some nights at the end of the
openings I don’t know how many of you
here and the creative scene or creative
sector when you’re around a lot of
people and in your mingo and then at
night you’re alone at home everybody is
gone it’s like the crashing waves
retreating right for comma cerulean blue
and everything is just quiet and I felt
empty I felt very very empty I think it
might also be because I didn’t I lost my
identity I was an artist then I allowed
me to find myself I allowed me to convey
my feelings I allow me to speak to
people but that was it I was just Sarah
the artists so if I was not the actors
then how I’m nobody
that was how I felt and I think this
also happens because I think when you
fall right like an iceberg when you fall
right you need to have layers to cushion
you know so for example if I’m an artist
right and I fall I cannot just be an
artist because if that’s it I don’t have
the support of family friends or any
other thing I don’t have I don’t find
meaning in anything else I’m dead you
know there’s nothing else and I realized
that was it so I had to find something
else because I cannot just do that this
is not enough doing art on my own it’s
not enough for me at that point and I
think that was about five years four
years ago when I decided to become an
educator I realized that I enjoy talking
to students I enjoy it when I’m able to
help students see certain things I
remember my first student that I
encountered was in Sinking secondary
school this is boy of course I’m not
gonna name his name but he’s like hey
Joe
he likes to call me Joe which I really
don’t like he does call me teacher and
he’s the most rebellious boy in my class
but anyway long story short what
happened was at end of the whole
semester with him he came he he came
from this he grew from this boy who
couldn’t draw who refused to draw
refused to pick up a pencil to a boy who
got an A – for his I I don’t think it’s
me I don’t but I think it is –
conversations we were having
conversations I wasn’t his directing
children conversations and I felt like I
helped someone and for me that it’s so
important because it’s no longer it
anymore it is how I can then take that
art and plant a see in someone and have
that someone bring it further so right
now I’m teaching at nine young girls
high school he’s the following slides
are actually images from my students and
reflections from my students so I
realized that teaching in schools
interacting with students allowed me to
talk to them about more current issues
they talked to me about how their
concern about originality the same is
true I very scared because now nothing’s
original anymore you know and we have
dialogues we have sessions we could
teach one another as well and I actually
find that that has sustained my practice
because at times where I feel so burned
out they’re the ones who inspire me
because I look through their sketchbooks
I look at their reflections I see the
passion in them we talk about chance
intentions we also talk about embracing
failure I think in many schools nowadays
many students or rather youth there’s
this fear of failure because there’s so
much expectation you need to do so many
things it’s like it’s almost like a
one-way street you know you can’t decide
you can’t fail and they feel that and so
I realized that it’s very different from
when I was a student and I think this is
interesting being able to have a
conversation about that we talk about
things that a little bit more intimate
about sentiment and sin and and
sentimentality so they start writing
poems we start talking about what it is
to do performance art and some one
student even told me mister I can’t draw
but I can write will you fail me said no
of course not writing a poem and then
yeah so she she I didn’t I didn’t but we
were able to talk about things like that
on a very real kind of level personal
level a few of them also learned and
that means a lot to me and so when they
discover that actually art practice it’s
not just it’s not so romantic when you
sit there by the window and then you
paint and you smile and you gaze out
into the sunlight with the ray of light
you know catching your hair it is not
it’s a lot of hard work and rigor you
know you don’t see as I’m glam on the
floor stretching our canvas then I’ll
shut her they’re very weird you know we
only see the romantic side and so when I
start to hear my students tell me what
actually are very difficult actually
then yeah when we do fashion if I know I
was so beautiful but they were like oh
where do you see we have to like we had
to squeeze in a bathtub to get a post
say yeah I know and so I think on a
final note for me and for for for me at
least I don’t think I am at the end of
of I don’t have fun and say yeah I don’t
think I know definitely like what I’m
going to do forever I don’t think this
is the last time I’m going to fall I
think
will fall and crash again but I think
that through art we are able to build
upon our identities continuously
establish connections and relationships
with people and of course it kind of
instills a empathy and all of us and I
think that’s why for me I truly believe
in I because I think I after money it
needs to boundless abilities and it
allows us to defy many many kinds of
limitations so I want to thank all of
you for your kind attention so thank you
so much for joining me [Applause]
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