dragged asunder by the vicious current
helpless people overcome but can we talk
about the real stuff living in the deep
blue sea it’s not the cutesy propaganda
that Finding Nemo led you to believe
there are millions of hellish creatures
living down below exhibit a mouth
brooders a type of cichlid the female
Mouse reader carries unfertilized eggs
in her mouth while the male mouth
brooder has genitals that look
surprisingly and startling ly like eggs
when the female mouth breeder catches
sight of a seemingly free-floating and
vulnerable egg she will immediately swim
up to it to save it at which point the
male mouth Rooter will shoot a load in
her mouth
gross Exhibit B the frilled shark has
three pointed teeth and probably a bad
attitude the gulper eel can unhinge its
jaw so that it can eat prey that it’s
already gigantic mouth should be able to
eat the goblin shark will it detached
its entire damn face from the rest of
its body in order to catch a meal I wish
I had pictures to show you so that you
can understand the gravity of existing
creatures that can eat things they have
no business eating such as volcanic ash
and saw hydrogen sulfide exhibits see
did you know that the ocean floor has
sulphuric vents and volcanoes yeah the
ocean deep has actively exploding
volcanoes that spew hot lava and boiling
sulfur into the surrounding water that
is almost a literal description of
Christian biblical hell see also
Revelations 21 verse 8 and the fearful
and the unbelieving shall have that
place in the lake which burneth with
fire and brimstone
Exhibit D after about a thousand meters
of ocean like can no longer penetrate
the surface water pressure skyrockets
enough to flatten a semi-truck in tune
on Imagine gallons of water coming at
you from all sides you lose sight of the
sky up and down become completely
arbitrary in this twilight zone this
this is a darkness that we fear this
hellhole of an environment these
nightmares live down there this monster
set up shop down there these creatures
just sort of kick it down there even at
its darkest depths life will still
persist when the eggs hatch the female
mouth brooder will die but this is the
sort of sacrifice for the continuance of
life that she will be willing to make
every single time ocean mouths prove
that these weird head holes that we have
they can be pretty dang useful if we put
them to the right purpose flat worms
have evolved to be able to survive in
the boiling hot temperatures gliding up
and over underwater volcanoes shrimp
have adapted to consume the deadly glad
gases and survive the boiling hot
temperatures that would otherwise cook
them giant tubeworms utilize
chemosynthesis to obtain all of the
nutrients they would need from sunlight
but can’t get at these depths in the
vast and wild darkness deep sea
creatures have learned how to make their
own light bioluminescence is the result
of repurposed deadly bacteria which
allows a fish to glow in the dark to say
to every other fish down there I’m still
here you haven’t gotten rid of me yet it
is the most important method of
communication on earth millions of
twinkling lives refusing to simply quiet
for the dark I know I know that you’re
scared and anxious and tired and it has
been so long since you’ve been on land
it’s been so long that you have been
treading water but it’s your most basic
elements you were built to survive
you’ve got adaptation weaved into your
bones you are not going to be taken by
these waves you will not be captured by
the current you will not drown in this
ocean because well you were made to swim
thank you [Applause]